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I did a few sexual compulsions (only with myself of course) in the past (2 months ago , did it couple of times) and I regret it BADLY I want to die every time because of that because of the guilt that I can’t handle it I feel like a monster I can’t move on from this. I feel like I deserve nothing in life. I prefer to kill myself then do it again. Like what went on my mind. I wanted to check and get rid of the thought but I can’t live with the shame. I posted this a few times but cant move on. What I did was BAD sexual compulsion. My therapist said to me that people with ocd can have a sever compulsions. And I think I told her about this compulsion but I think she forgot so I’m planning to said it to her again so she will tell me if it’s actually ocd or not. And the fact that I did have another themes before Pocd but I don’t know if I have Pocd anymore cause I feel like a monster and like I crossed the line. I’m terrified that I went to far. I regret I badly. There is not a single day I’m not thinking about it and want to kill my self. That compulsion is against my morals like I become the person I was afraid of all the time. The shame will it me until the day that I die

This is my first post and I wanted to post because my ocd feels like something that will always control my life and nobody truly understands because no one in my life experiences this. I’m hoping to maybe find a community who can relate. I’ve always had an intense fear of death. The fear is of my own death and my loved ones. I’ve had 2 debilitating episodes of this and the most recent episode being a month ago. The first one lasted about 3 months of constant intrusive thoughts about death and the meaning of life. I also feel as if I’m not real and the world around me isn’t real. It’s almost like I’m completely gone and I can think of nothing else. I would sleep to escape it. Nothing has purpose or meaning. I even question happiness of others. I question why anyone would be happy if they’re gonna die eventually and why aren’t they thinking about it?? I know it’s ridiculous when I come out of it. But to be honest the thoughts never fully go away. They pop up every once in awhile when I’m in a good state with my ocd, and almost everyday when I’m in a bad state. The severe episodes I’ve noticed have happened when I’m in a period of high stress in life. For example I’m moving in with my boyfriend next week. All that my therapist has told me is to work on my grounding techniques but it’s hard to explain to anyone who’s not experienced it that grounding doesn’t help when I’m in that headspace. It seems like when I get there I just have to wait it out and eventually it’ll pass but not fully. Does anyone have anything that’s helped them?

I’m losing it completely, I’ve never had a flare up like this with contamination. I’m so burnt out seriously , I feel like I’m going insane. My hands are cracking and bleeding from washing them and my family’s getting very tired of me , they think I should go stay in a hospital or something for a while because of how bad it is. OCD as taken away my relationships with people , I can’t sit on the couch anymore with my family , I can’t hug my dog anymore , I can’t relax ever. I just needed to write this down as I really can’t process my feelings right now as I have too many thoughts , any advice?

Hi all. This is my first post. I am 45. My wife and I recently went through a rough patch and I don’t wanna throw away 20 years but I can’t shake or get over the amount of work I put in for our family and she doesn’t even come close. She says I do all the work I do bc I am the only one who cares about it. I really gave a good go at overlooking the fact that it isn’t 50/50 and was going good for like 2 weeks and now we are back again bc I feel overwhelmed and need help and support and I get none. Am I a bad person bc I feel that when I have a ton on my plate she should support me and take some of it? I tried to talk to her about it and she told me “I never said I was changing and I am not doing anymore than i currently do” For reference: I vacuum the entire house once a week Do 6 loads of laundry Handle all the bills and taxes Dust everywhere but our bedroom Go to the dump Handle the kids school stuff and pick my daughter up every night from sports (1hr and 10 minutes from my work) Clean all the a/c filters etc in the house Deal with any maintenance of home, vehicles etc that needs to be done She… Cools dinner 4 days a week and forces us to pay to eat out the other 3… says she deserves a break…. Cleaned the hardwood floors every other week Dusts the bedroom every other week Cleans her personal bathroom ONCE A MONTH! (Yea that’s a pet peeve) Grocery shops (she orders online and sits in her car while they load it) Am I out of line here by asking her to do more, it’s a real sticking point of our marriage. I love her but I am killing myself and no matter what I say she shits on it.

hey! i was thinking it would be cool if there would be a place where we could find people and become friends with other people dealing with ocd. it could be a safe place for us to say our experience so far, or to just talk about anything, even if it’s not ocd related. lmk what you think about this idea and comment what you think we could/should make it on!

Hello. I am a mom of a 15 yo who has been diagnosed with severe OCD and also depression and anxiety disorders. Medication was recommended. Specifically clomipramine. As of now he refuses to take it. Says he 50 % of the way considering it. He was not able to complete most of his HW last week, spends much of the day feeling anxious, isolates in his room for hours. Says he wants to try to manage it - says he’s doing better bc he was able to focus in his math class - says he doesn’t want med bc he is afraid it will mess w his mind (numb his feelings). Any advice for how to get him over this hump? Any good experience from med? It’s hard for me to watch him suffer knowing that med is an option and he could be feeling better. Also hard to watch him get zeros in classes when he is smart and capable. Thank you ahead of time. Also, his NOCD therapist is on vacation but had recommended med as well to help my son engage better in ERP

It feels like I want to be with a girl now!!!

I have an amazing fiance, our anniversary is coming up soon and I'm very excited, but my head keeps going back and forth on I love him or actually you don't love him. You hate him. It's so distressing. I keep looking up things to save relationships and comparing our relationships to other people like what am I doing wrong? And anytime I think of it, I also start thinking what if all of this is just in my head and it's not real or I'm just faking all of this. It's constant back and forth and it's making things hard. I'm not texting him as much as I use to and he noticed it. He feels bad and I don't want him to think it's his fault. He's the best fiance I've ever had and I don't want to lose him, but I want these thoughts to go away. Is it even ROCD or am I just losing it? I know I have OCD around food and gross sexual intrusive thoughts but I don't know if it's effecting other aspects of my life (I was only recently diagnosed) Please help, anyone.

I struggle with self harm and depression. I told my doctor a week ago that I have suicidal thoughts and she put me on an anxiety/depression med and she said it could make things better or worse. I have noticed I barely eat anything anymore and I started to self harm more. I go through my day struggling and I’ve lost my friends and I stay in my room 24/7. I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. People say “oh it’ll get better” or “you’ll overcome it” or “don’t worry it’ll be okay” but guess what it’s not true. I feel like no one gets me or no one will listen to me. No one understands the pain I go through every second of the day trying my hardest to put on a fake smile. I can’t do it anymore. I want it to stop.

Looked up OCD recovery / success stories to give myself some hope. Found a link to a page on the NOCD website that shared a few people's recovery journeys. Clicked on the first one that had SOOCD tagged as a theme. She had the fear she was gay. Turns out she IS gay. It really triggered me and now I'm in a bit of a spiral 😭 ended up googling and looking for reassurance. I feel guilty and sad for engaging in compulsions. Like I just took a huge step back, or something.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years today because my rocd got so bad and overwhelming i pretty much convinced myself these past three years of my life i wasn’t “actually in love with him” and that I’ve been “faking” it. He means everything to me and i never actually thought i would break up with him but the thoughts were starting to become so painful i started to ruminate about “if im having these thoughts that means i don’t belong with him” and “we arnwt meant to be.”It’s gotten so bad that when i hear a sad song or break up song I’ve convinced myself that since i heard it that means that i need to break up with him. I’ve never felt such intense feelings our whole 3 years of dating. Now that i actually broke up with him my rocd is telling me that i need to get back with him and i really genuinely do but then i feel like ill always feel these doubts and scary thoughts and that it willl be a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. I feel like i just lost the love of my life. I feel like i let my rocd get the best of me and win. Now we aren’t together and i feel broken.

I am honestly desperate to try anything, I tried prozac and it works but it makes me gain weight which makes my body image issues even worse, so I need help. Has anyone tried it?

My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.

Ocd is clever. It’s clever at making you feel like if you worked this one thing out everything will be fine and great and as it was… what a lie. Just when you think you’ve solved one thing it’s straight onto the next , just when you think you’ve reached certainty it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore as something more urgent and important has come up… Ill always be a terrible person in my ocd mind. I thought I was over this issue but no…my mind has created another one, a more urgent and serious one. When will this end.

OCD often makes me feel distant from God. I often feel unforgiven, unloved, and even hated. In my head I often view God as someone who hates me and who is always constantly disappointed in me. My relationship with him feels like an Obligation now more than a relationship. I’m always on the cusp of becoming an atheist, but I always draw myself back because I don’t want to give up my faith so fast, even if it’s been 4-5 years of living like this. I’m often at war with myself daily. There is never a day that I feel as though if I do one small thing whether it be buy something or eat something that I’m going to end up in eternal damnation. And even though I know it’s only OCD and it’s cognitive distortions, I still feel uneasy.

I have constantly been feeling like if I hit one arm, I have to hit the other and if I set something down and it just didn’t look right or feel right I had to do it again or I had to move it to a different spot in my room I’ve had never been a clean freak, which is mainly what I get told is OCD And I don’t know if I should even have this app. I don’t know if I actually have it. I’m constantly worried that I did something in my past that harmed others and that’s why people don’t like me or I’m constantly worried People are constantly watching me and I don’t know if that’s OCD or if I have it so please tell me I will delete this app and never think of it again if I don’t I just really wanna know

Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.

i spent 10 hours yesterday just googling and researching possible therapists and various ocd facts. a day off with my kid absolutely wasted. my head is spinning. I can't do stuff like this. it's always something. something to ruminate on. something to obsesse over. scrolling for hours. Just to put my phone down at night, lay there and think "what if I don't even have ocd?" or "what if I missed something?" 😵‍💫😔

Hey guys- I don’t know if any of you with religion/spirituality ocd struggle with the “unacceptable thoughts” about like evil and stuff but I’m struggling.. it feels like I believe that I want the evil stuff because I had demon-like voices in my head as ahead where I went to talk to God when I was experiencing great distress and then these evil thoughts came in and I let them in and like “ok-ed” evil stuff. Especially because I felt so forced into my faith journey as a kid so it’s like that “feeling rejected -> rebellion thing) but I also know that but I also have such fond memories of feeling so close to God to leaning on Him for so many things. It’s so hard because 90% of my memories as a kid, I struggled with severe ocd and no one knew what it was or how debilitating it could be I’m trying the ERP with these thoughts but😭 have any of you gone through the same things? It’s so strong In my mind because I know there’s actual spiritual warfare so I feel like - pray for me guys

I'm reaching out in hopes of finding others who might relate to my experiences or offer insights. I'm dealing with a complex interplay of OCD, depression, and existential anxiety, and I'm struggling to make sense of it all. Here's what I'm experiencing: I have OCD with various manifestations, along with episodes of depression. I find myself in a cyclical pattern where, after a few weeks, I start to remind myself about my depressive tendencies. This reminder seems to trigger a cycle that actually makes me feel more depressed or at least more aware of depressive symptoms. When this happens, I often experience feelings of nihilism and existential dread. I try to think about my family - my two young boys and my wife - to find motivation or a sense of purpose, but this strategy often backfires, making me feel even more anxious and depressed. I constantly check my feelings, wondering if they're depressive or anxious. At the same time, I fear that my feelings of anxiety and panic might spiral out of control. I think about my emotions and thoughts on a meta-level, which means I'm not just experiencing feelings, but I'm also constantly analyzing the fact that I'm experiencing them. There's an existential component to my struggles, a fear of depression and anxiety itself, and a sense that this might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps most frustratingly, I often have feelings, thoughts, or sensory experiences that I can't explain or put into words. I feel like I've never heard of these before, which leaves me feeling deeply misunderstood. Does anyone else experience something similar? How do you cope with this complex web of symptoms and experiences? I'm particularly interested in hearing from those who've found ways to break the cycle of meta-cognition and self-fulfilling anxiety. Any insights, shared experiences, or strategies would be deeply appreciated. Thank you for your time and understanding.