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I met a guy a Reddit my intentions are friendly but I’m worried he’s lying about his age he showed me his id and I still feel sus what if I’m a criminal?

I feel like I'm the only one on here to actually experience significant harm due to meds I took 3 months ago. Its weird because it kind of erased most of my emotional range so my OCD is in remission like 95% of the time but its honestly miserable feeling completely neutral all the time. I go to support groups occasionally but I feel like if I bring this up I'm going through I'll just be scaring everyone else about their meds which isn't my goal. Its severely debilitating and the emotional issues are only one side of it, wish someone on here could help me navigate how to go about this situation and hopefully provide insight on what the this sort of process looks like and what to do cause I'm kind of at a loss for ideas, I've been trying behavior activation and ERP and the most it does is just keep me from doing nothing, since I have no motivation but it doesn't really create or foster motivation when I'm not even capable of feeling motivated.

hi, it's been 2 months since I used this app but i wanted to come back just to vent a little. i started having intrusive thoughts back in october 2024 and it still persists today. i felt really bad and was in a horrible cycle of having intrusive thoughts all the time, dealing with false attraction, and spend hours analyzing my feelings. Nowadays, i don't have that same feeling anymore, it took about 2 months to get rid of that cycle a little. nowadays, when i have intrusive thoughts, unwanted bodily reactions or even false attraction, i just ignore them, i have no desire to care about it anymore. Seriously, i really can't care anymore. some days i feel great and other days i feel a little down again, but it's not the same as before. i uninstalled the app so iwwouldn't have to look for reassurance and i managed to get rid of it :) i haven't gotten rid of everything yet, but i can say that starting to not care whether such attraction is real or not, intrusive thoughts and such helps a lot. (im using a translator so i apologize if there are some mistakes)

You’re all ruminating!!! My therapist put it best when I told him, “rumination is my biggest compulsion.” He replied, “rumination is the overarching compulsion, every other one falls under it.” The real muscle you’re trying to train when it comes to uncertainty is the ability to stop ruminating. Rumination isn’t the same as regular thinking, it’s thinking with your will behind it. Your mind will naturally wander and generate thoughts, like clouds drifting across the sky, but ruminating is like grabbing a cloud and trying to squeeze rain out of it. That’s not natural thinking anymore, that’s you forcing the process. And here’s the part people struggle to believe: ruminating is a choice. You can choose not to chase every thought. The key is refusing to treat a thought as gospel truth. Instead, leave it where it is, neutral, just another car passing on the freeway. If you stop running into traffic and just let them drive by, the road gets clearer. The more you practice this, the stronger your “uncertainty muscle” becomes. At first it feels painful, like going to the gym after years of inactivity. But over time, the soreness turns into strength, and what used to weigh you down becomes easier to carry, or not carry at all.

an old friend is canceling me. i was 15 and he was 13 all the way to 17 and 15. he has screenshots. every time i overshared about sexual topics or made jokes, it's all there. we once wrote smut together and he has screenshots of that too. i was inappropriate and did uncomfortable things but i don't think i groomed him. grooming would mean molding his behavior for my own needs but he was already like that. he was already sexual. to me it feels like a lack of communication and he initiated most of the sexual conversations but I'm losing my damn mind trying to remember what the truth even is. i feel gaslit, doubting my own memory about what happened. like, maybe i did groom him! i don't know anymore! but this person is hellbent on ruining my life and i just want him to leave me alone! how am i supposed to keep going on with my usual life when I'm constantly defined by things i did as a teenager??

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible... (edited)

I feel like maybe this should be in a relationship subreddit but people here will be a little more empathetic and understanding since I have ocd. Sometimes I confront my boyfriend about little things and he’ll tell me something that doesn’t make any sense. Some examples are him being active on Snapchat when he said he deleted it, him saying I’m his lock-screen but everytime he’d send a ss it was a gameboy, him saying he called a specific person but that call not being in his call log, and much more. There’s explanations behind these things that I just can’t seem to believe. He was raised in a mainly female environment and is Hispanic. He’s very close with the women in his life which made me think he’d be respectful. He was also cheated on in the past and so was his mother by his father so I’m not sure if he’d ever do that to me. Anyway, some months ago I had messaged a mutual friend him and I had in common. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to and I needed advice. She ended up showing/telling me some things. My boyfriend and I talked about it and we moved on but I don’t think I was ever over it and I actually feel sick now just looking back at the screenshots. I’ll add them in this. So the mutual friend actually told her own boyfriend that she thinks my boyfriend is attractive… yeah I had him block her. The first screenshot is when I told him to block her and I found that out which he told me a month later lol. I really don’t like the way he’s talking about me in the screenshot. The second 2 screenshots show him planning to hangout with her. He told me he was on call with her boyfriend while answering her and that he wasn’t actually planning on hanging out with her. There’s no way for me to actually know that though and those screenshots make me sick. He definitely wouldn’t cheat on me with her or anything like that but he knows I don’t want him hanging out with any girls one on one so seeing that disgusts me. The 4th screenshot is about me wanting him to block her again, it was the same day as the first screenshot. Still hate the way he’s talking about me. The last screenshot shows messages between him and the mutual friends boyfriend. She has her boyfriend’s log in so she sent me the screenshot. He told me he was just joking and he had never went to the fair and he didn’t know what the boyfriend was talking about. She actually was the one who apparently saw my boyfriend at the fair and she either told her boyfriend and then he messaged my boyfriend, or she logged into her boyfriend’s insta and sent my boyfriend those messages. I went back and looked at my boyfriend and I’s messages to see what he was texting on the 19th (the day she supposedly saw my boyfriend at the fair) and he had told me he was in Mexico with his dad and grandpa. He didn’t update me for 6hrs that day though but he said his dad doesn’t like him being on his phone. I then asked if he could download Life360 that night because he has a problem with not updating me and it freaks me out. Ironically, he said Life360 wasn’t available in Mexico and it wasn’t working for him. I also had asked him to call that night but he said he was sleeping with his brother. His dad gave his old room to his little brother and now they have to share a room every time my boyfriend visits. There was also this girl my boyfriend was friends with for like 2 months about 2 years ago and then they stopped being friends and he started talking to me. He really liked me like a lot and he’s a little nerdy too, not someone who gets around. I was his first kiss any everything. Anyway, I saw her in his insta suggestions a few months back and started overthinking a lot to the point where I’d stalk her insta everyday. He told me he didn’t even like her but she’s literally a model. The same day the mutual friend accused my boyfriend of being at the fair, was the same day she had went with a girl my boyfriend is friends with and some other people. Now I’m like oh my god, what if he went with this old friend from 2 years ago and then the girl friend they have in common. For the past few months I’ve been bringing her up even though she’s irrelevant I’m just so insecure. He went to a party and she was there but he said he wasn’t near her at all. I saw a picture of her lying on the ground though and his jacket was on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. She also posted pictures of herself in her story the other day with the song beetles by aphex twin and then some hours later that song showed up for the first time on my boyfriend’s airbuds… There’s not much to this girl, maybe he liked her for those 2 months they were friends but he said no and said she’s ugly so idk. He liked me a lot though when we first met and the way he treated me makes me not want to believe that he’d do something to hurt me. If you knew my boyfriend the same amount as I do then maybe everything I’m sharing would seem a little less suspicious or maybe I’m just oblivious. He’s really nerdy though and I’m his first love. I’m just overthinking so badly. I confront him about something new every single day and he’s so tired and I’m probably crazy. What if he hasn’t been lying or do anything behind my back and I’m just blaming him for such absurd things? I’d be insane. I think I might be bipolar or something. I was just telling him how much I loved and kissed him then a few hours later I told him I don’t think we’re going to work out and I feel like he’s been lying to me and a bunch of other things. Those messages will be the first thing he sees once he wakes up. He also changed his WhatsApp status a while back to “sleeping” when it was originally “I love my gf.” He said his dad thought his status was “I love my gf” because he didn’t want to talk to him?? Or his dad thought it meant he was talking to me and couldn’t answer, idk, another thing that didn’t make sense. He told me it was just an excuse for his dad to not text him. His parents are divorced btw which is why he visits his dad. Anyway, he said that’s why he changed it to “sleeping.” He was on vacation with his dad and sis when this happened. I was super upset so he changed it back. Then just like a week ago, he changed it again to “.” He told me he had no reason as to why he did that and that he just did it. That’s so stupid though, why wouldn’t you want it to say “I love my gf” anymore?? Like you just randomly decided you didn’t want that anymore with no reasoning? No one even looks at WhatsApp status’s. You literally have to like click on a persons contact to see it, it’s so stupid to change it because it’s so irrelevant. It’s just very weird to me and doesn’t make sense. (Just realized the screenshots aren’t in order but hopefully you can still understand). He also sends pics sometimes with his dad or friends and there’s multiple beers, sometimes close to him, but he says they’re not his. Like he sent a photo with his dad and there’s multiple beers were 2 beers, one a little close to him, and he said it was his dads. He swears on everything he doesn’t drink anymore.

I'm currently in my second year of nursing school. Before I began studying this, I've already graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing before. My parents wanted me to study nursing in hopes of securing a better life abroad, and I couldn't deny the opportunity of making my life better by doing this. I've had great friends during my first year, but they all had to transfer schools for personal reasons. Don't get me wrong—I truly enjoy learning everyday. I study so much about the human body, its diseases, and skills-based performances. For a while, I did enjoy what I do. Now that I'm in my second year, having been separated from my old friends and being constantly bombarded by a ton of school works, I feel incredibly overwhelmed. I still enjoy learning. I appreciate the fact that my parents are more than willing to pay for my education. But sometimes, living with anxiety and all, I think about not feeling belonged. I look at my classmates and realize how incompetent I probably am. My newfound friends have gotten two points higher in our return demonstration, and I feel like the dumbest gal in the room. It's anxiety and OCD telling me I'll never be enough, and it hurts to wake up everyday, facing those fears head on before I walk my way to school. I know these voices aren't totally true. After all, I graduated cum laude with a degree in writing. I've self-published some books, and I had the highest grade in Health Education two semesters ago. Still, I can't help but compare myself to people—mentally torturing myself over and over again about never being able to live up to people's expectations of me. I care so much about the opinions and views of my classmates about me—most of whom I barely know. I constantly find myself comparing my scores to my friends, and seeing them score higher makes me think how utterly stupid I am for thinking I stand a chance as a future nurse. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'm in the right place, or if this is really a path for me. To top it off, my OCD intrusive thoughts about cleaning my MacBook case terrifies me. I recheck my documents most of the time, thinking they'd be incomplete and I wouldn't know. I'd walk to school, anticipating that a car might crash on me. These are all just the tip of the iceberg. If I didn't have Dominic, my monkey stuffed toy and best friend for life, I'm pretty sure I would've lost my mind a long time ago. Everything hurts.

Hi guys, I need help/advice/comfort. My daughters have been sick with a stomach bug, and I went up to the doctors to give them some BRATs food and clothes. I’m afraid I am sick, and that I picked up something from the hospital. I was eating a burrito and it tasted like toothpaste, I immediately spit it out, and began feeling dizzy, out of breath, and started shaking. My brain started to worry I’m having a stroke, or a severe case of COVID, and now my stomach is upset and I’m nauseous. Please someone, please tell me how to handle this. The anxiety is making me miserable.

Since my ocd started when I was 15 and I did get into a long term relationship during it, my ocd has me obsessing over it. simply bc ofc when you have soocd sometimes (depends on the person) your attraction to ppl isn’t that strong or basically non existent. We ended up becoming friends and developing a relationship and I do remember thinking he was cute and had a little crush for a while I felt like a normal teenager again. We had small hangouts and I felt free because I actually felt normal and I wasn’t questioning anything when we would be together. Eventually we started dating but ofc OCD, anxiety, and depression ruled my life during that time so I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the relationship. But there definitely were times where I did (he also was a horrible boyfriend in the end). But I keep over analyzing and thinking maybe I was forcing myself in that relationship. Bc of SOOCD I didn’t enjoy being intimate because I felt numb and was always constantly checking feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction etc. I even had ROCD moment because I was finding a certain guy attractive and I had a small crush on him and I was worried I was losing feelings for my ex (again he was an rlly bad boyfriend). But i also know that I did like him but i keep on thinking “what if i didn’t” “what if the reason you couldn’t full enjoy the relationship was bc you are just in denial” “you’ve been in denial all your life” “there’s too much proof.” When we broke up i was literally devastated I WAS BALLING FOR HOURS. Now that i’m in a relationship with someone who made me feel genuine feelings and attraction after a LONG ASS TIME of pure numbness my mind can’t stop questioning. I still deal with numbness and basically no libido or attraction and this flare up is making it worse. I was doing so good all the worries were gone (again regardless of the numbness, barely any attraction, and no libido) I slowly felt myself coming back. It felt so sweet with my man even when the flare up was barely starting, when i was with him I went back to feeling calm (even when i was constantly checking if i was triggered). When the anxiety and intrusive thoughts are at bay (like a couple days ago) and I see him in person I feel slightly normal again. I feel the sweet feelings I felt for him in the beginning (getting harder now bc of compulsions). But when i’m home i go back to over analyzing EVERYTHING which makes me feel more numb. I just hate this I HATE THIS. I just want to sleep all day so I don’t have to deal with this. I want my brain to just stfu. I want to enjoy my life for once. i’ve been suffering from this since i was 15/16 now im in my 20s how much more of this shit do i have to take.

Pls help

Just looking at others perspectives and views. I am a person that talks A LOT about ALL THINGS. But I know FOR CERTAIN I am NEVER ALWAYS RIGHT... EVER. And will never claim to be. I am always a person who can and accept when I am completely wrong in every way if I have recognized this, I will apologize. This is just the correct thing to do. And I do not set out to purposely hurt anyone. My posts or comments and statements are only within my understanding and/or experiences, professionally, and as a regular person. In both instances, I am never absolutely 100% correct. I just needed to say this because sometimes, just a basic topic or regular discussions may offend someone, somewhere. But I don't know that. And being politically correct is like walking on eggshells and some eggshells are more easily btoken, meaning sensitive then others. 🤷🏽‍♀️ In a professional setting I do not say much, if I have a question, I'll ask to make sure I understand someone's view or perspectives. I don't push my beliefs or values on others and I am very open to others ideas, approaches, and views. This platform, to me (again... my opinion and only my experience) is both a professional setting and a personal forum platform for the Users to have a SAFE conversations where you otherwise cannot anywhere else. With that being said, if I should make a statement about anything, then it is not a personal or durect attack on or towards anyone, just my view, just my experience or my opinion. Perception is about self not an everybody theme. It can be real or distorted, but the purpose is to recognize and accept when you were, are wrong. This is not a "just US" with MH, BH, OCDs, and other significant disabilities responsibilities to do. It is a EVERYONE'S RESPONSIBILITY. Generalized statements do sometimes offend some people. I understand because they my impact me too. But every individual must realize that everyone have their own struggles to battle. And when you are constantly looking outward and not at yourself then you become apart of the greater problem. I am finding that in others a lot. Their sensitivity scale is low and has direct impacts when it should not when another person is trying to heal we absorb their general words as a personal direct "I'm talking about you" attack. NOCD is said to be in a place to express what we are going through, life situations, how we are dealing with and accepting these life situations, hard moments in life, the good, the bad, tge ugly and the small wins. How it affect or impact us or triggers our OCDs. How we're coping or dealing with life with OCDs. We/Us here are trying to support one another through these unwanted scenarios of life's events, with the best advice and tools that we have/had access to in support of one another. It's not to say we are geniuses with a PhD but just a offering of support and understanding. I do not know who needs to here this but it's said. Emotional intelligence applies to ALL, and everyone. Those with and without disabilities, MH/BH, Professionals and non-professuonal alike. Everyone has emotions and anyone can have an unexpected impact. This is why I try to be understanding with everyone rather if "its something wrong with them" or not. Love ❤️ , Empathy

Hi guys, im from the UK and cant really afford treatment at the minute. However I really cant live like this I am so depressed I dont get a break from my POCD☹️can anyone recommend any self help books or things I can do myself. Thanks in advance♥️

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

The only thing that makes me feel like I somewhat know myself is the fact that when I wasn’t having a flare up (no anxiety, rare compulsions, barely any thoughts, rare grounds response, RARE false attraction, just numbness and 0 libido/attraction) is that I didn’t fall for a woman or have any desire to be with one (funny bc as I type this my brain is already questioning). Even when I was doing good/happier and feeling actually pretty good, even with no libido and barely any attraction (still am dealing with this/kinda worse bc of the flare up) I still fell for my boyfriend. I just replay that moment where i felt calm, excited, and just so happy to be around him. I can’t even describe how good it felt 😭. I was shocked, giddy, happy, SWOONING even (ik corny but i can’t find the right word) and it felt RIGHT 😭 it felt right when i was realizing how attractive he is (always have thought he was cute (esp when he let his hair grow MY GOD that was a moment) but i’ve been dealing w OCD for a while so i always ignored it/been numb), how i just wanted to play with his hair, how i wanted him to kiss me when we were listening to music, how his smile is so attractive, how beautiful his eyes are, how i love the fact that he knows me and has seen me at my worst and STILL likes me 😭. IT FELT RIGHT AND NORMAL. I was having so many wins But bc of my numbness my brain IMMEDIATELY started to check, question, analyze, review memories, bring up the proof that im not 100% straight. Yesterday i tried so hard to enjoy the moment with him but my compulsions feel so automatic. I had my small wins where i was just being present but the intrusive thoughts were still in the back of my head and i can’t feel all there yk? Before my flare up i felt OCD slowly letting go of me, I truly thought my life was going to be back in my hands. TMI!!!!!! But i was even starting to get the libido back and i was feeling real attracted to him at times when i wasn’t automatically checking. Why does OCD have to ruin my life like this. Even when i was doing better (again rmbr no attraction or libido), I remember i would just sit and literally mourn the fact that i’ll never be able to marry or share my life with someone bc i truly cannot see myself with a woman. My brain is holding onto the proof (i made a couple posts ab this) and questioning everything about me and everything if done or felt. At this point Idc if i turned out to be bisexual, if anything ID BE GLAD bc it means I’ll have a chance to be with a man/my man. Even when i did/felt the proof i still had no desire to be with a woman and never had a crush on one 😭. BUT WHY DOES MY BRAIN CONTINUE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I FEEL, THINK, DO, OR HAVE DONE. LEAVE ME ALONE BITCH 😭 IT WONT EVEN LET ME FEEL ANYTHING MY DEFAULT EMOTION IS NUMBNESS. I was triggered by a post of two lesbians who got married. One of them was masc and I immediately got triggered and had false attraction or whatever it is. They weren’t ugly and looked masculine but I hate this because prior to SOOCD if i thought a masc lesbian was a man and found out they weren’t i’d be like “oh ok….nvm.” and move on 😭. If i saw one in person I wouldn’t care 😭 The only time i “freaked out” prior to ocd was when i was younger, i looked at my older teammate who i literally couldn’t gaf ab (who was a super masculine lesbian) and thought “why does she look like a boy?” and for some reason that gave me a huge wave of anxiety. I can’t remember this correctly bc i used to obsess over this and analyze it when this theme first started but all ik is i i just looked at her again and was like “well whatever” and that was it. I went the rest of my life not attracted to or even caring about masc lesbians. l even remember my friends, who are straight, share their reassuring experiences (i’m not going to say them here for obv reasons) when seeing a super masc lesbian or a stud in person or online and how it literally didn’t affect them at all or send them into a spiral. I literally went on a reassurance search prior to writing this n it just made everything worse because i saw a post about someone talking ab how my biggest soocd fear happened to someone (won’t say it here but im p sure anyone who reads this and has soocd would have that fear). IM SICK OF THIS. I was doing so good a month ago but now im back to being almost completely numb 😭 yes i have tiny wins here and there but I WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS. I can’t even enjoy looking at my man anymore 😭(even tho i would check and analyze my emotions i had moments where i was definitely feeling attracted). I really thought this relationship was the beginning of a new chapter for me 😭 i should’ve known. I want erp to work so bad but im so scared of it at the same time. I’m scared it wont work and I’ll be stuck living like this, i’ll have to break up w my boyfriend, i’ll remain numb for the rest of my life, i’ll be triggered all my life, i’ll question everything all my life, i’ll never get married, i’ll have to live my life alone, i’ll just continue floating through life. Im grateful I’m handling this better than when i was younger bc i simply refuse to feel that level of depression again. I feel like my body is blocking certain emotions that maybe that’s why i can’t feel other emotions/attraction or get aroused 😭 this is so exhausting. This is so long but i needed to get this out. If u read this hi and thank you I hope everything gets better for you soon.

If compulsions are things you do to get short-term relief, how do you tell a coping mechanism apart from a compulsion? I just want to make myself feel better but I want it to be healthy coping not compulsive.

I have been struggling recently with overthinking, overanalyzing, and just random thoughts about my relationship. I overanalyze literally everything: his texts, if he shows active on Instagram but isn't texting me back, etc. We're also both Christian, so I'll get thoughts that God doesn't want me in this relationship and that He wants me to break up with him. My boyfriend isn't great about being in God's word, making me think that God wants us to break up because my boyfriend isn't a "good enough Christian." I then start to spiral, which usually involves me looking up things online like articles, podcasts, YouTube videos, etc, to confirm whether or not this is God's voice. Some other random thoughts: he (my boyfriend) is embarassed by me, he doesn't want to be with me, he's with me because it's easy, etc. (There isn't proof to these thoughts, it stems from overthinking and then just gets worse). It's mentally exhausting and can consume hours of my day simply because I get so scared. It's also just hard to let the thoughts go. Whenever I get one, it can feel so loud and urgent which is then when I start googling things or asking my boyfriend about how he's feeling. Some days are a bit calmer than others, but when there is a quiet day, I start to worry that it means something bad is going on (idk it doesn't make sense). I've been researching relationship OCD, and a lot of what I have found seems to be matching up to my experiences (I have not been diagnosed with any OCD, but have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I can't tell if what I am going through is relationship OCD, maybe just relationship anxiety, or if it is God telling me to break up. Any insight and/or advice to what may be going on (I understand a diagnosis cannot be given).

I feel like I’ve been obsessing a lot more since I started reading everyone’s posts. On one hand I really do care about people and I’m grateful that we can support each other. If I’ve ever replied to your post, it’s because I care about you and what you have to say. On the other hand, what I read makes me dwell on my own past and current experiences. I’ve found that I spend more time than I want reading posts. Has anyone had this experience? How has this app been helpful, and when do you decide to take a break?

so i’m not officially diagnosed with OCD but tomorrow i have my first appointment with a therapist to hopefully get tested. im not too sure what to expect. does anyone have advice? i’m really scared if they say i dont have OCD, bc ive been set for about 3 years confident that i do. i never self diagnose though. if they say i dont have OCD i think it would set me back immensely. i’m not too sure how quick the process is either. please lmk any advice because im quite nervous. i’ve never seen a therapist in my life other than my school counselor.

I spiraled about something a few days ago and since then I feel like I'm in a completely different mood. I used to be very happy about who I was but right now I feel like the complete opposite. I feel embarrased about everythingggg I do. And then Instarted obsessing over certainty and now I feel like I can't be certain about anything. I feel like I lost my whole personality is gone and my OCD is off the charts. BUT surprisingly I feel much less anxious than before. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to consider taking medication. I'm scared.