Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I just listened to something that said our brains aren't wired for success, it's wired for survival. That's why we get stuck in these patterns of behaviour. Makes sense but never thought of it that way.

Been really worried about this lately. Having a huge identity crisis and worried that i’m just a shell and what if I just take the identities of people around me? I’m scared

Currently obsessing over me being the only “real” or conscious person in the world, and that everyone I love isn’t actually real. I know deep down that this is ocd, but I feel like by not ruminating I’m just ignoring the fear (which feels so real and scary). Has anyone experienced anything similar and how did you get out of this worry? Trying not to seek reassurance as it’s one of my compulsions, but I’m very distressed.

a little bit about me, i have dealt with mental health issues for my whole life. i went undiagnosed for many years, being because my family (at the time) didn’t believe in mental illness, it was believed that everything could be fixed with a little “talk with Jesus” that being said, for as long as i can remember i have had the intrusive thoughts, the obsessive thoughts. i can remember being a little kid trying to pray to god and my mind would be telling me over and over again that i hated god, that i loved the devil, that i wanted to go to hell. i also believed that if i didn’t pray for every single family member that they would die. i still to this day have trouble sleeping because im convinced that the rapture will happen, and i will be left behind. well as the years have progressed, these intrusive thoughts and obsessions have become worse, resulting in me thinking about harming myself and others when i have no intentions to do so. i also have been struggling with and obsessing over people dying, and mourning people that are still alive and well.

I’ve been stressed a lot and not well rested… I’m feeling paranoid about everything and feeling like I’ll die if I don’t get reassurance. Idk if it’s ocd or valid fears, I know the patterns are the same as all my other OCD obsessions but these ones don’t fit into exact categories. Like, paranoid I’ll loose my job and be homeless, paranoid I’m doing a bad job and all my friends aren’t my friends and actually can’t stand me. I’m alone, I can’t talk to my sisters. Even if you can’t get reassurance, everyone needs someone in their life to talk to and to be there for them when they’re going through something hard. I feel like I do so long as what I’m struggling with isn’t to hard or too extreme, when I feel I need someone the most, that’s when I feel I can’t turn to anyone. And experience has taught me that, not just my own fears. So I isolate and the thoughts I’m having lately, I know the patterns of OCD, they hit all the sudden like a ton of bricks and it’s immense anxiety and thoughts that I should kms. Or that that is the only way out of the terror my life brings me. I am also AUDHD and have a very hard time functioning and holding down a job, much less getting a new job!!! I feel like I’m drowning and everything is overwhelming to the point of not actually being able to handle it. I’ve been sober for 10 days and don’t want to mess it up!!! I know reassurance won’t help in the long run, but if someone here could help me see I’m not alone, that would help in the long run. Thankyou.

I keep getting a random feeling of anxiety, I’ll be doing good/better and then it randomly pops into my head. It’s not a specific thought it’s more of like an uneasy feeling that I can’t wrap my head around. It feels like a deep sense of doom/fear or something like that. I’m not sure if me trying to figure it out is a compulsion/ my ocd just wanting to figure it out or if I should just sit with it and let it be.

I need somebody to tell me if I’m a monster or not. Nobody’s replying to my posts and it scares me. Am I too far gone? Why am I so numb? I hate these horrible thoughts, I think. I think. I’m so full of doubt, I don’t know what I want or don’t want anymore. I think I don’t want this. This feels like the end of the road.

Tomorrow I started a new treatment with Saxenda, because my gynecologist told me, with the exactly dosis, I was really happy for have better health, but I saw a comment on TikTok there's a possibility of Cancer Thyroid, now I'm thinking what If I'll get cancer, and thinking about don't want to ruin my treatment but if the cancer? But a lot of normal things give you cancer, I so scared but was that comment on TikTok I scared ah, now I'm searching on Google, but nothing is going to happen right ??? If I have the control of my dosis nothing's going to happen right?

I can’t stop crying because I can’t find joy in anything. I’m trying to distract my mind before I have my 15 min, free phone call tomorrow but I just keep crying. I hate this feeling so much, I want to go to my mom and ask for reassurance that I’m okay and I’ll be fine but I don’t want her to ask me what I’ve been thinking lately. I’m afraid it’ll cause me an even bigger panic attack or something. My brain is searching for some type of reassurance that I’ll be okay, but I can’t find it. I keep thinking no one will understand me and that they’ll think I’m crazy. Anyways, I’ll try to sleep.

It’s not tinnitus. It goes away immediately as soon as I wake back up. Kinda sounds like windshield wipers on slushy window, steady waves of that sound, and only gets louder and louder the more I drift off to sleep. The second I realize the sound is “pulling me in” I wake up and it’s completely gone. So it’s my brain producing it, but my ears hear it, if that makes any sense. It’s not just a noise getting louder that you can ignore if you want, it’s like it overtakes your whole head and it’s freaky. Very unsettling. Can anyone relate? I assume it’s just a brain having a hard time shutting down to sleep (?) Thanks all Kinda scared to sleep now

I had a very bad what if this morning questioning weather I believe in my heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, and now I'm questioning everything my faith and everything about it and I hate this thing, I was so certain 1 hr ago and now I'm scared I never had faith in the first place. If anyone has had similar experiences pls give me some advice on what to do.

I am super scared that this might not an ocd I was so confident that this was just T-ocd but after remembering some real events, i no longer know who i am 💔 i am super scared I do not want to change my life , i loved my life as a girl ( even if i am a true trans )

If sitting with discomfort is the solution, why am I not comfortable with my house that I've been sitting in with discomfort for these past 3 or 4 years? I'm trying to trust the process, but I trust and wait and wait some more. It feels like a contractor that tells you a task will take 6 weeks, but 6 months later he's still there.

Hello everyone. My name is Cathy and I have severe intrusive thoughts that seem to come out of no where. However only one thought at a time. I fixate on that scary thought for days and days and my anxiety builds up and up. I try to then attack the suggested catastrophic thought such I may have this disease or going to die from that disease or rot in hell etc. scary thoughts always. I try and do a ton of research on line to counter attack the thought trying to prove it wrong and this helps me but if I can’t find something that proves I won’t get the disease or have it already or prove other things too depending on what the thought is, it doesn’t help at all and can make it worse. Is anyone out there experiencing what I have. I don’t have ocd cleaning or washing or checking but have intrusive scary thoughts.

sorry for bothering, for posting too much. but can ocd cause you to sort of.. change? i’m scared i will change. right now i don’t feel like typing all extra with a bunch of emojis and hearts like i usually do. it was usually to represent my values of love and kindness and positivity. but i don t feel like doing that. i feel like typing like this. i’m worried that i will lose my values/morals. i’m scared i am becoming a less emotional or empathetic person. i’m scared that i forced myself to be that way in the past. i’m worried that i don’t know who i am and i will never truly know who i am or feel at peace with myself or my values. i’m worried that because of this ocd i am changed forever. i’m even worried that it isn’t ocd anymore.

So idk how to explain this well but anyways, for the past 2 weeks I've been struggling with sexual orientation ocd and figuring out if I'm maybe Bi or not but everything I think I am I feel like it's not the right word. But anyways my problem I'm struggling with right is Trans-ocd? Idk if that's the right term and I apologize if that's not the right word to say with this subject. But for the past month ( I'm a female btw) I've been noticing more of like masculine features on my face, for example like my jaw or the way my eyes look etc. Idk how to explain it but yeah. And sometimes when I put my hair up I can see it more. And I'll admit like dang, I'd look decent as a guy if I was one? It's just something that would pop up cause I have pretty strong confidence of how I look usually. Like I'll wear a bag that doesn't match my outfit and idc or I'll go to the store looking like I got out of bed but idc cause I'm just comfortable I guess. But anyways, idk I've just been very confused if I'm trans? Or want to be or idk. I will say it does distress me when I think about it. And when I put my hair up sometimes I'm like oh I look more like a guy in my head and it'll stres me out but I'll try not to give in to the thoughts. Growing up I've been kinda tomboyish, I liked a lot of guy things and the toys and comics and all that. And I dressed like casual I guess. But I use to like wearing ties and guys clothes cause I thought they looked cooler or just nicer. But I would have my female clothes and I thought I looked okay but not comfortable I guess? But now I wear anything pretty and I'm like I look good but sometimes I just wanna get back to wearing my t-shirts but idk. I'm just so very confused right now and it's stressing me out. I also have a bf and idk if that's why I'm more stressed out cause I just don't wanna disappoint him I guess? But also I don't know. But also growing up I always dreamed of being the princess and having all these like women fantasies or for example if I read fanfixtion I always was the girl cause I liked the guy and so on. But on a side note, when I cosplay for conventions or dress up for Halloween I usually like to dress up as guy characters since I was in middle school cause we'll my fav characters were always the guys and I wanted to dress up as them. And I felt cool but I didn't think about trans stuff at the time as a kid. I was just dressing up. But I guess recently I dressed up as a character from JoJo Bizzare Adventure as Jotaro which is a guy and I thought I looked so good but I wore like a cute tight crop top for the shirt and stuff. So I like mixed it up and had my long hair obviously. Idk I'm just confused. Like does me dressing up as these guy characters mean something more behind it? I just can't tell anymore if I'm having some type of trans-ocd theme or if it's a desire ? Like am I secretly wanting to be trans and don't know it yet? Or am I just overthinking as usual? I'm just confused right now. I do think I'm having a identity crisis right now. Just so stressed out idk what to do or where to start. I know a lot of female cosplayers cosplay as a guy or male character but idk I just feel like when I look in the mirror I sometimesnjust see more guy features than a women? But not too long ago I was praising my female body and even drawing it cause I thought I looked pretty and felt inspired to draw my body so I'm just so confused rn. I'm sorry for the long vent and if the sentences don't make sense. I've just been so stressed out. I want to ask my bf what he thinks but he'd probably just be like huh. I know you're not supposed to ask for reassurance here. I'm just asking more if someone is or has gone through this or what's your opinions on what I said? Thank you for anyone who answers

Hey all, this is my first post here, and I really think I'm going through the worst theme I've ever had. For weeks I've been having never ending reaccuring thoughts about everything having to do with being a person, life in general, other peoples lives and experiences, the meaning/purpose of life, and especially ruminating on death and the fact that everyone I know will die, including myself. It's gotten to the point of dissociation, and life feels simulated and fake. I can't think about anything else and the terror that comes along with it is awful (it's almost humorous to me that I'd rather have the POCD or ROCD themes I've had before, this seems so much worse) with death being the main fear in this theme I've given into the compulsions of researching death statistics (such as how many people die in my age group per year and how, car accident/heart disease/cancer statistics) over and over again and constantly repeating them in my head over and over. Driving got scary for a little while, but funny enough driving more (exposure) made that fear manageable. It's also gotten bad with the constant fear of knowing my loved ones will pass, and obsessing over how and when it'll happen. I'm also waking up everyday telling myself it'll be the day I die, and obsessing over the fact that most no one knows their last day and how genuinely terrifying that is. I'm constantly wondering what the point of anything is, if I'm just going to die, and almost prematurely mourning the death of loved ones and the loss of my own life. I am religious, and this offers some relief, but usually just ends in my OCD dipping into some Scrupulosity (which is just ugh why now this). Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this, I'm feeling pretty alone and depressed and genuinely can't see my life going back to normal or any way out of it.

I went to see a psychiatrist today. She was pretty nice, but even though I was listing ALL symptoms of OCD, all the obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, she was uncertain about it, as if she did not understand what was going on. She didn't rule out the possibility of me having OCD, but she didn't confirm it. I understand that doctors usually won't diagnose patients in their first visit, but goddamn... I'm so scared right now. I keep doubting that I have OCD myself, I identify with all the symptoms but I doubt it all the time and feel the need to reassure myself that I have the disorder. If I don't have OCD, my life is fucking over. She gave me a diagnosis for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and prescribed me some medication. I received that diagnosis because I shared some of the trouble I'm going through at work. But if I fear that I don't really have OCD if an actual mental health professional can't recognize that as OCD. All the relentless researching, rumination, mental checking/testing, spending hours doing these things to achieve a sense of certainty and avoiding things out of fear of getting triggered.

As the title states, my intrusive thought of "being in a dream" when I'm conscious is horrible tonight. Constant need of reassurance, trying to find any distraction. I can't get this thought out of my head no matter what I do. It's on the top of my thinking list 24/7 no matter what I try. Im feeling bad derealization and it makes me want to wish I didn't exist..I was fine before my panic attack from an ocular migraine (losing my eyesight is my biggest fear)...but now I'm not living...I'm just surviving...I'm very depressed...I haven't eaten today and had to remind myself to take a shower, brush my teeth, and drink water. I have a therapy session on here tomorrow...I'm praying so hard that I get answers and ways to get rid of this stupid thought that appeared out of nowhere....

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!