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When i posted saying it feels like i want to harm kids when i dont.its not acting on my thoughts it just my brain tellibg me i want to do stuff when i dont.i dont know if this is a compulsion since its not part of my thoughts?

Can ocd make me think i want to act on them when i dont pls respond

Suicide OCD people help. Tell me your stories, tell me it gets better and eventually stops, tell me it’s normal. Tell me something !

So i haven’t had an episode like this in a while. i’ve never actually been diagnosed with harm ocd so im even more terrified. I watched a news story a few years ago about a man who killed his wife by suffocating her and hid her body. well a few weeks ago i seen the same video on TikTok. since then ive had thoughts about killing my boyfriend in the same way. we don’t live together yet and we aren’t engaged but i don’t know why i would think like this. because i had a thought like this does it mean that im planning to do it? i don’t want to do it. i want to spend the rest of my life with him but this makes me want to run. makes me want to not marry him and never move in with him. i don’t want to alone with him because im scared ill do something to harm him. i have a huge lump in my throat and i feel like i secretly want to do it but i know in my heart that i dont. what do i do? i’m freaking out.

I often notice that i get into this rabbit hole, that i feel like what i have is a temptation and not just ocd. I feel that i label everything as ocd while i can have temptation too. Recently i was dealing with sexual thoughts and i said its ocd but at the same time i acted on ways that it seemed like its not ocd, its temptation. It scares me cause then when i have agressive harm thoughts or any intrusive thought, it might be temptation. Or when i dealt with this sexual problem, i had really bad feelings same as pocd, and now im questioning if it was temptation or not. How do you know if its temptation or ocd? For me tenptation is like when you fight to not do something but you are in danger doing it. Ocd is different. Maybe im afraid of it cause i watched alot of christian videos and everybody is talking about temptation, it makes me scared now that these thoughts/feelings were temptations but the same time i feel like im arrogant if i say its ocd and i cant have temptation...

I have been struggling for years with overwhelming and disturbing thoughts ever since I was as young as 5/6 (after one of many traumatic events). After said incident, it had left me with severe separation anxiety which had eventually made me develop a major skin picking issue that still affects me today. I have very violent and sexual thoughts out of nowhere but with some distraction I can get them out of my head. I think about doing things I have no desire to do AT ALL because it’s morally incorrect and downright disgusting. (Mentions of suicide)…but sometimes when I become embarrassed I picture myself committing suicide but I have no interest in dying nor do i have the desire to die. I hate to admit it but I become obsessed with individuals as well, (friends, potential partners and celebrities). I tend to become very obsessed and attached to individuals or ideas that I have interest in and I become extremely invested in and that’s all that’s on my mind for weeks and even months. (I know it sounds silly but I was obsessed with Batman for 3 years straight) it was all my mind was set on. I very often think about the afterlife and what I need to do to rest peacefully, it sometimes consumes me for hours or I wondering if I’m upsetting god. There’s much more I have to say but it’s already long enough, I’m just looking for advice to deal with this because I don’t know what’s going on with me and I hope I can have some helpful suggestions or insight, thank you! :)

I strangely woke up early, from an unexpectedly nice dream. I felt good. This wasn't what usually happens, so I was a bit worried. I was waiting for intrusive images to appear but they didn't. So then I willingly remembered about bad things, about previous traumatic triggers and I was reminded of the horrible impression they left on me and I got in a bad mood. It seems like that to all the happiness in the world I'm going to have to confront myself with all the traumatic triggers I have encountered throughout my life. You can't forget about triggers, they will always be stored in your memory and I'm sad about that. I remembered that time where I had a horrible intrusive image, it was a n*ked image, and I was afraid of my mind associating it to something real, so my brain obviously did that. It gave the intrusive image the face of a girl I used to babysit when I was younger. And it was different from usual intusive images, because it was associated to reality. It was the first time something like that happened to me. I can't shake off the innocent face of her and the fact that my brain did something like that. And after that I was thinking why intrusive images about real individuals that I knew in my life would leave me such an unusual stronger effect than other intrusive images, of vaguer triggers, so I remembered this triggering ad that kept appearing on youtube and I did something horrible: I used her as an example to see if it would leave me the same traumatic impression as the other one, I pictured her n*ked. So it wasn't an intrusive image but something that I willingly did and that makes me feel guilty and not innocent like a victim of OCD, I'm not "justified". For some reason it didn't trigger me, maybe because the image was vague, not vivid, it was more of a vague idea with a random not visible triggering element in it, so it wasn't like graphic like past intrusive images. But the fact that it didn't trigger me and that I got worried about what I did a bit too late for my liking bothers me a lot. I didn't realise it at first, but maybe because I was being rational. It doesn't trigger me still, the image that know has become a memory that persists currently unwanted in my mind is vague, but it bothers me a lot that it wasn't an intrusive image and that I thought about it. I didn't have ill intentions obviously, I didn't think about that because I liked it, I was trying to have an explanation. But still why would I do that? I didn't have the permission to do something like that at all, not that I would need it in the first place because it shouldn't happen in the first place. I feel horrible. The follow up questions are not me asking for reassurance but questions that I want to know to not feel like the exception, to see if it a relatable experience, because it doesn't feel like it. Has something like this happened to you? If so how do you deal with these type of intrusive images that take things from real life and make them feel more triggering? What about the ethics and morals of the last part? It wasn't an intrusive image, I did that thing, and it's clear that I didn't like it, but how does that change what I did? I don't think this is normal at all, or did this happen you as well?

Hi, I have been having extreme stress for years and after my brother's diagnosis of his MS i started to develop physical symptoms like tingling in legs. I became restless and scared that I have the same. I ended up doing MRI which were all clean but I wasn't able to stop the body checking. Then I was put on Zoloft 50mg and nobody told me about the side effects and I had all of them including first time panic attack and visit to psychiatric hospital. Been told I have to ride out the worsening before it gets better. I struggled but I managed to continue until I started to get better. I saw light end of tunnel and out of blue first time i started having obsessive thoughts in graphical form of hurting my family and people on the street. Everything I see appeared in my mind destroyed. ( See a window it will break, see peoples neck graphic images of it getting cut) this keeps repeating constantly. I thought it will stop due med adjustments but it didn't. It started cause me so huge distress that I developed tinnitus that is constantly there. I got scared of any meds and with talking to my doctor i tapered off the med but the obsessions and the tinnitus sadly remained. I am being tortured by the fear of having OCD and those thoughts that don't let me in peace for the rest of my life and that I will never be myself again. When they leave me in peace for short time I ask myself "where are they" and ofc they reappear. If I will visit my parents the first thing I think of are this thoughts and not something beautiful or positive and that really keeps me from losing joy of visiting people I like.I accepted it that this are thoughts and that they pose no harm to anyone but since it's constantly there i can't focus on my life and i feel like sitting in the cinema and watching images or videos that I don't like and the actual fear isn't from the content but the fear that my life got ruined. The most distressing feeling is actually how my brain is repeating everything that is against me at that moment. If i try to meditate and try to imagine a nice and beautiful place with a tree that is green my mind turns it to burning. Same is with a house or if i imagine a person it endsup being killed. Can it be OCD or this sounds more like severe GAD? Has anyone with similar experiences an advice for me?

I recently got massively triggered by something at work that put me into a real bad spiral regarding harm OCD and contamination OCD oriented towards other people for the most part. I worked in a grocery store which sells perishable foods and makes fresh food as well so food safety and chemical safety are extremely important. Long story short after seeing other people doing things wrong I started to examine my own job and noticed I've been doing lots of the job wrong for years and never got proper training for a lot of things or corrected, and I failed to speak up about it and ended up training other people in my position. I never worked with making food but was tasked with returning perishable items to the coolers if they were unwanted. So the lack of cut and dry policy on what exactly can or cannot go back and it being mostly based of a sense of touch feeling if the item is still cold or frozen made me get worried that we were potentially putting items away that were no longer safe to consume, that and I saw some more things that needed genuine fixing and brought them up to management. But I lost confidence that I was ever doing things right in any part of my job, including the cleaning parts of it as I had janitorial duties and was never shown how to do that part of the job. And the fact I trained other people who would also be doing those same things incorrectly made me panic. I've been sending endless lists of things to my boss that I think need fixing, of things that should be disinfected, things that could contribute to cross contamination, things that could cause chemical exposure, things that could cause food poisoning. I can't stop myself as just as I think that I've said everything that can be said, I'll wake up in the middle of the night with new things that need fixing. I massively fear the butterfly effect, that my actions working there have contributed directly or indirectly in the harm of others. They are taking the genuine concerns into account but even then I fear that me bringing things up and potentially causing changes could cause something bad to happen and that something's should just be left alone. The thought of someone's kids or other loved ones getting sick or dying because of mistakes I've made and trained into others due to not being properly trained myself is unbearable. I had to get medicated and take benzos because the anxiety and guilt made me barely able to eat, drink, or sleep. I'm not even planning on going back, I've been there so long just coasting in life and need to get things in order and actually do something. I just fear leaving that place without bringing up every possible issue, mistakes I've made or things I've seen throughout the years will result in people being harmed. I don't know if I can ever get to the point where I feel I've "said my piece" and can walk away without worrying about it. Too many things were going wrong for too many years for me to feel confident at all that I've done all I can go help them fix their mistakes and mine. I've genuinely probably written a small book worth of things and sent them to my boss at this point. It's exhausting, embarrassing, etc. but I feel if I don't do all that I can that my inaction is going to cause people to get harmed by these unfixed problems. Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? This is the biggest struggle I've ever faced in my life...

One of my biggest fears is going insane/going into a state of psychosis and harming someone sometimes it feels a little to real and i start having panic attacks to calm it down… I genuinely hate it because i know i don’t have schizophrenia or have gone through psychosis but my mind obsesses over it 24/7.. it gets frustrating.

Hi. Welcome to story time. Back in 2019 (wow, long time ago) was the first time a doctor first mentioned the possibility of me having OCD. I was 19 back then. During childhood, my mom would call me “impressionable”. Anything could trigger me into a spiral of crippling fears, and I had rituals to try to escape them. At 13, I started picking at my skin. It was mainly about need for perfection, and when I felt I couldn’t achieve it, I hurt myself. I had bad acne that triggered me into picking a lot, and even worse things, like I needed to expunge the “imperfection” out of me. Doctors never took it seriously. They wouldn’t even treat my acne because they’d say my problem was only my habit of hurting myself, but then they’d send me off with a “just stop doing it”. I never stopped. I hated myself. I hated myself for how much I felt things, so uncontrollably in a highly sensitive and even irrational way. I’d pick at my skin for hours on end all throughout my teenage years. At 19, a neurologist casually mentioned to me that skin picking could be related to OCD. The ground seemed to shift beneath my feet. He sent me off with antidepressants after 10 minutes of appointment at best. I was just left with this piece of information and no guideline at all, no afterthought about how that might affect other pieces of my life. I found this app and started engaging myself in every discussion trying to piece together what I really had and what was going on. Ironically, anything OCD related became my obsession. Then I went to a psychiatrist, and he brushed it off saying I only had bad anxiety. A really shitty therapist I was seeing at the time told me very rudely that I was only trying to justify my bad actions by blaming them on a possible disease. So I told myself to forget all about that previous nonchalant and catastrophic diagnosis, but still took my meds and went on. All was fine for a while, until it wasn’t. Because things never truly went away. I still couldn’t understand why I reacted to things the way I did, and how to make it better. I then started thinking I might have ADD – grasping onto anything that might explain my chronic procrastination, getting stuck in my head so intensely that I block everything out, and my need to move my hands (essentially picking at my skin). At this point, I’d been to other four psychiatrists. One of them only listened to me for like 5 minutes then told me I was really exaggerating and took me off my meds. I went through a really dark hole. After a while I got to another one, he listened intently, and finished it off with “I don’t believe in diagnosing people but you seem to be going through it”, and gave me another prescription. The third one followed that same line, but asked me to consult with a neuropsychologist. So there I went. 10 stupidly expensive sessions later, she tells me I’m too depressed for her to really assess if my lack of attention is really ADD. But, yeah, the tests indicate severe OCD. I thought it was funny at first – I mean, too depressed for a diagnosis, I guess –, then I was relieved. Ok, so it wasn’t all in my head. Then I was pissed. So, so pissed. Because for years and years on end no one had the guts to tell me what I’m convinced was very obvious to any trained medic. I mean, except for that first guy, who said it in a way that made it feel like he was telling me I had cancer then sending me off with some aspirins without even saying where the tumor was. For years, I’ve had so much pressure, from others and myself. That I could make myself less miserable, I just didn’t! Just stop hurting yourself, how hard can that be? Just stop obsessing over every little thing. For god’s sake, don’t apply enough insect repellent to get intoxicated or worry about every little bug around you until you’re unable to do anything except trying to get rid of them, what’s wrong with you? Just let go, be happy! Not to mention the crippling, ever-present GUILT for not being able to do so. For years. And even now, the doctor just told me the fact and sent me off. She never tried to discuss with me what part of my habits, feelings and thoughts might be OCD related, to the point where I still feel like I made it all up and one thing has nothing to do with another. Some part of me is relieved – there’s a reason for all of this. It takes me closer to embracing myself. Another part still feels like I was ditched in a dead end with no directions out. I have no idea what “type” of OCD I have and how to figure it out, and no one seems to care enough to try and help me understand. This was long and angsty, so thank you so much if you took the time to read my senseless rambling. Just desperately felt like I needed to share ♥️

Many times i feel like ocd is just a label that i use for anything and even real problems. The idea that we just ignore everything and dont think about it is not possible cause if you have a problem and that problem generates thoughts and feelings, you have to work on it. Cause how do you know if thats ocd or not? We say we dont try to figure it out, but if its generated because of a real problem, how we know if its something we leave there or we have to work on it. I will give you many exemples, my problem is now with my sexual needs. It got strong cause one day i just lost control and i engaged in some sexual thoughts and that made the sexual need stronger. So this is a real problem right? Its clear that i have to work on it, now i noticed that the sexual need got to a point where it gave me feelings about things that are really bad, basically what pocd is about, and you can say its ocd, but i have a real problem which is repressed sexual needs, and how do i know that it didnt got that bad that it gives me those feelings? Its easy to say its ocd cause i dont like it but i heard stories that there were some who didnt wanted to do it but still did it to relase the feeling. Another exemple, i say i have harm ocd and suicidal ocd, but what i experienced now was what i read before about suicidal people, i got angry at my family, i felt like i dont get attention, so i had thoughts aboit something bad happening to me so than i would get attention. It even jumped in my mind when i was so angry that if i would die they would feel bad now that they didnt gave me attention, and these are very similar to people who do self harm to get attention. When i shared this to my therapist she said im like these people, cause i want attention. Maybe the attention part is true, but i dont want to harm myself to get attention... Many times these suicidal, self harm thoughts are very similar to real suicidal thoughts, cause the whole situation is like its actually real cause im angry or im sad because of something, i feel a little hopeless for a second and because all these situations i cant say its just ocd, ignore it... For me its like there are signs that might show that these are actually real feelings and thoughts and then i spin over it. And about religious ocd, i spin about sin, we all have sins and we will never be free from them, so when i sin i feel shame and sometimes i dont know if its real sin or ocd, but i just cant say its ocd when i know i have a sin battle, but then accepting that i did sin just makes me tired mentally cause this is happening alot now...

I’m just feeling so freaking upset. I’m constantly having to talk myself down from panic attacks and self-sabotage. I’ve suffered with the same theme(s) for YEARS at this point and I’m just done I’m just so sick of it. And, I’m so freaking scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and have children because I want children so bad but I can’t even be off my meds for a week let alone 9+ months (my medication can’t be taken during pregnancy). I’m also scared because I feel awful that my boyfriend will be “stuck” with me once we get married. My OCD wants me to confess my innermost (obsessive) thoughts and feelings to him. Reality is blurred, when I have these flare-ups I’m sick to my stomach worried I may have done something bad and I’m constantly ruminating on whether I did or not. I just want this feeling to leave, and knowing that this is a persistent theme that I may deal with for a much longer time just makes me want to cry. I’m so afraid of hurting my boyfriend or having already hurt him, and it’s the same with everyone else in my life. And, I am Catholic, and the sacrament of confession for me gives me so many mixed emotions because it’s healing for me but at the same time I have to be so careful of what I say so I don’t start confessing as a compulsion, but then afterwards my OCD tells me I’m just not confessing because I’m guilty and I know it. I’m so so sick of this. I didn’t sleep last night and I can tell I’m tired physically but emotionally I’m too anxious to rest so I took some Benadryl and maybe it’ll help me fall asleep. But I just maybe need someone to talk to on this post.

I think I have harm OCD, along with many other types of OCD. I have a call set up with a therapist on here tomorrow. I’ve been scared for practically my whole life to reach out for help, because I’m just embarrassed and don’t want anyone to think I’m crazy. My OCD started with hair pulling at a young age, but into adulthood has turned into so many things. The most distressing one being harm OCD, which presents as a fear of knives (I keep them all put up and hidden and never use them, they are gifts so I can’t throw them out or I would) as well as fear of being schizophrenic, having a psychotic break, or a demon possessing me as silly as that may sound. The demon thing started when I decided I wanted to be Christian, and now I’m scared of saying something and thinking god won’t like me anymore. It causes me a lot of distress and nobody I know understands it. Just wanted to know that there is more people out there like me, I feel so alone even surrounded by the people that “know” me the most.

Last year, I lost my dad. I completely lost it and had to be put on antipsychotics and depression meds. I’m currently on Vraylar which is supposed to help with most of my diagnoses including OCD (according to my doc). She’s been trying to get me into CBT and read a 70 dollar book (my adhd makes it hard to focus so I struggle with reading); it’s not a favorite past time of mine because of that and my dyslexia. I’ve lost my ability to drive unless my wife is with me (she’s my safe person) and same goes for leaving the house. I can’t make myself drive or leave the house without a support human. My doc says CBT therapy will help but I’m so nervous that I’m going to be stuck like this forever. I rarely drove before my dad died but I did drive and since his passing, I can’t bring myself to do it. I get so many intrusive thoughts that I’m going to kill myself or others by driving. I’ve been in 3 accidents alone in my suv and so it’s not like I shouldn’t be worried (only one accident was my fault due to not checking my blind spot for reference). I’m an extremely careful driver but I think of all the worst ways it could go bad. Has anyone else dealt with this and has CBT helped? Are you driving or doing the things you used to be able to do again? If so, how did you do it? I’m at a loss here and my wife keeps pushing me to drive but I can’t force myself to do it. I get to the front door and I can’t leave the house even with keys in hand. Sorry for the novel but this is what I’ve been dealing with for the last almost year or so.

OK, hear me out. I know OCD -> Obessions -> Compulsions -> Relieve anxiety -> Repeat. I say Pink Elephant. You automatically think of a Pink Elephant. 🐘 Because you're reading it, I've more or less placed it in your head. (Sorry!) But the bit I don't get are the hyperthetical thoughts. How the brain creates them. Why it creates them? Example: So you could be looking out the bus window on your way to work and get the thought of a Pink Elephant trampling you to death. Random. But wait. Nobody mentioned a Pink Elephant. There was absolutely no reference. How does the brain invent such an mage? Why does it invent this image? You see what I'm saying?

My first post on this forum. I just need to vent a bit. I have been dealing with OCD for about 10 years. I probably relapsed about 20 times now. Most recently 2 months ago for no particular reason other than becoming a father a month earlier which i guess was some kind of positive stress that triggered me. And this time our friend is really having a go with me. Especially now i am on vacation and have nothing much to do in the mornings which causes anxiety so severe i threw up in the first hour of waking up 2 days in a row now. I'm doubting every last od my positive feelings. Am i suicidal, how is my family going to feel if i kill myself, is it ever going to be better, how can i take care of my kid if i'm like this, am i going to throw up every day now? I started going to CBT last month in adsition to my 100 mg of SSRI . Hope it gets better soon ffs 😮‍💨

i've always loved kids and they bring me so much joy and light and laughter into my life, i was an infant teacher at a daycare for years before going to college. i've always wanted a family , a husband, kids, a cat (already have my baby boy kitty witty), a nice dog or two in a nice house with a job i love or to stay at home with the kids blah blah blah . now that i've been struggling with HOCD i'm terrified. i'm scared that if i have children one day i'm gonna go into psychosis and act on intrusive thoughts which i would never ever ever ever do but it's a scary feeling . it has made my whole view on my future change so drastically. im scared of having kids now even tho it was my dream for so long. when i was a kid if anybody asked what i wanted to be when i grew up i would say "a mommy" . it's just kind of annoying. anyone else struggling with this ?

I’ve been taking Zoloft for 5 and 1/2 weeks. The first two weeks were 25mg and up to 50mg when upped in the dose I felt my mind quite down more for about a week. I’ve had so many themes of OCD from harm, SO, Existencial. For about 3 months I’ve had really bad depression and my OCD is really just hyper focusing on my depression mainly because I hadn’t felt this bad in over 4 years. I thought I had OCD beaten and it destroys me the fact that it came back with a vengeance. I’ve also obsessed over the fact that I can’t sleep at times which feeds the viscous cycle. Anyway back to the Zoloft, I’ve been in 50mg for 3 and half weeks and I honestly feel like ass my depression is bad. It never really went away but it’s bad now I also made the mistake to keep drinking alcohol which I swear to not take an other sip as long as I’m on this med. I don’t drink on the regular just when I would go out with my friends. anyone can relate in terms of the medicine ? Im really debating wether I should speak to my psychiatrist to discontinue the meds.

Is anyone else still really worried about Covid? I'd made a lot of progress last year, e.g., masking less, but now I've found out that Covid can cause long term organ damage and the impacts of each infection is cumulative, so you're more likely to get long Covid with each infection? On top of that, I've been on a lot of Novid/covid conscious forums and a lot of people are saying if you don't mask everywhere you're engaging in eugenics, so now I feel like I've made a mistake in reducing my masking??? I'm just worried most of all that I'm gonna cause long term damage to/kill someone, especially because my mum has copd :( I wish I had a clear answer as to what the right thing to do is, but obviously it hasn't been long since covid was discovered, so there's still so much we don't know