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Does anyone else think of their ocd as like, a separate entity? I do, and I think it’s helped me a lot. I feel like it kind of is a parasite sometimes, especially with intrusive thoughts. What do you guys think?

Feel my ocd is getting worse. Lately feel paranoid sometimes. Guy pulls up to gas his car up at the pump I was using, there was an open pump but he’s behind me I’m just about done. His buddy was doing something by another pump he gave him a honk he came back over to talk. They were foreign. I started to feel like they were doing something and now it’s what I’m thinking about. The paranoia feeling is bad and then thinking about it. Can OCD do that…..

Every single time I am dealing with a flare up the mornings are the worst. By the evening I am ok and think I conquered my OCD. Then here we go again all over again. WTH! I find it hard especially having Harm OCD because I am the first one to get up and my Husband and Daughter are sleeping at their most vulnerable state. I feel Frozen, I pant, my heart races and my stomach is doing roller coasters. Anyone in the same boat? any tips and what worked for you?

I’m due to give birth to my first child this month, and I’ve been able to control my thoughts up to this point. But lately I’ve been having this intrusive thought where my baby is not actually my husband’s, even though I’ve never been unfaithful. I keep thinking, “What if I cheated and am blocking out the memory?” Or, “What if my daughter is a different race than ours because I slept with someone else?” I’ve been trying to work through this thought but have been failing miserably. I just want to enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy… thoughts or opinions?

I feel like giving up. I don’t want to but it’s so hard and the only person that can make it better is me. But I’ve given up so many things that are important to me because of my OCD. I’ve isolated myself so much and given up on my dreams because of all this fear. Sometimes I feel like I need to protect everyone else from me and my doubts and insecurities. I feel like I’m hurting everyone or have the potential to let everyone down. I hate this.

My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess it’s a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something so horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd brings it back up and tells me maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just don’t remember. People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these kinds of situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do and say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes me believe I did something horrible and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

I’m crying as I’m typing this and drinking because my ocd has convinced me I raped my friend 5 times. She doesn’t believe me. It’s because she was asleep for 4 out of the 5 times and it’s killing me. It’s strangling me that I might’ve done these heinous acts. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m scared I’m so scared because I DONT WANT TO RAPE ANYONE. And my brain is telling me I did it and I believe my brain I believe it I believe it happened and I’m scared I’m so scared please please please help me I’m so scared

tw: mention of physical symptoms caused by anxiety and quick mention of sh does anyone else have poor work attendance and call out too much bc of anxiety ? i don’t want to sound entitled for “having the luxury of calling out” whenever i need to bc i know some people just can’t afford to. but i just want to know if anyone else has this issue. (i work a part time barista position) my anxiety will manifest into paralyzing physical symptoms like severe nausea, sweats, urges to sh, and continuous horrible intrusive thoughts that manifested said anxiety attack, and i know that my unstable mental state will make me very unpleasant to be around and completely unable to perform my job properly. so i’ll end up calling out. my managers haven’t talked to me about my attendance, but i’m very vocal about it bc i’m highly aware that it’s a problem. i’ve told them that it’s not that i don’t want to work. i’m not that kind of employee. i just become so paralyzed and consumed in my head that i know i won’t be able to perform my role that day and it’ll do more damage coming in unfortunately. i know most people will just go in regardless and i completely admire those of you that do. but does anyone just have shitty attendance for this reason ? :(

One more question for y’all! I’m sure this is many of us, but I literally cannot sleep. If I do fall asleep, I maybe drift off for an hour or two. Then, I’m startled awake….intrusive thoughts running wild, heart racing….and then I lie awake the rest of the night. Just stuck in panic mode until the sun comes up. Then I have to start the day…already being in the rabbit hole for hours. I’ve tried every natural “remedy” nothing works. I’ve tried the pharmaceutical route…that also doesn’t work! Sleep has now become the enemy and I’d rather just stay awake all night. Does anyone have anything that helps them?? I’m desperate. The body/mind can’t heal without proper sleep. Also…and maybe folks can speak to this too. I’m back on my SSRI (3.5 weeks in) after being off for a few months (mistake). It’s torture waiting for the effects to kick in.

Hi there, So ive had OCD for few years now, after i gave birth something drastic changed. Ive been experiencing Dissociation(cant recognize anyone around or my life anymore) And my OCD exacerbated a lot . My obsessions about my life, existence in itself, who am i? Who are my kids? Whats happening to me? Am i going to end up killing myself ? Every-time a new idea pops into my mind, i obsess about it. Its TORTURE! And its doesn’t stop I tried all kinds of medications, SSRIs, antipsychotics, Lithium (which i believe increased my OCD). Kind of losing hope:( Did anyone experience that? Thanks ❤️

I was just diagnosed with severe ocd. I had no idea I just thought my adhd or cptsd was to blame for my weird thinking and how it'd seem to be stuck in my head uncontrollably. And now I'm struggling with acceptance that I have ocd. Like I'm happy I know so I can begin treating but I'm also so worried because I've been like this for as long as I can remember... And it's been all wrong? I feel so alone sometimes

a lot has happened since i last posted on here, i am now taking zoloft which has helped me take down the intensity of OCD from like 100 to 70 or 80 and i am now also offically receiving treatment from an OCD specialist!!! i really like her shes completely understanding and nice and i have felt nothing but validated everytime i see her. things have been going more okay i guess but i just got triggered by something very recently and i kind of broke down. my face is puffy as i am literally typing this. im probably gonna talk to my specialist about this but i just wanted to come back on the app for a bit and feel less alone and shitty. thank you all for just existing and being on here, i wish you all nothing but the best. thanks to anyone who read all my word vomit.

About 2 years ago when my daughter was younger she would get scared at night sometimes and come sleep with me. One night I woke up to her saying “mommy!” So I briefly woke up and said “sorry mama” and moved over and fell back to sleep. When I woke up in the morning I thought nothing of it at first figuring I probably just rolled over on her but then my ocd kicked in making me believe I must have done something horrible to her and it has bothered me so badly ever since. While I know people without ocd wouldn’t think anything of it, I have been questioning myself and feeling so depressed ever since. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

I don't know what is more difficult, when you have strong anxiety and fear or when you don't feel anxiety. I met a girl and I've been talking to her for a month, we've gone out a couple of times and we've already kissed, I feel like things could go really well between us, I like her and she likes me, I've imagined living together, but I have a lot of anxiety and fear about it happening in bed. I feel that this is going to come soon and every time the opportunity arises, I spend the whole day with thoughts of failure and that I am going to fail and it is going to ruin everything. I have thought about stopping talking to him, telling him about the anxiety I have or something like that as an avoidance, with strong anxiety it is very likely that it will not work as I want, and I can clearly see that the fear is due to the thought of failure, because I have failed sexually in the past and I feel that my libido is low , I think because of all this anxiety. But I really don't want to stop seeing her or stop talking to her, I don't want her to leave, I don't want to miss another opportunity, I don't want to give up on women, I don't want to have this f**k anxiety, I didn't have it before, right now it's uncontrollable, I don't deserve this, nothing makes sense, I'm sad.

I am in a bad flare up of harm OCD, Scrupulosity OCD and meta OCD. When I am in a flare up, I want to just leave my house, whether it's with friends or family or even going to visit my family up in Canada. Is this avoiding or just want to live life?

Yesterday I was in shambles and in the evening/night I was somewhat better. Then this morning I still felt weird like im a fraud and not normal etc… but this afternoon I feel a little bit like myself but still know my OCD is around. Im going out to dinner with my aunt who knows I have a flare up. Probably going to end up talking about it. Anyways, every time i feel like I do get better or feel like myself again, i think to myself I might be coming out of it…. Then boom…next day I go back to square one. Is this common? Is this signs of recovery?

I am generally optimistic about my OCD recovery but today I am feeling very hopeless. It feels like I may never recover from it and that it’s a life long punishment.

My OCD has been a little better since I started this whole journey with therapy. The one thing I’m really struggling with is my anxiety. It used to be that my anxiety was fueled by OCD thoughts. It seems to have shifted though to just everyday life. I don’t even feel like I’m thinking about anything yet I have fear everywhere. I feel like I don’t know how to tackle this as it’s new territory. Living with this all day long fear has really started to take a toll depression wise. Just curious if anyone else has had a period like this. Any tips would super help.

Hi Everyone! I've had OCD starting at a very young age after my Grandmother had a massive stroke in front of me with me alone at home with her at age 6, a few weeks away from turning 7. She passed away on my 7th birthday. Soon after I struck with a mysterious illness that had the doctors baffled and they thought I may have leukemia. After a month (I really have no concept of time at that age, but my parents say I was in the hospital for a very long time. It began with major health anxiety obsessions and severe weather anxiety obsessions due to natural disaster films being shown in elementary science class. It was so bad, my parents had to request that I be removed during those films, and I was taken into a back room in the school library and made to watch The Dukes of Hazzard. Back in the early 90's, (age 9 or 10 for me) someone made the prediction that a devastating earthquake would cause so much catastrophy and d**th. I began collecting water into old soda bottles and our whole laundry room was filled with these bottles. Those type of obsessions are still prevalent, along with other ones from childhood I haven't mentioned. Today, I am obsessed with the state of our world. Obsessing over all negative things. I live near an airport so I can tell when it's a military jet flying over... by the sound and speed. I have an app on my phone that is a flight radar so when I hear that, no matter the hour, I check the app to see and when I see it was definitely a military jet, I go into major anxiety... "we are at war now..." I watch the news and check the news and other informational podcasts to try to reassure myself, but at the same time, I feel defeated. Like giving up. I've also really let my hygiene go. I feel so disgusting. It's a combo of irrational fear and just emotional and physical exhaustion and sometimes, I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I'm not s***idal or harming myself at all. I'm just so depressed. It's just so hard on a daily basis. I can't even leave my house anymore. I'm a recluse for the most part. I went through this in high school and had to be taken out in 11th grade. I just couldn't cope there anymore. Constant anxiety attacks. I do have intrusive thoughts all day, every day. None of the compulsive handwashing, counting... except for certain numbers have to selected for meaningless things, but very real for me. I have no support at home. My friend and boyfriend that I live with escalate matters. I don't think they truly understand my condition. Does anyone else suffer in relationships with friends, family and significant others? This is just a bit of my story. Does this kind of OCD resonate with anyone else in particular? Thank you, if you've read this far. I'm excited to be here. Respectfully, Elizabeth (Liz)

I’m moving from a group art studio into my own space tomorrow and I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m going to throw up from anxiety and I’m crying because I feel like I’m going to fail before I get started. My friends are excited to help but it feels like I’m taking advantage of them. Everyone wants to see me win but it feels like I don’t deserve it. I feel selfish. I have harm OCD and I’m really struggling with keeping my violent thoughts under control so I can try to sleep so I can be on time tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin the day tomorrow by not waking up on time. It feels like I can’t breathe.