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Anyone else struggle with this theme? I feel like I’m going crazy Anyone give me any advice?

Myself and my family must take showers when they come in the house. I have to clean everything that is brought into my house including groceries. My anxiety makes me ill when people come into my home. I spent a lot of my childhood in isolation in the hospital for staff infection from knee surgery. My first husband was in a car accident and sustained head trama. He gradually became abusive. That is when my OCD became almost debilitating. After divorcing him, starting therapy, and starting Luvox, it switched off like a light switch. My life was almost normal until our second child, our daughter, was born with CHARGE Syndrome and passed away due to an infection inside her stomach from her G-button. I feel like I should have been able to protect her from getting infections. My OCD returned with a vengeance. Even with medication, it's been 24 years and I'm still plagued with my OCD. My children are grown now, but I know my OCD caused much trouble for them since I couldn't handle having their friend in my house. I feared they might get sick from germs and bacteria and I might lose them too. My husband has been a rock for me, but I know it has affected him and made life very difficult fur him too. I just want it to go away so I can be normal and live a normal life.

I am feeling very calm I am on zoloft almost 2 months and I think that it works..my muscle are little tired but I don't care Do you think that I will se a bigger improvement?

Hello! I have been in a relationship for 8 years with my boyfriend, and I am trying to figure out why I am getting these obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend, and I am trying to learn how to not let them rule my life and my relationships. Because they are. I have a million thoughts a minute when I get annoyed by something he does. Oh where to begin! I have crippling OCD (and have had it since age 7), and it has always affected the relationships that I have in my life. ESPECIALLY my romantic relationships. Does anyone have any advice on the intrusive thoughts that are pounding in your mind when you are in your relationship? Thoughts such as: is he the one? Does he love me? Do I love him? Is there someone better? Is there a more perfect person? (This specific thought it toxic bc there is no such thing as a perfect man.) I also tend to focus on the negative. For example: things he does wrong, things he could do better. I want to think positive: focus on the amazing things about him, his amazing qualities. But my mind does not let me go there sometimes. It’s ruining me. I’m too focused on the future as well. These thoughts are making me almost resent my boyfriend… and 99.9% of these thoughts aren’t true at all and they are not making my life easy and it’s really effecting me. Thank you guys!

Good evening my amazing fellow OCDieties. Wanted to reach out and ask a few questions and if ppl would like to share their experiences that be great but if not and just want to read and see others’ that’s just fine too. 1) when you find peace during our OCD what does it feel like to you? Does it make you want to do anything? 2) even non-OCD ppl experience loneliness and depression and destructive rage. Do you feel more isolated you think than them? Do you feel like no one understand you? If so do you think it’s because of your OCD or you as an individual. 3) what’s your aspirations in this world? What amps you up (even if it’s fleeting) about life? What motivates you to overcome OCD? My responses 1) it feels like pure bliss. Honestly experiencing OCD at such a young age and getting this peace just showered over my body and I literally do not have a care in the world. Everything is perfect because this peace is absolutely amazing and I will never take it for granted. It makes me just enjoy EVERYTHING. I have limitless energy and it just makes me want to be in the world expressing me 2) I have felt lonely for along time. Not that I’ve ever been one but definitely lonely. Always black sheepin’. I don’t believe it’s because of my OCD however it definitely hasn’t helped. I do believe some of my thought patterns and ruminating has been a gift of great power but one I was never in control of. Not along have I searched for knowledge and reassurance because of my OCD it has made me learn so much of the world. Personally I always loved learning so my OCD for me is like an extension of myself in a less controlled beneficial form. It has greatly amplified my compassion, understanding, and kindness towards others and idk who’s I be without that. The whole “what if this happened or what if they think this or that or did that even happen” was all glimpses for me of how big my world is and how much I wanted to step up and understand it and be a part of it. 3) I want to impact ppl. Not necessarily world wide or even country or state. I just want to be a difference for ppl. I want to be a hero. I want to be able to bring something to this world for others. Because without anyone else in this world even if I have never had any issues I would remain lonely. I didn’t build my apartment, my car, I didn’t give birth to my family, friends, make the amazing food that I love until I had for the first time. All these things were done by those who came before and those are here now. I just want to give back. Being there for someone even if it’s a random conversation with a stranger. Just being some light amps me up for how many ppl were and are a light for me. I’m Motivated to be a healthy stronger version of myself so I can give back more and not be halted and get in the way of myself anymore. So I can be there/here in this world and give the world me. Thanks for reading

I can't do I really wanna be poly? Why why why why I don't understand. I just want me and my boyfriend it was always the two of us. I don't wanna share my boyfriend with other girls. I don't wanna be with other dudes. It doesn't stop! It keeps saying things in my head. Ik in my heart I will never EVER be poly. I'm happy just the two of us. But my head, my stupid twisted head just wanna make me question that. I had not one not two but 4 ANXIETY ATTACKS just because I was scared of manifesting my boyfriend to be poly or these poly thoughts in general. I even confessed my boyfriend about being poly just to see his answer and he said "that's not us babe" and I was so happy! But now it's questioning me. It keeps questioning me. Making me picture another girl. It keeps forcing me to be poly but I don't wanna be. I can't I don't even know what I want. Why do I feel bad for a girl WHO'S NOT EVEN REAL. Like first of all he's mine :,3 second of all me and my boyfriend BOTH said we are not sharing each other. I can't keep repeating the same words every day. I can't keep doing this. I really don't wanna share my boyfriend. I do NOT want a open relationship. No no. I don't like it. It's like I don't even know who I am. I should be happy that it's just the two of us. Is this ocd. Can ocd trick you like many many times to the point your like feeling crazy. I tried sitting with my thoughts. It ain't working because I'm scared of it coming true I feel like I have no choice. It does want me to know what I want. It's like making me view everything completely different. I can't even remember anything. I feel like shooting my head. Help me. please please help. Someone help. I can't do this. I can't even think of my boyfriend without thinking of another girl. this is so unfair. Why not the two of us. It has always been the two of us. It keeps making me rethink everything that me and my boyfriend had done together. Please help me please anybody please. I can't do this alone. I can't.

I'm sad because it's too late for me to get over OCD. 😢

# So I still can’t figure out what sub-type of OCD I have and not one person has been able to tell me they get the same type of compulsions. Yet my symptoms and compulsions seem like classic OCD in that Howard Hughes or Jack Nicholson kind of way. The closest I get is Just Right OCD but even that doesn’t sound right. There is no anxiety attached to my obsessive thoughts and no intrusive thoughts unless intrusive thoughts are thoughts that trigger compulsions. Though, about 20 years ago I had relationship OCD based on past sexual relations. I forgot about that until recently when I started to explore my OCD. I think I also have mental hoarding OCD. I spend at least an hour a day on a diary and often even up to 2 hours even when I don’t have time. This becomes my ultimate priority of the day. I never really saw it as a big problem. It’s this new version of OCD with the mental routines which is really troubling. I seem to have more a compulsive/ritual based/mental routines base. Though I do have an obsessive nature the obsessions don’t seem to have a nexus with the compulsions I am doing every day. The compulsions are mostly in my head and like Mental rituals - sequencing and arranging thoughts into a particular order. Anything can fail the routine and to have to start again. I do these routines during various transits to the day - before meals, before I leave the house (routines relating to my cats to say goodbye for the day for example), before bed, while I am cooking, before I sit down to eat. Etc etc These mental routines typically have affirmations to them ‘thank you for my family, thank you this meal, thank you for this day’ It kind of sickens me that gratitude triggers my OCD. Happiness also triggers it with ‘thank you mental routines’ There are ad hoc routines triggered by thoughts and then there are set routines - every time before I leave the house, eat a meal, before I go to bed. The mental rituals usually have a theme of death. Thoughts of death or deceased people or even old people will reset the routine. Coughing, an itch, my phone giving me a notification will also fail the routine and I start over again. It almost feels like I am playing a game with obstacles but I can’t move on to the next thing until I complete the routine. What sub type do I have ? Do I even have OCD? Why is it never mentioned on NOCD? I hear a lot about taboo OCDs on NOCD but hardly ever anything about stepping over lines or mental routines. Is my OCD type rare??

Well my OCD is odd. I’m sure everyone says the same thing. I’ve tried to identify it but about as close as I get is to Just Right OCD but even that doesn’t sound right. There is no anxiety attached to my obsessive thoughts and no intrusive thoughts unless intrusive thoughts are thoughts that trigger compulsions. I seem to have more a compulsive/ritual based disorder. Though I do have an obsessive nature the obsessions don’t seem to have a nexus with the compulsions. The compulsions are mostly in my head and like Mental rituals - sequencing and arranging thoughts into a particular order. Anything can fail the routine and to have to start again. There are ad hoc routines triggered by thoughts and then there are set routines - every time before I leave the house, eat a meal, before I go to bed. The mental rituals usually have a theme of death. Thoughts of death or deceased people or even old people will reset the routine. Coughing, an itch, my phone giving me a notification will also fail the routine and I start over again. It almost feels like I am playing a game with obstacles but I can’t move on to the next thing until I complete the routine. What sub type do I have ? Do I even have OCD?

I can’t enter my room without being clean and this makes daily life impossible, if I leave the house I take a shower. Also I always wash my hands like a lot and if I touch a doorknob I immediately go wash so I don’t contaminate anything in my room. Please give advice on what to do I am really lost and scared that I won’t be able to enjoy life since I keep my self in my room all day

i keep feeling like something is going to happen to me and i’m scared. i keep having to do things over and over to keep it from happening, but i am tired. this is giving me a headache. i can’t do it anymore. i really can’t tell if the Holy Spirit is warning me or if it is just ocd. i am nauseous.

It controls my whole life. I mean it dictates everything I do. I want to be able to come home from work and sit down and relax instead of focusing on everything that still needs to be done before I go to bed. Because right now, the only time I sit down is to eat my dinner. I dont even take breaks or lunch at work because Im so scared I wont get everything done and I cant leave and I mean my OCD wont let me leave until I have done everything. Can you imagine working in a pet hotel with OCD? It’s exhausting and it feels like something always needs done, which normally it does. There is always something that needs to be done in a pet hotel and you cant be done for the day until it is. This is a pic of me wearing my Superman tank top because thats who I feel like I need to be all the time. I also have Iron Man and Supergirl…

I put a trigger warning here because it’s a tough thing to talk about, so I can imagine it must be tough to read about too. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been in a really bad spot recently and I’m struggling with my POCD and Contamination OCD more than normal. I’m also starting to think that I may be developing other kinds of sexual OCD issues as well. Add that all up and it’s a recipe for anxiety which causes a depressed feeling and then come suicidal ideations. If anyone knows how to help deal with this, comments and ideas could be very helpful. I don’t ever want to commit suicide. I hate the idea because I feel like I’m meant for so much for than a long dirt nap. I just can’t seem to make myself feel better. I have been struggling with the OCD for about 7 years, at least that’s as far back as I can remember crying in the shower asking, why me, a 14 year old kid had to deal with these awful thoughts, which was especially painful and just as difficult then because I didn’t know it was OCD. Some times I feel like things are getting better but then they just get worse again. I don’t know how to handle my thoughts and the only slight comfort I get is knowing that I’ll never act upon them even if my brain try’s to convince me that I might. I can’t stop washing my hands so much that they get dry, I scratch them, or they crack and bleed. I sanitize everything even stuff I never even used to consider as “gross”. The worst part about this stuff is can’t explain why I feel this way 99% of the time. I hate this but I know I can’t give up. I have learned though, that good sleep and healthy habits can alleviate some of the stress and anxiety. If anyone is like me and has trouble falling asleep because your brain gets too loud with intrusive thoughts, try Brown Noise, it seems to help me to fall asleep. I’m sorry for the very long message and for rambling but I needed someone to vent to and I guess typing it here is as good as it can get for now. Thank you to anyone who read all of this and to anyone who offers the intention of a helpful response. Good luck to everyone. Stay strong. Remember you are worth it.

Fear wearing items touching things things falling off me and never being able to retrieve them when out. Feel like I have ashes all over me but I know it’s just ocd but can’t move last just feels immoral to carry on bern stick in house for nearly 2 months struggle to go toliet due to contamination fearsvrestrict food water also please help some one

I know this might be reassurance seeking but this is on repeat in my mind

I keep seeing things on the side of my eye and when I look fast it’s nothing but a tree or a chair depending on where I’m at but my mind imagines it’s something worse like a person and when I look it’s not has anyone ever delt with this I have a huge fear of losing my mind I been very hyper aware of my vision lately and eye floaters I think about what if I see something all day constant state of panic please tell me I’m not hallucinating

I think that’s what it is .. I’ve been through a lot with relationships .. I’ve never had good luck with them .. after taking two years off of dating and not wanting to date except hook up or have fun i meet a woman who wanted the same ..well we happened to like eachother alot and get into a relationship.. she ends up being amazing and super supportive of my and mental issues. One moment I’m secure and confident and then the next after three months together start my normal ocd process of questioning if I wanna be here if she’s the one if I love her or if there’s someone else .. it’s really annoying even though I know I really don’t wanna leave but I still obsess about it.. we’ll now I’m in the headspace of doubting she loves me or maybe she’s tired of me already even though nothing different has changed .. I don’t want reassurance and to nag about if she loves me .. when I thought about this stuff a couple weeks ago I asked and she told me flat out she loves and cares about me and thinks I’m amazing .. that thought of wondering if she loves me then turned around again to me thinking what if I don’t love her or wanna be here ? Lmfao is that relationship ocd or am I just really damaged .

Has anyone ever received ketamine infusions to help with ocd?

In December I got triggered from someone mentioning something about dying in there sleep and I’ve never had this fear before then. I think it’s the fact that I wouldn’t know , and the fact that I could go to sleep and not wake up. but it’s gotten to the point where im wondering if I’ve been “preparing myself“ it’s changed the way I do so many things , like talk , the song lyrics I sing , even listening to singers who died. and watching movies , and everyday I mean everyday my mind tells me “ you’re doing this because you’re gonna die soon” and every time I hangout with people and not to be “ cocky” but people usually like me , and I make everyone laugh. It just makes me think of me dying and all of them reacting because im “ making new friends” to care about me because im gonna die. and I always imagine me in those videos of people posting about there passed friends/family and I full in depth imagine what people would say/post . I also struggle with numbers and things correlating it too “ when I’m gonna die” I don’t know how to explain the feeling i just used to never think twice that it could ever be me dying and affecting everyone. I’m sorry for the rant , I just truly don’t know what to do/think anymore. it’s hurting me so much :(

Any automotive techs here with OCD?