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How to stop ruminating about the past? I keep ruminating on my past mistakes and I dont know what to do . I feel like I didn't really evolved as a person . I feel like I don't deserve to be happy

really triggered and sad by so many things right now. I feel like while brushing my teeth i spat into the sink and wiped my mouth with water too slow, i am so triggered by my eyebrows recently that i’ve avoided even looking at them but if i accidentally see them i feel so horrible, and if i’m looking at an object but i feel like my eyes were blurry or stinging that’s another trigger cause i feel that means i didn’t see the object properly. sometimes sitting with distress is too much, is there something else i can do to also make me feel confident about my abilities in all these things??

i feel like im being crushed by the weight of deadlines and my thoughts. i have so much to do in the next 3 weeks and i feel so distracted by my brain. i just got diagnosed with OCD and it feels good to put a name to all these endless thoughts i have. i think so much and never get a break and on top of it im so overwhelmed by assignments i feel paralyzed (i have adhd, too). even when i do things i enjoy my brain still somehow thinks of something to ruin the moment. 🫠

I got half of my grades back today (I’m still missing two their not in yet) And from I see, my gpa is now a 1.6. I’m so disappointed and disgusted with myself. I cannot believe I went so low and did this to my mom. And I know it’s because of my lack of drive and procrastination and how I believe I don’t deserve an education or anything good. Anyone who’s in college, please tell me how do I get nyself drive back? How do I tell myself I can do this? I don’t want to disappoint my mom more than I have. Please advise for next semester?

Question for ya’ll… so when you have Sexual OCD & ROCD do you think these thoughts are related to that?? I have this thing where if I somehow don’t try my absolute hardest to (very consistently) concentrate on imagining my partner and I perfectly during intimacy, so then I don’t feel like I’ve gotten off over someone else which I wouldn’t do, but ocd can be very convincing. An also I have accepted in a way that you can’t picture everything perfectly in your head our minds eye/camera is not perfect, there will always be details that are slightly off etc, I never used to worry about these things before ocd. But because I get lots of intrusive images and thoughts that seem to pop up almost all the time it makes it hard because I’m laying there just feeling so sad because all I want to do is picture my boyfriend, I know all I want to do is think about him or him and I, so That’s what is turning me on, but what if I don’t picture him perfectly is that me pictureing someone else then?? What if I think or feel lieonthe image I’m trying to create is of me and my partner but it was actually subconsciously a body part I’ve seen in porn or something in the past, I’m sure this isn’t even possible as my intention is to picture my partner and I? So even if the image is a bit off isn’t the fact it’s the intention to think or picture us so that means it is us in the images? I know this is reassurance idc I don’t come on here all the time anymore I just need some today.

i hate the way my eyebrows look and i can’t get them to look right. on the tops of both i keep slightly trimming it because i keep seeing one looking higher than the other and i’m trying to get certain pieces of my eyebrows to be the same height. one looks much more shabbier than the other. I have nobody with me right now. I started a little more than an hour ago and i’m scared it’s going to go on all night. This is so stressful and i’m scared i’m going to ruin something in my eyebrows. Everytime i see my eyebrows I feel they’re uneven and ones thicker than the other. for the past few days i’ve been avoiding even looking at them and i even put a headband over my eyebrows while brushing my teeth. The urge was getting to me because i kept feeling them with my hands without looking at them and i felt something to be wrong. additionally i saw them accidentally a few times and i didn’t like how it looked. eventually i gave in and fully saw them bc i couldn’t stand the feeling of walking around with uneven eyebrows. i need help correcting them, i’ve asked family and nobody can help rn. I’m still standing in front of the mirror trying to make them perfect but i’m scared to ruin something. pls help what can i do to make myself feel it’s correct

Please only read this if you are 18+ (contains mention of s**cide) I have had severe body dysmorphia since beginning college. I’ve been skinny my whole life and have an entirely flat chest. I was doing really good for a while, but I made the mistake of looking at social media today… There is an influencer who is built exactly like me and I always go to her page to find positivity…I looked at some of her recent posts and the things men and women were saying about her were horrific. Among some of the many hate comments were things like “nightmare body”, “genetically inferior to other women”, and just brutal things each of which would take a person years to recover from hearing. There were countless gifs of dancing skeletons, and a lot of surprisingly attractive people brutally bashing her. I haven’t felt suicidal in years and all at once I see very little point in going on. The world has finally defeated me and I just can’t see what the point is in seeking happiness if I could only ever possibly be lying to myself when i feel good about myself.

How do I get over when you do something wrong and get “punished” but u cant keep obsessing about it? Like you’re omg that was wrong of me, why didn’t I just do the right thing? Imma tell yall. Don’t judge lol. But it’s a very popular crawfish place in my town, and it’s at a gas station building and beer hectic. The lines are usually a mile or 2 down the street. There’s a side street that’s near the front and it’s a light and the first time, a guy let me cut In front of him. We went today and tried to see if somebody would let us cut and we tried but they got mad and told the place and they told us they weren’t taking our order since we cut lol. I felt so bad and stupid. I can’t stop obsessing over it. Help

OCD is excruciatingly painful. I don’t think any other forms of torment on earth can rival it, except maybe schizophrenia-type disorders or physical torture. I have come a long way from where I started. I don’t believe I have OCD, as it is clinically defined, anymore (though some experts might disagree). I no longer have any intrusive thoughts. I have the silence and freedom in my mind that I always wanted—but never could attain before. But I remember the days when the thoughts ran like wildfire through my brain, each thought scarier than the last—the never-ending, repeating sentences that were like frightening music 🎶 that never shuts off. Only people who have experienced these thoughts can understand the mental pain and anguish. Even on the other side of the disorder, where I am now, the OCD still haunts me every day. It’s mostly in the background, but I can always feel its shadow. The roots of perfectionism and fear still run very deep. Every day, as I work on further recovery, I find that I am peeling back more and more layers that I didn’t even know were there. I understand everyone who says they despise their OCD. I find it hard to convey to other people the amount of pain this disorder causes. But every day now I have an opportunity for joy if I choose it. And I love that. Some days are mostly normal. I can almost forget about the OCD for hours at a time. I always sleep in peace, even my naps. And even though every day has significant OCD-related struggles, I also know that every day I am getting better.

does anyone have any tips for calming down when worried about waiting back to hear results? for context i am a junior college but i have poor grades (because of adhd and ocd) and i am waiting to see if i am going to be academically dismissed from college. then im worried if it does happen that i will not be reaccepted or accepted to any other programs. i dont find out until next week but i am already so unable to shut off my mind and stop worrying. i cant stop thinking about the worse possible outcomes i really dont wanna have to quit college bc it would’ve been three years for nothing.

I’ve been struggling with intense shame and guilt brought on by obsessions of whether or not I’m a decent friend, a decent person, if I’m doing things right, and whether or not I’m making a positive impact on society. Any time I do something that causes harm or that I perceive may cause harm or if I’m in the room where someone is causing harm I get extremely anxious about the repercussions and what it means for the course of my entire life. I’ve always believed in karma and how people get what energy they put out into the world, and it makes me fear causing anyone unintentional harm, so I go out of my way to be as aware and proactive of reducing harm to people and communities as possible. I’m getting extremely burnt out and almost never have energy or find time to do something that I enjoy, because it feels like I’m doing it at the expense of others. I feel like I’m constantly anticipating bad things to happen and people to be angry at my existence or responses to everything. I’m not terrified of criticism but I am terrified of people viewing me as a bad person, as annoying, as gross, as a disturbed human being, etc. I welcome criticism,but I’m terrified of other people’s perceptions of me and abandoning me because of it. I’m a trans man and it’s all exacerbated by anti-trans rhetoric and stigma against gay men and anything having to do with sexuality. It also manifests as racialized OCD. I am white and very privileged, but I try to be aware and diligent about learning about and acknowledging my biases and privileges and actively working to change them. However, my fears and anxieties about messing up and causing harm often overwhelm me and make it very difficult to make consistent and empathetic efforts without being consumed by anxiety and intrusive thoughts. My brain exhausts me and keeps me from establishing deep and meaningful connections with people of color. I don’t ever want to overwhelm my friends by sharing this intense fear, but not being honest about it probably isn’t helping us understand each other better at all. It makes me so sad and I feel like a failure.

hey:) My name is mai, i‘m 18 years old. I think I‘ve been struggling with OCD almost all my life - eventhough i‘ve only realized it lately, thanks to a friend that made me aware of the fact that the horrifying thoughts and impulses i sometimes experience, are not „just a little stress and insecurity“. When i was a little kid i had very long hair. People always commented on it, sometimes they said things that triggered an unproportional huge amount of anxiety in me. I Never wanted to cut my hair. Someday my sister and a friend told me that if i wasn‘t going to cut it soon, they’d come at night and do it for me when i sleep. I was always a sensible and fragile person that thinks too much and doesn‘t know where to put these thoughts. At that time i didn‘t realize how much these words and fears affected me, but unconsciously i started controlling if my hair was still there every 40-60 seconds. I could not sleep if my hair was not hanging over my right shoulder where i could see and feel it. I always wore it on the right, and checked it - constantly, until one day a doctor told me that my neck was suffering due to the weight and the tense position that my head was always in. Then i decided to end this fear and cut it, so that the pain and fears would stop, reminding myself that i could always regrow it. The fear disappeared, and for some years, in which i struggled with other disorders, the OCD symptoms seemed to be somewhere in the back of my mind. I just finished school, and now i‘m preparing for the TMS (a test in Germany that increases your chances of getting into med school). Since the structure and safety of going to school regularly is missing, and since i don‘t know if I’ll be accepted for one of the subjects i‘d like to study, i feel very much out of control. I feel helpless, at the mercy of strangers and i‘m so afraid of failing the expectations i have for myself. Since this phase of „being out of control and safety“ has started, i suddenly experienced a lot of different anxieties, some of them causing panic attacks on a regular basis. I obsess about my health, i find new symptoms and proofs I could be dead or very Sick in the next few days - every week. I‘ve been to my doctor so often i think he‘s really annoyed because of my ideas. Sometimes i also have psychological fears, like what if i‘m losing my mind.? What if i‘m having a psychosis? What if nothing is even real and everything is just an illusion? Thinking about life and existence frightens me a lot. I can‘t drink alcohol of caffeine anymore because i‘m convinced it will change my perception of reality in a way i couldn‘t handle. Some days i wake up and think that the colour of the socks i choose to wear will determine what kind of day This will become. I often worry that i bother people too much, that i‘m annoying and Just hopeless and that eventually people will realize how exhausting i am, and leave. It’s especially bad in romantic relationships, and it makes everything hard to enjoy. I have now chosen to work on myself, on my real fears - that lay beneath the things i think to fear. I want to educate myself on this disease and get my life back. I‘ll make a list of things that i used to love, and am now too afraid to do. I want my life back from my anxiety and OCD.

I have two AP Tests this week and one of my intrusive thoughts has always been that I will never get into college (I have a 4.0 gpa) I had a panic attack last night and I’m honestly so terrified I can’t even think straight even though I’ve done all I can to prepare. So now I just have to stare at the wall until I have to drive to the testing place in the morning. I can’t sleep, or eat or do anything but worry.

I’m being haunted by something that happened in my relationship about 2 years ago. It’s worse than any event I’ve read here, so I understand if I cause disgust in this community by contributing some of my obsessing about this event to my OCD. Basically, I went through some struggles with alcohol a little while back, and this started as a result of me struggling to cope with a different horrible event that I caused. I was drinking excessively and often in secret. I’m not sure how much of a factor the alcohol plays in this event, so maybe it’s not even worth mentioning. Around the same time, my girlfriend came to me and told me that she thought that she might be transgender (MTF). When she initially came to me about this, she wasn’t really certain, and although I was a bit shocked I was very supportive of her. She started therapy to work out these feelings, and while I went through my own struggles and worries about this new information, we were actually doing pretty well. Until one night when she had therapy. I had been drinking that day, but I don’t remember the amount or how intoxicated I actually was. I would usually wear headphones when she was in her sessions (they were telehealth), but for some reason this time I made one of the worst mistakes of my entire life. I listened in on parts of her session from the other side of the door. I think I even stopped and came back to hear more. I don’t remember exactly how this came about. I think I passed by and heard her talking about me and my curiosity/lack of morals got the best of me. I heard her talking about me for a bit, but I also heard her say that she was now very sure she was trans. I didn’t know this (nor did I have any right to know this), and in my selfish, intoxicated, and mentally ill state, I went to the couch and had a bit of a breakdown. I don’t remember how long I eavesdropped on her. It could have been anywhere from 4-15 minutes. Any amount of time is too much. I am horrified by what I did to this day, and every time I think about it it sends me into a total spiral. When she was done with her session, I asked her leading questions about how sure she was that she was trans (so not only did I betray her trust, but I had the gall to question her about a part of what I had heard). She told me that she was absolutely sure. I went into a state of bargaining and disbelief, trying to be accepting and kind while also panicking about this change and what it meant for our relationship. I kept asking if she was sure, almost hoping that I could get her to think about it more before deciding. Horrible. Then out of guilt and horror over my actions, I quickly confessed to her that I had eavesdropped on a portion of her session. I think I minimized how long I had listened at first, but I corrected myself on that as well (I don’t remember how quickly though). She was understandably upset and disappointed, but not nearly as much as she had the right to be. She should have screamed at me and probably left my ass. But she still remained kind to me and we talked about the importance of me respecting her privacy during her future sessions. She went to take a bath, and I was so overcome with shame and self hatred for what I’d done that I ended up self-harming. I didn’t mean for this to be manipulative, but it was yet another horrible choice made based on my impulsivity. I ended up confessing this to her as well, not for her to take care of me, but because it was a bit more severe than I intended and I felt so guilty for having the audacity to hurt myself after everything I’d done. And that’s about where the event ends. It’s been about 2 years, and I still can’t believe that I have done something so horrifically disrespectful. We’ve talked about it so many times, and somehow she forgives me and it no longer bothers her. I have put myself in her shoes, and I would be so upset if someone did to me what I did to her. I ruminate over the details, google similar events and read peoples feelings about what I’ve done, try to remember exactly how long I eavesdropped for, what I heard, if I downplayed anything else when I confessed, and try to remember how intoxicated I was (which doesn’t matter at all). I always feel the need to confess more and to repeatedly bring this event up and apologize/ask how she feels about it (or if there’s anything I can do to help her heal). I take so many precautions now to make sure that my girlfriend feels 100% safe and secure in therapy. I have never done this again, I’ve discussed my actions in my own therapy, and I always leave the house for the entire duration of her sessions (even though she says she trusts me to wear headphones). I initiate conversations about what I did, how it made her feel, and if there is anything else I can do to show how sorry I am and guarantee her emotional safety. I consider what I did emotional abuse even though she doesn’t. She thinks that the event was bad, but my OCD is exaggerating my guilt and shame. I disagree. What I did was truly monstrous and how I feel as a result is the only way any sane person would feel after doing something like that. What I’m struggling with is accepting her forgiveness, kindness, and her desire for me to try and move on. I’ve read that what I did is a dealbreaker, and I can’t disagree. How are you supposed to accept such incredible kindness and acceptance from someone you have betrayed so severely? How am I supposed to feel like it’s ok for me to accept her love and continue our relationship despite what I’ve done?Especially when you have a pattern of horrible, disrespectful behavior? For some reason she still loves and wants me, and I don’t want to take away any more of her agency to make her own decisions about her life. I love her more than anything. She feels unheard when I talk about how I’m worried she shouldn’t forgive me, that I’m an abuser and she deserves someone who would never think of doing such a thing to her. I feel like it doesn’t matter how much therapy I get or how much work I do to change. My life feels like one long series of irredeemable actions. I’m sorry for the long post. I needed to get this off my chest. I understand that this is unacceptable and probably not even OCD related. I understand that most people would hate me for this (trust me, I hate myself a lot) and that I don’t deserve to still have such a loving relationship with this person. I just need help figuring out how to live with myself. Thank you for reading, and I’m so sorry to anyone who’s suffered because of pieces of shit like me.

went to a friends dorm earlier today & I commented on how neat it was and he said “oh I’m kinda ocd about those things” I didn’t know what to say so I just let it go but it made me feel really uncomfortable. how do you guys deal with when people say those things?

I took my license picture at the DMV yesterday. And since I was a child, I’ve prided myself on having a nice ID picture since I know people say it’s rare and I like to be annoyingly special. Well, the last time I was at the DMV, the clerk was obviously floating with me so he allowed me to retake my picture like 3 times. That was over 5 years ago so when I went to get my picture renewed, I was thinking about how I got to retake it a bunch last time. I just knew I wanted it to look good. When it came time to take the photo, they didn’t even have my look into the camera but at a sticky note that had a smiley face on it. Already, I started to feel uncomfortable because I wasn’t looking at a camera so how could my picture, eyes, smile, and head all be centered in the box??? It couldn’t be possible. As these thoughts spiraled through my mind, I tried my best to smile and it was all over in 3 seconds. I should have just left it at that. But as I was leaving, I turned to look at the monitor and I saw my picture. My head was NOT centered. And my face was turned at a weird angle that I was NOT intending. The only good thing I noticed were that my cheekbones look nice. And now I have to have this picture on my license for 5 years… I know that I’ll eventually be able to look at it, and even accept it. But right now, it feels like an itchy caving hole in my chest. Like the world is going to end because my license picture isn’t formatted perfectly. I’m sad that the picture is off and also shaming myself for feeling this way. UGH

I’m so disappointed in myself right now I didn’t exercise before I ate my breakfast and now OCD is making me miserable and I just want to be happy I hate this!

When i play video games, i start to feel so guilty and bad. Because i feel like playing video games will make me a bad person, a rageful, angry person and that will lead me to be the person i hate. I feel like if i play games, it will make me an unfaithful, narcissist, angry, rageful person and it will ruin my future, my academy and it will lead me to do things i don't want. I feel like im becoming someone horrible. Other than that i extremely fear being like my mother. Im truly scared of that. I don't want to be angry, harmful to everyone around me. I don't want to be a narcissistic person who rants about everything for hours, gets angry at the smallest thing, blames people, belittles them. I especially don't want to hurt my partner. Im scared to hurt kids and animals, im scared of anger. When i get angry sometimes, i feel extremely guilty and bad. And i feel like im the most terrible person alive. Other than these, im scared to see my partner, my love for him as an exaggeration, i feel like i won't care about him or say "he is not a big deal, i don't mind not loving, hurting him" etc. Im scared to be like the people who hurts their partner, never cares about their partner, see them as a tool.

Help! If you can’t picture yours or your partners body parts and bodies perfectly in your head does that mean you’re picturing someone else’s body or body parts or that you’re turned on over someone else? Please let me know I worry because I would never get off or feel turned on by anyone else but I feel confused when I haven’t pictured something perfectly 100% does it mean what I’m worried about??

After a year of depression and OCD episodes I finally got a job as a barista and have been developing so, so much confidence. It’s been incredibly fulfilling for me, and I feel myself being ready to take on more fears, such as driving. My dad, for the first time since I really got the job, asked how work was. I told him how great it’s been, and he said, “well, when you get a REAL job it’ll be way more fulfilling.” Shut down the conversation instantly. Such a big accomplishment for me, but not for him bc the bar was too low. My dad makes me hate myself. Nothing I ever do makes him happy or proud. My appearance isn’t good enough, my bf isn’t, my education (WHICH HE CHOSE BTW) isn’t, my hair isn’t, my personality isn’t, my politics isn’t, NOTHING is good enough for him! If there is anyone in the world who makes me hate myself it’s my father. If it weren’t for my father, I think I’d love myself a lot more.