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Like 100% no doubt, just guilt and depression?

I would like some advice for something that happened to me yesterday. I was on a call chatting with some of my close friends, and while on the call I was playing a video game. So for context, this game is called Rune Factory 5. It is a game in a series I have been playing since I was a kid. I continue to play the series because I have not found any other game like it; it is a fantasy farming RPG. Even with all these new farming games, none have the crafting system, in depth story, or monster-taming system that Rune Factory does. Now, another part of the game is that you can romance and marry one of the characters. Rune Factory does have some young looking characters, of which I’ve always stayed away from. I have POCD so I have in the past gone over characters potential ages multiple times in my head. So while on the call with my friends, I decided it would be fun if I sent them the two characters I was thinking of romancing and letting them vote. They are anime nerds like me. I sent them a photo of one of the characters, Scarlett, and they got kind of quiet and really didn’t like her. I was confused. Eventually they said that she looked too young and started making pedo jokes that made me uncomfortable. I went quiet at first because it was a trigger for my POCD. Then I did explain that I myself have a flat chest and a very young looking face, and so I didn’t think that automatically made the character a kid. I am almost 25 but often get mistaken for being much younger. I couldn’t think of how to explain further at the time, but the character’s voice lines and how she speaks also makes her seem older. (She’s not one of those Lolli characters that is actually 100 years old either btw) I did clear things up with my friends where they said they didn’t actually think I was a creep and they were just busting on me. But still it was very uncomfortable. Now when I think of playing the game and interacting with Scarlett I feel like a creep. I know I need to do some exposures with this and I don’t want reassurance but I also want a second opinion on what happened. I hope that makes sense. 😭

If anyone knows a lot about full metal alchemist brotherhood please reply!! I used to love full metal alchemist brotherhood but ever since I started having thoughts about liking pride it triggers me. Especially cause his character is a homunculus which need a disguise/host/container to be able to move around. Cause Pride is a humanoid shadow monster/villian created by a god with alchemy. And he’s supposed to be a child!! But then they say Pride is 300+ years old which triggers it for me because people say you can’t be physically attracted to characters who are demons or adults who look like literal children!! Like I don’t want to be attracted to pride if he’s an actual child!! Especially (SPOILER) when Edward recreates pride into a normal child cause he killed/removed pride “the shadow.” Shows that he’s a child!!! And I don’t want to be attracted to that at all!!!! I’m so confused and scared!!

This is 16+ ,, so please don’t read this if you’re younger ——- —— —- — - I was having a inappropriate dream about characters, and I realized that they were minors (I thought they were 16) and in the dream I was like “well aren’t they adults in the newer ones? I’m going to pretend they’re adults” and I’m so upset that I did this, I know I meant no harm and I know I didn’t mean to do anything disgusting, as I thought they were 16 in the dream and I was like “um, im gonna pretend that they’re older” ,, and I just realized those characters might be actually 14, and now I’m freaking out that I’m a bad person… i didn’t mean any harm and I’m so sorry, I can’t ever forgive myself, knowing I had this dream, but I know I didn’t mean harm cuz I tried to change it instantly when my brain reminded me of the age

I’m crying so hard, I just can’t this anymore. I feel like a bad person, I’m only 16… I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t breathe and I’m panicking so bad… please help me I was thinking about this situation with this YouTuber where he called this 16 year old “fine” Then I started to think, what if I get older and think 16 year olds are fine? This kind of made me anxious not really, but then I got convinced that I would, because my brain kept making me feel like I would be attracted to them, and there is nothing to say I won’t be attracted, so I said “I know I will be attracted, because they look older, I know that I will turn into a p//do” and now I’m really scared and terrified, I feel like I am a p now, I can’t believe I said that, now I feel like I’m gonna turn into one I would NEVER want to turn into one, I would NEVER want to find teens attractive at that age I’m crying

*This mentions pretty dark things so if you think you’ll get triggered, don’t read* I have a question for people who deal with real event/false memory. I hear a lot of people say they can’t remember if they did something or not, but they’re sure they’re guilty. Does anybody have a memory that they’re sure happened, it’s so vivid and you just know it happened, and then when you’re out of the ocd cycle, it just doesn’t feel real anymore? When I was a kid, I was overly sexually. Not only did I start doing sexual things at a young age, but I also had a lot of really dark thoughts. Today, I do have some issues with things I’m attracted to, but only in a passive “I should probably talk to my therapist about that” kind of way and I’ve heard the things I’m into are actually very common. What I thought about as a kid though are much darker. I try to give myself some grace with some of them because I was a kid and had no idea what it was, but of course, I feel disgusted. Anyway, i know that I had these thoughts and feelings when I was a kid, but there are some things I didn’t think I did until the past few years… I had one childhood “memory” come up… Basically, it was having a deliberate thought about an animal when I was masterbating. It felt 100% real, I was sure I did it and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. When my OCD calmed down, it suddenly felt much more foggy, and now it doesn’t feel accurate. I know for a fact I’ve never been attracted to animals, but I’m worried there was a different reason for me having that thought and it’s true that I intentionally thought about it and did it. But now it doesn’t feel real. On top of that, I also know I have never been attracted to children/babies. I have memories of getting thoughts about pedophelia and most of them I have memories of brushing them off but I’m terrified there’s one I am absolutely terrified I touched myself to. For this one, I was certain it was real but I was trying to convince myself it wasn’t, or will it to not be real. It was very vivid, but it also made absolutely no sense because I’ve never wanted that, ever. And if this is true, how could I ever forgive myself and move forward in life? Well, now it doesn’t feel as real. I’m terrified I tried so hard to convince myself that I succeeded and now I think it didn’t even though it did. I also realized I have no accurate memory of where this happened, how old I was, etc. For a while I was terrified this happened when I was older but I have no real memory of that. This made me relax for a second because I thought “maybe that means it didn’t happen or there’s something I’m forgetting and it was an intrusive thought that I pushed off like the rest” but then I quickly realized it really doesn’t mean anything and I could be a horrible, sick person. I know for certain I’m not interested in these things. But I know I used to struggle with dark thoughts, and hearing people talk about false memory the way they typically do just makes me feel like it absolutely can’t be that so it must’ve happened. I don’t know how to even function with these thoughts.

Has anyone had kids while dealing with this theme? Right before my big flare up, and my SOOCD/ROCD was triggered this summer, my husband and I were in the process of talking about trying for kids. We have both been very “will we, won’t we” when it comes to kids, but this past winter I felt a big urge to have children now that I am 30. Every part of me was excited for this journey with my husband and our future, until my OCD latched on and now it’s all gone. I am so terrified to have children now because what if something happens or I change and I ruin not only my husband’s life, but now I ruin my (unborn) child’s life? I wish I didn’t have this guilt. If this OCD wasn’t there I would just be living my life like I had been, but now I just doubt everything.

so basically I’ve been overthinking Thursday. basically this whole week I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts about doing sexual or inappropriate things with objects, and it got so bad that basically everyday I was throwing my toothbrush away and buying a new one because I was afraid I did something to it and it was contaiminated. please understand I DO NOT want that at all. well I told my mom about it like I told my mom how I thought my toothbrush was contaiminated and I kept getting distressing thoughts (I couldn’t tell her exactly what) and she basically got mad and said I was wasting money and that she wouldn’t allow me to buy more so then I’d just have to use the same one. Well I’ve been replaying all the events that Thursday morning and I can’t find where I could’ve done something inappropriate but idk why the day after so Friday I kept getting those images even though on Thursday I felt fine I think. I couldn’t use a new one my mom forced me to use the one I had and so now I’m going crazy and I think my mouth is contaiminated. What do I do actually please help. I can’t live like this. I think these thoughts were triggered by something I read on the news, but now I’m afraid I might’ve done something and now I’m contaiminated. What if I actually did whatever those intrusive thoughts showed me? What if they were repressed memories? I can’t live knowing this please give any advice.

I’m trying so hard not to give up… but how can you not give up when you have a mind like mine? I have REAL EVENT OCD so that means I HAVE done something in my passed that was so inappropriate I was a teen and I’m in therapy for it now, so I learned it’s also trauma for me and real event ocd, I can’t explain why I did what I did and you know OCD HATES that… and WANTS to create a story because it doesn’t like uncertainty…..I was a teen and I’m a full grown adult now it’s been years and I did remember this real event but I thought I did it when I was a a lot younger, so I don’t know if I was dissociating or just didn’t realize when it happened regardless… I was a teen and it’s messed me up questioned my whole being and now I’m thinking I have a mind of a pedo, this started a couple of months ago and before this I would have never EVER guessed or questioned that I was a pedo because 1. I only did that real event one time and obviously feel so awful about it (not sharing details about what I did) but it involved my cousin and it makes me feel disgusted that I didn’t know better when I was old enough too know better unfortunately(2. Iv had boyfriends of my age and currently in the most loving relationship of my life 3. I never care about kids like that and I would talk about kids to my boyfriend because I know how an amazing father he would be one day, and he would tell me how amazing I would be because of how I love to take care of things like animals,him ect and how protective I would be like normal beautiful thoughts, NOW with my ocd I get intrusive thoughts and images of children in innapropriate ways and I get it “it’s just thoughts” but I HAD a real event that I did and now my ocd is latched onto that and making me question my sexuality and that I like children now, I TRY I try so hard not too believe it but whenever I try to think about my boyfriend it feels forced or anyone my age and my mind wants me to think about children and view them sexually like a real pedo would, it’s like I’m hyper focusing on them now and I can’t undo it I feel so sick I feel like I NEED to go to a mental asylum how did my life end up this way?!?!? I fucking wouldn’t dare hurt a child but my mind is so fucked I can’t believe this is my life right now I just can’t, I’m so upset I can ruin my future my love my everything my whole life with this, I can’t even have sex or masterbate because of this and I’m thinking about sex 24/7 because I’m so anxious to make love to my bf when before ocd THIS WAS NEVER A PROBLEM I would just daydream about making love to my partner and get turned on and wet easily, now even when I try to daydream about my bf, kids will pop up in sexual ways in my head and I CANT DO IT why am I daydreaming kids doing sexual things THERES NO WAY I’m suppose to just “sit with the thoughts” or “focus on breathing” while imagining those things so realistically in detail or remember my real event and memories of that and just meditate or still masterbate as a ERP technique, because if I’m masterbating to the thoughts and my thoughts are of children how does that not mess up your brain OR atleast trick your brain into thinking you are a pedo??!?? Even to like certain body parts of a child WHY AM I SEXUALIZING THEM like what the heck???? My brain soooooo confused can I actually get help or am I just too fucked….. I am diagnosed with ocd but I might be the one person that doesn’t have ocd and is just becoming a pedo….and that’s unfortunately the only way I got turned on was daydreaming about my bf or other people my age,me just touching myself with no thoughts don’t do anything, or “just feeling my body” it doesn’t do anything, but regardless I can’t even tell when I’m horny or not and it’s so dry down there I can’t even do anything regardless OCD messed up my brain AND my body…. WHAT CAN I DO I am just at such a lost how am I suppose to live with POCD can I never have sex again?!!??! am I the one that’s making up these thoughts maybe because of the guilt I have from my real event OCD? I don’t even know anymore doesn’t matter anyway because I can’t control anything that I’m thinking I can’t shower I can’t work I can’t live my life right now and I have no motivation for anything because if I am I don’t want to live any More… I’m sorry I can’t do this is this really it for me? Please anyone that can help me understand this…..I hate that I did that as a teen it has caused me confusion and guilt I know I learned from then but now my ocd has ruined me

I’m trying so hard not to give up… but how can you not give up when you have a mind like mine? I have REAL EVENT OCD so that means I HAVE done something in my passed that was so inappropriate I was a teen and I’m in therapy for it now, so I learned it’s also trauma for me and real event ocd, I can’t explain why I did what I did and you know OCD HATES that… and WANTS to create a story because it doesn’t like uncertainty…..I was a teen and I’m a full grown adult now it’s been years and I did remember this real event but I thought I did it when I was a a lot younger, so I don’t know if I was dissociating or just didn’t realize when it happened regardless… I was a teen and it’s messed me up questioned my whole being and now I’m thinking I have a mind of a pedo, this started a couple of months ago and before this I would have never EVER guessed or questioned that I was a pedo because 1. I only did that real event one time and obviously feel so awful about it (not sharing details about what I did) but it involved my cousin and it makes me feel disgusted that I didn’t know better when I was old enough too know better unfortunately(2. Iv had boyfriends of my age and currently in the most loving relationship of my life 3. I never care about kids like that and I would talk about kids to my boyfriend because I know how an amazing father he would be one day, and he would tell me how amazing I would be because of how I love to take care of things like animals,him ect and how protective I would be like normal beautiful thoughts, NOW with my ocd I get intrusive thoughts and images of children in innapropriate ways and I get it “it’s just thoughts” but I HAD a real event that I did and now my ocd is latched onto that and making me question my sexuality and that I like children now, I TRY I try so hard not too believe it but whenever I try to think about my boyfriend it feels forced or anyone my age and my mind wants me to think about children and view them sexually like a real pedo would, it’s like I’m hyper focusing on them now and I can’t undo it I feel so sick I feel like I NEED to go to a mental asylum how did my life end up this way?!?!? I fucking wouldn’t dare hurt a child but my mind is so fucked I can’t believe this is my life right now I just can’t, I’m so upset I can ruin my future my love my everything my whole life with this, I can’t even have sex or masterbate because of this and I’m thinking about sex 24/7 because I’m so anxious to make love to my bf when before ocd THIS WAS NEVER A PROBLEM I would just daydream about making love to my partner and get turned on and wet easily, now even when I try to daydream about my bf, kids will pop up in sexual ways in my head and I CANT DO IT why am I daydreaming kids doing sexual things THERES NO WAY I’m suppose to just “sit with the thoughts” or “focus on breathing” while imagining those things so realistically in detail or remember my real event and memories of that and just meditate or still masterbate as a ERP technique, because if I’m masterbating to the thoughts and my thoughts are of children how does that not mess up your brain OR atleast trick your brain into thinking you are a pedo??!?? Even to like certain body parts of a child WHY AM I SEXUALIZING THEM like what the heck???? My brain soooooo confused can I actually get help or am I just too fucked….. I am diagnosed with ocd but I might be the one person that doesn’t have ocd and is just becoming a pedo….and that’s unfortunately the only way I got turned on was daydreaming about my bf or other people my age,me just touching myself with no thoughts don’t do anything, or “just feeling my body” it doesn’t do anything, but regardless I can’t even tell when I’m horny or not and it’s so dry down there I can’t even do anything regardless OCD messed up my brain AND my body…. WHAT CAN I DO I am just at such a lost how am I suppose to live with POCD can I never have sex again?!!??! am I the one that’s making up these thoughts maybe because of the guilt I have from my real event OCD? I don’t even know anymore doesn’t matter anyway because I can’t control anything that I’m thinking I can’t shower I can’t work I can’t live my life right now and I have no motivation for anything because if I am I don’t want to live any More… I’m sorry I can’t do this is this really it for me? Please anyone that can help me understand this…..I hate that I did that as a teen it has caused me confusion and guilt I know I learned from then but now my ocd has ruined me

I'm a 22yrs woman and I suffer from POCD and I learned recently that pedophilia isn't just about getting attracted to children/teens but also getting attracted to the features/characteristics of a child/teen too and I was like HOLY SH*T I always find men with clean shaved beard more attractive! OH NO!! Could l be a pedo?🤮😭 Is that means I'm attracted to teens? and I started searching and ruminating about that and I can't have a clear answer! I thought it was just a preference! like I get attracted to clean shaved men who are Grown up adults in the same age as me early to mid 20s and even/most of the times who older in their 30s! like they're old and seem old to me but just without a beard! and this even my preferences from my teenage era, back when when l was 15, l looked at my classmates who have beards and still find them more handsome without it! like most of the time l couldn't see the hype over beards and liked men in old movies who doesn't have it. and I also thought it was just fashion and a trend thing! like men in black and white movies or even in the 90s most of them were without beards! and they were grown adults in 20s and 30s and even 40s and older! I mean like the bridgeton mens? Mr.Darcy? Lord Guildford Dudley from lady Jane? Jake Peralta from Brooklyn 99? Henry Cavill? Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock? All of them are clean shaved and Do they look like they're under 20 in any circumstances??! they're just look more fresh and they glow up. And this is this trend on TikTok of a filter who removes mens' beards and they're overacting like I look like a child! I'm a toddler! I'm like 14 yrs old again! and when someone says that no they're handsome without the beard the comments eat them up and tell them that they're pedo and into kids! like no! a beard doesn't make that much change! you could look younger of course but not that young, you know what I mean? and to be honest yes there is something a little wrong with the filter it's not realistic and after observation l think because it removes the roots of the hair too, you know what I mean? so they could kinda look like they can't grow a beard like childs but it just because it's a filter it's more like they're putting foundation over it but them without beards over all doesn't look like they're in highschool or childs in most of the videos and if you ignore the part of the unrealisticty of the filter. and I even sometimes like men with beard and find it attractive but just prefer clean shaved! but my mind tells me they're pedo who are attracted to both adults and kids and see you. look like you could be one of them, you just say you have OCD but I think You're attracted to teenagers maybe not kids but I think you're attracted to teenagers! I just hate this stupid mind! like I never thought that beard thing as something like this l swear and they really look like they're adults in clean shaved, that is different from teens who are clean shaved or can't grow a beard! what I find attractive they look like they're adults and ARE adults l even check to see their age. IS there something wrong with me? Do I have a problem? Is it normal to find men with clean shaved attractive? 😭

my rocd is causing intrusive thoughts on the lines of "what if I like this guy and im attracted to him and i dont like my partner and ive mentally checked out of the relationship" and with other people too, but this one guy is a minor!! at least I'm under the impression that he is from what I've been told. I am freaking out. it's such a hard day and on top of all of it i can't stop thinking about if me and my parents are at a point where we need to breakup or if we are going to be okay. Everything feels like it's crumbling down and im stuck at work doing mark downs, no distractions. Just these awful gut feelings that make me believe I just need to isolate and not be around anyone for their sake.

Hi everyone, Im posting this because I’m feeling quite deflated after a bit of a spike with my OCD. I’ve had several themes, one of them being around my relationship. I’ve been with my partner for nearly 7 years. We’re in a very strong relationship and have been through a lot with my mental health. He’s been an absolute saint throughout the whole journey and I could never thank him enough. I had a very severe obsession about me being unfaithful/having feelings for someone else. It was about a male friend from work who I was pretty close with, he was really a lovely guy and was there for me through a lot of other life things that were going on at the time. We used to go on a lot of work nights out, I didn’t have the best relationship with alcohol, and it was definitely a coping mechanism during the tough life circumstances at the time. There was one night where this friend stroked my leg in the taxi on the way home and I didn’t stop him. fast forward 2 years later, I remembered this said event, which I’d obviously forgotten about and it spiralled out of control. I made myself very ill. It was before I knew I had OCD, or even knew what OCD actually was. The compulsions were horrendous - confessing again and again, checking memories, convincing myself things happened when they didn’t. I convinced myself that I had feelings for him. It was a very hard time. After a long recovery and seeking help/medication, I overcame this theme. However occasionally there are small triggers. Such as recently, we have been watching a TV show where the main character has an affair. It has brought all of those feelings back. I just feel totally devastated and ashamed. Of all the themes I’ve had, of harm and even POCD. This one hits me the hardest. I think it’s because I love my partner so much and the thought of losing him breaks my heart. I’m truly holding out that this will be just a blip, and will surpass. But I can’t help feeling that these triggers are going to come for the rest of my life and the thought of having to deal with feeling like I don’t deserve my relationship every so often is terrifying. I’m so sorry for such a depressing (and long) post. I just needed a place to express these feelings as it would be very hard for someone without OCD to understand. Any advice for these feelings would be very appreciated 💕

I’ve had sexual thoughts that get so bad I used to cry daily. Today I tried to sit down and let the thoughts be there and I didn’t really feel anxiety? Does this mean I acted on the thoughts or I wanted the thoughts? There was a specific event like two days ago that I’ve been constantly having anxiety about because after the event I started getting sexual images and then I wondered if I actually did that. For the past two days life has been so bad. Today I woke up and I replayed the events step by step and I couldn’t find when I could’ve acted on the thoughts, so that gave me relief. Then I tried sitting with the thoughts, and the thoughts that once made me cry and feel so bad didn’t really feel like anything. Am I in denial? Just yesterday I was thinking the worst and that I couldn’t handle any of this anymore. I know replying events is a bad thing too but I needed to know for sure if I acted on my thoughts. My thoughts are so bad and the thing is if I did act on them I’d never be able to forgive myself. I notice in the moment I didn’t really feel anxiety like I did but I got so much anxiety the day after everything happened and then I wondered if I did something bad. Can someone please help?

I feel like no one cares about me... Im struggling in college and it just feels like I cant catch a break... Ive made bad choices that make me a bad person... I have to be uncertain about worst case POCD scenarios that may or may not have happened unknowingly... I genuinely dont feel like any one cares about me... and if I pass away, ill be laughed at and forgotten by everyone... Im alone with no gf, barely any friends, and I cant even be certain that my POCD fears of unknowingly cybering with a minor did or didnt happen... im stuck in hell...

This can be triggering for some people. A bit of my story. About four days ago I started having really bad anxiety along with intrusive thoughts about my friend. Let's call him A. Really graphic sexual images along with the words "You want to have sex with him" it sent me into a spiral of paralyzing anxiety and doing compulsions all day everyday. We had developed a close friendship but I did not and still do not see him as anything more than a friend or brother. I've always loved women had women this guy is even my wingman to set up dates with girls lol Right now my thoughts had fluctuates from having sex with him to being in love with him and I am very disturbed by this. I'm not in love with this guy. I like him as a friend as my brother. I've done everything I could to avoid him that if I didn't say the phrases right or if I didn't remind he was my friend something bad would happen. To try and combat the thoughts it just doesn't go away. And everytime I describe this situation (even now) I feel anxiety and not at all a good feeling. It's gross absolutely gross to even imagine my best friend in a sexual or romantic light I feel as if I'm losing control. That something horrible will happen. I also had a thought about him and other of our group being in an accident and dying I felt awful. I also have an appointment with a specialist next week. I just want someone to talk right now because I feel alone. Very alone I have this feeling on impending doom.

Don’t read if you easily get sick by gross topics!!! ——— ——- —— —- — - My stress with POCD, has been so bad, that my poop is literally liquid, and my stomach keeps rumbling when I’m stressed, I have not ate anything that was bad nor do I have a stomach bug problem right now

Me and my cat were laying down and she went to bite my belly ring and it gave me a weird sensation and a groinal response, I got curious and also anxious and flicked my belly ring to see if my cat would do the same thing and I got the same feeling, and yes it did give me the same feeling and I hate it because that happens anytime my cat licks me or their nose touches me or anything it’s like the groinal response is automatic and I’m scared I violated my cat by having them bite my belly ring again and I just hate this. Also my intrusive thoughts and groinal responses are way worse when I just wake up and or tired. This whole belly ring thing happened when I was tired and I remember having some intrusive thoughts that were not good I can’t remember exactly and it just seems like the groinal response is genuine arousal and idk what to do I just hate this super bad I just wanna cry and scream and crawl out of my skin

TW. Also long post ahead . I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past 10 years. I’m 32 years old . I didn’t get diagnosed with OCD until this year. I was always diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, and depression. I don’t have your typical compulsions. Mine are mostly all mental. Reassurance seeking, avoidance , repeating a prayer , etc . I have three main themes . Schizophrenia OCD, sexual orientation OCD, and HIV. Sometimes i deal with harm OCD and POCD but my main big three are the ones I listed first . I feel like the schizophrenic OCD is the most debilitating for me. For the last ten years I’ve been thinking I’m losing my mind . I thought once I got to a certain age the fear would go away but it hasn’t and is in full force . I’m constantly checking my surroundings, what I’m hearing, how I’m acting , questioning if things are real and so on . Now I do have times where this theme doesn’t bother me . It’s put on the back burner . I go through cycles . But when I’m focusing on this theme I feel like I’m hearing stuff . Most of the time I can’t make it out but recently I feel like I’ve been hearing a whisper saying “hey” . It mainly happens at night . It sends me into a complete panic and I feel like “this is it “ I’m seeing an OCD therapist and she recommended me to go to this psychiatric place in town to get meds to help my anxiety from the OCD. My last psychiatrist always pushed the newest medicine and was constantly changing up my regimen. I thought I would give it a try. WORST IDEA EVER . Keep in mind my therapist gave me a letter to give to her explaining I have been diagnosed with OCD and explaining it . She doesn't think I have OCD at all. She wanted to put me on an antipsychotic so me with my OCD brain . I asked her if she thought I was psychotic . She said I was nearing psychosis . She called me interesting . She feels like I have major depressive disorder . I'm just at a loss for words. It was honestly the strangest meeting I have had with a psychiatrist. It was very unprofessional. She has no idea the damage she has done nor do I think she cares. I just don't know what to Believe in anymore ... We met for approximately 45 minutes . First time ever meeting. I just want to cry and I’m freaking out 😢

I’ll list some key things with my main subtype, and I hope that I can get some erp advice, but it’s okay if not, I know nobody is my therapist..! 1. I have this thing where when I feel false attraction about a k!d, I will be immediately convinced and say “that means I am?” “I am attracted” “I feel attracted?” “He’s attractive” not to be weird but I panic and say these because I don’t want them, and I feel like I agree with it, this makes me feel like a bad person when I say them (sometimes I can’t help it when I get really stressed) what can I do for this to be better? 2. My brain will give me an intrusive question, asking if I’d do this,this or that, and I feel like agreeing or saying yes to this, sometimes I will hear a yes and I’ll freak out 3. When I get triggered by a photo, I have to keep checking and checking (this will always last forever) till I’m sure that I think the photo is cute or adorable and not in any way that I feel false attraction Whenever I feel convinced, I feel bad that I feel convinced and it’ll say “well if you were a good person, why do you allow yourself to get convinced even if you know you aren’t this”