Welcome to
the NOCD Community

i’ve done so many horrible things and i’m just so scared that i don’t deserve anything good in life

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling right now and could use some support from people who understand OCD and how it twists things. I’m stuck in a spiral about a fear that I know is likely irrational, but it still feels terrifying and real. I recently woke up with a small, light scratch on my face. It looks just like scratches I’ve had before — possibly from my cat, who sleeps near me, or from scratching myself in my sleep. But my OCD latched onto a very specific fear: “What if a bat got into my room while I was sleeping and scratched me?” Here’s why my brain went there: A few days earlier, my mom went into the attic, and yesterday realized the attic door might not have been fully closed — maybe slightly cracked open. When I pulled on it, it made a thud, like it clicked shut tighter. Now OCD keeps telling me: • “What if it had been open for a couple of days?” • “What if a bat flew in, scratched you, and left?” • “What if this scratch is from a bat and you didn’t feel it — and now you’ll get rabies?” Even though: • I’ve had many similar scratches before with normal explanations • My cat didn’t act weird, didn’t chase anything, and shows no signs of reacting to anything in the room • I’ve seen no signs of a bat — no droppings, sounds, or sightings • we’ve never had bats in the house • I know the odds of this happening are minuscule …my brain keeps demanding 100% certainty. It’s obsessing over what ifs and convincing me I’m in danger — not because of evidence, but because I feel like I need to be absolutely sure I’m safe. I’m aware this is reassurance-seeking, but I’m also trying to step outside the spiral and ask for reality checks from people who understand. Has anyone else had OCD latch onto rabies or animal exposure fears like this? Or fears about scratches and feeling like you missed something? Had a similar worry about rabies last year due to a mark behind my ear yet nothing came of it

For context: ive been diagnosed with arfid. But my brain refuses to accept it and that i don’t have an issue with eating. So this past weekend has been anything but chill. Today felt like the tip of the iceberg. My mom called me out for having an irrational fear of food textures, food appearances, and smells i find distasteful and told me i just let myself get too carried away by the “what if” “could be” “might be” “looks like/smells like/tastes like..” thoughts. I just have to get over it essentially and stop giving it too much meaning. Its ridiculous. I was taken aback cos we weren’t even talking about food to begin with and it just sort of came up with her. Still in disbelief and so frustrated. Seriously thinking about just isolating myself and not talk to anyone about anything cos i don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi. I'm just sort of feeling kind of shitty and in moments like these I tend to swing to one extreme or the other, like methodicially and intensely trying to pull apart every piece of what I am feeling and why, determine what is a "real" problem and what is just a bad mood, and take action to "fix" myself, the problem, or ensure that future me will fix it by setting reminders, planning, or just generally freaking out lol. That can all be a bit compulsive, but I don't want to do my other thing, which is just aggressively ignore or try to deny my feelings because they are "not real" or I just need to "let them go". But I'm feeling a little frozen in my fears so I am hoping de-tangling it a bit in words here will be a good middle ground. I'm about to be a senior in college, and I live in the city where my school is. I haven't seen my family for a bit and I am currently spending a weekend with them at the beach. Today was just kind of rough and has made the past, present, and future collide in my head, fanning fears of both external problems and the fear of fear itself, the fear of OCD spirals. I want to more specically describe the problems I have been having since starting college, but I guess for getting through today that isn't really the point. I guess just....I've been trying to create a life for myself and become someone who is strong enough to live it. I have ADHD and OCD and sometimes it just feels like half my energy goes to functioning through that, and the other half goes to resisting the OCD-urge to spiral about the future, to fear I'll let my life fall apart or won't be able to fix the normal, big and small problems life brings. Today has just felt.....hard. I ate something that made me really sick last night, and I didn't take my normal dose of Adderall today or yesterday which can just make me sort of sleepy. On both phsyical counts, I think I'm fine and don't really feel bad anymore, it just sort of triggered some overthinking. I feel scared that feeling kind of tired has/will effect my ability to enjoy what is supposed to be a relaxing time, or that I won't' have as much energy as I should to do things with my family and will disspoint them. I'm scared that the journey back to the city tomorrow will be chaotic and awful, and that when I return I will continue to make mistakes that put me in negative cycles. Strangely, I'm kind of aware that all of these concerns are either possibly not going to happen, or are just things I definetely cannot do anything about right now. I'm just sort of...frustrated that I can't easily shove away worries I know to be "illogical" and deeply afraid of spiraling deeper. All of these different things overlapping right now just sort of make me feel like I've failed. Failed to.....I don't know, resist compulsions and get over them faster, accomplish things in life and school faster/more, be less socially anxious. Failed to get on the right track, to make any kind of progress. Strangely, a lot of the discomfort I'm feeling in this moment indirectly sort of comes from things I am doing "right", to break cycles. I didn't bring my meds because I want to work on the discomfort I feel with spending time without the goal of productivity, I don't have an exact plan for everything I need to do and I have not psyched myself up to tackled my most urgent goals when I get home because I've also been working on finding ways of doing uncomfortable things that don't involve motivating myself through terror when I can't do anything about it. I'm letting myself take time to cry about all these feelings and write this out here because I don't want to deny myself what I need to get better because I feel like I shouldn't need it. I'm hoping, in a way, even the shitty day I've had today is a sign of progress, my OCD desperately seeking a host in fear of fear because I am beating other compulsions. I think there's also something to be said for the unserious but still powerful issue of just fucking being on vacation with your extended family. Like....its hard to take a moment to cry it out or calm yourself down when you're sharing a bedroom with your mom and sister. I'm feeling glad I'm going home tomorrow, scared of how I might feel when I do, and I guess....fearful of what it means that I wasn't "able" to enjoy myself for the whole time I was here. But those feelings do feel much more distant, after writing this. The time will pass and I will go home regardless. When I get home, maybe I will make "better" choices or be "stronger", maybe I will dig a deep hole for myself. Either way, that's not my burden right now or today. I've tried that method and it didn't get me what I want.

I fear my own mind, and the intrusive thoughts and obsessions that come with it. I'm 19 years old and am so scared that I put up so many walls that it comes down to so much that it makes me sometimes spiral. It hurts to show vulnerability. Some of these thoughts involve children, and its especially easy to hurt a child these days with the presence of the internet. I just want to improve and get back to where I was before all of this. I want my life back.

When you get an intrusive thought and intentionally try to ignore it and act as if it doesn't exist, you only validate it's existence. This is a common issue when learning how to deal with them

OCD master post Do's and don'ts of ocd: Don't : Try to ignore (avoidance) Try to make sense of it (Ruminate) Act on it (compulsion) Argue with it (basically Ruminating) Distract yourself in spite of it (avoidance) All of the above will make ocd worse and does not work. Do: Acknowledge it Accept uncertainty Redirect your attention once acknowledged to something else Have healthy distractions available (try to use different ones every now and then to avoid creating a compulsion) Exaggerate the thought until its ridiculous, borderline unrealistic and funny. Respond with "maybe, maybe not", " sure", "cool", "thanks, you do you, I'm gonna do my thing, feel free to stay though" The above responses can train your mind to not deem them as threats and over time will trigger the fight or flight response less and less. You'll most likely make mistakes here and there but as long as you stay vigilant and don't get complacent, this should help. Ironic process theory and our internal alarm system: https://youtu.be/xoSlOnUuw-U?feature=shared Ironic process theory is to do with attachment and the idea of non-existence. The more we try to not think about something that already exists as a thought the more it'll prove it exists and demands your attention. With attachment, people tend to ignore or argue against in spite of the thought. If you do this you are doing it because of the thought, therefore giving it more life. Thirdly your brain will start to set an internal alarm via thoughts and hormones or even bodily reactions every time you are stressed, just to see if you're not stressed about that trigger even if it's not what triggered you in the moment. To combat this, you'll need to find a way to deal with the thoughts directly and let them be and get through it via Erp, or being able to accept the thought as a thought and redirecting your attention without attachment (despite or regardless of the thoughts) Erp done effectively: When you do Erp in therapy sessions, it's done in a controlled way and on your own terms. A lot of people make the mistake of only doing it in therapy with only ocd related themes. Truth is, you can do it with any level of discomfort and it's good to practice whenever you can as long as you're mindful of other people. When you're doing it out of therapy and on your own terms, you challenge a potential trigger and then welcome the feeling that follows. I find welcoming or accepting the feelings existence helps a lot. I would welcome the fear and all the horrible feelings until I'm crying and trembling and on the edge of a panic attack, the feeling always fades and trains your brain not to deem it as a threat anymore. No more ocd firedrills. Why practice is valuable. Imagine you have a boxing match with an opponent coming up, and that opponent is tough. They train every day, and you don't train at all. Who do you think will win when the day of the fight comes around? The opponent of course. So train yourself so you stand a fighting chance or risk getting your butt kicked every time OCD enters the ring. Hormones and circadian ryhtm: So the circadian rhythm is your internal body clock. Your hormones learn patterns and release at certain times of day. Usually based on the amount of sunlight exposure you get. Cortisol the stress hormone is the one to wake us up and if you do not find a way to deal with those hormones first thing, your ocd alarm will go off and bring up scenarios or thoughts to fill in the gap as to why your body is stressed. ERP, Exercise, breathing meditations, cold plunges are great for the morning to eliminate excess cortisol. Sunlight helps too, roughly 30 minute exposures is enough to help keep your circadian rhythm healthy. Melatonin kicks in when it starts to get dark or you've went through your hormone reserves for the day. The more you go through in a healthy way, the better you'll sleep. Rough neuro science explanation : https://youtu.be/BJshegpcFv8?feature=shared So your brain will use one of 2 pathways to process external stimuli. The direct pathway, being the shortest route to process in case of a threat or perceived threat. This pathway is dominant in those who have ocd. The there's the indirect pathway which takes longer but is related to rationalising thoughts. This pathway is used less by people with ocd. This pathway requires sufficient seratonin levels in order to be used and that's why SSRIs are popular medications for people with ocd. Food and drink consumption: So I tested myself based on lots of personal research around what we put in our body and how it effects ocd. Sugar, fructose and glucose levels spike quite quickly depending on your source. It can lead your body being stressed and releasing the corresponding hormones to notify you are stressed, then your brain will try fill in the gap whether you're aware of this or not. Whole fruits tend to be the best source as they contain fibre, acting as a slow release of energy rather than flooding your system. Caffeine has the same effect without question, and also screws up your circadian rhythm if not taken at sensible times. Trans fats, saturated fats and processed foods are also bad. These may not effect your brain as quickly as sugar or caffeine but stress your body over a slower and longer period. All of the above are not just inflammatories for your muscles and organs, they are neuro inflammatories, making it much harder for your brain to use the indirect pathway for rationalising your thoughts, therefore supporting the direct neuropathway and your usual OCD patterns. The foods I started to eat are heavy in anti inflammatories to help my brain function better, anti oxidants to help lower the stress in my body, and food that support seratonin production to promote the use of the indirect neural pathway. The list below is vegan friendly, but you can look into this to suit your preferred needs ●Tryptophan - leafy greens, sunflower seeds, water cress, soy beans, pumpkin seeds, mushrooms, brocoli, peas ●vit b6 - nutritional yeast, muesli, avacado, pistachio nuts, butternut squash, banana, quinoa, brown spaghetti, chestnuts, hazelnuts, oranges, tahini, potatoes, chickpeas, kidney beans, peanuts ●higher b12 complex - yeast extract, Soya milk, almond milk, tofu, tempeh, seaweed, beetroot ●Vit D - portobello mushrooms, shitake mushrooms, orange juice, soya yoghurt ●zinc - beans, cashew nuts, Lentils, chia seeds, linseed, hemp seeds, wholemeal bread, blackberries, pomegranate juice, spinach, strawberries, pecan nuts, Brazil nuts, oatmeal ●Complex carbs - quinoa, brown rice, peas, corn, sweet potatoes, barley, lentils, nuts, legumes ●Thiamine / Vit b1 - beans, peas, legumes, nuts, brown rice ●Monounsaturated fats - extra virgin olive oil, other oils, nuts and avacados ●Vit c - guava, peppers, kiwi, mango, papaya, strawberries, brocoli ●Polyphenols - berries, dark chocolate, cocoa powder, nuts, flax seeds, olives, green tea, artichoke, red grapes, spinach ●Antioxidant - Brocoli, spinach, carrots, potatoes, artichoke, cabbage, beetroot, kale, spices ●Anti inflammatories - olive oil, avacado, walnuts, tomatoes, dark chocolate, leafy greens, brocoli, ginger, turmeric, berries, grapes, chia seeds, pepper, garlic, spirulina ●Raisins, red wine, grapes Mindfulness and being in the moment: So our brains do not know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat and will react the same regardless of how we can rationalise it. A lot of us are stuck in the past or the future and mindfulness promotes being present. The past and future are both illusions of the mind. They are not happening now but our ocd brains react as if they are real. Anything that is not happening now isn't real. So practicing anything that will pull you closer to the present moment will help to ground you in reality. Everything that doesnt exist in the present is infinite and we cannot be certain of any of it, all we can be certain of is the here and now. Core values, self judgement and breaking the cycle : A lot of us are stuck in cycles, going around and around. These cycles are due to a lot of our core values and the thoughts/ past actions not lining up with the. These can be caused by trauma and/ or conditioning. Usually we can't let go because something clashed with the way in which we judge things, but the problem doesn't actually lie in our focus, but the values in which we judge them. The problem isn't what we weigh, but the scale itself. This is where it can get tricky, especially if what we think feels justified. It's not that your judging the scenario, actions or thoughts incorrectly, it's that your values are a bit on the extreme side. For example, I had harm ocd for 2 years and it was telling me to hurt everyone and everything in every way possible. This theme came about because I had a random intrusive thought once that clashed with my extreme values on morals having been raised by a reformed ex gangster and animal rights activist. The fault was caused by the conditioning I received. So when you go into therapy, please try to understand your conditioning and challenge them through Erp and some self compassion because it's not your fault. Where the fault lies does not matter, because that doesn't change what you need to do. You have to heal yourself regardless of it all.

Are intrusive memories a thing? Because I have memories pop up throughout the day, usually regrets or mistakes from when I was younger, but it's almost uncontrollable? It sort of feels like I'm testing myself to see if the memories still make me anxious or something. I can't tell if I'm willingly thinking of them or if they just invite themselves in. They're just always at the front of my thoughts unless I'm really engaged with something else or out and about with other people... I'm trying to treat them like I do with intrusive thoughts, but occasionally, it's like I can't resist NOT ruminating on these past events. I try not to, but then that only makes them more persistent. I'm just curious if anyone's dealt with this or possibly has advice? I'm guessing I'll just have to sit with it. I don't think I've asked about this before, but I might be wrong lol. I forget easily 😭 I'll probably speak with my psychiatrist about this, too, but our next appointment isn't until August. She's not an OCD specialist or haver, so I thought I'd ask here, just in case anyone can help! 🤍

This is gonna be a long one: So a little over a month and a half ago, my OCD started to spiral again. I’ve had ups and downs with it in the past, my main themes often changing. When I was younger it as afraid I’d run away, in middle school it was germs. But as I got older I started having intrusive thoughts of the meaning of life, suicide, and dying, with those fears being my common themes now I’ve gotten a lot better since it started back up, but lately have been panicking because I’ve had intrusive thoughts that my methods of trying to heal are wrong. I’m 21, and for the last 3 years have lacked ambition and haven’t pursued my dreams or things I want to do. I just sleep, work, eat junk food, and play games or watch YouTube on my time off. Things I still love, but after years of living this way, I’ve hit a breaking point and want to start doing more with my life and the people in it Yet, almost EVERY new thing I’ve been trying to do or start, I’ve been having thoughts that they’re wrong or won’t help. Here’s some examples: I’ve started trying to eat a bit healthier, and my brain is telling me it’s not gonna fix me and I’m just avoiding food I like (junk I know makes me tired and sad). Then the moment I indulge in even one unhealthy food item, it tells me I’m failing at taking better care of myself and that junk food just numbs the feelings Same with video games. I tell myself it’s okay to play them as long as it’s not to avoid anything or they don’t take up my life like they have been. The second I do I feel guilty, say it’s cheap dopamine and hindering me from being productive and that I’m numbing my feelings again Same story for everything. Trying to walk and go outside more. Head tells me I’m avoiding being home because it makes me anxious. Then when I stay home it tells me I’m wasting time I could be spending outside or with people I love I’ll wanna spend time with my family or friends because I’ve been a hermit for years and miss spending time with them. When I try to, head tells me I can’t because then I’m avoiding the issues I have and seeking reassurance, and that I need to learn to tolerate this alone. But then when I stay home too long, I get anxious and sad because it does make me happy being around them even if I’m not seeking reassurance, and they genuinely do help me feel better (for example I saw my grandparents last night and talked about my feelings and desire to actually go out and live life, and they helped me understand uncertainty is part of life and I should do things I want anyways and even helped come up with things I may like to try doing. Now my brain tells me it’s bad to get help or open up about my pain) I’ll have racing thoughts in my head and I’ll be arguing with myself over rather it’s better to face them head on, ignore them, or let them run their course. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m feeling guilty and shame for it. As if any attempt at feeling pleasure or doing something that makes me happy is “avoiding the problem”, like I HAVE to focus on my intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and sadness 24/7 otherwise I’m “avoiding/burying it again” I know not to avoid these things and it’s best to confront them (if they’re real problems I have like relationship issues and insecurities and loneliness) and learn to tolerate the anxiety and uncertainty of life and OCD, but my attempts at “helping myself” are quite literally what I feel is currently keeping me so miserable. They’re sucking whatever joy I have in life out, telling me it’s bad, and that I have to feel this way all the time so I can “learn to tolerate it” I’m just so scared of doing all of this wrong, and I think my OCD I knows that and is currently using that to toy with me. I want to be healthier and happier, but then I feel guilt and fear for not being healthy 24/7 and indulging in not healthy things like video games and the occasional junk food. Anybody else ever felt this way?

I had a really bad nightmare revolving around one of my big themes and I woke up with the panic still left over the dream as if it was real and I kept thinking about the situations. I tried to tell myself it was just a dream, but then it made me question real life. So then it was a cycle of ruminating about the events as though they were real and my reality which really messed me up bc my biggest theme right now is becoming schizophrenic/catatonic/"crazy." I feel stuck in a loop, I've tried saying the "maybes" and even talking to my partner about other things but it just keeps looping in my head "am I crazy?" "I can't differentiate between dreams" "I feel like I'm stuck in my head and I can't even talk". Any tips? I feel like I'm at the crescendo of my 20 years (lifelong) ocd due to stress from moving soon.

im very anxious i asked for advice on reddit for how to stop thinking of a trigger word and reacting bad to it and this one of the responses i get the one circled in red. i feel im just being constantly called ‘mad’ for thinking a trigger word

In the last few days I have managed to drastically reduce compulsions. I have made good progress but the brain fog that I may be a bad person and that the world and my interactions aren’t real still persists. Any tips to address this? I’m not reacting to any of it which is uncomfortable.

so I scheduled my free call today, then I had this anxiety that maybe I shouldn't do this, I dont have ocd, im faking it all, blah blah. So I canceled it- fear that I'll waste there time and yeah. I also fear I'll get locked into paying for something I dont need even though this call is free, and also think i was lying to them for attention as I think all my symptoms are fake and it's all in my head and im just dramatic😅 Idk if this was a mistake or not, I want to know i rlly do but that nagging fear is stopping me.(sorry if i repeated anything)

I sit on a swivel chair sometimes and when people get too close to me I move the chair away from them cause I don’t wanna go crazy and move it towards their groin. But one time someone was super close to the swivel chair like they were making contact with it and I had a thought of what if I move it towards their body and I felt the need to move the chair an inch towards them and so I moved it quickly and without hesitation and idk why like I must be crazy tbh. There is also this vague sense of wrongness attached to the memory. It is present right before the movement. It almost feels like I remember thinking an evil thought or having bad intentions but just don’t really remember. I try to prevent stuff from happening but this time I snapped I guess. Also I wasn’t anxious at all until afterwards. I was in a good mood at the time. I know OCD can cause urges but it feels like I remember turning bad/evil before I did it. Idk anymore. I just can’t live like this anymore. I’m terrified of myself

Can anyone share any success stories regarding Pure/Real Event OCD? I think I just want some uplifting news more than anything, though this may read as reassurance seeking… not sure what counts and what doesn’t. So any education on that may be helpful too. Many thanks!!

i feel so lost. my religious ocd involves sexual intrusive images right now about Jesus, and it's really killing me. it keeps flashing in my mind and I feel so bad and in pain. i feel so dirty and disgusting because of it. i really respect Jesus and i love Him so much. i always saw Him as a Father because He has a father figure. now, i don't know what to feel anymore because of those sexual intrusive images. it is traumatizing and terrifying. i hate that my ocd creates images of Jesus as bad and tries to put the blame on Him. i'm trying my best to fight it and put the blame on myself. i feel like my relationship with Him is slowly getting ruined. for me, it's all my fault because of my ocd brain. i want to feel what i normally feel toward Jesus. i hate that my ocd needs to do this. i hate the feelings that I'm liking it even though I never like it. i feel unforgivable and condemned. i can't take anymore of what my ocd keeps throwing at me. i feel like I'm going crazy. i feel disrespectful. i feel so disgusting. i feel like i'm not comfortable in my own body. last night i broke down because of it. it is so heavy and too much to carry. i'm thinking that this might be my punishment for the constant blasphemous thoughts and doubts caused by my OCD.

So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.

In a weeks I will traver around Europe with an interrail pass. My fear focus in the idea that if I am really tired and anxious will get 1. Depressed and I will not be able to do nothing 2. Start a new OCD spiral so intense that can make me suicidal. Last year before going to an specialist and understand how OCD works I studied in other country for summer, I was living alone and OCD was terrible at a point that I was writing all days to not emergency hotlines because I had this fear that the feelings I was having would be forever This experience has follow me in all my travels and, this being the most difficult, is again, playing with me. I will travel, I don't want my OCD to stop me doing things I really want but the closer the day gets, the more the excitement about the trip fades. So yes this travel is perfect for ERP but at the same time I am anxious about finding balance between resting but without it becoming an avoidance (that summer I also didn't go on many excursions due to exhaustion so I don't want this to happen to me again and spent all my day in the hostel sleeping) When I travel with other people I force myself to be functional which help to enjoy more my travels but alone... like right now takes me 1 hour to wake up in my house because of morning anxiety, being tired will do this more difficult If you have tips or experience I will be glad. Even with fear I want to do this travel

I have lived with OCD forever but I haven’t had a major flare up since I was like 8 years old… I feel like I will never be normal again. I’m a mom to two kids we just bought a house and I have my dream job and I just got a new car and I can’t SNAP out of it… I keep obsessing that I’m going to be stuck feeling like this forever. It originally started with “what if” I harm my kids because I snap and not it’s basically turned into I’ll never be or feel normal again and this is it. I will never be able to care for my kids alone again, and this is the new me. Can anyone relate? I want to take SSRI but I’m so scared I took it for 2 days and I had immense depression where I wanted to like run away from myself… Please help, I’m also spinning on the fact I need to go to an in patient facility to be normal and I feel so guilty since I have 2 kids, any insight would be greatly appreciated!

Have u told ur partners about ur intrusive thoughts? I know you dont have to..but I am curious..And if you dont do you feel guilty ? And like you hide from them? If u do, how do you deal with that?