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How do you obtain knowledge when you doubt your knowledge? What a vile riddle.

As a teenager and in other ways up until age 21, I was just an absolutely horrible person. It wasn't just a one time event that I regret, it was a lifestyle. I was a hedonist and a narcissist to an unbelievable degree and didn't even realize it. I read people's stories on here related to their real events and I just feel that I've done so much worse so it fuels this feeling that I'm unredeemable. And again it's not like I just made "one mistake." I was living under such a cloud of self-delusion and non-confrontation that I couldn't even embrace that what I was doing was wrong. Something pulled me out of that one night and I was forced to confront my actions (I believe it was God) but I've been living in this hell that is obsession ever since. I'm so guilty and ashamed and I'm desperate to find redemption. I can't forgive myself and I can't understand why I was the way I was or how on earth I even covered up what I was doing from others and even from myself mentally. I would just put a veil in my mind and not even think it was an issue. It's more likely than not that I am what I fear I am, so I guess trying to unconditionally accept the possibility of being what I fear is the only real way through this. Realistically I deserve all the suffering I'm receiving but I realize I can't have that mindset if I'm to have any hope of recovery. This is unbelievably isolating and I can't talk to anyone because of the risks involved. All I can do is try to limit compulsions, try to (somehow) accept the possibility of the worst case scenario and do my best to serve others.

OCD master post Do's and don'ts of ocd: Don't : Try to ignore (avoidance) Try to make sense of it (Ruminate) Act on it (compulsion) Argue with it (basically Ruminating) Distract yourself in spite of it (avoidance) All of the above will make ocd worse and does not work. Do: Acknowledge it Accept uncertainty Redirect your attention once acknowledged to something else Have healthy distractions available (try to use different ones every now and then to avoid creating a compulsion) Exaggerate the thought until its ridiculous, borderline unrealistic and funny. Respond with "maybe, maybe not", " sure", "cool", "thanks, you do you, I'm gonna do my thing, feel free to stay though" The above responses can train your mind to not deem them as threats and over time will trigger the fight or flight response less and less. You'll most likely make mistakes here and there but as long as you stay vigilant and don't get complacent, this should help. Ironic process theory and our internal alarm system: https://youtu.be/xoSlOnUuw-U?feature=shared Ironic process theory is to do with attachment and the idea of non-existence. The more we try to not think about something that already exists as a thought the more it'll prove it exists and demands your attention. With attachment, people tend to ignore or argue against in spite of the thought. If you do this you are doing it because of the thought, therefore giving it more life. Thirdly your brain will start to set an internal alarm via thoughts and hormones or even bodily reactions every time you are stressed, just to see if you're not stressed about that trigger even if it's not what triggered you in the moment. To combat this, you'll need to find a way to deal with the thoughts directly and let them be and get through it via Erp, or being able to accept the thought as a thought and redirecting your attention without attachment (despite or regardless of the thoughts) Erp done effectively: When you do Erp in therapy sessions, it's done in a controlled way and on your own terms. A lot of people make the mistake of only doing it in therapy with only ocd related themes. Truth is, you can do it with any level of discomfort and it's good to practice whenever you can as long as you're mindful of other people. When you're doing it out of therapy and on your own terms, you challenge a potential trigger and then welcome the feeling that follows. I find welcoming or accepting the feelings existence helps a lot. I would welcome the fear and all the horrible feelings until I'm crying and trembling and on the edge of a panic attack, the feeling always fades and trains your brain not to deem it as a threat anymore. No more ocd firedrills. Why practice is valuable. Imagine you have a boxing match with an opponent coming up, and that opponent is tough. They train every day, and you don't train at all. Who do you think will win when the day of the fight comes around? The opponent of course. So train yourself so you stand a fighting chance or risk getting your butt kicked every time OCD enters the ring. Hormones and circadian ryhtm: So the circadian rhythm is your internal body clock. Your hormones learn patterns and release at certain times of day. Usually based on the amount of sunlight exposure you get. Cortisol the stress hormone is the one to wake us up and if you do not find a way to deal with those hormones first thing, your ocd alarm will go off and bring up scenarios or thoughts to fill in the gap as to why your body is stressed. ERP, Exercise, breathing meditations, cold plunges are great for the morning to eliminate excess cortisol. Sunlight helps too, roughly 30 minute exposures is enough to help keep your circadian rhythm healthy. Melatonin kicks in when it starts to get dark or you've went through your hormone reserves for the day. The more you go through in a healthy way, the better you'll sleep. Rough neuro science explanation : https://youtu.be/BJshegpcFv8?feature=shared So your brain will use one of 2 pathways to process external stimuli. The direct pathway, being the shortest route to process in case of a threat or perceived threat. This pathway is dominant in those who have ocd. The there's the indirect pathway which takes longer but is related to rationalising thoughts. This pathway is used less by people with ocd. This pathway requires sufficient seratonin levels in order to be used and that's why SSRIs are popular medications for people with ocd. Food and drink consumption: So I tested myself based on lots of personal research around what we put in our body and how it effects ocd. Sugar, fructose and glucose levels spike quite quickly depending on your source. It can lead your body being stressed and releasing the corresponding hormones to notify you are stressed, then your brain will try fill in the gap whether you're aware of this or not. Whole fruits tend to be the best source as they contain fibre, acting as a slow release of energy rather than flooding your system. Caffeine has the same effect without question, and also screws up your circadian rhythm if not taken at sensible times. Trans fats, saturated fats and processed foods are also bad. These may not effect your brain as quickly as sugar or caffeine but stress your body over a slower and longer period. All of the above are not just inflammatories for your muscles and organs, they are neuro inflammatories, making it much harder for your brain to use the indirect pathway for rationalising your thoughts, therefore supporting the direct neuropathway and your usual OCD patterns. The foods I started to eat are heavy in anti inflammatories to help my brain function better, anti oxidants to help lower the stress in my body, and food that support seratonin production to promote the use of the indirect neural pathway. The list below is vegan friendly, but you can look into this to suit your preferred needs ●Tryptophan - leafy greens, sunflower seeds, water cress, soy beans, pumpkin seeds, mushrooms, brocoli, peas ●vit b6 - nutritional yeast, muesli, avacado, pistachio nuts, butternut squash, banana, quinoa, brown spaghetti, chestnuts, hazelnuts, oranges, tahini, potatoes, chickpeas, kidney beans, peanuts ●higher b12 complex - yeast extract, Soya milk, almond milk, tofu, tempeh, seaweed, beetroot ●Vit D - portobello mushrooms, shitake mushrooms, orange juice, soya yoghurt ●zinc - beans, cashew nuts, Lentils, chia seeds, linseed, hemp seeds, wholemeal bread, blackberries, pomegranate juice, spinach, strawberries, pecan nuts, Brazil nuts, oatmeal ●Complex carbs - quinoa, brown rice, peas, corn, sweet potatoes, barley, lentils, nuts, legumes ●Thiamine / Vit b1 - beans, peas, legumes, nuts, brown rice ●Monounsaturated fats - extra virgin olive oil, other oils, nuts and avacados ●Vit c - guava, peppers, kiwi, mango, papaya, strawberries, brocoli ●Polyphenols - berries, dark chocolate, cocoa powder, nuts, flax seeds, olives, green tea, artichoke, red grapes, spinach ●Antioxidant - Brocoli, spinach, carrots, potatoes, artichoke, cabbage, beetroot, kale, spices ●Anti inflammatories - olive oil, avacado, walnuts, tomatoes, dark chocolate, leafy greens, brocoli, ginger, turmeric, berries, grapes, chia seeds, pepper, garlic, spirulina ●Raisins, red wine, grapes You can eat all of this and not feel the effect of the benefits. You need to tell your body to produce seratonin through what you do. Stuff like exercise, meditations, and walking in nature will help do this. Mindfulness and being in the moment: So our brains do not know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat and will react the same regardless of how we can rationalise it. A lot of us are stuck in the past or the future and mindfulness promotes being present. The past and future are both illusions of the mind. They are not happening now but our ocd brains react as if they are real. Anything that is not happening now isn't real. So practicing anything that will pull you closer to the present moment will help to ground you in reality. Everything that doesnt exist in the present is infinite and we cannot be certain of any of it, all we can be certain of is the here and now. Core values, self judgement and breaking the cycle : A lot of us are stuck in cycles, going around and around. These cycles are due to a lot of our core values and the thoughts/ past actions not lining up with the. These can be caused by trauma and/ or conditioning. Usually we can't let go because something clashed with the way in which we judge things, but the problem doesn't actually lie in our focus, but the values in which we judge them. The problem isn't what we weigh, but the scale itself. This is where it can get tricky, especially if what we think feels justified. It's not that your judging the scenario, actions or thoughts incorrectly, it's that your values are a bit on the extreme side. For example, I had harm ocd for 2 years and it was telling me to hurt everyone and everything in every way possible. This theme came about because I had a random intrusive thought once that clashed with my extreme values on morals having been raised by a reformed ex gangster and animal rights activist. The fault was caused by the conditioning I received. So when you go into therapy, please try to understand your conditioning and challenge them through Erp and some self compassion because it's not your fault. Where the fault lies does not matter, because that doesn't change what you need to do. You have to heal yourself regardless of it all.

does anyone else have this? when I had panic attacks in the past I’d fear death, but now I’m more afraid of losing myself and being taken over by some psychotic version of me. It makes every panic attack that much more debilitating , because I’m fearing losing my brain, my future, everything…and never going back to normal.

I really need help. I am severely dissociated to where I can’t feel joy for anything at all. I’m stuck crying all the time. I have a history of emotional abuse from my father growing up so it’s made it really hard to trust people. He verbally abused me and never made me feel good enough. Then he died when I was 21 and I dont remember him telling me he loved me even then. Or a time when he meant it unless I accimplished something. It always felt empty. I tend to sabotage relationships and don’t mean to and find flaws in everything. I even get jealous of children and never wanted any in fears that I wouldn’t be as loved as much as them. And fear I would bring on the traits to them that my father did to me. I realize everything I do is an OCD compulsion and also I have such deep rooted fears. Fear of the future, but also the past. I loop about my husbands appearance even though I love him dearly and I dont want to think that way and it makes me sick. I think about the past and how he brought up things in confidence after we got married because he trusts me and he felt ashamed, but it still spiraled me out due to my own insecurities and my brain is like “what if you never accept his past and can’t move on from it”. Finding out new info spirals me out even if it’s something I know he legitimately cannot change or control and it was not anything that someone should not have been able to move on from. Even though I have a past myself???? That is 20x worse than his. My brain adds extra meaning. I constantly fear that I’m being cheated on or will be left, or how things can go wrong at any point. I’m afraid of having kids because of what I just mentioned as well as the fear of medical intervention and something going wrong. I’m afraid of people dying. I’m afraid of people hating me and I’m a huge people pleaser. I feel like everything in life I’ve never done for myself, and I have a huge fear of being by myself. I have constant compulsions and have since I was a child. But right now I’m at a breaking point and I’m like what do I want to even live life for if I’m so jealous and afraid of everything. And I never do things for self enjoyment. I have like no self identity at all and I always feel like I have to tell people about my achievements or how I feel in hopes that the little girl inside me will be heard. Am I too far gone with having these thoughts and also complex PTSD with the OCD? I feel like I’m stuck in a perpetual hell. I haven’t had a breakdown this bad since I was 11 years old. I spent 4 months crying and crying not knowing what was happening to me. Then I snapped out of it somehow. But I’m an adult now and it feels like my life is crumbling around me. I’ve been so scared to work because of fear of criticism due to the emotional abuse which I’m just now putting together… and also because of not trusting myself. I always ask for outside opinions. And I fear things going wrong all the time. I quit my last job due to POCD because I was working with children. And now that I’ve reached a point where I feel like there’s just ambiguous questions with no answers I felt a switch flip in my brain. For the worst. All my emotions shut off and it’s just been hell on earth with constant thoughts and dread and self loathing. I’m so tired of feeling afraid and alone. And I know a lot of it is a bunch of inner pain. I’m not even really looking for sympathy I just feel like I’m beyond help because of all I’ve been through. I can’t feel hope right now and it’s really scary. I have had pretty much every OCD theme there is and have lived my whole life in constant fear and anxiety. ROCD (main theme right now), POCD, HOCD, SOOCD, Health OCD (big one right now), existential OCD, religious OCD, fear that my husband and I won’t be together after we pass. Or that I’ll be replaced by another person if I were to die. Or if he dies before me. Plus I feel sad when friends say certain things or anything triggers abandonment. I am so caught up and I know it takes a mindset shift for this to all get better, but how with so much working against me? I’m so terrified. And I’m self hating so bad.

Hi everyone. I’m having a spiral and really need advice. Today I went shopping and saw an actor I have been watching since I was a child. I used to watch this particular show ten years ago and since my ocd got worse I went back and started watching the show again for the last few months. Anyways I saw the actor and got a picture and everything was fine. I’ve come home and my mind is working overtime trying to ruin it. I keep having intrusive thoughts that someone recorded me and I looked bad and now they will embarrass me . Or I walked off awkwardly. Or the actor didn’t want a picture and I disturbed him. Or my clothes looked weird. Please can someone convince me otherwise. I realise I can’t even watch the show tonight as it’s making me panic 😭

Hiiii, I’m Sara 💖 and I have Severe OCD 🧠, Severe Excoriation Disorder ✋, ADHD ⚡, GAD 😰, and Major Depressive Disorder 🌧️. I love using emojis if you haven’t noticed lol. To keep this as straightforward as possible I want to focus on the OCD and dermatillomania part today. I hope this can help some people 💬 and maybe give others a better understanding of what it’s like to live with these two issues! ☺️ I have always struggled with skin picking, especially on my face 😔, and it has made my acne worse and caused scarring. 🤕 I did not realize until my therapist told me that it can be connected to OCD. Sometimes I do not even notice I am doing it, and other times I am aware but cannot stop. 😓 For me, the OCD side is often tied to perfectionism or needing that just right feeling. 🫠 From thoroughly washing my face and hands, overusing or meticulously applying products to make sure the “ritual” is done perfectly takes both time and money. To having picking episodes which causes scars to heal slower⏳ and to also leave me with a “pepperoni face” 🍕 from all the red and raw wounds or with widespread hyperpigmentation that lingers for months. Oof 😅 ERP IS A LIFE SAVER!!! 🛟 Addressing that OCD pattern is a big part of ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention 🚪. ERP helps you face the discomfort without picking or fixing, so over time your brain learns the urge does not need to be acted on. 😤 Behold~ another technique, HRT! Habit Reversal Training can still be part of treatment, but timing matters ⏰. If OCD is the main driver, starting HRT too early, especially if it leans on avoiding triggers, can unintentionally strengthen the OCD cycle 🔄. That is why ERP often comes first, and HRT is added later once the compulsion has weakened. 🤗 Skincare time! Oooo la la la 🤭 For wound care 🩹, I keep it simple. When the skin is still open, I use a gentle cleanser 🫧, a moisturizer 💧, and Aquaphor directly on the wound, then keep it covered to protect it from bacteria 🦠 and UV exposure 🌞. Once the wound has closed and turned pink 🌸, I use a gentle cleanser, a moisturizer, a scar cream, and SPF daily to prevent discoloration and help the scar fade. Fidget toys 🪀 do not work for everyone (Ik people who love it 😍), but ERP paired with steady skin care has made the biggest difference for me ✨. If possible, I recommend seeing a dermatologist 🩺 to help heal your skin and give you tools for long term care, and ask directly if they understand skin picking and OCD and will keep that diagnosis in mind while treating you. Progress is absolutely not linear 📉📈. You will have times when you pick or have an episode, even when your skin has been looking great. 😥 That does not mean failure ❌. In OCD, compulsions are rewarded in the moment because anxiety drops after you do them, so the brain learns that the behavior works 🤥. ERP builds new learning that competes with the old habit rather than erasing it, which means stress, hormones, sleep loss, or strong cues can still light up the old pathway at times ⚡. The goal of therapy and strategies is not to create a life with zero urges 🚫, but to help you navigate 🧭 life with OCD by reducing how often urges show up, how intense they feel, and how quickly you recover when they happen. Most important part EVERR 😮‍💨🥰 The most important part of this process is practicing self compassion 💕 and remembering that no one is perfect 🌼. Every lapse is information you can use for the next step forward! 🫂 Thanks for listening to my Ted talk! 😄 (edited)

Hiiii, I’m Sara 💖 and I have Severe OCD 🧠, Severe Excoriation Disorder ✋, ADHD ⚡, GAD 😰, and Major Depressive Disorder 🌧️. I love using emojis if you haven’t noticed lol. To keep this as straightforward as possible I want to focus on the OCD and dermatillomania part today. I hope this can help some people 💬 and maybe give others a better understanding of what it’s like to live with these two issues! ☺️ I have always struggled with skin picking, especially on my face 😔, and it has made my acne worse and caused scarring. 🤕 I did not realize until my therapist told me that it can be connected to OCD. Sometimes I do not even notice I am doing it, and other times I am aware but cannot stop. 😓 For me, the OCD side is often tied to perfectionism or needing that just right feeling. 🫠 From thoroughly washing my face and hands, overusing or meticulously applying products to make sure the “ritual” is done perfectly takes both time and money. To having picking episodes which causes scars to heal slower⏳ and to also leave me with a “pepperoni face” 🍕 from all the red and raw wounds or with widespread hyperpigmentation that lingers for months. Oof 😅 ERP IS A LIFE SAVER!!! 🛟 Addressing that OCD pattern is a big part of ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention 🚪. ERP helps you face the discomfort without picking or fixing, so over time your brain learns the urge does not need to be acted on. 😤 Behold~ another technique, HRT! Habit Reversal Training can still be part of treatment, but timing matters ⏰. If OCD is the main driver, starting HRT too early, especially if it leans on avoiding triggers, can unintentionally strengthen the OCD cycle 🔄. That is why ERP often comes first, and HRT is added later once the compulsion has weakened. 🤗 Skincare time! Oooo la la la 🤭 For wound care 🩹, I keep it simple. When the skin is still open, I use a gentle cleanser 🫧, a moisturizer 💧, and Aquaphor directly on the wound, then keep it covered to protect it from bacteria 🦠 and UV exposure 🌞. Once the wound has closed and turned pink 🌸, I use a gentle cleanser, a moisturizer, a scar cream, and SPF daily to prevent discoloration and help the scar fade. Fidget toys 🪀 do not work for everyone (Ik people who love it 😍), but ERP paired with steady skin care has made the biggest difference for me ✨. If possible, I recommend seeing a dermatologist 🩺 to help heal your skin and give you tools for long term care, and ask directly if they understand skin picking and OCD and will keep that diagnosis in mind while treating you. Progress is absolutely not linear 📉📈. You will have times when you pick or have an episode, even when your skin has been looking great. 😥 That does not mean failure ❌. In OCD, compulsions are rewarded in the moment because anxiety drops after you do them, so the brain learns that the behavior works 🤥. ERP builds new learning that competes with the old habit rather than erasing it, which means stress, hormones, sleep loss, or strong cues can still light up the old pathway at times ⚡. The goal of therapy and strategies is not to create a life with zero urges 🚫, but to help you navigate 🧭 life with OCD by reducing how often urges show up, how intense they feel, and how quickly you recover when they happen. Most important part EVERR 😮‍💨🥰 The most important part of this process is practicing self compassion 💕 and remembering that no one is perfect 🌼. Every lapse is information you can use for the next step forward! 🫂 Thanks for listening to my Ted talk! 😄 (edited) (edited)

I really need help. Almost 3 years ago I was in a discord server with some kids at my school, and it was normal to send funny photos of our face to the group chat. I sent a few silly pictures of me but they are just really embarrassing and stupid. One time, a kid from the group chat sent me a photo I sent and it’s just so bad looking back, and I was really worried about him sending it to others and etc. Later I deleted my account in fear of it being there, even though I couldn’t find it in the group chat at that point. Roughly a year later, I was invited to join this group chat again so I did (2 months ago), but I was looking at the beginning of the groupchat and I saw these photos and it made me start panicking and just worrying if other have these photos saved and if they sent it to other people. It’s been 3 days since I found this and I can’t stop thinking about it, and just worrying because no one can remove these photos without deleting the groupchat, and I know the owner won’t do that. I just keeping thinking about the people in the groupchat seeing these photos and sending it to others because it’s insanely embarrassing to a point where I’m crying thinking about it, and I don’t want others to ever see it. Is there anything I can do to remove these photos?

I relate more to this than OCD which furthers my “OCD doubt”

Is anyone else just confused by their ocd all of the time?? I was diagnosed 2 months ago and I feel more confused than ever. I have no idea what’s an intrusive thought, when I’m ruminating or doing mental compulsions or what my “themes” are. I guess I don’t really have intrusive thoughts the way it seems others do and I don’t struggle with themes that are extremely taboo or frightening so I’m always just extremely confused and frustrated. I feel like I just have a lot of intrusive doubt and I think a ton but don’t really know when I’m ruminating or not?? I have comorbid depression and anxiety so I’ve no idea what’s what. Do other people struggle with this?? How do I try to begin to identify these things or know if what I’m doing mentally is a compulsion or not?!

I’ve recently started dating a guy. It’s been a little over a week and I’m already questioning my feelings for him. Our first date went pretty well, but since then I’ve been obsessing over the fact that my feelings for him aren’t strong enough and that they’re sometimes flat. This is very distressing because I dated someone last year for 3 months whom I never really developed much feelings for, and it was very traumatic for me because I felt like I was leading him on (which to be fair, I never told him my feelings were up and down until 3 months in). The amount of guilt I hold over that is tremendous. But fast forward a year later, and I’m dating this new guy who I seem to like and want to continue getting to know, yet here are those same doubts and loss of feelings. It’s so discouraging. The only difference this time is the thoughts aren’t as distressing, and I also never left the first date questioning my feelings for him. Looking back at my relationship from a year ago, I feel like I never really formed a connection, both emotionally and physically. It was very slow paced and I really wasn’t that interested in him. With the new guy, I have interest and I do like him, but these doubts and dull feelings make me not want to see him—they create so much anxiety and dread. He will text me good morning and I don’t get excited but instead bad anxiety (which to me seems abnormal especially when first dating/starting a relationship, but I could be wrong). And so I’ve been led to believe that these doubts and feelings MUST mean I’m not interested in him, and any further interactions are purely me forcing myself to like him. My question here is—and I must admit this is me trying to seek reassurance—there must be a difference between GENUINELY not being interested in someone and then OCD TRICKING you into thinking you aren’t into someone. Where and how is that distinction made? I’m seeing him later this evening for a date and have been feeling nervous. There’s excitement underneath, but it’s very hard to feel with all this anxiety. I’ll be giving him a letter I wrote explaining how OCD impacts me in relationships. He already knows I have the disorder, but doesn’t realize its extent. I know I’m ritualizing by giving him this letter, but I personally feel I owe it to him out of pure respect. And especially after that last relationship where I told the guy 3 months in that my feelings fluctuated.

Can ocd convince you momentarily you want your intrusive thoughts only to snap out of it

How to stop it It's fueled my ocd to the extent that I am confused whether the thought came just because of ocd or it's me who is thinking it Purposefully I'm suffering from pure ocd magical thinking ocd Pls reply

(Post also goes into topics of moral scrupulosity and a mention of abuse.) - Hi, so I’m not here to seek reassurance—although I understand and acknowledge my obsessive-compulsive tendencies are feeding into this and my anxiety around it—but I’d really like other people’s input on this. I had a lost a friendship a month ago. It was over Discord. I am very active in fandom, and was in a character role play server with other adult fans for a little over a year. I had met this person in said server, who would go on to be my friend. We became very close, to the point where we both shared our mental health-related struggles (on my end I shared that I have both autism and OCD). I expressed that I wanted to do more stuff in my real-life and build a career in the arts for myself on several occasions and the high-energy atmosphere was generally overwhelming to me. I communicated this with them and other server members. The server I was a part of has high standards for in-character role play. Many of the writers in there are very talented, and are able to write practically novella-length responses to each other. This response length is normal and high literacy is expected. I’ve been doing this hobby in different fanbases for over 10 years, and I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older I’ve had less and less energy for longer responses. I had a hard time accepting this until very recently, because role play is a lot of fun for me and my people-pleasing tendencies makes me want to write longer and longer responses for them. I want to continue doing this hobby, but I just don’t have the time, energy, or dedication to it like I used to have. So, back to my friendship with this other person and I: we had a role play with our characters going, and I’ve been growing more and more distant from the server. I want to emphasize: I wasn’t distant for any kind of negative reason. I still liked all of my mutuals and friends on there, and talking and exchanging banter when I could, but my general interest was waning. This wasn’t due to any member of the server; I had no personal qualms or gripes with anyone to cause this distance. It was a combination of my interests changing at that time and wanting to put my focus toward other things. I hadn’t responded to my friend’s role play exchange at this point in time for around three months. I hardly ever have a gap in responses like that. Again, it was a combination of all the factors I listed before that contributed to it. I was so sure I’d be able to muster the energy to respond, and I’d assure them I would before, but it never happened. This gap in response time had hurt them. I apologized to them one-on-one about this, and we had a nice heart-to-heart about it. I was so scared that they’d take my distance and lack of socializing in the server as malicious, but they seemed to understand that all of it wasn’t intentional. I had thought we had come to a greater understanding, learned what I could do to be a more attentive and better friend to meet their needs, and could move on from this as stronger friends. Two weeks pass, I’m not very active in the server again, but I made an effort to reach back out to them one-on-one and give them an update on my side of things. I had more time to sit with my thoughts and assess how I want to put myself out there on the server again, or even if I wanted to, still a bit intimidated by it and throwing myself in, being as insecure as I am. I had a better understanding of my new relationship to role play as a hobby, and explained to them that it’s changed, alluding to how I couldn’t output as much as I used to. I was given a very short response, essentially telling me that they’re sorry to hear that and hope I find what I’m looking for. I felt my gut twist up at seeing this, because of our previous conversation from the beginning of the month made it sound like we were on good terms. I then go back into the server, out of our private correspondence, and see a vague post being made by them a minute or two after our exchange. They said that the person they were venting about and being upset with had been victimizing themselves and called their actions abusive. I took this to mean, based on the vagueness and timing of the post, that this had to be about me. I am extremely sensitive around the subject matter of abuse, and I spiraled immediately. I didn’t talk to them after this, thinking that if they really perceived me this way, that I don’t want to do more damage than I already have, despite me really wanting to explain myself. It took me a couple of days to ground myself and assess the situation, but I found it in myself to finally leave the server. What held me back was the fear that I’d be retaliated against privately by other mutuals from the server if they had seen my departure. This didn’t happen. I haven’t heard anything from these old friends and mutuals since me leaving the server. It’s been a little over a month since this happened, but I’m still guilt-ridden, confused, hurting, and conflicted. I’m a whirlwind of doubt, uncertainty, and shame. Does any of what I described here sound abusive? Was I abusive in this dynamic? Was I in the wrong on all of this? Should I reach back out to them and apologize? And if so, how? I don’t know if I want to talk to them again after this, either. Does that make me selfish? I’m at a loss of what to do and how to perceive it all. Thank you for reading.

Hello! Thank You For Reading this!!! I got alot of fears. OCD. There is 1 fear, that is the scariest fear for me, one that i'm having for the last 5 years, i'm searching for answers. It's all about fears, OCD and Electricity. It would help me so much to get my questions answered. I'm afraid of things and i dont know if its a real fear and threat or OCD. Let me explain. My biggest fear of all time is electricity and electricity shock. I'm afraid that if i do something without knowing it, it will cause something really bad. My questions are: 1. If i put a glass of water or a other drink next to a socket, can i still eat and drink that? Does food and drinks absorb electricity? 2. One of my OCD Compulsions are: Washing my hands, and sometimes even taking a shower after i did something with electricty. Think of, plugging something in a socket. Or putting my broken phone charger into my phone. Or anything else about that topic. May i ask, is this a real threat & if not, how can i conquer that biggest fear(s)? 3. If my face touches accidentally a broken phone charger or a socket or something Electricity, would that be dangerous? 4. Accidentally if i walk out the shower with wet hair, and if my hair touches a light, would that be extremely dangerous for my head and me? 5. Turning on and off and on and off the shower and lights to be safe. 6. Putting a headphone on after charging the headphone. With many fears and compulsions. 7. Putting on clothes/clothing that touched something electricity or a socket. A big Fear. You get the point. As you can read, i'm doing alot of compulsions, because that keeps me safe. I'm doing all of that because my biggest main fear. That is: If something happened, like in scenario 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7. Or something else. Anything you can think of. For a great example, eating or drinking something that accidentally touched the socket. If i would get a shock of the electricity, a small one or a big one, would that change my personality? Let me explain. I love music, movies, guitar, doing stuff i like, and so much more. But after that electricity shock, i change completely. For example, i dont like music anymore and i become very rude, a completely new person. Someone i would never want to be. Or getting thoughts and feelings and doing action, that is never would do? My question is: is that a real fear and threat and is that how it works? How does it work? Reality? Or is it the OCD and is the fear not real? Can someone explain Electricity for me? How do i know if something is a real Electricity threat and danger, and what not? What are the dangers? That would be AMAZING! I'm so thankful for nocd and all the people who are helping other people. Everyone. Thank You! Have an amazing day!

i’m so stressed about college. i’m SO worried about meeting people, talking to people, making friends, meeting my roommates, etc. i’m scared that they won’t like me. i’m scared that i’ll say/do something that i couldn’t control and then they all hate me. i’ve been so on edge with my ocd lately, and it’s not very out of the ordinary to have me wanna do something like. weird. but it’s also just like…anything can happen. that little “your chances may be low, but they’re never zero” is always in the back of my head and it stresses me OUT. “the chances of you doing some weird and crazy thing or something out of pocket to your new roommates are very low, but never zero” like that TERRIFIES me dude. idk what to do. on top of it, im scared that they might accidentally do something and contaminate me or my surroundings or anything and then there’s nothing i can do about it. im always VERY particular with keeping things clean, with who can touch them, etc etc, but what if they do something behind my back? or what if they don’t but i think that they did and im stuck instead my head for the next like day or so? i’m so scared. i dont know what to do. does anybody have any college experiences they can share to help me?

It is crazy how long I have been suffering from OCD without even knowing, since most of my compulsions are mental. Now that I'm more able to identify OCD, it is insane how sneaky it is and tries to direct every negative emotion towards my theme. My therapist is wonderful and even though some of the things she says trigger my OCD. I know it's because I can't know for certain and that's the whole point of OCD therapy. I'm nervously optimistic about the future, but the idea of not knowing for certain is still really triggering for me.

Hi all, I have false memory ocd, harm ocd and pure ocd, I also suffer really badly from intrusive thoughts every single day. I was minding my nephew last weekend and I got an intrusive thought that I’m ashamed off, I’m now worried that I acted on that intrusive thought and just can’t remember, there’s also a false memory image in my head of me acting on the thought which I’m scared is actually a memory even though deep down I know I didn’t act on it. I’m worried though that the fact I even had this thought in the first place means I’m inherently a bad person who would act on these thoughts. My stomach is sick with the worry I may have acted on it and can’t Remember, anyone else ever have something like this? I start meds and therapy next week so hoping that helps

What is the solution for ocd what if question?