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Anyone out there who fears legal punishment due to real event false memory that actually sought help? How do you look for help if you feel you don’t deserve it? I think I’m going to make an appointment but this is what’s stopping me.

How is one supposed to be okay with uncertainty? I don’t think I ever will be. Uncertainty on wether I am a monster, or if I’ll go to jail, or that my family and all of society will shun me and be disgusted with me. I have a real event with false memory and the number one think I find myself saying is I don’t know. I don’t know if I did or didn’t do that I don’t know if my memory is accurate or not I just don’t know. The guilt I wake up with everyday is suffocating and I don’t even know if it’s deserved or not. I don’t know what to do anymore I fear death is the only way out. I hate that I feel sorry for myself I don’t deserve anything at all.

About eight years ago now someone started impersonating me and posting sexually explicit messages on Craigslist using my phone number, instructing people to call or message me with a code phrase that included a comment about my vagina. He also opened an email in the format firstname.lastname@domain.com and messaged a bunch of casting directors and agents with photos pulled from my Facebook page and suggesting that I would do sexual favors for an opportunity. As an example, one photo was me in the booth doing voiceover and the text underneath was “Wait til you see what else I can do with my mouth…” The only reason I was able to get my Actors Access account back was one of the admin noticed that the explicit email’s address didn’t match what was registered in my account. I remember she just said “Poor girl” before we hung up as this was obviously something that was just… going to happen I guess. He also sent handwritten letters to prisoners —mostly convicted for violent crimes—which included more photos pulled from my Facebook account. I’m in the process of looking for other career opportunities, and one person I was in communication with hasn’t reached out in a couple weeks, which is a little concerning as he was pretty quick to get back to me before, but also a little par for the course in the entertainment industry. And I think I know who the impersonator was and he seemed to only operate using info he had: photos from social media bc we were online friends, my address bc he had come over before, my phone number of course because we would text. And he’s blocked everywhere and I’ve moved and we haven’t spoken in years but every time I don’t get the job or I don’t get a call back or whatever that sticky thought just won’t leave and it makes me so anxious about persuing better opportunities and it’s so unfair how much that experience can still effect me and I can’t stop thinking about and I know that I’ve done all that I’ve done and I’m continuing to stay vigilant, but it’s this thing where I *have* to know whether or not it’s him in the background pulling the strings. How do I live with this fear and keep going?

Just feels like i can never win in life... I dont ever have a special talent that makes me stand out from anyone... I cant win at games, nor ever have a victorious moment based on my skill instead of luck... i just lose and lose and lose... from having OCD based on real events, to my OCD gaslighting me into thinking my fears are true, to just never being able to ever win in life once in my life... i have no one in my college who understands... let alone anyone who cares... Maybe I deserve this because Ive done bad things in life... maybe I deserve this because of my childhood mistakes... who knows... Im just in a state of giving up on ever being happy because I genuinely feel like nothing works out for me, either by my own stupidity or just life being a bitch...

i don’t know if this could be my ocd playing into it but recently my dad just turned 60 and for the past 3 days i’ve been thinking about how my parents aren’t gonna be around forever and it’s making really anxious and sad, i keep questioning how long i’ll have left with him and looking up if 60 is an old age. Has anyone else gone through this ?

literally feel like i can’t live anymore. everything i was ever excited about or looking forward to in the future seems like it’s shattered. I feel like i must be lying to myself and i must want this and OCD is bringing in false memories AND combining with real event. this is one of the worst flare ups of any sort of OCD i have ever had. literally cannot get through a day without ruminating, bringing up scenarios and checking how i feel. feeling guilty because i am anxious about what if im just a homophobe? this is absolutely terrible, i can’t day dream or think about having a relationship without it immediately being shattered by an intrusive thought image or feeling. just don’t want to live anymore honestly.

I was ok and then did some erp with puff daddy story and it triggered me so much. It’s been on my mind all week

Anyone else kind of shoot themselves in the foot by imagining your false memory in such precise detail? Adding certain details, reactions scenery, real trivial details …etc. It’s like I know I’ve done this to myself but it now feels so unbelievably real. I think mine is also possibly mixed with real event which doesn’t help.

I'm already going through so much. I just wish I could get it into my head that these memories of bad things are actually memories of intrusive thoughts I had that day, and not of real actions, because a person with OCD would never do what they most repudiate and abhor and which goes against their principles, and at that time I was already dealing with OCD, I was already avoiding small things for fear of causing harm. I didn't check everything like I do today because I didn't know how the rituals worked, but I always tried to be vigilant so as not to harm anyone, because the intrusive thoughts were intense and I was afraid they would come true. Apart from the fact that my little cousin has never changed with me, he loves me so much, he's affectionate, there's never been a sign that I've hurt him. He remembers little things from back then, he would remember something bad, right? But then it comes into my mind that he was asleep/sleepy and so might not remember. All the bad possibilities run through my mind and sometimes I get distressed, because I love him so much and it horrifies me to imagine that I might have done something bad to him. I don't have the strength to deal with all my problems and these OCD issues, I just want to come to a conclusion and get on with my life, because as well as the OCD I have other problems, such as my finances. Jesus, I feel like I'm going mad sometimes. I've talked about it here before, I know it's wrong to seek confirmation, but I need to get it off my chest, I'm already in physical pain from other problems, so having all these things on my mind makes it worse. I just wanted someone to help me, I'm desperate.

Real events OCD combined with hocd and pocd and harm ocd is making me feel so horrible... Ive made horrible mistakes as a child that I deeply regret (9-13) and now Im 22 about to turn 23... I feel like I dont deserve forgiveness cause of my childhood mistakes...

so i haven’t been dealing with false memories or real event odc for a whole now but i literally just woke up from a terrible triggering nightmare at first i was ok and relieved when i woke up but now doubt is setting in and the part is in the dream i think the person is made up. but i have doubts i think i got this dream because i was thinking about kissing my partner right before i fell asleep and yesterday i was looking for a video of my little cousin and i had an intrusive “what if” but i was able to brush it off. so it may be that all i know is that i keep getting flashbacks and i hate it it’s disgusting and i hope its not true. and i don’t think i could accept it if that is the truth its just so wrong

Sometimes i can say “this is an intrusive thought i dont need to worry about it) and move on. But sometimes it feels real. I cant tell whether i should listen to it or not. Ive been having headaches, jaw, and ear pain. I was scrolling through comments of a video on jaw pain and someone said they had felt the same and found out they had a tumor. Im terrified. I dont want to die and i dont want to sit in the hospital for days until im better. I have a feeling this one is better safe than sorry but i cant trust myself anymore. I have so many doctors appointments and my mom cant afford an mri or anything crazy like that and im so scared ill get really sick and the tumor will kill me

I clearly remember the day it started. I was in sixth grade in 1967 and like the flick of a switch I felt off one day. I kept thinking I had died the night before but was still moving around. It was so weird but it continued from then on, the intrusive thoughts, the constant moving around and racing thoughts about what has to be done that day. I’ll walk into a room to do something but end up doing several other things before getting to that. I’m 67 and retired but every day I struggle with unwanted thoughts (never about harming anyone or myself but about bad things that could happen. I think the worst in any situation. I’m so tired but know no other life. Glad to know I’m not alone.

I was a disgusting disgusting child. I don’t think I deserve to have this life knowing how horrible I am.. I can’t get my real event out of my head

Anyone deal with this? Uncertainty regarding an event in your past. You wonder was anyone hurt but you can never know for sure. Always fearing you are going to get in trouble one day. Then on top of that the thoughts regarding the event feel so real that you walk around defeated feeling like you are so bad and you should just tell everyone. Then the intrusive thoughts that make you fear the worst case scenario are always in your head all day everyday for a year. Then you start seeing confirmation/signs of your worst fear/intrusive thoughts everywhere that seem to confirm your fears. You start wondering is God trying to tell you something because every thing you watch, see, hear seems to point to or talk about what you’re obsessing about. Then because of the uncertainty you ask God to tell you what the outcome of the event was. Then all of a sudden you start seeing more signs of your theme and think is God confirming this. Then there are days where you get or see confirmation debunking your fear of worst case scenario and you wonder is God giving me signs in the other direction now.

One of my themes is HIV fears, and I was just at Walmart picking out a shirt from the rack that they have them all folded up on. I was reaching for one from the bottom shelf and my hand brushed against the underside of the shelf above and they're was a sharp part that cut open my thumb. I panicked and took a picture of underneath and it was just the shelf was sharp where it looked welded but it made me bleed a lot and now I'm freaked out thinking it could have a disease

I’m sorry to ask, but I need support from someone with this particular subtype or who has dealt with real even around past mistakes. I’ve done a lot of things wrong and advice from my therapist is to not confess. Confessing is my compulsion, but some are really big mistakes from my younger years. How do you handle the feelings of guilt and shame without confessing? Have you ever confessed and were met with harsh judgement? I’m scared I’ll lose my will or desire to live just sitting with this guilt.

I’ve been diagnosed with ocd. I first started off with harm ocd.when I got over it, it started switching into new themes. Every week I’d have to deal with a new thought/fear. And now i feel like im stuck again! Im not sure what type of ocd im going through right now. But im scared of hallucinating. Im scared of hearing things that aren’t there. So that caused me to be hyper aware of every sound I hear. And I now focus on white noises so much ( like AC, fridge, water pipes, the tv when it’s far away etc.) and I start to question my sister: can you hear that ? Because I’m super scared the I’m hallucinating. But usually she’ll answer with yes she can hear it. But I’ve been struggling with something else too. I sleep with the AC on and I’ve been doing for years. But during the past month that caused me so much stress and anxiety. Because I feel like whenever the AC is on I hear other things (not people talk or words or specific things) just unclear sounds. And I’m not sure if that’s in my head or it’s actually there but because the AC sound loud I can’t recognize the other sounds im hearing. And I get so anxious when I try to sleep because everything is so quiet and it’s just me and the AC on. So I feel like everything is loud. And I don’t know if the unclear sounds are in my head or real. And yesterday when I tried to sleep a police car went by and the siren of it was loud too. I focused on the sound. And questioned if it’s real or not. Then I started hearing the siren non stop for 3 minutes probably. Even though I’m sure the police car went by. So I was scared and terrified that I was hallucinating. And now I’m just scared that what if I’m not hyper aware ocd. What if I’m schizophrenic. What if I’m going crazy. I’m so scared. And I’m worrying that this will happen again if I go to sleep tonight. Someone help me please and give me advice!

I spend a lot of time ruminating about my health and how I'm going to get past all of the thoughts I think of and the events that I think of in the past. It leaves me really nauseous randomly throughout my days. Anyone else get this from their OCD? It makes me worry more about my health

This is the worst my OCD has gotten! I’ve freaked out many times about harming my children, touching them inappropriately, etc. the other night I got blackout drunk and woke up and had thoughts of something specifically that I did to my 5 year old. It’s horrendous. Do you think it’s possible to become our worst fear when drunk? Do you think my son would wake up if I did something? This is awful! And I’ve been very suicidal since. I’m not sure how I can accept the uncertainty of this and move on. Yes, I’m in therapy.