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i’m really scared. i’ve had hocd for the past 3 years but i’ve only known what it was for about 6 months. i have groinal responses really anytime i look at a woman, i am scared that it’s arousal. i’m scared that i’m gay and don’t really like boys and im scared that things from my childhood “made” or “proved” me to be gay. i feel like feelings are butterflies when like im close to my friends but i think it’s just anxiety. i have intrusive thoughts that tell me to kiss my friends and i get really anxious around them and ill think i’m attracted to them. i have a really great boyfriend and i really like him and when we touches me it feels amazing but my mind tries to tell me it’s not real and it’s anxiety. also TMI i get lubrication from groinal responses but i also get wet from my boyfriend which makes me confused on which is real. i don’t want to be gay, i want to be straight. i want to just be able to live my life. someone help me!! I also research ALOT and try to figure it out and reassurance works for only a few minutes. I am trying to figure out the answer so bad. I also have really bad anxiety thinking about these things from the past and also about the thoughts that i’m gay and attracted to women.

I have real bad anxiety, existential OCD, ROCD, disassociation. My therapist is starting it next session. Have any of you had it done? Does it help? Especially the ROCD??

I am currently trying to figure out if my relationship anxiety is just anxiety or if it’s ocd. My boyfriend and I are best friends however within last week and the beginning of this week, we’ve had a little bit of arguments. First one being that he bought a “shitty” car without talking to me in the middle of the night (on Facebook marketplace) while i was sleeping. His explanation was that it was a last minute decision and that he couldn’t reach me because I was sleeping and had work the next day. He explained that they guy seeking the car answered him late at night and that he found the opportunity and went for it (his old car was crashed into and was a total loss, so he had been on the lookout for a new one). Long story short I got so upset that he didn’t talk to me first that I told him I wanted to break up! There was some back and forth and I ultimately didn’t really want to even though I was upset. Now, I’m not one to say “it’s over” at the first sight of an inconvenience, but I felt so betrayed and angry that my boyfriend didn’t speak with me before making this decision; we are trying to build and have good communication habits, so it didn’t feel good at all. Another thing was that the other car he owns cannot get rained on because it leaks inside of the car. He told me he couldn’t go over to my house because it was going to rain. Yet, he took the same car with one of our friends to pick up the other car he was buying… IN THE RAIN! Long story short that triggered me into feeling that I wasn’t really important to him. The next story was: On Saturday- we celebrated my birthday as a family and of course my boyfriend was there. We were feeling alright for the most part but I was feeling anxious about my relationship, constantly thinking about the car and worrying if I was with the right person and if he actually cared about me. Monday was my actual birthday, and this is where I feel like it might actually be ocd. He forgot to say happy birthday- first thing in the morning. He started the day off like usual, sent me a good morning text, and started talking about the stuff he needed to get done for the day. I literally told him “did you forget today’s my birthday?” He explained that he didn’t he just forgot to say happy birthday because of the celebration on Saturday. I felt heartbroken, like if I wasn’t important to him. (He’s really a good guy he just has actual memory issues because of a traumatic brain injury that happened to him while in the military). Later on that night in still bummed out feeling like he ruined my day and it was time to sing happy birthday, he was out front with my cousin and the same friend that went with him to pick up the car he bought, one of my other friends tried calling them in. I guess they thought they had more time but because I was so frustrated with my boyfriend, when my friend came in telling me that they were still out front I said “alright whatever let’s just start” My boyfriend got into the house seconds after I had blown my candle. And here I was again feeling unimportant and questioning my relationship. We talked it out and he explained his side of the story and I was understanding of him, he mentioned that he didn’t mean to make me feel bad or sad especially on my birthday. For the most part we are okay now. BUT… I guess after my super LONG explanation I’m trying to figure out if I’m having ocd or not. I think I am because I’ve lost sleep, I haven’t been eating, I keep crying, I also keep asking him “are we going to be okay?” “Do you still love me?”

I broke up with my boyfriend and I’m not sure if it’s because I needed to or if OCD pushed me to it. I have Scrupulosity and ROCD. We had a conversation about how we viewed the Bible and Jesus. I’m not sure if there’s a miscommunication but he made it sound that the Bible was secondary to our Spirit and that Jesus is pedestaled to much and we should be more like him instead. It scared me that the foundation of our belief is unequally yoked and I broke up with him. I woke up this morning and feel terrible. I don’t want to leave him but I also want to make sure I’m following God’s Will. We’ve been dating/talking for four months.

Nah females who find that your ocd gets worse when you’re on your period how do you handle it? Because I’ve been “reading signs” that the guy I’m totally head over heels for hates me now just because he’s got a lot on his plate right now and he’s not feeling the best mentally, I’ve not changed that to fit the storyline that I’m gonna loose him. I then brought this up to him in a way where I was like I hope that me being away (I’m currently travelling for 3 months) and our thing in general isn’t one of the things plaguing your mind, he then said no it’s not. I then said okay good I just wanna check that we’re still good sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed he said yeah I understand don’t worry, but my brain then goes “why didn’t he say of course I wanna still be with you don’t worry” which then makes me think he hates me. I’m so fucking overwhelmed! Because now also I feel like a horrible gf I’ve been trying to be there for him and I fully know that this all has nothing to do with me he’s got stuff on his mind, and I’ve just gone wait is this because you hate me? When I didn’t mean it like that! And now I wanna apologise and say I’m sorry for how stupid my question was, but I’ve already done that AND NOW I’ve made up that he actually fully hates me and his “it’s okay don’t worry” actually is “stfu you’re annoying me” I CANT WIN!

I’ve been diagnosed with ocd from the age of 9. i’m now. 18. My OCD changes rapidly week by week or day by day. My OCD as of right now is ROCD. I just went to visit a friend with some girlfriends. I felt like i was trying to impress the person and act “cool”. This caused me to spiral and think that i may like this person even tho i love my boyfriend so much. it causes me so much distress. i want to tell him about it which i have in the past about other people and scenarios but it hurts him. i understand how it could. i’ve been dating him for 4.5 years and i don’t want this OCD to consume me and make it seem like what im thinking is how i actually feel.

i havent been on here in a while everyone has told me i cant rely on validation with ocd stuff but i just wanna feel normal and feel not so alone and get advice. so recently my ocds getting bad again my bf visited and just all my intrusive thoughts were eating me up again it was worse i think cus he was with me but anyways my compulsion is confessing i’ve been able to control it and not tell past things or intrusive thoughts he doesn’t wanna know he doesn’t care we’re trying to move past it but i kept obsessing over one thing in particular and it’s one thing i still do bc ive done it since i was a child and it brings me comfort it’s a way to escape my life ig. you’ve ever heard of maladaptive daydreaming ig it’s like tht but different more extreme for me i actually have 1 specific story i think ab and i actually act out as if it’s happening. i do things like pretend to be in a band and act as if its me singing and performing like actually get up and pretend im on stage. i have friends and im in a band and i have a background and characters and ive been doing this exact same scenario since i was in my early teens. it’s comforts me. this is weird but when i pretend im performing i dance sexy sometimes or just dance in general around these friends and it’s just makes me feel cool and sexy and my love interest in my scenarios are always my bf whether we’re strangers or know each other. in my day dreams i do it to get attention from him and people to think im cool and sexy bc ig i don’t feel like tht in real life. i act as if im actually having convos with people or dancing with friends or performing and interact with friends while pretending to perform. i kinda think its weird. anyways im not gonna go into anymore detail but last night i gave in and confessed to him. which im so mad ab ive been so good with not confessing stuff and i slipped up. also now tht ive confessed tht i feel like confessing a while much of other shit which ik i can’t do and my trying not to but it’s hard. anyways he said its not weird but he’s does feel weird and upset ab tht fact tht i imagine dancing sexy around other guys and daydream ab other guys even if hes the love interest in my scenarios. i dont want to upset or hurt him in any ways ive already done so much to hurt him and im trying to work past it but he says he doesn’t care if i keep doing it or not and tht hes not mad or upset with me he just wanted me to know how he felt ab it. idk what to do this scenario has been with me since i was young and it’s been my comfort my escape from reality and i like doing it. i just feel like a bad gf if i continue and i don’t wanna feel like tht. should i stop? he also made a point tht if he did the same i would feel weird ab it too. which yes i would if i didnt understand or do it myself but i cant really know how i would feel because i do it so idk. i just dont wanna hurt him i told him i would stop if he wanted but he said he doesn’t care and he’ll just forget ab it in a week and tht he knows it would never happen in real life so he doesn’t care but i feel like he does care and im gonna feel guilty ab it. it just brings me comfort and ig im sad tht i probably not gonna be able to do it anymore without feeling guilty. i need advice on what to do and if this is something tht needs to be stopped.

I feel like mine isn't really thoughts anymore it's just rumination, doubts, anxiety and compulsive checking. But because I don't get intrusive thoughts anymore or as much I feel like I don't even have OCD and it's really triggering me making me feel like I'm actually bisexual or attracted to men. I'm losing attraction to women now as well I hate this

i keep having dreams about cheating on my boyfriend, but i love him so much and don’t see myself with anyone else. but it’s making me anxious and i feel guilty. could there be a specific reason for this?

Hi all, I’m really having a hard time with my OCD. I start ERP therapy on Friday, I had an intake session last week. I had a horrible OCD episode that knocked me off my feet last April and made my life so small. I lost my Nana, who was dying a slow death from cancer and I obsessed over this and criticized myself so much and started having existential obsessions. I worried if I loved her too much or not enough and it made me sick. I’m an artist, I stopped making art because I was having doubts and intrusive thoughts that I’m a bad person and I’m not truly an artist. I stopped doing freelance, which was my entire income. Then I got my dream job at a museum, then I started having doubts about deserving a good life and “living a lie”. Then I started obsessing over my sexuality and my relationship. Terrified that I can never get married or have kids because of my OCD. I was abused as a child and have a lot of shame about myself and also fear of trusting people. As a kid I dealt with horrible intrusive thoughts, as well as obsessions about my health that took so much of my childhood from me. The thing that scares the living crap out of me is many of these recovery stories where people had to “let go” of their entire lives and entire selves in order to get better. I feel like I’ve worked really hard to give myself a chance at life and I’m following my dreams, but I feel like OCD derailed those plans. So in order to get better, do I have to give those dreams up for good? I’m so scared. Would love to hear from someone who is in recovery or anyone who has similar fears.

My dumb ass has been reasurance seeking so much, researching, Reddit, quizes, gay Vs denial, bisexual Vs denial, and checking aesthetically good looking men and now nothing reassures me for long periods of time. It's ruining my relationship I'm losing attraction I have porn addiction too not compulsively checking but I do check alot of the time and it's also escalating onto things I wouldn't do in real life. My life feels ruined by this relapse because life was finally good I finally got a beautiful amazing girlfriend, went gym, got new clothing, haircut and was overall happy but just finding men handsome, liking their voice etc causes me alot of anxiety because it's not every so often it's a very common thing now and it makes me so upset not because being bi or gay is wrong but because I don't want sex with men it doesn't make me happy or excite me I wouldn't even do it for money. Women make me feel so good inside, excited, butterflies I just want to be married and spend my life with a beautiful women but with this shit I doubt everything I can't even have same sex friends out of fear that it'll be more than platonic. I wouldn't care if I was 10% bisexual and 90% straight because id always be straight over everything I love women even though they make me nervous my response has always been positive. I really REALLY need help I can't live like this I'm not suicidal or anything but I'm extremely depressed it's causing my girlfriend to become distant we don't do nothing sexually even though before this relapse I was craving it all the time cuz of how much I love her. How do I stop this anxiety and doubt? Why is there even anxiety around this? I'm confident enough to say I find men handsome but that's all it is? So why can't I figure this out? No matter how much research the next day I just find myself repeating it trying to solve the big question if I'm gay or not. Even though logically I'm attracted to women exclusively I may have done things growing up as curiosity but crushes have always been women, sexual fantasies always women, women have always made me excited I loved it even growing up I was obsessed with wanting a girlfriend not because of society but because that's what I wanted? A romantic and sexual relationship with a woman. If the cure is to sit with this discomfort why do I have the discomfort in the first place? Because I can find men handsome? But that doesn't make me attracted to them sexually I've never looked at a man and thought "I'd love to have him all to myself and fuck him" I've only said that about women? Groinal responses as well they're a pain in the ass especially when I check porn it's a massive anxiety trap and makes me question shit even though it may cause a physical response I don't like it mentally I want it gone I want this all gone without any doubt. If anyone spent their time reading this thank you. I feel so alone at the moment and isolated with confusion with no one to talk to

I have them constantly. About my loved ones leaving me forever.. and it will hit me when I least expect it, and it’s like a an emotional truck just hit me! I have tried everything my therapist has suggested and these thoughts keep coming. Does anyone have any suggestions on what they do? I have methods when they occur.. but I want methods to keep them away. Thanks.

Hi there! Thank you if you’re taking the time to read this, I’m very appreciative. However, I'm in a circumstance where I'm unsure of the best course of action. I met this guy on a dating app in October and we've been corresponding ever since. I truly, really liked him. For three months, he was the only person Ive been pursuing, and in the first month, he asked what I was looking for? I informed him that I truly liked him, and wanted to him! (even though at first I thought it would just be a cute casual thing) That were initially my intentions when downloading the dating app. The feeling was mutual and we were both greatly into each other. I had already opened up to him about my mental health struggles, and mentioned how I was sent to a hospital because of intrusive thoughts. After three months, I started to feel that we might not be as compatible as I had initially assumed, and I started to lose interest in him, but I never said anything. I was just going to gradually pull away, but I sensed that he was going to ask me to go official with him shortly. So I know for certain that he felt taken aback when I told him that he would end up hating me and how we should stop seeing each other seemingly out of the blue. I handled it harshly because I freaked out. I eventually apologized, after he un-added me on every platform. He said he respected what I thought was best for me, but that I had really hurt him and brought back a lot of his anxiety’s. While he was fighting to stay in contact with me he mentioned that he really cared about me, and how he didn’t wanna lose me. I just feel terrible about my decision and the way I handled it. I also start to wonder if I should reach out and have an in person conversation, because these past 2 days I’ve been sick to my stomach. I know Im confusing, and am curious if I should reach out to him again? But the main reason I left was because I didn’t want to deal with any potential future guilt and rumination and anxiety with the fear of feeling like an evil person and leading someone on. Thanks for reading this far. <3

It’s already been a year from my breakup. I feel a lot better and learned a lot about myself. It’s also been 6 months since we last spoke to each other. I feel like when we stopped speaking to each other became the moment where I finally started feeling all of my emotions more at once. I’m at this period of my life, where I hate to admit I still long for him to reach out to me. I want to get rid of this false hope and want to be more accepting of how over this has been for me. I can’t say I want closure, I think I just want someone to be by my side. I do tend to feel a lot of loneliness but I know this will pass. Any advice on letting go?

Last week I felt very numb towards everything. I didn‘t laugh, I was constantly in my head and got angry pretty easily. On Friday My girlfriend had the plan to visit a bar together with a friend of hers and she asked me to join. I wasn‘t sure because rocd told me, that her friend won‘t like me, but I did it anyways. At the bar my girlfriend left us for a couple minutes and I talked to her friend. I suddenly had extreme panic and the feeling that I would faint, because I feared that I would enjoy talking to her friend more than to my girlfriend. When she came back I was very angry towards her, but It was gone really quick and it changed to an immense feeling of love and affection. The rest of the night I was sitting next to my girlfriend, realizing how much I love that girl. Like usual I couldn’t stop touching her, we had a lot of fun and the morning after I was very compassionate towards her. On the way home I thought how lucky I am to have her and that I would like to marry her one day… 2 days after all the good feelings were gone. She visited me and I felt so numb towards her. I was constantly in my head and checked feelings. I had the feeling, that everytime my compassion towards her flamed up a little bit, but I lost it again by pressuring it to grow more. Yesterday I read something about „I know I love her, because I worry about her“ and of course I thought about all the times I worried about her and when I was a good boyfriend towards her. But Today I woke up with big anxiety and the feeling, that I don‘t care for her. Suddenly I have the thoughts that I can‘t have fun with her, I should probably break up to feel better and all the good times with her never happend. Her voice sounds so different. How can Rocd make this beautiful weekend feel like it never happend. How can it make me doubt, that I was ever happy with her. How can it make me feel like I am certain, that the next time I‘ll see her, I‘ll feel even worse ? How can it make all the things I loved so much about her seem like annoying flaws? I fear that when my rocd tells me „next time you‘ll see her, you will reject her“ and I accept that thought, that it will happen. I feel like if I don‘t control my thoughts and I let them float around, that these things will happen.

I've experienced a fairly wide range of ocd symptoms throughout my life... Contamination ocd, magical thinking, checking window locks, intrusive thoughts about cheating on exams, obsession with praying, several months of chronic guilt when I was 12 for breaking a school rule, body symptoms where I would have to jump, or contort my body, move my head etc. I'm 31 now and started dating a really wonderful woman 4 months ago. We clicked fairly quickly with similar interests, and had been having a really great relationship... a couple of weeks ago we discussed the types of things we would like in our futures e.g. marriage, desire to be parents one day. We found out we both have similar life goals etc. and it felt really great. I've never had so much fun talking with someone, hanging out or been so impressed by their character and compassion. It felt so easy to fall in love once I felt safe. A few days after checking in with one another about life goals, I was having a bit of a stressful night unrelated to the relationship. I visited my gf after her work shift and noticed I was more anxious in my body than usual. We meditated together and then put on a tv show, while I was watching the show I had this thought flash into my head saying "what if you don't love your gf as much as you could, and deep down you are obsessed with women who are white / from the same country as you" the thoughts flashed again the next day, i ruminated and "cancelled out" the thought by thinking of my ex as an example that i would never choose anyone over my gf. the following days i felt consumed by guilt and shame, thinking of myself as xenophobic and obsessed with the idea i am racist. I selfishly confessed to her about everything, without considering what burden it could place on her. i felt like i was lying and she should know the truth but now i feel more selfish for sharing. my gf is south american. we are both white / of european descent but i feel very much aware that she can face xenophobic discrimination where we live). I've been in love before but have never felt so confident about a relationship. She studies psychology and researched ocd the night I told her everything and has been really understanding and supportive. I love her so much and feel so committed, but keep feeling as though I must be xenophobic and even racist due to the problematic nature of the intrusive thought i had. inhave been feeling like I do not deserve her love, or to feel pleasure like reading books or even just enjoying working. my logical mind says of course ocd attacks your values in creative and messed up ways but i can't help but think that's a stretch from typical rocd and maybe i am a really bad person. has anyone ever experienced anything similar or the brain being extra evil / tricky?

This is my first serious relationship and it has been amazing. I love him so much. I have just recently started to have extreme doubts and urges to break up. I cant even be with him without having extreme, horrible panic attacks. I have only been able to be intimate with him twice and during both times it was extremely hard. I feel so disconnected from him and myself. Im driving myself crazy. I want to have him, myself and our love back. I feel like I am just hurting him and I dont deserve him. This is so hard because no matter what you say to yourself to reassure they are just thoughts there is always a what if. Its gotten so bad im staying at my parents and cant do school work. I was only able to be with my boyfriend for 2 hours today before I was on the verge of a panic attack. If you relate please let me know im not alone. I feel so alone and trapped right now.

tried eating some chips after more than a year of avoiding them (fearing something bad will happen if i do) and got extremely anxious so i left gc with my friends for 5 days and forbade myself from texting my wife until tomorrow to “balance” it. this is actually so fucked up but i can’t stop these thoughts, i don’t feel like i’m in control at all

Yesterday was my birthday. My mom didn't call me on my birthday. When do you outgrow this type of hurt?

I can’t do this. I feel like I’m never going to have a normal life. I feel like all my friends are being fake to me is this even part of OCD? I just feel like my life is a complete sham. I don’t think I’ll ever have a normal life to where I can be open and honest with people in my life; I’m almost just wanting to delete all social media and go ghost to the world 😢