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I'm going through a break up and as much as I don't wanna text him or call him, my mind is stuck on he isn't safe or something happened to him and it gives me immense anxiety until I call him idk what to do

Hey, I really need your honest opinion. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I also suspect that I struggle with Relationship OCD (ROCD) or obsessive jealousy. I often get completely stuck on certain situations – and right now it’s happening again. Situation 1 – Supermarket: A few days ago, we were at the supermarket and parked right in front of the entrance. At that moment, a young woman came out of the store. My boyfriend looked at her – for me, that’s “looking at someone.” For him, it’s not. He said: “I only looked in that direction. I didn’t look at her.” “I don’t even remember what she looked like.” When I first explained to him what “looking” means for me – for example, if our eyes meet, I already consider that “looking” – he still kept saying, “I didn’t look at her For him, “looking” means consciously focusing on someone with intention. For me, it’s already “looking” if our eyes meet or I notice him glancing at someone, regardless of intention. Later, when we discussed it more calmly, he said he “saw” her but didn’t “look” at her in his sense of the word. For him, this was consistent – but for me, this change in wording feels like an inconsistency. My mind latches onto it and keeps asking: if he really meant “I saw her,” why didn’t he say that from the beginning? Situation 2 – Car: In another situation, a woman with a suitcase was getting into a car in front of us. In my opinion, my boyfriend looked at the car and the woman a bit longer before she got in (not long, but longer). Of course, this could have simply been because there was movement and she was putting the suitcase into the car. Later, I asked him if there was a reason why he looked at the car a bit longer. He said: “No, there was no reason.” My thoughts afterwards: Even though we talked about both situations, my brain keeps scanning everything afterwards: • Was it really like that? • Was his first statement different from the second? • Was it really “not looking” in his sense – or “looking” in mine? • Why did he look at the woman a bit longer before she got in? • Why did he look at the car longer if there was no reason? • Is he lying to me because he said it differently at the beginning than later when we talked more calmly? Situation 3 – Other recent triggers: Yesterday, my boyfriend said to me: “If you know that I didn’t look at her with any intention, why would you even bring it up?” This made my brain spiral again, because I thought: Why would he say that if he says he didn’t look at her at all? During an argument, he also said that when we talk about topics like this, “it’s basically obvious that we’ll end up fighting.” Somehow, this also made me overthink what exactly he meant by that and if there was something hidden behind it. Another example: he says he doesn’t look at other women, but recently he ran into his best friend’s ex-girlfriend. He told me that she “looked at him in a weird way.” Later, it turned out that she had actually smiled at him. When I asked about this, he said that by “weird” he meant that she is a bad person in his opinion, and therefore her smile felt strange to him. But my mind still keeps going over why he didn’t just say “she smiled” in the first place. back to situation 1 and 2: I personally remember the looks and interpret them as “looking” – and that’s exactly what I can’t let go of. I notice that I constantly check for inconsistencies, almost obsessively – and even though we have talked about it, I can’t stop analyzing. I sit here with this inner restlessness and have the strong urge to bring it up again. But I know it wouldn’t help – it would only calm me down temporarily, and then the cycle would start again. Despite his explanations, I still internally doubt his honesty, even though I know there’s actually no objective reason to. It almost feels dangerous to me not to bring it up. I feel like I have to clarify if he was “really honest” – even if, objectively, there’s no reason to doubt it. I know my partner loves me and is honest i hope so. and yet I’m sitting here feeling like I can’t stand it if I don’t talk about it again. I’m tired. I just want clarity – but i don’t get the feeling of “now it’s finally settled. My question: Does this sound like OCD / ROCD / obsessive jealousy to you? Or could it actually just be normal jealousy? I honestly feel like my brain is destroying me over this. Thank you so much if you can give me your thoughts.

Hi everyone. I hope everyone is doing well. I just needed to vent for a second. So I'm divorced as of May 5th and I've been doing well with my ocd. My time of the month is happening and I'm feeling a little sensitive today. I'm in the car with my brother and sister in law and my sister and I don't have the best relationship. We never did really but I guess we are trying to mend that somehow. My brother in law and her asked me to move in with them to help take care of their baby. It's been hard because she is now happily married with a baby on the way which I feel awful for even saying.... because I thought I would be there too. But my life fell apart while his flourished. I'm happy for her but today it's a little hard because she made a comment saying "next time be smart about who you choose to marry". My brother in law said don't say that which was nice but it just reopened old wounds. For context I was emotionally cheated on by my ex husband and he said he would leave me if I wasn't on medication. While he was chatting with other women when we were suppose to be focused on our marriage and trying to fix it, his mom would call me and tell me everything I was doing wrong. I was lied to since the beginning. He lied to me about even him never being unfaithful. He cheated on his last girlfriend too. Didn't find out until after I was married. Now I'm just having a lot of negative self speak in my head about how everything is my fault and I'm starting to have a spike in feeling like God is punishing me. I'm happy with my boyfriend who I love more than anything and believe that my trials are just a test and that I deserve something good to happen. But after that comment... I'm currently tearing up in the car typing this because I just needed to get it off my chest. If you read this far... thank you. Just needed to get it out

I’ve been dealing with rocd for about 9 months now. Off and on I’ve been able to manage it. When it first presented in the beginning my boyfriend and I had just celebrated our one year anniversary and about a month later I started getting random thoughts questioning if I really love him or things telling me I’m incapable of love and then my brain trying to get me to break up with him. I started therapy a little after and she explained rocd to me. Fast forward to now I had been doing decently but we’ve been under a lot of stress lately. He has three kids from his previous marriage who started staying with us full time Monday through Thursday. He lost his job so now we both work for mine doing grocery deliveries. But the day before last I was feeling really anxious and it feels like any anxiety opens the door for intrusive thoughts. So I decided to put a post on a different ocd community forum. And a lot of the times one of my thoughts is what if you don’t really have rocd and you actually want to break up with him. In a persons response to that post they basically said what if you don’t have it and you really do want to break up but what if you do have it and you don’t want to break up. I wasn’t prepared for the first part of that sentence and I went into a full blown panic attack after reading that and my boyfriend had to help bring me out of it. We talked and I messaged my therapist after but haven’t gotten a response. And for the rest of the day I felt drained and like the anxiety was still there and the thoughts were still running around my head. And last night he had fallen asleep and I felt like crying and I came into our bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror as I was and the thought that came up was look at you crying here this is your sign that you need to break up with him. But then I challenge my mind and ask why why do I need to do that and I can’t think of a single valid reason to break up with him. I love him I do. When I’m not spiraling we do so well and have amazing communication and he cares for me so much. But now I woke up this morning still really anxious and fighting my thoughts. Another thing too is that we have about a 9 year age gap and that had never ever been an issue in my mind. I love that he’s older than I am. Any guy my age was never something I looked for or wanted. Yesterday during the drained and still attacking thoughts I saw this younger guy at the store and then my mind immediately was like well this would be better for you he’s older and that’s why you should break up. I really really hate this and don’t want to feel like this anymore but I don’t want to leave him. He’s the person I see when I look into the future as my husband. But that’s also another thing I struggle with time and that creates more of an anxiety it’s like can I really do this for 20-30 years. But that’s not even just with my relationship I do that with anything that is long term and then I hyper focus on the time duration of everything and thinking I can’t do something for that long.

I’ve been struggling with ocd for a while now and did therapy for like 2 or 3 months but stopped because it wasn’t helping. My main focus right now is my ROCD, I have a boyfriend but we’re on a break right now because I was convinced that I didn’t have feeling for him anymore and I told him that being in a relationship was challenging for me because my mental state has been truly awful. During the summer I didn’t want to talk to anyone or do anything and that included talking to my boyfriend. But also I was doubting our relationship more then ever. I kept thinking that we’re so different, I was thinking about all of the things that I don’t like about him and all of the things we disagree on. And came to the conclusion that I didn’t think I wanted to be with him. And we went on break so I could have space to really figure out what I wanted. Now I’m back at the school we both go to and I want to reach out, but idk if I only want to reach out because I’m back at school where I’ve only been with him here, or because I actually want to get back together. Now my ocd is making me think that maybe I never really loved him. Or that maybe I convinced myself that I didn’t want to be with him because we were long distance and I’ve been googling and asking chatgpt. And basically I don’t know how to distinguish between my real feelings and what’s my OCD. I’m just so confused about what I should do. (Also I feel like my feelings change like the weather and I’m never consistent)

my thoughts are not just thoughts, they feel real, too real, i dont feel anything for him, i feel bad feeling towords him lime anger, even disgusting when thinking about intimacy, things i used to not have, i used to be so different, but since i went into a compulsion rabbit hole (googling , posting on nocd, checking my feelings constantly) i am worser and worser every single day, im not the same, i surd to feel a little better from time to time have moments of clarity, feel some love, but i dont, im in agony . people on here told me yhat maybe i matured and i lost feelings, that maybe im scared of change, i feel lime i have no feeljngs and maybe it was never love , just convinced myslef it was bc i liked the ideea, i have been having thoughts for 2 years now, and they started month 4 into our relationship, im scared that i only chased the “i must love him” and love was never there, maybe im lime this bc he is my first bf, moved to another city for me and loves me, and i don’t want to hurt him, nothing helps me, im too scsred, it feels real

I’ve recently started dating a guy. It’s been a little over a week and I’m already questioning my feelings for him. Our first date went pretty well, but since then I’ve been obsessing over the fact that my feelings for him aren’t strong enough and that they’re sometimes flat. This is very distressing because I dated someone last year for 3 months whom I never really developed much feelings for, and it was very traumatic for me because I felt like I was leading him on (which to be fair, I never told him my feelings were up and down until 3 months in). The amount of guilt I hold over that is tremendous. But fast forward a year later, and I’m dating this new guy who I seem to like and want to continue getting to know, yet here are those same doubts and loss of feelings. It’s so discouraging. The only difference this time is the thoughts aren’t as distressing, and I also never left the first date questioning my feelings for him. Looking back at my relationship from a year ago, I feel like I never really formed a connection, both emotionally and physically. It was very slow paced and I really wasn’t that interested in him. With the new guy, I have interest and I do like him, but these doubts and dull feelings make me not want to see him—they create so much anxiety and dread. He will text me good morning and I don’t get excited but instead bad anxiety (which to me seems abnormal especially when first dating/starting a relationship, but I could be wrong). And so I’ve been led to believe that these doubts and feelings MUST mean I’m not interested in him, and any further interactions are purely me forcing myself to like him. My question here is—and I must admit this is me trying to seek reassurance—there must be a difference between GENUINELY not being interested in someone and then OCD TRICKING you into thinking you aren’t into someone. Where and how is that distinction made? I’m seeing him later this evening for a date and have been feeling nervous. There’s excitement underneath, but it’s very hard to feel with all this anxiety. I’ll be giving him a letter I wrote explaining how OCD impacts me in relationships. He already knows I have the disorder, but doesn’t realize its extent. I know I’m ritualizing by giving him this letter, but I personally feel I owe it to him out of pure respect. And especially after that last relationship where I told the guy 3 months in that my feelings fluctuated.

Afraid to tell people about when I'm down. I've been told that certain people don't want to hang out with me because if I encounter a trigger then my mood changes and makes everybody else be down too. To me, this means I have to hide what I'm feeling because they don't want to deal with it. I should be able to openly talk to these people without judgments and without worrying if they'll get tired of my condition. I grew up with one of the people who told me that and she used to be depressed. Never did I feel like I wanted to distance myself when she was feeling down so how could someone say that to me. I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to anymore. One of the other people who told me that is my mom and she has said before that I'm lucky that they are still with me because anyone else would have left a long time ago. I feel like I'll never find someone who wants to stay with me because they won't want to deal with my sadness and the depression that ocd brings me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't. My family and I were gonna go to the beach but I started feeling really sad all of the sudden. last night my brother looked down so at night I blew him a kiss and the my mom was like go give her a hug to him but hugging and physical touch makes me uncomfortable because of my ocd and she knows that and not only did it bother me that she kept insisting despite all the times I've told her jsut that but it bothered me most that she kept insisting with him right there. I don't want to make him feel bad or feel like I'm not hugging him bc it's him. and idk but I couldn't go to sleep until I explained that to him so I had sent him a text last night before either went to bed. and then I explained in person today earlier too and I told my mom over the phone since she was out all day about how it bothered me and that it bothers me as it is because I'm an affectionate person and the ocd takes that away from me constantly I don't need her to keep pushing me to do what makes me uncomfortable you know? but odk why I suddenly got a wave of sadness now but I didn't want to bring the mood down at the beach and I also kinda just needed to be alone and cry alone

My obsessions feel so true. Like I really did flirt. Like I really do want to be with my ex lover or love him. Sometimes these thoughts come about naturally & it takes me a few minutes to freak out. Is this just the name of the game? I guess just because I thought something and DIDNT panic, doesn’t make it anymore true.

This will be my first time venting about this but I have been feeling super anxious towards my boyfriend lately. I’ve just truly discovered the world of OCD and all of the subtypes. I love my boyfriend of 3 years. He’s my person and i know I can see a life with him. Although, i’m suddenly feeling really anxious when i’m around him or even the thought of him. I’m constantly questioning everything about him and our relationship. I have to constantly reassure myself to stay that i love him or that he’s attractive to me and etc! I even have thoughts that maybe he’s not for me when that absolutely kills me. This fear has had be in a choke hold for a couple of days. It’s been especially tough since we just got back from a mini vacation. Idk if i’m nervous about us potentially moving in one day together. I’m trying to tell myself that i’m overthinking bad and i have all these fears because he is my first boyfriend— my first EVERYTHING! Please tell me i’m not the only one that feels this way. I just want to go back to the 1st year where I was obsessed and loved him unconditionally. (which i know i still do know, I just have this annoying thing going on)

Hey, wondering if anyone has tips for constant anxiety, particularly in the morning. I went through a break up 2 months ago. I’m still v sad and doing compulsions but feel I’ve definitely shifted to some form of acceptance. I have also tried reducing my compulsions. However, every single day I wake up with immense anxiety, my stomach and chest is tight and it’s like this throughout the day. I’m currently waiting for therapy but any tips or experiences will be great to hear!

How do you know you just want someone rather than the person? Like now that my infatuation is gone… I makes an active choice to get to know them more but because it feels forced I don’t wanna do it just because

my bf doesn’t believe in God. his parents didn’t care either. this makes me sad cause what if we get marry and God forbid are separated bc he was never saved? i can’t force religion on someone.

Hey, I really need your opinion – I think I might be struggling with Relationship OCD, and these thoughts are driving me crazy. I’ve been officially diagnosed with OCD, and I believe I also have ROCD. My obsessive thoughts often focus on one specific girl from my boyfriend’s past. She had messaged him a few times, and I think she liked him – but he never liked her back. He barely knew her, never found her attractive, and never wanted anything with her. She’s just a good friend of his best friend – not an ex or anything like that. He told me that he happened to be in the same group as her a couple of times – once at a birthday party and once at a fair – just because his best friend brought her along. He made it clear several times that she’s not his type at all, neither in looks nor in personality. He described her as someone who likes to go out and party a lot, and said that’s just not what he’s into. He also said he didn’t ask about her – these things were mentioned to him before our relationship. Almost all of this happened before we met – except for one thing: the fair. That was just one day before our second date, back when we had just started getting to know each other. She was with his friend group that night. He said he only said hi and bye to her, nothing more. The next day, when we met again, we were talking about his friends’ heights. He casually mentioned that his friend was the same height as that girl – 1.70 m. Ever since, I keep wondering: If she meant nothing to him, why did he even talk about her? Or did he actually talk to her that night, even though he said he didn’t? I know he said they barely exchanged a word, but somehow he still knew that detail. I just find that strange. Another example: He once said she was “kind of slutty.” Then, one or two months later, when I brought it up again, he said he didn’t know if she was or not, and that he didn’t care at all. That really confused me. I keep wondering: Why did he say something like that in the first place if he supposedly doesn’t care about her? I also notice this really frustrating cycle: When I talk to him about something that doesn’t make sense to me, I feel brief relief. But then, almost immediately, another thought or detail pops up that feels “off” again – and I feel like I have to bring that up, too. I can’t tolerate the uncertainty. It’s like an endless loop. These little “inconsistencies” – or what I perceive as inconsistencies – make me spiral, even though I do believe he’s being honest with me. I want to trust him. But I have this constant urge to bring up every little thing that doesn’t feel logically right. Every detail stays in my head for days, and it’s really hard not to talk about it. Does this sound like Relationship OCD to you? Do any of you go through this constant analyzing and doubt? I’d really appreciate your thoughts. I’m slowly ruining my own relationship.. Today, for the first time, my partner cried because of it .. I didn’t know how to deal with my thoughts, and seeing him like that made me realize that I really need to change something. Anything that doesn’t make sense to me feels unbearable. And as soon as I talk about one thing, the next thought comes into my head, something else that doesn’t make sense and leaves me feeling uncertain again. I honestly feel extremely helpless right now.. Just as a side note: I was officially diagnosed with ROCD in a previous relationship, not with my current partner, but in a past one.

i’ve told five friends, my sister, and my parents and they all say they don’t think i’m lesbian or into girls the way i’m scared of. but chat gpt says family and friends don’t know. i’ve been on meds for a few months now and the amount of thoughts and time they take up is less and how arousing the thoughts are are less but it’s still there and now feels enjoyable and like i prefer women emotionally and in my life and feel numb for men. but i have a bf and don’t miss him a lot but i enjoy sex with him and stuff. idk what to do anymore

i made a first post about this, this is the second part. but i decided to stay with him and things took a toll today. lately, for weeks now, i can’t get the thought of him cheating on me out of my head. some things have happened to cause me to think like this but recently it’s gotten worse. we got into a huge huge argument today and we nearly broke up. we had set a rule on instagram about updating each other when we posted or changed our profile photo bc he had trust issues with that in the past so we set those rules for him. and I gladly did so. but then today i texted him, nearly 10 hours went by - no response - then i open up instagram and he posted something without letting me know. so I got upset told him if that’s how he wants to do things then he can. then he got upset because i always “assume” things without asking but there was nothing to ask because you’ve been on your phone but you can’t text ur gf back? he claimed he was asleep and he woke up to post, and he said he saw my text but he didn’t feel like talking to me and didn’t know what to respond to with. on top of that his posts r made for a female audience. and then he said “you’re tweaking when ive only been gone for 9 hours”, but yesterday he got disappointed when i didn’t respond within an hour. and I told him his double standards are insane. he got mad. told me I should just leave him since he’s not enough and I made him feel like a sh*tbag. I don’t know what to do. i want to be with him but everytime we fight we end up fighting against each other and not the problem. he told me i need to ask before i assume things, but when i ask he says “im tired, i don’t wanna do this right now, im not worried about that can we just chill”. I don’t feel emotionally safe to open up to him. and he takes everything as an attack. he told me I should be with someone I trust but he’s not understanding that I want to trust him and I want to be with him and the reason why I don’t trust him is because of things he’s done and not because of my past, he thinks im projecting my past onto our rls. we decided to see if we could go 2 weeks without arguing and if we can’t we need to breakup but how can I improve my trust with him and our rls in general?

This is my first time posting on here, and it’s sorta a general question. I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself when my emotions take over from a thought. I know the basics of ERP work is to sit with your feelings, label it and let your thoughts pass, but even when I try to indulge in good distractions and avoid the thought, the feeling still lingers and I can’t help but vent to my partner about it. I can see it’s affecting him and our relationship. I’ve tried journaling, going out for a run, breathing exercises, labeling my thoughts and feelings, but I’m still left restless and unable to sleep because my frustrations and anxieties get too strong. I listened to a recent podcast on reassurance seeking, and she says that a study shows that venting has ZERO benefits. The host says she journals or records herself venting to avoid “bottling it up” and she acknowledges that others may also be going through their own things. I want to be able to ride the wave on my own and practice these tools in the process, but does anyone else have any advice that helps them? TLDR: My feelings get too strong and leaves me restless. I’m seeking advice on what other strategies I can use to cope with my emotions on my own, besides journaling, going for a run, breathing exercises and labeling my thoughts/feelings.

My ROCD comes in waves but I recently began hormonal birth control to help level out a genetic disorder I am dealing with. The harm OCD and relationship OCD has gotten so much worse the last few weeks since starting. My brain is constantly going between. Am I going to hurt someone? Am I depressed? To every other what if known to man. But the ROCD is what has been pissing me off. My relationship is a complete 180 from what I’ve ever experienced. I have only ever been with abusers. My ex husband was a narcissistic person and ruined me (likely why I have this ROCD in the first place) but anyway- my relationship is great. We’re best friends. We share the same values morals and wishes. We enjoy the same things. He can do his own thing and I can do mine. But when my ROCD hits, I disassociate and panic and go through what ifs about the relationship. We have also both been going through some stuff the past few months which has decreased the way we have sex but a ton (went from 2x a day to a couple times a week to now maybe 1x a week- and I fear it’s repeating the same pattern as with my ex…different situation- he was abusive and my current partner isn’t) but with these ROCD bouts I start wondering- is he too short? Do I find him attractive? Do I want to be with him? Should I leave? And now have convinced myself that since we’re in a normal healthy relationship (which can feel boring) that there must be something wrong and that I need to figure out what to do. I’m convinced that less sex and connection (exploring one another as we did when we started dating) means the relationship is doomed. I have never been in a healthy relationship and I know it takes work and showing up everyday. True love isn’t for the weak because it makes you have to work to keep it alive- especially when it’s “boring”. Idk what to do though. These thoughts and spirals are driving me mad. And no matter the situation, the spiral continues. I’m always anxious and thinking “what if” Any tips? I know one person in here said DO NOT leave my partner because it’ll only provide temporary relief and never solve the deeper issues I’m going through. I hate this feeling. I just want to enjoy my life.

i’m so stressed about college. i’m SO worried about meeting people, talking to people, making friends, meeting my roommates, etc. i’m scared that they won’t like me. i’m scared that i’ll say/do something that i couldn’t control and then they all hate me. i’ve been so on edge with my ocd lately, and it’s not very out of the ordinary to have me wanna do something like. weird. but it’s also just like…anything can happen. that little “your chances may be low, but they’re never zero” is always in the back of my head and it stresses me OUT. “the chances of you doing some weird and crazy thing or something out of pocket to your new roommates are very low, but never zero” like that TERRIFIES me dude. idk what to do. on top of it, im scared that they might accidentally do something and contaminate me or my surroundings or anything and then there’s nothing i can do about it. im always VERY particular with keeping things clean, with who can touch them, etc etc, but what if they do something behind my back? or what if they don’t but i think that they did and im stuck instead my head for the next like day or so? i’m so scared. i dont know what to do. does anybody have any college experiences they can share to help me?

My close friend recently told me after a lunch we had with our significant others that I made the lunch not as fun as it could have been because I was in my head and being quiet. I apologized, but we’re all supposed to go on a long road trip in a week and I’ve been thinking non stop for two days about how I might get in my head while we’re on the trip and ruin my friend’s and everyone else’s time. Especially because traveling and socializing are anxiety triggers for me. I’ve thought about bringing it up to my friend, but I don’t want to make anything dramatic if it was just an off handed comment. She has never made me feel bad about my mental health issues before now and I’ve known her for 8 years. Is talking to her just a form of reassurance seeking?