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I had a dream that I liked this boy and I’m a girl is it a good sign that’s I’m straight but when I woke up I started to get thoughts about girls and they feel real they deal that I like girls and I don’t want to

Hi. I struggle with intrusive thoughts a lot and I don’t know how to deal with it. They scare me so much I end up crying. I have many panic attacks because of them. I don’t want to sound crazy. I swear I would never think these things but sometimes when I’m near people or something a random thought “I hope you die” comes in my head. And I would never wish that on anyone. And the worst part is, it happens with people i love and care for so much. I know these thoughts aren’t me. I swear they aren’t but I still get so anxious about them. They make me feel like I have to tell the person it involves and I don’t want to do that. I’ll sound crazy. I’ll sound horrible. I’d never wish that on anyone. I care for everyone and everything whether I know them or not. Idk what to do. I obsess over these thoughts even tho I know it’s not me. Currently crying writing this.

I'm curious if anyone else thought they had a different illness or has even been formally misdiagnosed. For me, OCD *always* came up in Google search results when I was looking up my symptoms. But I always dismissed it thinking "there's no way I have that!" because of my false preconception of OCD being purely about cleanliness and counting. My symptoms involving mood swings and my obsessions/insecurities with how other people perceive me made me believe I had BPD for several years. Even then, it didn't feel right. I felt sort of bad discussing the possibility with my friends because I still thought "but it doesn't feel as severe as they describe it..." It wasn't until my recent (and so far worst) flare up that I specifically searched for intrusive suicidal thoughts that I discovered suicide OCD is exactly everything I had been experiencing. I cried with relief, knowing I wasn't simply going crazy.

(Very triggering rant) If you’ve read a previous post of mine, my partner and I have been invited on a weekend long trip by his coworker. It’s to a comic convention, which I’ve dreamed about attending with my bf for many years now. Here’s the issue: It’s in a crime-ridden city, it’s over a duration of days, and..Well, it’s with my boyfriend. My family is painfully strict. Last year, I asked my family if my bf could visit me at my college for my last formal. I had intense paranoia leading up to asking, and my therapist had reassured me that my fears were senseless. And yet, my intrusive thoughts came true. My parents were so upset that I would even consider such a “dirty,” impure thing as inviting my bf to stay at a DIFFERENT DORM over multiple days, and to attend a dance with me. My dad insisted to me that “no man or women can ever resist temptation” (his words not mine), and concluded that I’ve clearly been sleeping around (I’m a virgin) and will get pregnant and ruin my life if he visits. After contending them on these insane accusations, I had my spending money taken away. When I asked for certain information so I could get a job to make money, I was screamed at and they refused (I wasn’t allowed to get a job until I graduated college). Eventually, it culminated in my parents threatening to disown me for “choosing to betray the family” (their words, not mine), including preventing me from contacting my sisters. They told me they were ashamed of me, that I had become God-less because of my boyfriend, that I’m not even the same person. I was silent from shock. My parents did not like that. And so they lied to my sisters and told them that I was willing to give them up for my bf, which I never said. That one action drove me over the edge. I gave in. Immediately my parents were all loving and sweet. That sudden shift was terrifying. It reminded me of television, it was that unsettling. Now, a year later, I want to ask to go to this event, but I’m TERRIFIED. Not of them saying no (because I figure they will say no), but of what could happen if I EVEN ASKED. My boyfriend wants me to stand up to my parents and ask, but I think it’s a horrible idea. I don’t think my boyfriend quite understands what I went through last year. It was TRAUMATIZING. My family pretends last year didn’t exist. They haven’t brought it up since. But bringing this new trip up, well, that could unearth everything. I’m terrified.

Anyone please help !!!!!! How deal with checking things and when u look at it's okay but ur mind not ready to accept like When u off the stove of the gas u can see the flames goes off the sound u heard from the button and the positioning of the button....still u look closely to it and try to figure it out...is it actually off or not !! how to deal this...

i just downloaded this app. recently ocd has been absolutely exhausting. I have really bad issues with feeling body symmetry and needing to feel like my body is even; if that makes sense. Intrusive thoughts have become louder and are affecting my relationships, i feel like a burden. i’m hoping to find some support and sense of community here as i try and learn to better manage.

My older sister (in her mid twenties) has a habit of “clearing her throat.” She will do it as loud as possible so it echoes in the entire house and everyone can hear it no matter where you are, and she will slowly increase the intensity to make the noise as nasty as possible. She’s been doing it for months now, and there’s an odd pattern to it. Well, if there’s a guest or if she’s in public, she doesn’t do it. If she’s alone in the house, she doesn’t do it. HOWEVER, if someone is within earshot at home, she will do it. She also only started doing this a few months ago. Yet, when questioned, she insists she’s clearing her throat and cannot help it if her throat gets clogged. Yet she will often do it at the end of sentences, after talking a ton. It does read as obnoxious at times. I am wondering at this point that she does it deliberately because she enjoys making a gross noise. Even if she is clearing her throat, the magnitude in which she does it is so intense and loud it harasses the ears…Yes. It is that loud. As if she wants to be heard? If you cannot tell, my OCD (or some form of misophobia) fixates on it and I cannot get the noise out of my mind. 😅 It makes me feel a little ill. If anyone is curious, to my knowledge, my older sister is not neurodivergent (although she used to love to talk about her “OCD” which makes her “super neat”🤦‍♀️). She could have anxiety, though. And technically I have no way of knowing, not my place to say. Ultimately, I have no idea why she does this and I begin to wonder if it’s to deliberately annoy us. I asked my bf about it, and he told me his sister does a similar thing where she makes gross noises for fun. Is this a common occurrence? 😅 Does anyone know what’s going on here? Is there a way I can approach this kindly? Although I am clearly very frustrated, I don’t want to be accusatory or mean about it…She is my sister, and I care about her deeply. But my brain cannot understand what’s going on here. 😅

For anyone else into spirituality, astrology, signs etc. Do you find this can make your OCD worse at times? For example… seeing “signs” that your intrusive thoughts are true or will come true? I’m having a horrible bout of SO-OCD right now and even just saying that I feel shame because I have nothing against the LGBTQ community. But for some reason it’s debilitating at the moment and I keep convincing myself that I’m seeing “signs” that are telling me I’m actually gay, even though I know deep down I’m not. Any advice with this? Why does it feel so incredibly distressing? Then I start to convince myself I must just be in denial. It’s never ending

Hello, I'm Lon (17M) I'm experiencing symptoms of OCD since i was a kid (10). But my parents seems like they're not aware about OCD. They will just always tell me to stop doing the same thing repeatedly and control myself to stop my involuntary movements because they thought that i can control it and it's all just my habit, but no. I'm now 1yr and few months before going to college yet i'm still experiencing these symptoms and it is now worsened. From checking things repeatedly and involuntary movements to intrusive images, intrusive thoughts, arranging things perfectly. I'm now experiencing a lot of symptoms but i still can't get a therapist because i don't have the budget for that. That's why i'm trying to give myself a therapy bcs i'm so tired dealing with my OCD's, Everyday, it makes my life harder than it actually is. I'm seeing lot of ppls with 2 or 3 symptoms saying that they're also tired of it but they still can live their everyday life normally. Because mine is so hard that I can't even do normal things like drinking water without shaking my hands and opening the faucet 4-8 times. I've got almost everything of the symptoms and yet here i am suffering without any help for years and it's getting so hard and i keep getting more symptoms, maybe in a few months or couple of years i will get ALL the symptoms of OCD and the thoughts about suicide. I'm not comparing my OCD to the other ppls OCD. My grammar is so fucked up in this post because my ocd says that I can't use some specific grammars or else something will happen after sharing my story. I really hope you guys understand.

Hey y’all I am struggling a bit with the concept of sitting with anxiety - what is the difference between sitting with anxiety and actually just avoiding taking responsibility for self care / coping? Any thoughts would be helpful

I’ve had this problem for a few months I question if I actually believe myself, it could be something small like my fav color or if I really love someone. If I think I like something my brain automatically goes to “you only like it because you think people want you to like it” even if I’m saying that I like something in my head and no one would ever know, it’s just small things throughout my day like that; that have me questioning who I am and if I even know anything about myself. I don’t know if this is related to ocd and would like to know if anyone has experienced this.

Intoxicated I believe I done a horrific crime (r*pe) to a lady walking by when I was walking home on my own, evidence starting to come alight to me more and more like I had a two cuts in my knuckles & a scram on my chest, I found underwear in my laundry basket with a stain in but don’t know if that’s from that night 80% positive it was, I use to have OCD as a teen but thought it went but all the mix of alcohol I’m unsure what to do next however nothings came of the night, what shall I do next?

(I want this to be the first in a series of post that I’ll be making of my experiences. This will be the first time I truly share the horrors of my life. This may be difficult to read for some people but if your interested follow me and the series. Maybe we’ll build a little community out of this. Anyway thanks for reading) I have a very confusing mental relationship with my family. What I mean by that is idk how I truly feel about my family and I don’t understand the random feelings I get in difficult family situations. There’s a lot to unpack. There’s years of abuse and manipulation but I’ll just be converting a portion here. I also don’t mean that in the cliche social media I want attention way either I seriously mean abuse and manipulation in my family, it’s been like that since I was very young. Currently my mom’s kicking my dad out of the house. She just bought a new home and there’s no room for him, they’re separated and don’t sleep together. In our current living situation he sleeps on the couch but in our new one mom won’t allow that. My dad is actually my step-dad, he’s 6’9 400+ big dude, I never knew my biological father the man’s an enigma, but my step-dad appeared when I was 5 and he lacked a lot of things that make a dad a good dad. He had no empathy nor compassion, was extremely stern and unforgiving, a very do as I say not as I do kinda guy. He was also an extreme disciplinary and used very aggressive yelling and threats of not just whooping but to actually beat us like really mess us up. I say us because once my younger sister were born he did it to them too. He did this to attempt to keep us in line. Wither our actions actually warrant it or not. My dad doesn’t drink either he’s just the way he is. It’s been 16 years since his arrival in my life and I’ve suffered severe psychological affects from him. Yet after all he’s done which includes cheating on my mom, he’s getting put out and I can’t hello but get this deep inner feeling of heavy sadness. I don’t speak much to him and I keep my head down around him I never look at him. We have passing conversations and I perk up and act like everything’s fine In attempt to not raise suspicion on my feelings. I just walk around silent, but the silence is like screaming for me. I can’t even imagine how this is effecting my little sisters if it’s ripping me up like this. My older sister finds it funny and tells me what he and mom talk about or what she overhears. She recently told me three things she heard my dad say while talking with my mom. Each thing was from different conversations in different days and I think that fact made it worse for me for some reason. First she told me he said in regards to mom getting a new home he asked “Is there anything for me to sign?” My mom replied simply “No” he then said “I wish there was something for me to sign” That may not sound like much but I can just imagine how much that hurt him cuz I know it would hurt me. Secondly I was told he said “You make it sound like I can’t stay with y’all” At that point I realized he may get kicked out and that made me feel like I was sinking I instinctively disassociated and sunk within myself. I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling. Lastly I actually heard this one from my mom and sister. My sister told me my mom sent him a list of apartments he should get cuz there’s no room for him in the new house. Then later that day my little sister asked my mom “where’s dad going to sleep?” My mom hung her head and just said “idk”. This man the guy who growing up I promised to never be like and if I became a father I’d be the dad I always wanted. The man I’d sit and cry, hiding from and learning exactly what his footsteps sound like to avoid him, I’m feeling sad for? It’s really only partial sadness but that sadness is heavy. Not seeing him around knowing he’s just out there somewhere maybe in the streets or living in a bad neighborhood idk. This whole thing it’s effecting me more than I thought it would and I’m just so uncomfortable. Idk what a home feels like so I’ve already never felt like I was home, I was just in a familiar place but things feel foreign now. I feel guilty in a way for everything. Maybe if I wasn’t so soft and affected by his actions maybe he’d still be part of the family. My OCD really loves to feel on that subject and it makes dealing with all this way harder. Thanks for reading pt 1 of me opening up. Ik it’s long but if you enjoy some reading please follow along.

Let me preface this by saying all three of my cats are alive, well, and healthy. Does anyone else get really distressed by their pets’ mortality? Like I cannot escape thoughts about their health, wondering if they’re happy, if I’m a good caregiver, worrying about when they’ll pass and how hard that will be and that I’ll inevitably feel like I’ve failed them. I feel intensely guilty often for things like leaving for work or not allowing them in the bedroom when I sleep (bc they keep me up) even though logically I know I shouldn’t feel bad. And I have a lot of guilt about not being able to take a past cat while leaving an abusive situation three years ago (she is definitely okay, she’s well cared for, I checked with an old mutual friend). I just love them so much, I want them to be okay.

My contamination ocd has gotten so bad over the last 6 months. My roommate moved in with his girlfriend and I’m living in my own now, which makes it harder for me to suppress the urge to wash my hands. It makes me not want to do anything but stay at home. I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t even rationalize it anymore. Today for example, my girlfriend got out of the shower before me and wanted to get a new towel so put the towel on the floor. I didn’t have any clean ones except for the one that I use to wipe down my dogs feet after she steps in poop or mud or something. The towel has been run through the wash, but after using it I see that there were some brown streaks still on the towel, making me think that the towel didn’t get fully clean in the wash. It’s completely killed my mood and now I’m sitting here feeling anxious because I can’t do anything about it without feeling weird in front of my girlfriend. She’s very supportive about things like this, but I’m worried she’ll feel bad. Just wanted to vent, hoping it’ll make me feel better until I can go home and shower again

I’ve never really been one to take meds but I just started Prozac today and I’m scared I will become dependent on them. And the parts of me I most enjoyed about myself will disappear and I’ll be someone I don’t know. I don’t want the thoughts to continue any longer. I just want peace and quiet

Everything is triggering my ocd thoughts right now. It started very quickly the other day. I’ve tried all the relaxation techniques and little therapy techniques. I don’t know how to get out of it. Anyone know how to make them stop. Or like how long this anxiety and stuff is gonna last for

Is this normal??? I can’t handle it… makes me so sad i want to cry.. and then i definetly feel my sucidal thoughts are true??

Hi, I’m hoping someone can help me. I have been having the hardest time trusting my boyfriend because I constantly have dreams of him cheating, and throughout the day I make myself constantly imagining him cheating on me and make myself feel horrible. It’s come to the point where I worry that I am too needy with my reassure and making him actually want to do those things. It all started because I found out he was lying about watching porn, and he knew how I was feeling insecure about myself and thinking he wanted other people. So when I found it I felt like my fears were confirmed. He’s been doing such a good job showing me that he’s a “new man” like he says, but whenever we’re apart I can’t help but picturing him doing horrible things.

This is my first post and first time using this app. My partner knows I have ocd but we have been having arguments because I keep asking him super inappropriate questions about whether he loves me, is attracted to _____, is thinking of other people, doesnt feel attracted to me, etc. I get these obsessive thoughts and feel like I have to ask him to get rid of it or get reassurance from him that it isn’t true. But then I’m never satisfied with his answers, and keep asking questions until it comes to a point where the conversation is completely destructive and neither of us are happy. I see a lot of people talking about doubting their relationships and feelings for their s/o’s, but does anybody else have this experience? Advice? Is this relationship ocd too? I am 90% sure it is but the 10% is telling me I’m just crazy, obsessive, possessive, and jealous. I know insecurity must play a big part in why I obsess over these things, but I cant help myself from thinking these thoughts and asking him these questions. We love each other and he is doing his best to support me, but this is putting a big strain on our relationship. Lmk if you relate. Thank you for reading