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tocd is making me feel like i’m faking my identity i hate this

I love my boyfriend. I feel like I have a very strong connection with him which has developed over time and I want to marry him and have children with him . That being said, in the beginning it wasn’t easy , I wouldn’t say I was infatuated with him , I knew I loved him early on but it made me want to run a mile if I’m honest , I have major trust issues and I struggle being vulnerable. I think I found all the reasons it wouldn’t work out between us in my head to push him away but I was fighting with the fact I know I love him.which probably kick started my ocd . Anyways for the last few days Ive had no intrusive thoughts about him and I feel very in love with him. Then earlier I panicked and googled ‘ can you fall in love with someone without having gone through infatuation’ all I can read is people saying that love at first sight is real and people who say it takes a bit of time are just faking it, that love just happens. I now feel really defeated, I’ve had to really work on my ROCD I’ve had some major struggles with negative intrusive thoughts about my attraction towards my boyfriend as he is not my usual type and stuff but deep down I know I love him on such a deeper level. I am scared that I am labelling what is going on as relationship ocd when in actual fact I may be denying my relationship may not be right. I desperately want things to work out between us and for us to marry in the future which is something we both talk about. But I feel sick in my stomach as the initial deep infatuation wasn’t there it’s more of a slow growing deep love but I’m worried one day I’ll meet someone who I feel that ‘love at first sight ‘ everyone is talking about and that I will destroy my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. I am attracted to my my boyfriend , the sex is very good and he is very good looking but he’s not my usual type , I usually go for someone slightly taller and a bit different style but in a way that makes me love him even more because I’ve learnt to love the person he is rather than picking someone who fits a picture in my head if that makes sense. I’m so scared to lose him or to mess it up I want to cry so badly

Can ocd lead to psychosis?

Today my Rocd is giving me anxiety and nervousness for no specific reason. I just feel like this and don't want to do anything. I would like to go outside and walk just to improve my mood but it's really cold outside today and I don't feel like doing it. I have zero eny and my mood is low. My Rocd is hiding behind all these waiting for me to feel bad again. It's so difficult sometimes havoy this issue

Hello. It's being a while since my last post. I Need your help. Today I visited a psychiatrist, after I got in contact with my therapist, to get a medication because, even though I was getting much better with my obsessions, something happened to me that I can't cope with. I want your opinion about Minitran The therapist prescribed me the "Minitran" which are somehow antidepressant, because I told her that xanax aren't doing anything to relief me from stress. And I read about them and they are both antidepressant and antipsychotic too, which makes me worry about two things First what side effects will have on me Secondly do I have psychoses or schizophrenia? I feel even worse than before meeting the therapist...

I’m afraid to talk to my therapist about a particular fear that actually involves them. I don’t want to be switched to another therapist because I make them uncomfortable or they think I’m weird or something. I like my therapist and I don’t want to have to “start over” with someone else. I know that I have to talk about my fears to get better, but I’m scared. Any advice about talking with your therapist about strange thoughts that involve them too?

Okay so I’m sitting here trying to relax and read my book. Sometimes I feel like it’s almost impossible to get through more than five pages without some sort of intrusive thought. I need the courage to practice my erp right now no just keep reading and not rereading the same sentence. Ugh OCD sucks.

I first got ocd when I was 14 15 years old I had alot of rituals and alot were visible I had alot of repetitive things I’d do so my family noticed something was rong wit me I was also takeing showers for 2 hours so I was taken up the bathroom I was doing rituals and doing them just rite I didn’t think I was dirty I just felt like I had to wash my body a certain way and I also counted it was just hard and my mom also washed my hair and my face when she could to help me not take so long getting ready so I could go to school none of us really new bout ocd and my mom took me to our family doctor and I guess he told my mom bout it and wat to do to help me I finally went to a mental hospital for a week they told us first time patients usually only stay a week which now that doesn’t make sense then I had to go again and staid for 2 months it was very scary for me cause the showering for 2 hours wasn’t allowed in the hospital cause the workers had to get all the kids in the showers I shouldve obviously been an acception considering I had no control over my shower time it could’ve been worked on and shortened but I couldn’t just take a normal shower cause I was being threatened I told the workers hysterically crying out of fear that I couldn’t do it that I had ocd they didn’t really care they were only there to babysit us so there job and go home no actually therapy and work occurred at this hospital so I sat for 2 weeks in the hallway wit the bad kids I ate breakfast lunch and dinner on the cold tile floor and wasn’t allowed to do anything I wasn’t allowed to tlk to anyone so for 2 weeks I’d just sit there nothing to do except sit I was being punished for my ocd so as a child I thought there was something rong wit me that was so horrible it needed to be punished I was already embarrassed and confused being young wit ocd now I was definitely embarrassed and scared to tlk bout my ocd cause even this mental hospital couldn’t help me so I isolated at the hospital and didn’t tlk to the staff I didn’t open up at weekly doctor visits cause I felt so disrespected and invalidated I wasn’t bout to share details of my ocd obviously they couldn’t help me noone there was qualified to assist me in my ocd I told them I had ocd I had rituals I did they wanted spacific details like exactly wat I did which was pointless to tell everyone there this information I have ocd and do rituals help me that’s it but noone liked that but I new the way I was being treated wasn’t rite I new that I was shareing enough information to get help and they just weren’t qualified but they gave me medication which helped I did somewat get better but also I didn’t have alot of different ocd subtypes at this time and I hadn’t ritualized some things yet but if they would’ve told me they couldn’t help and transferred me somewere for ocd then then maybe I wouldn’t be this way now when I developed different ocd and started doing more rituals here and there they kind of slowly crept up on me I could’ve had the tools to fite those urges instead of graduallay getting worse over the years I trusted the doctors and hospitals and therapists I saw for my ocd and thought I was doing wat I needed to get better but never really was getting better and was to scared to tell them this wasn’t working I’ve been on all kinds of medication and seen different doctors over the years and they were all the same cause they didn’t understand ocd they didn’t even no the way to treat it they didn’t have any respect towards me and just blew me off basically but now I’ve learned a little bit more that ocd is very hard to treat and requires it’s own therapy but now no ocd place accepts my Medicaid and it can only be used in my state and there’s no facility’s in my state.

How do you know you got misidentified/misdiagnosed with OCD? I know doubting diagnosis can be an issue, but also misdiagnosis is a real issue

Anyone with Relationship ocd? Can you please share what it’s like for you ?

i feel like ocd is turning me into a bad person and changing my personality, my mindset is so negative with nonstop intrusive thoughts

Is erp's task to evoke anxiety and intrusive thoughts or rather to show that when we do something, we will not think about anything bad and nothing will happen?

I keep getting this feeling of anxiety that I hate & it won’t go away. I have Harm OCD, so I’m sure that the anxiety is centering around the feeling of knowing that I have had these harm intrusive thoughts. How can I alleviate the anxiety or potentially get rid of it? My intrusive thoughts won’t go away and I’ve been trying to accept them as just thoughts, but it still doesn’t stick with me how we should just accept them and know that they’re just thoughts when they keep popping up. The feeling in my stomach still sits with me and it doesn’t go away. I’m tired of this.

Does anyone deal with constant nausea? Or the fear of throwing up? I need someone to talk to about this

I don’t have the anxiety anymore but the lesbian toughts are still there. I don’t want to be a lesbian and I don’t know how I can help my situation.

I can't do this with this horrible Rocd... I am always feeling like something is happening even if things seem normal. It is like my mind us constantly trying to find something suspicious or wrong happening against me from my husband. I don't want to live like that, I have this shaky feeling 24/7 and don't seem to improve. I hate it and really want to get better and live a normal life...Why does .y mind needs to feel threatened?? I want to live a simple life and not spend my days in anxiety and doubt...

Anyone else have a fear of intimacy and commitment? I’ve noticed my fear of these things strengthens my OCD and I’m constantly questioning if it’s proof of something ??

i had my doctors appointment yesterday and it felt great to talk about everything. i was told to eat healthier, exercise at night and try out CBT. she told me she wouldn't give me medication just yet and that i should try the CBT first. has anyone experienced this? how did it go for you?

I woke up really badly. I’ve been taking Flexeril, which is a muscle relaxer, and Tylenol p.m. basically almost constantly for about a month or more. Possibly two. Especially the Tylenol p.m. So I know that Tylenol p.m. can give you weird dreams no matter what and Flexeril apparently can cause abnormal thinking and dreaming by itself like even if you didn’t have OCD it could make you think weird. I’ve been having a really hard week. Definitely need to find another job lol. That probably doesn’t help. The job I mean. But then again I’m a dishwasher end I just made a bad choice I should’ve picked the front of house. So that’s my fault. I woke up sort of all right. Which is nice. Usually I don’t wake up that great. So I went to the restroom, did my business, wash my hands, and try to go back to sleep. And I am frightened because as I’m getting myself comfortable again – because I didn’t make my bed and so it was still in that kind of comfy nest like situation-I said silently I might head that I think but I don’t think women are better than men. I’m definitely definitely commands down there better than a woman’s I don’t even like the woman so I guess saying better than is not quite correct. And sometimes I get scared because I have a compulsion to check myself if you know what I mean and I’m scared of what that means if I get anxious and think of a woman’s private and get that compulsion to check myself down there were like what it says about me. Sometimes I mean I know it’s anxiety but I can’t help getting scared about it. And the boob I don’t scared I don’t even feel better I’m frightened I feel better saying the word I’m thinking about how the boob stick out. And what again does that say about me? I mean if I can take a deep breath long enough and think about boobs like literally just I don’t like them. But I’m getting kind of eating away I don’t know what the emotion is it I don’t know if it’s guilt I don’t know what it is But I’m scared to actually do I don’t think women are better than men I just now said I don’t think that I if I’m straight should I think men are better than women I don’t want them I don’t want women I definitely don’t think they’re better than men. And I don’t like the blue pectoral thing because like again if I can get myself calm enough I know I don’t like them but then at the same time I feel like I can’t properly enjoyed men like their chest and I feel bad because I kind of smiled and said oh you can joy the bigger guy than my guy but I didn’t I don’t think and join us the right word. I don’t want big bulky guys and I hate that I might’ve react in a little bit of someone who is more muscular because the more I looked at the guy who is more muscular the moral grossed out I got because it’s just so big and I don’t like them because I don’t want to get a thing for big guys. Actually I don’t like them because I just don’t think the guys are attractive but I don’t like the way I’m smiling like I don’t wanna warm up to big muscular bodies my dude‘s fine. I’m scared I feel like I’m choking for me to say something think that they are so silently scares me because I don’t it’s like why do I really think and feel deep down I feel bad about everything I don’t think women are better than men I don’t but I’m friend I feel like I’m I’m straight so I should think men are better than women but women are not better than men that’s for fucking sure and the pectoral boob thing is just driving me crazy. And I acted eager over when I don’t really like boobs at all and I just feel like I’m going crazy I’m scared I shut down when I try to think of guys like I don’t actually like them but I don’t want to switch teams or go for the alternative I don’t like boobs! Or vagina! And I keep describing it as stuff like but it’s not positive and I keep thinking of but neither vagina or boobs are sweet they’re not sweet or hot or sexy and when I said that I can’t tell if something happened down there and I’m just genuinely terrified right now. I’m trying to go back to sleep because my upstairs neighbors were making like a lot of noise it was ridiculous. They basically were acting like it was 12 in the afternoon instead of like 1130 almost 12 in the morning. So I didn’t get the best sleep I didn’t fall asleep till early morning and that’s frustrating because today’s my day off so there’s that kind of ruined I’m just genuinely scared I can’t say and I’m scared to do I don’t like boobs I don’t want women I don’t like them so why can’t I say that men are I don’t I said I just now really seriously said don’t think that I do think men are than women And I’m scared I am and I don’t wanna lose my feelings for my guy at eight I don’t want to move on I don’t want another person I want him to come back. No he doesn’t know me but I’ve known him I loved him for a long time I haven’t known as in depth as I’d like but I know enough to love them and I don’t want to start moving on I don’t wanna lose my feelings I can’t guess past this sense of like darkness every time I try to think of what I just said like I’m friend of what’s inside me to think that I was silent with he think or say that women aren’t when they’re not better than men frightens me and what that says about me and how I was good to say how forced it feels I’m fr it starting to feel and what that says why would that feel wrong with it or not better than why can’t I say that I’m afraid I can’t anymore but I know I’m straight women are not better than men to me

Hi. Anyone else here with emetephobia, that is afraid to take the medication that has been prescribed to help with the anxiety and panic? I’m starting ERP this coming Wednesday with a therapist here and will also be doing hypnotherapy with another. I’m upset and frustrated that the thing given to help me, I’m afraid to take because of possible side effects. How have others handled this situation? Also, is it possible to get through this without medication and with doing CBT, ERP etc? Thank you.