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i can’t do this anymore my dpdr is so bad i can barely function and get out of bed cause i feel so weird. ugh!!

So I’m really struggling right now because I remember a few months ago my 11 year old niece was visiting and I was hanging out with her and POCD is my worst theme so I remember she was standing next to me or showing me something and she leaned against my knee and I think it was the below part and I’m so scared what if I violated her somehow because I remember I was scared to move and I panicked and moved away from her and I’m so scared of what if I did something wrong even though I had no intentions of doing so I was just sitting there while she was talking or showing me something and it was at a time that I was having an ocd attack I don’t know if it’s blowing me out of proportion but my mind is telling me that I just sat there and let it happen and that I violated her and I really hope to God I didn’t. I was panicked and afraid to move because it felt odd and scary at the time

How can I believe that this is ROCD when there are some proof? Like… I know my ROCD could have exaggerated things.. I know when I am calm I love him and hug him. But this morning was bad.. I started crying when he told me he loved me… before he got of the car I hugged him super hard… I can’t shake this off… I wanna accept his flaws… when I don’t overthink I know I love him.. some parts of him I know I dislike and I told him what thoses things are…. I know relationships go thru rough patches.. I wanna fix it! It’s like my brain is trying to force me to run away.. My friend told me that my relationship is fine. It’s just both of our mental states are to blame for why our relationship is struggling…. I just want my relationship back.. if we break up.. I don’t know if I can handle another relationship again.. I can’t… I just don’t want to

hi i’m a STEM college student. i have contamination OCD that i think is pretty severe; i don’t fear germs or getting sick but the thought of touching gross things like trash and toilets i joined this app because i’ve just recently gotten so much worse in the past semester or 2. (i think i’ve always had ocd as a kid but it got worse in middle school, stagnated, worse in high school, stagnated through the first part of college, and then got SO much worse during the pandemic) i can’t read generic information and articles about ocd without crying. it is very very difficult and painful for me to talk about, so i dont unless i absolutely have to. i don’t even say the word “ocd” out loud to people. it seems so odd to me that some people can casually mention they have ocd, not anonymously i know the nature of ocd itself makes people feel shameful/embarrassed, but i think i feel particularly bad shame from it. i have a particularly strong urge to hide it and keep to myself/solve on my own i think because of my family, particularly my mom. i kind of had to figure out on my own that it was ocd. from the time i was 11 or 12, my mom would yell at me all the time in response to me showering/washing hands/doing laundry with too much soap. but it’s not like she didn’t understand the severity or the situation—she knew it was ocd and was educated enough to understand i just “can’t stop”. yet she would shut off the shower, yell at me to stop, push me into my room one time, and complain that i was stressing her out. she would demand over and over throughout the years for me to explain why i did the compulsions i did, but i didn’t even understand it yet; i was just a kid. she made it into a situation where i was at fault because i was withholding information/keeping secrets. i didn’t really realize that my mom had such an adverse effect on the shame part of ocd until a therapist told me the summer before i went to college. it all made sense why i felt like i had been fighting ocd AND my mom, instead of my my mom and me fighting ocd together. it hasn’t occurred to me that people could have family members out there with whom they can casually yet compassionately talk with them about and support them through ocd: “how can i help you?” “how can we get through this together?” otherwise, my mom and i are really close, but it’s really put a strain on our relationship. i have “cut her off” from discussing anything about my mental health (including grieving from 2 deaths this year) because i want to punish her for how she handled my ocd for all those years. i know that sounds awful, but i have a lot of resentment for her that i’ve never resolved or addressed my mom used to put me in talk therapy every year or two from the time i was about 11. i didn’t figure out it was ocd until recently, but i knew something was wrong with me when i was little. i remember crying to the child psychologist and saying “do you think i’m crazy? am i here because i’m crazy?” when i was 11 i find it incredibly difficult to talk about to even a therapist. that’s why i’m here on this anonymous app. i don’t think my mom or family could ever tell i have this app and am doing this. they have not been compassionate; this has been something i’ve dealt with alone so i feel i will try to solve it alone

Those who pick the skin on your fingers- how did you stop? My fingers look disgusting and I want to stop so badly but can’t find a way to stop??? Help!

This is long. But would definitely appreciate thoughts or advice. Not reassurance. I’m a Christian with Scrupulosity, but recently my ocd has shifted from worrying I’m not “really” a Christian to obsessing on if I should be a Christian at all. Obviously wrestling with faith is a normal human experience, but this feels so OCD. My biggest obsession has been about if the Bible is really true. Obviously this is something that cannot be proven (someone on this app actually described it as the biggest test of accepting uncertainty, which I found helpful), but I seem to be obsessively researching things in the world that seem to contradict the Bible and attempting to reconcile them. Obviously we are rational beings, and we want to believe whatever is true. If something isn’t true, we wouldn’t want to believe it. If something we observe in the natural world blatantly contradicted the Bible, we would probably re-assess and change our beliefs (as with Scrupulosity, that feels like a very bad and faithless thing to say). Lately the obsession has been science related and struggling to reconcile scientific findings with the Bible (for example, a very old earth with an even older universe vs. six days of creation in the Bible…a very controversial issue). I’ve read countless things from both sides (both however being predominantly Christian) and found issues on both sides, which has made me feel close at times to abandoning the Bible altogether (which i do not want to do. I know non-Christians don’t have a flawless explanation of the universe either). But it’s not just science. There’s doubt just related to experiences or how I feel about what I read in the Bible (which i try not to give too much weight to, since they’re just feelings). I would like to add that I am NOT looking for reasons to stop being a Christian. I am not trying to find an excuse to stop believing in God. My obsessive research, rumination, reassurance-seeking, etc, is actually looking for things to re-affirm my faith in Christianity. But of course with OCD, it never ends. I’m trying to remind myself that no matter how much I research, I will not find answers that completely satisfy my questions (no matter what side of the argument the answers come from, atheist, christian, or otherwise). But it just feels so important, as OCD often does, because I want to believe in the right thing. I don’t want to be believing in something untrue. Religion can’t be proven right, but my fear is essentially Christianity being something not worth believing in/being wrong.

So im new here but I figured I needed help, as I cant do this alone. I have fought with OCD all my life. Never can I remember not having that little devil riding on my shoulder, telling me what to do. Up until 2 years ago however, I never knew it was OCD. As soon as I figured out I could fix it, I was all for it. I gritted my teeth, and went through months of exposure therapy until...well, it worked! All except one aspect...These darn physical sensations. My ocd has taken on a type of ocd known as Magical Thinking. Basically where my ocd says "Take away X thing that I love" and I "believe" (not really) that some being above is going to do so. Naturally I knew this was crap, so I ignored them, just like I did every other intrusive thought about me getting cancer, dying, etc. Now, small backstory, im a Musician, music is my life. Its one of the few things im actually good at, and I honestly dont think I could live without it. So, naturally, since I love it, my ocd says "take music away from me" and in doing so I will always feel a "ping" as I call them. Basically like a needle prick somewhere in my body. Because this newfound aspect to my once controlled OCD scared me, as it seemingly added "authenticity" to the thought, I went down a rabbit hole. I started to think to myself, to no one in particular "ok, if im really going to lose music, make it so I get a ping in the next 5 seconds". Low and behold, I got one, so the I tried "If im not going to lose music, make it so I get a ping in the next 5 seconds" and I didnt. At this point, my old obsessive self came flooding back. Without thinking of relapsing, I mustve done both of those thoughts about a hundred times. And every time it was consistent and got it perfect. I then tried thinking, "ok, make it so the pings happen on the one that isnt going to happen". And it flipped it perfectly. My question is this, can OCD do this? Can OCD control physical sensations to a T? As one asks for them? Cause while I know that its not a higher being, it is starting to scare me. Its just too consistent.

I work as an ED nurse and struggle with contamination and perfectionism OCD. My anxiety spikes randomly. Examples would be when I worry that I’m not communicating every little symptom detail with the doctors. Or when I’m drawing blood and notice an old blood stain on a tray or drawer that I might have touched while gathering supplies, so I throw all the supplies away and start again. I get hung up in the “what if’s” and seem to not be able to trust my own clinical judgement. I try to gage my response to situations based off what I know a safe reliable nurse would consider acceptable care. I’m not looking for reassurance that I’m a good nurse. I’m looking for tips to manage anxiety in a setting that is, at baseline, dirty and imperfect. Any help is appreciated!

When OCD causes disturbing or uncomfortable intrusive thoughts, one compulsion you may have is to confess them to someone. In return, they can provide reassurance that you’re a good person, or that everyone has these thoughts. This may provide quick relief, but it ends up making you rely on reassurance to feel better, and does nothing to help you deal with intrusive thoughts and anxiety long-term. By doing exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, you can learn to manage OCD without relying on compulsions. Read more about how ERP can free you from the vicious cycle of confession and reassurance.

Hey guys I was wondering if I could get any advice, specifically from people who deal with an intrusive urge/intrusive thoughts that they want to m*sterbate to their thoughts (I never have before fyi, I never would) because sometimes it like over takes me and I feel all flushed and bothered and it’s really gross and scary. Just wondering how people who have these kind of thoughts deal with them without doing compulsions? Thank you

Anything I say to help me overcome ocd or manage it turns into another obsession. Any responses to my post I will even obsess over. So how can I ever get better? I'm literally laying down now frozen because literally every thought I obsess about. I can't move. Sometimes it takes me like 2 hours to go and eat. I barely sleep too. Please help me. Does anyone experience this endless layering of thoughts? Basically my obsessions are about recovery right now.

I’ve been doing compulsions for over an hour and am very worked up. My false memory OCD and real event OCD is causing me so much pain. I can’t seem to stop thinking or searching my brain for things I’ve done wrong. I’m not sure how to calm down and get out of this spiral

I was telling my cousin how I’m kinda nervous to be a dad and he said “there’s people who are way less fit to be parents out there” and I thought that was kinda assuming that he thought that I wasn’t that fit to be a parent. Later on he made a joke like “I would be nervous too with the whole custody thing” even though I have been with my wife for over 7 years. Now I’m kinda spiraling wondering if he thinks that we’re not good for each other and that we’ll break up. I already struggle with ROCD so this is kinda triggering me.

Fairly certain this isn’t just reassurance seeking, but if it makes you uncomfortable, feel free not to read. I want your thoughts: was a misidentified/misdiagnosed as having OCD? Is it actually something else? Priests have told me I have religious OCD. A few weeks ago, I accepted that I don't actually believe in God and was just doing it to "play safe.' Since then, I don't think I've gotten OCD symptoms(?) The urge to worrying about things comes up, but they're pretty easy to push away(?)

How am I supposed to know if it's OCD or a problem I can fix? I'm having anxiety at times I feel like I should be most relaxed (example: while having a fun time with my bf) I feel really upset by this anxiety and can't find a root cause or any way to fix it. My relationship is everything I've ever wanted and I love my boyfriend very much. We both have the same goals in life and we share some unusual hobbies. I didn't believe in "soulmates," but I really think I've found mine. Idk if I have rocd, anxious/ avoidant attachment, or if there's a problem I can't recognize, but It's an obsession for sure. I plan to use nocd for therapy soon, but can anyone offer advice about this? I know a lot of people still here aren't in a good headspace, but I'd love to hear if anyone's gotten through this and how.

Do I… just don’t love him anymore and just don’t want to admit it?… am I just forcing myself to love him… it never feels that way… I never felt forced… why… why do I feel this… my friend and I were talking long about my relationship… she said that my relationship is good it’s just mine and my partners mental states getting in the way of truly being where we should. We don’t love ourselves.. my partner told me he hates himself… bc he feels like he himself being born was a mistake….. i just hate myself for other reasons… I know if we got help our relationship would become strong again.. Just yesterday it truly felt like I wanted to end it bc I got overwhelmed with anxiety

Does anyone have any tips for a relapse? I know OCD recovery is never linear but I’ve been doing very well (minimal intrusive thoughts/ just brushing them off and not caring) for about a year now and I did something really stupid that triggered me (knowing it would probably trigger me) and now I’m in a little bit of a spiral. I know how to deal with everything but it’s just so exhausting and I feel very hopeless at the moment. It’s also happened at a very stressful time because I’m revising for big exams coming up and I cannot focus on revision at all. Any tips would be gratefully appreciated (although I’m aware the best way is probably to sit with the discomfort). Thank you :)

my mom has been in the hospital for almost 3 weeks. she’s had great progress but now she’s declining rapidly. today we talked about palliative care/hospice. i’ve cried today, but then most of the day i’ve felt numb too. but now i’m back home and it’s all hitting me. she’s my best friend, my rock. i don’t want to lose her. but she’s also suffering so much and i just want her to have some relief. it almost hurts more watching her suffer than i think it would to lose her. i honestly have no idea if she’s gonna make it through the night tonight. i want to sleep because im beyond exhausted but im not sure if i can. this all feels like a bad dream. i don’t even know how to cope or process. nothing feels real. and i’m really struggling with disassociation. i don’t even know what to do.

Is it normal to take long to fall in love/tell your SO that you are in love? My SO and I started off young and we still are (we are almost 3 years in but didn't really start dating until this year and have been ldr all this time with a few exceptions of sering each other) and I struggle to feel and be emotionally present/connected. He tells me he loves me (although rarely because he knows I'm not ready) but I'm scared I'm becoming desensitized to it and that makes me think I don't like him/love him. And I want to feel passionately towards him but I'm scared me wanting and me being are 2 different things although for some reason I just feel like I KNOW that I do feel deeply but somehow can't feel or express it. It's insane, but is it normal to take long to feel love? Or to realize that you feel it at least? I'm scared. Idk how ROCD is impacting me.

I think I just wanted to give everyone a warning that there are some people you just cannot go to for advice because they will not fully understand your situation and you WILL become more triggered also you’re likely seeking reassurance. Trigger warning!!!! Bad advice from people in my life!!! I’ve had a sister tell me that I need to date women in response to me explaining my hocd (thought it was going to feel good to get off my chest i was so wrong). I PANICKED. told her that her response made me feel worse and she continued to tell me that it sounds like I’m a lesbian and need to experiment. SHE THEN TOLD MY MOM ABOUT IT. And I think when you go through something where you’re having a hard time trusting yourself and always seeking answers, having family members tell you that all your fears are coming true is a really difficult thing to go through and just adds to the cycle. Try your best to save it for a therapist, or someone you know who understands, if you can’t sit with it and accept the thoughts/anxiety. I have a friend who I went to for advice for something not related to my relationship anxiety. It was more sexual assault and hocd related. She is in a healthy relationship with a man who just exceeds all expectations. Not every man can be perfect, and you know, maybe he’s like actually not great and we don’t know. IDK. BUT she has a very DUMP HIS ASS mentality when it comes to men and if they aren’t checking all of these boxes then they aren’t good enough. She turned everything I was saying to her about my sexual assault and my hocd to be all about my boyfriend. She started asking me questions hinting that she didn’t think he was good enough. I GOT DEFENSIVE and then she told me that I was getting too defensive and not holding him accountable at all. What she doesn’t know is that I’m holding him accountable in my head all damn day to a fault. And her trying to help me made me trust myself less!!! My boyfriend was my favorite person and I valued his opinion more than anyone else’s. The fact that I was letting her opinion speak so loudly that it felt like fact really just shows me how damaging it is to put yourself in a position where you let others invalidate all of your thoughts/feelings/experiences. My point is, you know who those people are. Often times going to someone for these things will lead to more chaos, plus it’s a compulsion. Sit with your discomfort and do everything in your power not to reach out to someone. If you can’t help it, tell your pillow pet or your cat or watch a john green video so that you don’t feel so alone in having ocd, or come here. These are just my own personal examples but I hope this helps. I know it looks different for everyone and if you have a good support system who knows how to respond, I’m so so happy for you.