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Just wanted to share where I am at. I have been in a relationship for almost a year now and the last month and a half have been extremely hard. I have tons of anxiety around my relationship constantly thinking my girlfriend is not the right one for me and maybe there is someone better for me. I love her so much and she is so caring and patient with me through all of this. She was never my normal type, but we have so much in common and bonded over that. I just want these constant negative thoughts to subside so I can enjoy the relationship again and not have her worry about me so much.

Has anyone gone on disability for mental health? wondering what thats like.

I’m having a horrible time today. A few years ago as a teenager I made mistakes or bad decisions BUT I didn’t know at the time I was making a mistake or a pattern of mistakes and it never crossed my mind at the time that what I was doing was wrong. I’m trying to accept that it’s in the past but it’s so hard when I keep having scary thoughts that I’m a horrible human being who needs to be taken care of or I should give up. I never had any bad intentions or never had a bad bone in my body. I’ve never hurt anyone and never will but unfortunately got into a weird and embarrassing tickling fetish when I was a teenager and I know I’m being vulnerable talking about this but maybe someone can relate or I could help someone I guess I don’t know but I feel so much guilt. I absolutely hate myself for not knowing at the time. If I would of known then what I know now it would of NEVER happened. I was young and people say your mind isn’t fully developed yet but at the time I would look up memes, gifs, or whatever on ifunny at the time that had to do with the fetish and it was never sexual but because it was a fetish the guilt has to do with masturbation at the time every time because to me it was never ever about the people or whoever I came across maybe the reactions I guess I don’t know (it was not porn at all again it was not sexual) I don’t know if I’m overthinking this. I’ve talked to my mom and therapist and they both told me to let it go and move forward. I have so much guilt and anxiety because of this and I’m desperate at this point. I’m at a point where I feel like i don’t deserve love or happiness or joy, but that I deserve to die. I don’t want to be a monster I never did 💔

I’m writing this to see if anyone else has a similar experience, I feel so sick and want my life back… I don’t know what to do half the time when I start panicking. I didn’t have many intrusive thoughts until a year ago after a family member made me feel very uncomfortable, now I over think everything around family members male or female (mostly male like him) and have intrusive thoughts thinking “I might develop a crush on them” or “I might give them the wrong idea”. Then I started feeling scared around children encase I made anyone feel uncomfortable like how that family member made me. I’m passionate about childcare and children’s safety so it scares me even more. I like childish things, I think as a trauma coping mechanism, and again my ocd tells me it’s because I’m a dodgy person. Or if I kiss my cat too much then I stop myself and think am I a dodgy person? Or do people think I’m being inappropriate which obviously is not my intention. All this over thinking makes me worry all the time if I am a dangerous person (or if people think I am) or if other people are dangerous. Does anyone have any advice? Just to know that I’m not alone would help…

hi, so i have something that i have been thinking about pretty frequently lately and i wanted to bring it up to those with relationship OCD. i don’t really know where to begin, but i guess i’ll begin currently and work my way backwards. my boyfriend is currently at a Boys’ State thing (for super smart boys) where they get selected to learn about government and enact the various functions and rolls. we’re both 17, btw (thought i should add this). tonight we were texting and i was getting very upset because i can tell he’s having fun without me; i hate feeling like this because he doesn’t deserve his girlfriend to get upset with him about this because he’s just having some fun. i know that he loves me. i’m questioning if he’s having more fun over there than he is missing me? to add onto this, recently i have set a boundary where if he hangs out with friends and there are girls there, i would like to be invited too. i’m not going to tell him what to do, but it is a boundary that i’ve set into place with him and he understands it. however, i have also been getting upset as he just goes to hangout with his guys. i find that i get anxious and somewhat jealous and wonder what they’re doing. again, i hate feeling this way because he doesn’t deserve it and he’s done nothing wrong. what’s interesting is that this happened in my last (somewhat) serious relationship, and i butchered the relationship with how i responded to these feelings. i can’t do that with this one, i don’t want to hurt him or ruin us. i love him so much. another thing that i find interesting is that i get more jealous as time goes on- like at the beginning of our relationship this wouldn’t have worried or upset me at all. i am just putting this out here to see if anyone else with ROCD experiences this or if this could be a part of OCD manifesting itself in a way i haven’t noticed? sorry that this is so long & i’m doing okay, i just genuinely want to know where this is coming from so that i can work on it.

My house is a complete disaster, yet I’m too depressed to clean it because I know it won’t come out perfect like I would strive for it to be. I know I’m just going to get aggravated and give up on myself, so I’m afraid to even try. On top of that, my relationship is falling apart. I’m always anticipating the worst and acting out on it. I barely leave the house or have any friends anymore. I’m sinking back into a dark place, the dark place I was in almost 3 years ago when my mom passed away, somewhere that took a great deal of strength to get out of, yet I’m sinking and drowning again. My boyfriend seems to judge me now instead of being a supporter, I think it’s because I get angry and he takes it personal. In all reality, I’m mad at myself most of all because I can’t dig myself out of this nasty headspace. I feel isolated and trapped. I’ve let everything go. Is there anybody out there who can talk to me? I feel so alone.

As some one who’s is into I guess more “manly “ things I struggle terribly with the stigma of having a mental health problem . The stigma is just so hard to deal with . Yes people say it’s like having any other condition diabetes or whatever . But being open about this condition comes with such stigma as opposed to having a health issue that’s not effecting your mind.

I've read about a bisexual female that she first just liked lesbian porn, then had thoughts about women with "I want to look like her" when she had low self esteem and then it changed to "I want her" when she rised her self-esteem. I am so scared to even work on my self-esteem now even when it was suggested by my therapist! Today I went shopping and found every woman attractive! But I felt fear in my heart, I just wanted to disappear.

My anxiety is through the roof. I keep having horrible scary thoughts about my self and related to my themes and I feel like I should give up and I don’t want to I just want the pain to stop 💔 How could I have been so stupid when I was younger? How did I not know any better when I should have? I hate myself. It was years ago but because of a stupid tickling fetish I had as a teenager 15+ and the things I’ve come across that were considered innocent and not sexual at all (and I pray to God it wasn’t considered the really bad thing people with POCD fear most because I wasn’t seeking it out at all and I never will it was a fetish I came across on ifunny or whatever which is a meme app with memes and gifs and little videos that were totally innocent and would be considered “cute” or “normal” by a normal person) and I never looked at it in a sexual way it was about the fetish or reactions I don’t even know anymore. But because at the time I was addicted to masturbation and the fetish was apart of that because to me it wasn’t about the people in any of the memes or whatever it was about the fetish which doesn’t make sense I guess is the way to put it I’m scared to death of what that means. I pray to God everyday it wasn’t equivalent to what a monster would of done and that I’m not a really horrible person who did something immoral. I never wanted to be that kind of person and I definitely don’t now. I’m a good hearted person with so much love in my heart. I never hurt anyone and I never will but because of the stupid dumb teenager I used to be and the stupid fetish I used to have because I was curious I guess when I was young I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I’m just venting not looking for reassurance. Please be understanding. No one ever answers my posts I just need to get it out. I’m heartbroken I can’t get passed this no matter what my therapist or even my mom has told me. To let it go and forgive myself and to stop punishing myself. I can’t do it. I feel like I don’t deserve good things or to be happy but yet if a friend came up to me and told me the same thing I would be there for them but when it comes to me it’s so easy to hate and bash myself even though I was young and didn’t know. If someone could help me find a way to do ERP for this I would appreciate it. I’m at the end of my rope here. I can’t keep calm today 💔

I have very strong cheeckbones and i am a girl. Everybody say that they are sign of manly human. I just can't. I have obsession with my body. I deal with soocd and i am so obsseded to find that what If i am manly. I want to Be feminen. I want to My body Look feminen.

Hello everyone. Does any of you suffer from an identity crisis? Sometimes i feel like i dont know who I am, i don't know my identity. I can't explain it very well but its something i call identity crisis which causes me a lot of fear, anxiety and doubt. I have done ERP for my harm and pure OCD and it helped me but this identity crisis still exist. Does any of you have the same issue?

Hi all! Curious if anyone else has been similar to my story? ROCD has set in majorly once I talked to my partners parents about proposing, and even got a ring. I had never been diagnosed with OCD before this moment, but it makes sense with a string of my past relationships where I suddenly “lose feelings” after nonstop doubts. After starting this process, I suddenly went through non-stop compulsions, calling everyone I knew who loved me asking if the relationship was right, ruminating endlessly, asking myself why I suddenly felt so much anxiety, and that it must be a sign our relationship isn’t right. Started reflecting back on our entire relationship, remembering moments I felt uncertain, and wondering if they were all signs I needed to break up earlier and didn’t, even though most of our relationship has been full of trust, vulnerability, love, etc. It led to a major depressive episode, where I lost 15 pounds in 2-3 weeks. I started taking Luvox a couple weeks ago, and am doing ERP for the last couple of weeks (though really struggling with it to be honest, because I feel like I constantly cave to ruminations). Currently, my biggest struggle is the thought that occurs that tells me “you two don’t like to do anything together, and you are so different in your interests. You don’t know how to talk to her.” Even though 2 years of our relationship has revealed that we certainly are very different, it didn’t mean we didn’t know how to spend time together, or know how to talk together. But after weeks of that thought happening, I’m finding I feel like I’m almost manifesting it and allowing it to become true. We had a Friday night with no plans where we just got to be together and walk around and spend time, which should be lovely, but I was anxious the whole time and felt like I couldn’t talk or relate. I’m also noticing I’m suddenly questioning if I’m attracted enough to my partner. It feels like I’m self-sabotaging this relationship I’ve had for two years which has been stable, trusting, and encouraging, and I don’t know how to get back to where I was and just feel better, not be overcome with anxiety and fears, and just be confident, and not spiral into “we don’t have anything to enjoy in spending time together, so you need to break up and end this.” This ROCD stuff is no joke. Very excruciating. It’s made me feel like I have to break up, even though I’ve wanted to get engaged. Anyone else had similar situations? I just feel so guilty, because she’s been so excited, and I feel like I’m not able to love her the way she really deserves.

Grieving the lost time due to OCD is so real. It’s why when I am more stable in my recovery I want to dedicate my life to awareness of this illness and other mental illnesses. What has been hardest for me about this process is that when I was in residential treatment I had this phone call with my uncle. He said when I visited one summer when I was 13 his wife suspected I had OCD. She told my mom but she was in denial of the possibility. And now years later I am suffering from her inaction. Coming to peace with this has not been easy. But I think it caused her too much pain to admit that there was something legitimately wrong. I was so sick. I tried to hide it before it became too much and I just burst. I can’t dwell on “if only” because I can’t get the past back. All I can do is move forward day by day. I do believe I will come to a place of wellness and one day I will be sharing my journey.

with rocd, if i break up with my boyfriend would it happen in the next relationship ? has anybody actually experienced what happens after you break up?

Honesty, I don’t know if this is going to help more or not. Part of me doesn’t want to let go of my ocd tendencies. I don’t want to stop counting, organizing, cleaning, obsessing. It scares me.

Can you have suicidal OCD and depression? Been horribly terrified of people i know who have committed suicide & scared of ending up like that. No matter how hopeless or down I feel over this OCD I know it’s only temporary & I’ve got to work to get better but just want a piece of mind guys. If you’ve went through this please share!

(this is a request for advice! but I put the tw for contamination ocd including discussion of specific exposure to contamination irl -- please don't read if this might trigger you, take care of yourself<3) In March-May, I was in exposure therapy for a form of mental contamination -- fear of an abstract concept basically "infecting" real items. It was very successful and I felt so good and excited to visit my friend for a month without ocd troubles! Sadly for me, I'm so excited about this trip that I've had a big old relapse into just straightforward contamination ocd, but triggered by very specific real-life incidents. Most significantly: a few days ago I stepped barefoot in what I believe was animal poo (likely a dog or coyote). I came inside (carefully doing my best to avoid touching the floor with that foot/the parts of it with feces on it, obviously!) and washed it off in the bathroom. But then my ocd really escalated, and I've spent the last few days terrified that I did an imperfect job keeping the house clean (jostling contaminated bits of grass off my foot while hopping upstairs; accidentally touching a contaminated part of my foot to the floor when trying to balance just on an uncontaminated part; anything I did an imperfect job cleaning up in the bathroom, etc) and the house/floor could be contaminated with microscopic bacteria, parasite eggs, etc, that I might carry to my friend when I visit them. (This has been ... not at all helped by me finding a faint stain on my foot about an hour after initially washing it, that I'd been walking around the house with!) Anyway, obviously not looking for reassurance that I and my friend are definitely 100% safe. I know both that there's probably *technically* a risk of some kind of infection and also that that risk is for sure very small! Pretty sure the path forward is to go about life as normal without giving in to any (more...) compulsions to clean, research illnesses, etc. However, I'm having trouble shaking the idea that maybe this is actually a *rational* concern, and most of the resources I know of/have found on contamination OCD tend to discuss fears that are a lot less ... direct in origin (ie fear of touching a door handle in public and such)? And I'm wondering if anyone has experience with or advice on dealing with contamination ocd stemming from such a specific real-life incident. Sorry for the long post!

Hi Guys, I was wondering if anyone has advice for affording NOCD therapy? I’m from the UK so cannot get this service on insurance and the therapy is costing me A LOT of money. I’ve contacted the billing team who have put me on a payment plan but this doesn’t make it any cheaper. They can’t do anything else for me to help so I’m stuck - I’m not in the right place to stop therapy but I also just cannot keep paying this money for it. Help!!

How do you deal with your family being insensitive and joking about OCD? My dad said that he once had a coworker with OCD and he intentionally triggered him and laughed as he hyperventilated. I told my mom I didn't think it was very funny and she excused his behavior and said that's just my dad's sense of humor.

I’m been ruminating and it gives me headaches. I’m now fully convinced I’m a lesbian and all my attraction to men aren’t real. Now I only get of to wlw contents. I know I’m not a lesbian, however what if I am and lying? I have liked boys for most of my life and never had a crush on a girl. I can’t even find a girl pretty. I have never had a crush on a girl. It’s too much. The idea of dating a woman makes so uncomfortable, like I don’t like it all because I know it’s not for me.