Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does Anyone deal with adhd here?? I just wanted to know how it feels like 😅

Did you ever believed you knew you didn’t love your partner anymore? ☹️ Were you convinced you didn’t? 🥺 😞 did you believe you were lying during that time? I believe I know I don’t love him but why would I post here still? 😞 How can I get what I had back with my partner and still change while working on things together…. I know I shouldn’t post but I can’t help it. I am feeling numbed out or maybe something else… I think about how close I was with him and just get that back again… I don’t wanna constantly believe I am lying… 😢

Any good moments you want to share? Big or small it doesn’t matter. I’ll start! Yesterday I was able to go to the grocery store, cook myself dinner, and made pumpkin pie from scratch as well as watch a horror movie with my partner! It was a nice time. Therapy and medicine seems to be working as well(small increments). This not to brag but I find people with mental health struggles have a hard time just getting the most basic stuff done, so we should be celebrating those small steps and victories. Whatcha got for me?

Anyone else really struggle with identity? I have soocd and ROCD and probably others. I think maybe I’ve had the soocd since I was a teenager but I didn’t know it was a thing so I guess I just thought it was a weird part of myself I always buried that I was maybe I was in denial a lesbian even though I always wanted husband and kids anyways….I’ve been with my partner for 6 years we have a baby and we’ve just got engaged and this is when I lost my mind …all the feelings came back up but worse than ever ….I used to enjoy dressing girly and doing my makeup (maybe I felt the tiniest but of imposter syndrome like I needed to lose a bit more weight or whatever) but this time I really lost! I know I’m a mum but I don’t know who I am….I really struggle to look in the mirror and when I think about losing a few pounds, looking good putting on makeup….we’ll I can’t even think about it it scares me ….I don’t understand it! I put makeup on like I normally do but I’m so lost that I don’t know who I am….like I feel like I can’t do the stuff I used to do with ease and comfort :/ I can’t really explain it very well but when I think of the person I want to be that I always tried to live up to I don’t know what that is and it’s scary ….it was always the blond, attractive person now maybe an aspiring milf haha maybe if that doesn’t sound too shallow! But also with a good job but now all I can think about it being with my baby and eating food 😔 I’m so lost in who I am 🤦🏼‍♀️

Okay so I’m just really confused/lost/nervous/etc about the way i am feeling. I am still struggling with harm intrusive thoughts but i feel like they are not as bad. I still have the commands,what ifs, and images but i feel like they aren’t as bad. I am not in therapy and i know some people said it’s nearly impossible to recover without therapy. So how am i possibly getting better? The only thing i can think of is that I’m a cook everyday so i am always holding a knife. And it’s not like i can just not go to work so i just go because it’s what i normally do. And I’m not isolating from my family because i don’t want it to be noticeable that I’m struggling. So i was just wondering if natural exposures such as knife holding and doing things normally help with the intrusive thought? Because I’m just so scared that I’m getting better without therapy and that secretly means that I’m a bad person.

Now that I'm recovering from ocd I just realized that I haven't allowed myself to be on autopilot at any moment anymore. Like before developing pocd, I used to do things on autopilot like chores and what not. Just now I'm allowing myself to be in the moment again instead of thinking of what I'm about to do which has allowed me to be more functional with my tasks. And I realize that's something I'm just regaining and how sad that is that every waking moment has been spent on thinking I could do something horrible at any moment so I have to be extra aware and think a lot to make sure that doesnt happen when that's not the case. It's the overthinking and the fear that's getting in the way of me letting all of this go. And it's my problem with this fear that is causing all my problems.

I have no friends in college, my OCD has real events behind it, and so many external factors are present and ruining my life… I hate it all so much… if I cease to exist, people won’t care… people won’t ever care that I don’t exist… if I just “disappeared”, and if people found out about the OCD involving real events, people would laugh and be glad I was gone… 😞😞😞

I’ve had distressing ROCD for a year now. Been going through ERP & CBT as well as on medication. Recently for a bachelorette party, we went to a tarot reader for fun. The only other time I’ve done tarot was when my friend read for me & it ended up coming true. Now, this time, I went in very anxious about my relationship due to my OCD. The tarot reader asked a bunch of nonsense at first, asking if I was looking to buy a house (no), asking if I had gone through a break up (no), tried to tell me an older lady was coming through and wanting to talk to me (no older lady in my family has passed). He then started to say if I marry my fiancé, that I will feel stuck and that he was getting major “warning” signs. It’s very much triggered my ROCD this week… wondering if anyone has similar experiences ignoring tarot or using this as an exposure. Thank you! ❤️

I feel like my partner is my mirror. We're definitely different people, but my relationship is showing me where I need to do work within myself. Some of the things I worry about with my partner are also things I worry about with myself. Some of the struggles I am having when it comes to how I relate to my partner reflects struggles I have in how I relate to myself. For example, I notice that I am having thoughts that I cannot accept parts of my partner's personality and preferences. I also notice that I have a really hard time accepting parts of my personality and preferences. I often feel as though I am not good enough--that parts of myself must change in order for me to feel some sense of being okay. I guess, in other words, that some parts of myself must change in order for me to accept myself. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I just find it really interesting that I not only have obsessions regarding faults and perceived problems about my partner and relationship but also about myself. It makes me wonder whether increasing my self-acceptance can increase my ability to tolerate when my partner is different from me or from the way I wish he could be. In other words, could accepting myself help me accept others? Can I learn that having faults does not have to mean that something is wrong?

I’ve been dealing with SO-OCD for almost 2 years now. My mind often intertwines physical and sexual attraction into one. To the point where I struggle to compliment my female friends and if I think someone is pretty, gorgeous, etc. my brain tells me it’s not just physical but also sexual attraction and it constantly taunts me about it. Any tips for when your brain intertwines two very different things? It’s been a struggle today…. 😔

I live with my grandparents because my mother was a floozy who didn't know how to take care of a child without letting them become violently ill from exposure and resulted in the death of my younger sister when she got pneumonia at the age of 1. I'm 24. My OCD, PTSD, and autism exploded when I was in college at the age of 18 and I had to drop out. I went back to living with my grandparents. Everyday I think I'm a burden because they could be happily living in retirement but my stupid self is unable to live on my own. My OCD makes it hard for me to take medicine because I take a night med at night and a day med at day that aren't supposed to mix. I make myself drink a unique bottle of water or soda or whatever with each med to prevent backwash (even though I "fountain" (look it up) the drink just to be safe, I'm still paranoid). So for example, if I drink a red soda for the morning med, I try to finish off that soda before the time to take my night meds gets close, because I feel like that I'm essentially drinking the "remainders" of the day meds and I can't risk even the slightest piece of mixture happening. Unfortunately, this results in me sometimes not finishing a bottle and having to dump it out due to fear later, or ignore it and cause half-empty bottles of drink to build up in my room. My grandparents rage at me over it, saying that I'm wasting their money, I'm disgusting for letting my room fill up with bottles, etc. I try to explain to them and that I'm trying to get past it, but they don't want to hear it. They told me to go dump all the bottles, and then follow me all the way to the sink and back to rant about how I clearly don't care about them, how I don't understand the value of money, and how I need to hurry up and fix my issues so I can learn to take care of myself and get out of their house since they're getting too old for this. It really doesn't help that I'm strict about the timing of my meds, to the point where even if the safe time to take them is clearly 8 hours apart, I'll still wait almost 10 hours to take them because that was the original schedule that I was taking them. This has me taking my night meds at 4:30 am in the morning and my day meds at 2:30-2:50-ish when I wake up from the effects of the night meds, and my grandparents hate that because the doctor told me to work it to where I take my meds earlier. The schedule wasn't originally this bad, a stay in the hospital a few months ago threw it all off completely. So I'm trying to edge my time back gingerly (to taking my night meds at 3:00 am so I can at least wake up at about 11:00 am) but something random happens that sets my time back to where I started each time!!! I have a panic attack at night, I get into an argument with friends at night that keeps me up longer, I lose track of time during a gaming session at night, or I oversleep somehow during the day, I forget to take the meds before I eat during the day, or I have to go somewhere that throws off the timing during the day, it's absolutely RIDICULOUS. When I try to communicate to my grandparents about these weird idiosyncrasies, they don't want to hear it. They INSIST that I'm just making up excuses and not trying hard enough, or looking for an excuse to be more lenient. I'm NOT. IM TRYING TO TELL THEM THAT IM TRYING MY BEST, ABD ITSTNOT BECAUSE I DONT CARE ABOUT THEM LIKE THEY CONSTANTLY SAY!!! I'm literally doing online college for THEIR sake, because I can't risk going to physical school and bringing back the virus (even though we're vaccinated, Im not allowed to risk it), and I HATE online school!!! I'm not learning anything because I hate the class (Environmental Chemistry is stupid and not even my major, I just need it for an elective) and I'm literally just googling answers because the frickin homework and tests uses McGraw Hill questions straight from the TEXTBOOK!!! I'm trying to be a graphic designer, but my OCD makes me destroy my work due to idiosyncratic reasons. When I tell my grandparents that I'm being screwed over because of my OCD, they just tell me to stop thinking about it. Wouldn't be a bleedin' mental illness if I could just STOP THINKING ABOUT IT, NOW WOULD IT!?!??! I'm convinced that I'm a burden, and they secretly want me gone so they can go do their retirement. I feel like a loser with no achievements and that life is passing me by, and I'm not allowed to have nice things. What am I supposed to do?!?

last night someone told me intrusive thoughts were something you want to do, i cant stop overthinking about it now and my anxiety is through the roof i just wanna escape my own body.

I can’t handle the thought of being like this for life. Like what should I even do at this point if it’s going to be with me for life? I hope that it isn’t for life, because I’m screwed of it is…

Hi, very random theme need some guidance. Mature content below also. very lost and confused and need some guidance and help. Basically I’ve been questioning wether or not I want an open relationship and stuff. I got out of a relationships a few months ago and have sort of been obsessing about themes of ROCD since. Basically I started getting into themes of do I want a relationships and stuff and questioning people that cheat(I didn’t get cheated on but alot of people around me have cheated on their partner and it made me sad). Just made me start questioning monogamy and shit and wether stuff like that and if true love exists. Recently I started obsessing over open relationships as someone said if ur gonna cheat u might as well be in an open relationship and it feels like I have a desire to be in an open relationship. But I don’t want to want to be In an open relationships. It feel like my mind is tryna convince me Into it being a good idea. I’m tryna convince myself out of it. Cause I’m not to sure I like the idea of it as it feels more like a friends with benefits situation or sounds like it to me. But yeh It feels like it’s some wierd secret kink or what I truely desire but I don’t want it to be I don’t want it to be that. Firstly I get jealous when I’m into someone and other guys give them attention so yeh. But it feels like my mind is questioning it yes I believe sex and love aren’t the same thing. I keep getting thoughts about it and I’m anxious 24/7 about it. Legit only thing I’ve thought about for weeks. I don’t want to be into that stuff. I wanna build a life where I’m with a girl and I only see her for the rest of my life. I want that if it even exist where I look at a girl only only look at her. I keep trying to convince myself that open relationships are bad and stuff and convince myself that it’s not a desire but it feels like it’s a secret desire but I don’t want it to be I’ll do anything to not let it be. Could this be an OCD theme or is this Mabye soemthing I’m into or something I want. Cause I don’t want to want it, but it feels like I want/desire it. I don’t want to want that stuff I don’t want to be odd I also don’t want to be that guy that has a partner do that stuff, I also don’t want to want that so desperately like I so desperately don’t want to want that stuff. I know this is so random but yeh need opinions.

I'm currently on a break with my new partner of 3 months because I haven't been able to make them understand what my relapse has been like. What has the conversation around OCD been like for you and your partner? Do you give them resources? How much do you tell? Do you tell about triggers as they happen?

I broke up with my boyfriend a couple days ago and I felt clear about the reasons and had talked it over with some people I trust. He’s just asked if I broke up with him because of my ocd and him asking that didn’t sit right with me. I don’t believe that it was because of my ocd but was that even a fair question for him to ask? I really don’t know so it’d be great to get some advice.

Hey guys, I get stuck in an OCD loop and it's pretty severe. I just want to know if anyone experiences it or if it's far more than OCD. I'm pretty much numb to thoughts by this point but they still happen and it's pretty annoying. So I have SOCD and I constantly stare at other females. It's not "oh are they pretty", no more like I'll picture them bending down and flashing their genitals then I get aroused and it's really annoying. It happens with EVERY female, not just "pretty people". I started fantazing about my 80 year old neighbor so nothing is off the table. I'm exhausted. All day it's genitals, focused ONLY on females. My brain wants to know every crease, every drop of dirt on their body ect. I hate that I think this way. I've also been in a relationship with my boyfriend whom in the past I've been very attracted to. I feel so numb around him, uncaring and not interested in him anymore. It all started with HOCD and ROCD and now it'd truly ruined my relationship. I'd like to think this isn't the end, I want to feel in love and happy again but I feel so hopless. I'm losing my mind. My thoughts are so troubling I don't know what to do anymore. I'm still in TOCD where it's trying to convince me I'm trans Eben though my whole life I never thought I was. I loved being female.now I have trouble dressing girly and looking at myself in the mirror because I'm "trans" and I don't look like a man. EVEN THOUGH IM NOT AND DONT WANT TO BE. It's horrifying but I'm starting to accept this must just be the new me and I guess I have to be a fucking guy now. I'm so lost. I constantly think I'm gay, I don't want to be, I've had plenty of crushes on men and I've been greatly in love with my boyfriend and I hope to be again. I just want this to stop, I don't even recognize myself anymore. I can't stay in the moment anymore, I'm always in my head. Please help I'm losing my mind.

I m convinced I have a blood clot in my brain I been getting headaches with dizziness and nausea at the same time I had it twice today :( felt like my blood pressure dropped and at the same time headaches dizziness nausea ;(

Hey guys, I am new to this whole OCD thing. And I'm honestly questioning if it is OCD. I am thinking that I am going insane. Or that I'm going crazy. My thoughts are getting so bad to the point that I just want to scream and punch something. My thoughts are getting bad to the point to where I question if I am going to become a serial killer or a murderer. I keep getting thoughts and images of hurting my boyfriend. It's tearing me up and I get these thoughts quite often. It's very distressing. It gives me so much anxiety and makes me feel like I cannot trust myself. I'm to the point where I'm scared of sleeping face to face with him because I don't want anything to happen. I take walks whenever I get these thoughts but even on the walks the thoughts continue. I just want them to go away. It feels like they are ruining me. And I am so afraid of snapping😭

So for years now hocd has haunted me. All I think about is my sexual orientation and it is infuriating. I just want to know if I’m bi and stop living in limbo all the damn time. Stuff keeps coming up from my past. I know I don’t want to be with women sexually or romantically but my brain convinces me I’m lying and in denial. I re-enacted certain scenes from lesbian porn when I was younger & one time when I was masturbating (tmi I know I’m sorry) I couldn’t get aroused by imagining having sex with a guy but with a woman I got aroused and had an orgasm almost immediately. It makes me feel like my whole life is a lie and I’m just imagining that I’m attracted to guys. Can anybody please tell me anything or give me advice I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like every time I’m doing well my brain digs up my past and calls me bi or that I like women and I’m in denial. But when I think about being with one it doesn’t feel right at all.