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the NOCD Community

I’m on and off with my OCD. It feels all too real at times, and nonexistent at others. I’m heavily considering going medication as i feel it may be what I need to breakthrough this spell. What is your alls experiences with meds and what did you take? Please share all the good, bad and in-between!

Does anyone experience obsessions and compulsions around repeating to do lists? Checking calendars? Fear of forgetting something that is on the to do list?

Some memories are coming up and is so bothersome. Its been 5 almost 6 years and I have confessed back than (which I shouldn’t). Weather sometimes brings those memories back but Iam staying strong sitting with this uncomfortable feeling. Just wanted to vent a little. 💜

After almost breaking up with my boyfriend last night, I’m waking up experiencing relief. I just don’t get it. These thoughts feel so real in the moment, I literally feel crazy.

I am working with my therapist on how to love myself. For years I have beaten myself up in my head and he is trying to get the point across to me that no matter what you need to love yourself… and it is hard to put into practice? Non- OCD related but any advice?

Last night I was at a party and my friend that I like was here and I idk but I think I really do have a crush on him but I mean it’s not a problem it’s not my fault I can’t help that stuff but basically we stayed up late and we both ended up falling asleep and I slept on his shoulder…. Idk what to do I love my boyfriend sooo much but I feel like I’m « falling for someone else » but I don’t wanna leave my boyfriend like 4 days ago I felt really really in love with me I was picturing myself with his baby but when I see my friend I feel attracted I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend is everything for me i don’t wanna risk it all for someone else idk what to do when I see my friend I wanna kiss him but I don’t do it obviously because I’m in a relationship that makes me happy and again I love my boyfriend. I think my ocd probably makes it a bigger deal then it is but maybe it’s not ocd this time idk

My mother killed herself this week. I've been struggling a lot. But my boyfriend keeps asking me questions about our relationship that create arguments. I'm a peaceful person. I love people with all my heart. But he keeps creating arguments for whatever thing I do. He even wanted to break up with me because I confused him with another guy in a picture where everybody was wearing the same clothes, hair and mask. Right now, he texted me saying that he had to tell me something. Again. He always has something to tell me. And I always try to fix everything. I don't know what he's going to tell me. What else I've done badly. What else I've made to hurt him. On the same day my mother died, I sent him a voice message, because we are a distance relationship, saying that I'm sorry for hurting him for the misunderstanding about the picture, for everything he has complained about me. That I never wanted to hurt him. That it has never been my intention. I don't know what he will tell me now, I'm waiting for his message. Today it's my mother's funeral. Such a great for complaining about me again, isn't it?

With OCD I feel like I’m more scared of myself. I will sometimes try to ignore watching something with a kid in it because I’m scared I’ll feel some sort of attraction. And I get really uncomfortable with myself if that kid is really young or isn’t in clothing. So I tend to try to distract myself. And once I feel like I’m having a groinal response I start to panic and feel like you know what, it’s probably not OCD and I’m just a bad person so I should just end my life. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I feel like I’m so different from everyone else with POCD because they know they won’t act on them, they just get intrusive thoughts. And I feel like I could possibly act on them. And I would hate myself for coming to that point in my life. I can’t even look at a guy I like because I start questioning why I like them? Is it because they have childlike features? Is it because they’re goofy and it reminds me of a child? I feel so gross and I’ve grown such a hatred for myself. I’ve come so close to suicide many times since this has started. I just want to know how can you just move past this? Because I feel like it would be selfish of me to not take this seriously. I feel like I should report myself or something. I’ll question myself if I want to hurt a kid. And I honestly don’t know anymore. I’ve lost so much confidence in myself. I don’t know who I am. And I fear I’ve become the person I’ve always feared and hated.

Hi, one of my current issues is feeling guilty.. but would OCD be the issue that I kept looking? So.. I'm 36, a few months ago I would have been 35 and while a girl got off the bus I was driving I noticed her legs and thought nice legs! It progressed to looking at her and thinking she's attractive?! Then other thoughts because she's around 15 I thought she'll be fine when she's say 18/19? Cos I felt bad because of her age! Then I thought but by then she might not be exactly like she is now etc, maybe a little more weight etc, and my mind was saying I like her as she is now! She was quite well made anyway as such. Anyway.. then another girl, similar age, same thing I noticed her legs, then her face etc, thought she's nice too! Would have a glance most days!? Fast forward to a different day, different school run and there's a blonde girl, 15 too, last year of high school and I thought nice legs! (Now I had already been feeling a bit guilty about this with the other ones, and even when pick up time came my mind thought it about others who were maybe 14 etc! Again...guilt! Anyway this blonde went on for weeks, some days I would say I'm not looking at her today etc cos I felt guilty, but I did and sometimes just a glance for a few seconds! One day she got on with tight leggings etc, I ended up feeling aroused altho I tried to halt it straight away! Altho when she was walking away after getting off her legs/butt etc were showing obv in the leggings I thought how could any male not find that attractive? Then another day I had a sexual intrusive thought! Again ogjt arousal which I tried to suppress straight away! So I have OCD and even guilt from this which is making me do compulsions and I'm trying to stop them too as it's hard, but what I'm asking is does this all sound like obsessive behaviour which has caused me alot of guilt and lead to some sort of contamination (incase I've touched something she has etc) I need to clean. I get OCD and I know plenty about intrusive thoughts which I've also had on other people etc so my OCD has been on a high for months now, I just need some other opinions as to wether this all seems out of proportion and OCD like? Is it normal even as a man to think 'ah she's nice or got nice legs' wether it's a 30 year old or 15, (Not a 5 year old!) She was 15 and tall enough etc, then that's that or has it gotten more obsessive probably be ause of OCD and guilt etc. Any help would be appreciated.

We just talked about Jeffrey Dauhmer in my sociology class and all the crazy things he did. Now my mind keeps thinking/picturing everything and it’s making me sick. Then my harm ocd gets triggered and says I’m like him and tries to imagine me doing worse things..anyone else? Any tips? I start erp in two weeks.

Does anyone see someone recover and get scared there never gonna recover

ocd has been so bad lately; rearing it’s ugly head and making things so hard. why can’t i do everyday tasks without a compulsion?? can’t it not for one day….is that so hard for it??? like pls let me live in peace

Are you scared of intimacy due to ROCD? And do you use sex as a compulsion to "prove" to yourself that you have (sexual) feelings for your partner. I just recently discovered this pattern for me and it is hard to deal with and also I kind of feel sad for my past me in past relationships. I have an amazing partner that wants to help me, but I know it's mainly myself that needs to work through this. Also at the moment I try not to ruminate about the whole topic, which is hard. Any advice?

Anyone here recover from ROCD? I’m confused and in a really tough place right now and don’t want to make a rash decision that I’ll regret. Family and girlfriend are super supportive but I just want one conversation with someone who really gets it. Second time this is happening to me and I’m struggling.

I wanna break up… I am worried ROCD might be keeping me in a relationship that I am unhappy in… but I don’t want it to be me… I want to love him. I want to stay. I don’t wanna give up on our relationship. I want to love him like before bc we want to work on ourselves and the relationship. But how can we when I constantly thinking this way?… Were my happy moments a lie… were they just false clarity…. 💔😞

Why is ocd considered ego dystonic? I feel like it’s more of my ego preventing me from accepting my thoughts and therefore I have a big ego :/ can someone explain so I can understand better?

I understand this post isn’t specifically about OCD but it plays a part and I don’t have anyone else to turn to. It’s more of a rant with advice needed :( So when i was 20, i left uni as my ocd was at its absolute worst. At 22 i went back to uni and now i’m currently 23 and still studying. On top of my ocd, i’ve had people tell me i’m good for nothing and stupid and dumb etc which has made me lose all confidence in myself. I’ve always wanted to get a job but i genuinely believe i’m too stupid and dumb to get one. So many people have said the same things to me and make fun of mistakes i make and belittle me. These same people are the ones who tell me i need to get a job and i need to get out and do something instead of spending time in bed being depressed all the time and when i try to tell them that their words are a huge reason why i do not feel like i’m good enough to get a job and be good at it, they say it’s not a good enough reason and i’m using it as an excuse. i’m genuinely not using it as an excuse. i genuinely do not think i’m smart enough for one. i used to have so much confidence and now it’s all gone. these people tell me i’m not doing anything with my life but then they’re the same people to put me down? am i overreacting in feeling so much anger towards them? Like words have such a huge impact on someone’s life and they’ve made me feel so so so low and insecure in my ability to do anything. I just don’t know what to do. I genuinely see myself as the dumbest person ever. I have no one in real life to talk to who understands as they’re all the ones calling me these names and then saying i need to get a job or life is going to pass by. i’m just upset and confused.

More people that obsess over there boy figure? I feel like I’m gaining weight and I’m really fat and I can’t stop thinking about it I really want to lose weight and I do everything I can about it, I eat about 1400 calories per day, do fitness 3 times a week, walk 2 times a week half an hour. But I don’t lose weight, well I feel like I don’t lose weight and feel like I’m only gaining fat.

I lay in bed here thinking that I shouldn’t be going through this. I have everything I have ever wanted, a great job, a great career, resources, a super supportive family, an amazing partner, beautiful pets, and yet… here I lay feeling empty. Feeling like I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I don’t think there is anything super severe that has happened to me that should be making me feel this way and yet, here I lay, unable to go to sleep, hoping the side effects of the meds would go away pondering why. Why do I feel like this? Why does it keep coming back? What did I do in life to deserve such troublesome thoughts and feelings. I don’t understand. I read people’s post to remind myself I’m not the only one going through this and it saddens me to see a whole community struggling with their mind. I really just want myself and everyone to be happy. To be fulfilled. To beat this monster.

I am experiencing unwanted thoughts repeatedly that arent causing physical anxiety but discomfort/unease and a pull/urgency to "figure things out/make sense of the thoughts." I am really trying not to engage in the thoughts but find it difficult since they come on rapid fire. Is it normal/can anyone relate to my description? Some of the thoughts are calling attention to the fact that I have had these doubts/thoughts for many years and that that must mean that they are true. The thoughts relate to whether I never really wanted to marry my partner and am living a life I actually dont want to live. I find it difficult to know what my actual thoughts/feelings are and what is persistent doubt - especially since I have experienced it for so long now and it keeps coming up - as if I am lying to myself. Another thought that I feel like I am struggling with is the regret of getting married because of the suffering/difficulties of the emotions/thoughts/feelings that have followed. Nothing to do with my partner though, but my own internal struggle. I have been struggling for a long time now how to enjoy my relationship in the midst of these thoughts and what they might mean. I guess when I feel anxiety it feels easier to identify the OCD flavor....I just imagined that it is the anxiety that gives the thoughts their power.