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I’m still on the fence if I should take it or not also my psychiatrist appointment was so short and I feel like he prescribed it to me without really getting into wat I’ve been dealing with lol

Hey everyone! I'm new to this community, but I thought I'd share some thoughts about acceptance and ownership when it comes to physical compulsions. I'd love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to reply. Also, this is not mental health advice and is not the right perspective for everyone – I found it helpful in my journey, but it goes without saying that this approach is by no means the correct or best one, and different things will work for different people :) Finally, this perspective is focused on physical compulsions and won't make sense for mental ones. I used to say things like "OCD made me check it," or "OCD is being loud," or "my OCD is really bad today." These are totally understandable phrases and there's nothing wrong with them, and it often feels like OCD is controlling our behaviour. This is one of the hardest parts of the disorder. But I realised that speaking about OCD in this way makes it sound like an illness or ailment that you possess – something that is external to yourself that is influencing or controlling your behaviour. I found that the more I blamed OCD for my behaviour, however, the more I started to give up. "OCD made me do that," I would say, feeling sorry for myself. I would pass the responsibility onto the disorder, not accepting it for myself. Whilst it's true that neural pathways and chemical imbalances are to blame for much of our OCD suffering, it is *also* very, very importantly true, that *you are still in control.* Even when it feels like you aren't, you can still make the choice to walk away, stop, or do whatever it is that you want to do. (Critically, this is not the case for mental compulsions, rituals, rumination, and the like. This only really applies to checking and other physical compulsions. If you suffer from mental compulsions, it is absolutely true that you can't control your thoughts, so don't blame yourself for what pops into your head - it doesn't represent you! It's just noisy brain activity in a brain evolved to protect us from any possible threat, so it can go into overdrive sometimes and start throwing things at us that don't really make sense). When I blamed my OCD for my behaviour, I gave it control. I said, "OCD made me do it," and I became blameless. Blamelessness is nice, but it also equals powerlessness. If I wanted to change my behaviour, I would have to own it - I needed to recognise that, in truth, OCD didn't make me do it. I did. The only way to change my behaviour was to accept responsibility for it and acknowledge that I made the choice to do it. And the flip side to this somewhat dismaying revelation is that, if I made the choice to do it, I could also have made the choice *not* to do it. So next time you feel like blaming your OCD for your suffering or for a physical compulsion, you might want to gently remind yourself of two things: Firstly, that you *are* choosing to do this. BUT. Because you are choosing to do this, you also have the power to choose *not* to do this. OCD is not controlling you. If you can take responsibility for your compulsions, you might find that you have power over them, instead of the other way around! :) Have a lovely day!

I’m not sure how many people will read this but I feel like I need to get it off my chest as I have kept a lot of this to myself for 10 years and feel that sharing it will help. I started off having intrusive thoughts when I was 13, one night I had a nightmare that someone in my family that I am extremely close to had done something sexual towards me (I won’t go into more detail), at the time I didn’t know what it was and thought I was going crazy and this sexual image that I had in my nightmare just went round in my head for about two years, I kept thinking what if this actually happened and I don’t remember or what if this is true? when I knew it wasn’t because I have such a loving relationship with the person in the images. I didn’t tell anyone apart from one friend, and unfortunately he took advantage of how low I was feeling and asked me for sexual photos saying that it would make me feel better sending them and that it would solve my problems. Following having confided in him, I have not spoken to anyone else about my OCD as I am scared about what they will do and that they won’t understand the thoughts I have and think I am crazy. I luckily managed to get over the phase of those first intrusive thoughts when I was about 16, but since then I have gone through several other themes which have made me doubt everything about myself. I unfortunately went through an emotionally abusive relationship with my first boyfriend, when I was 17, and during that relationship I had ROCD, doubting everything about whether I loved my boyfriend and whether I was attracted to him, however he also asked me to prove that I did love him and was very controlling which I think exacerbated everything. During this time, I also had existential OCD thoughts and realised perfectionism was also a part of this (I would tear out a whole page of notes because I got one word wrong or if my notes didn’t look right - something I didn’t realise was part of OCD). Since then I have intense intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation (I am straight but I have doubted whether I could be bisexual or lesbian), then I most recently had transgender OCD doubting whether I am even a woman (even though I love being a woman), which even went to the extent of non-binary OCD and this led to derealisation, where I sat for weeks with that feeling. Now I am doubting whether I feel sexual attraction to anyone and whether I want to have sex or not, I’m not sure what you would call this theme? But it feels like it is endless and that there is no way out of this now and that it will just be ongoing. I feel like I don’t even know who I am as a person anymore and I find it so hard to go through this on my own. Because I have lived with intrusive thoughts for so long and for several years where I didn’t even know what they were I am wondering if things will ever get better. I would like to speak to a therapist but I am scared about those concerns that I have previously mentioned (mainly trust). I have tried ERP on my own and to try and detach thoughts from myself but I find it really hard and think I need help to really start improving! I don’t know what I aimed to do writing this, but it has helped me get this off my shoulders. I am nearly 23 now so still young but I want to having a fulfilling life 🙏🏼

Sometimes it can be a good reflection moment to take time to notice patterns in your life. What have been some of your patterns? How did you cope throughout those periods? What is different now than back then? For me, I totally have had ROCD periods. Compulsions included checking, ruminating, and asking for reassurance. Sometimes it's hard not to believe it all. The distress can get so high. If I had worked on on my values and the things I cared about sooner, I would have worked through my ROCD so much sooner. What works for you? What do you value? Doing this work and focusing on my family helps!

This is a very personal question I feel like.. and I’m not asking for any debate on which is right because I feel like everyone is different and what’s right for you is right for YOU… but, how many of you take medication for your mental health and how many do not?

Can someone tell me how to stop constantly googling every single thing that feels wrong. In the last three days I’ve convinced myself I had MS, I could be having a stroke (multiple times), I have a autoimmune disease and overall something’s wrong with my health. I made a appt to go see my doctor next week to get bloodwork done, which I know is almost like a compulsion because I need assurance that I’m okay, or if I’m not to figure out what’s wrong. My anxiety has made me have so many physical symptoms that I don’t know what’s a problem and what is my anxious brain. Every time something feels wrong I go to dr. Google and then I automatically have some life ending disease. My brain is so tired, I just can’t keep living like this where my mind races and greats new issues everyday. One week it’s health, the next it’s something else, the themes keep changing to keep it interesting and I fear that the mental/physical toll and stress of this is actually going to inevitably harm me. Can someone please give me some advice as to not lose my mind

Twitch the dancer from the Ellen show passed away from suicide he was suffering from depression. A lot of people in the comments keep on saying how it seems weird and that something is up that somebody killed him…everyone is in denial. Just because he was so happy and he’s a family man…. depression doesn’t stay away from a family man, a comedian and well known actor, a rich person. It doesn’t care. I hate how out of touch some people may be. I think this is why a lot of people with depression including me don’t talk about it to anyone. No one really understands. Unless they have been in the very darkness of it.

I’ve always struggled with mistakes I’ve made in the past. Particularly my OCD trigger has been separation from someone and uncertainty about when I will see them next. When this trigger event happens I start to feel anxious which manifests through obsessive thinking about my past and mistakes I’ve made or inappropriate behaviour and I then believe these are the reasons I’m feeling anxious and I must confess or seek reassurance for these mistakes in order to move forward. However I have learnt this is a loop, I think one mistake is the problem and if I confess it then I’ll be free but what happens is another past event/mistake fills it’s place. It will go on forever but I don’t know how to stop. I know the real issue is in the present moment I miss someone or I’m stressed or I’m worried about the future but I always end up looking to the past to find a mistake and ascribe the meaning of my anxiety to that. I know the confession loop doesn’t work. It feeds the problem. This past week I’ve fallen back into this loop after a few years of being able to let the thoughts pass me by without engaging with them. Does anyone else experience this?

Basically I’ve been dating my girlfriend for nearly 5 months,just over a month ago I woke up one morning with pains in my stomach and anxiety and I starting think ‘do I really love my girlfriend’ ‘do I want to be with her’ ‘am I attracted to her’ ‘what if I’m not actually attracted to her or love her that it’s just attatchment issues or loneliness’ ‘what if Im not attracted to women I’m just forcing myself to’. Idk where these thoughts came out of I’ve never had this before although she is my first relationship.I’ve kind of dated people before but she’s my first proper relationship.She’s such amazing person,she’s everything I’ve dreamed of in a person.We do everything together and it’s just so good.I have BPD and I was told I’ve OCD before but it wasn’t an official diagnosis only from my therapist.But these thoughts disturb and make me so uncomfortable and I feel anxious and sick from them.Some days are better than others but lately it’s gotten worse.The past few days I was with her and I felt on edge a lot and guilty for my thoughts.Idk what to do or how to help this my therapist said it’s nothing to worry about there just thoughts but still.Can someone help me please!

The depressive symptoms on top of rumination is so disheartening. I suffer from suicidal ocd. It’s one of my biggest themes. Every since I heard the news about Twitch from the Ellen Show, I’ve been triggered. Definitely thought of myself and I hate having these thoughts!!!

How do you guys deal with health OCD? It’s been eating away at me lately and I’ve just been nervous about something bad happening to me, even after visiting the ER a couple of times about chest pressure/feeling like I’m going to have shortness of breath. And they always seem to find nothing wrong. What do you guys think ?

I keep testing myself saying I don’t love my partner anymore or that I wanna break up… I realize theses are compulsions but lately they have become so real that I truly believe don’t love him and that I want to end a 12 1/2 year relationship… I want it to be b/c I am tired of obsessing and having anxiety 24/7… I even try to say it on here that I don’t love him to see if I would post it or try to send him break up texts withy thumb hanging over the send button. Last night walking out of the bathroom I was pretty sure I love him. I even got a pokemon onesie and joked saying do I look sexy! We had a good laugh last night… I know deep down my feelings are still there bc of my happy moments.. but maybe I got too used to feeling this way…. I am in love still with my partner. Please.. is there anything other than erp that can save my relationship!? I know testing your feelings and constantly asking yourself questions is a compulsion…

It all started about 4 years ago-I would have vicious panic attacks relating the whereabouts of my father, it was recently after coming home from a summer camp when I found out my dad had been struggling with drug abuse pretty much my entire life. I myself being 14 at the time had been smoking pot daily by that time to subconsciously cope with the anxiety and depression I was facing. I remember the first day it happened I was smoking with my good friend we shared a wall in the same duplex. It was after school and my father was still on his way home from work or something. I remember my anxiety kicking in like I was having a panic attack but like; worse. I started crying in front of my friend really hard and saying “I don’t know what’s wrong I just don’t feel okay.”My friend (clearly super uncomfortable) just sat there and tried to comfort me while I called my Dad over and over again until he finally answered. When he did answer I felt such physical relief that it was alarming. I continued to freak out until he got home. When he pulled into the driveway my friend left. From that day on it just kept snowballing, I tried to play it off like it was just a random anxiety attack (caused by the weed or something) but no matter how hard I tried to force it down and distract myself I felt this sense of dread brewing in my at all times like something fucked was gonna happen. This led to me calling my dad excessively everyday all day checking on him making sure he was where he claimed to be etc. It got so bad I had to leave school forms while and stay at my grandparents because the checking was putting too much strain on me and my dads relationship. I went to a psychiatrist and he prescribed me medication for ocd. I continued to live at my grandmothers and tried to white knuckle through everything I was feeling. Eventually they faced me with the choice of going back to school or seeking help at an impatient program. To me impatient was the end. It was being strapped to a bed and wheeled in to a state hospital confined to one of those padded rooms with a strait jacket. Eventually I got things semi under control. I was unable to uphold good grades at my towns high school however-the district sent me to an alternative school. Being away from all my friends and the things that distracted me (+ the workload being a complete joke compared to what had been expected of me academically at my prior schools) I was able to jump my .6 gpa to a 2.32. Eventually my dad met a girl off tinder who is still his girlfriend now. He’s drinking and smoking pot occasionally but I guess he’s fine? I’m currently living with him and my sister working full time- I just graduated this past June. I plan to attend school next September. Overall compared to where I was a few years ago I am in a much better place. I still struggle most days with lots of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I still fight the urge to unnecessarily call my dad on a regular basis. Yet I’m here. I’m alive and breathing. I’m glad I found this app I hope it can help me connect w some like minded people or something idk. I know this is very all over the place lol just needed to get it out I guess. <3

Please help if you can I’m so freaked out right now So I got an audiobook off Amazon audible and it was a book about a woman who gets murdered and people try to solve it and find out why or who did it but in the very beginning of the book, before the man murdered her, he r***ed her and I didn’t know it was going to happen and while listening to the woman’s voice in the audiobook reading it, the things she was saying could be the reason why this happened I don’t know but I started feeling weird down there and it could be groinal response (which I have dealt with before with a certain theme unfortunately) but I haven’t dealt with groinal response in a long time and now I had it during a r*** scene and I didn’t realize it for what it was when I was younger because I’ve heard it is a “thing” or “kink” that people are into that even a co worker told me that but I feel terrible because knowing what I know now I’m so upset that happened while listening to the audiobook and I had no idea it was going to happen. I don’t know what to do

So I’ve been on Zoloft since ending of October and went on 100mg about 2 weeks ago. I really started feeling the affects and it has made me calmer but I still have a lot of intrusive thoughts and today my mood swings were off the charts which my ocd feeds off of and now my mind feels like it’s racing. It could be because I get on my period in a week but can this still happen while on medication or should I talk to my doctor about a new prescription? What’s the goal of medication if you could just share your story

Can people share success of getting better. I feel so sad and hopeless today.

Sometimes I am triggered so badly that if I don’t receive automatic reassurance or consolation it feels like the OCD attack will linger until I ultimately seek out the compulsion (typically confessing to my mother or a therapist.) How do you go about your day when something so huge is nagging you? I need to go on a drive and visit my father but what I really want right now is for someone (usually an authority figure) to tell me that it is all OK.

Intrusive thoughts ruined me

Has anyone ever tried to deliberately play out a harm ocd thought in there mind to test yourself? In hope you would get really anxious and that would prove you would hate it? I deliberately imagined suffocating someone with a pillow and it’s ruined everything, I did get a really anxious feeling but now I feel like I know how it feels to suffocate someone and that I liked the feeling. I’ve been a mess ever since, thinking that I’ve understood how it feels to do that and now I’m desperate to feel the feeling of suffocating someone. I was crying very hard today because I imagined the thought again on purpose to test myself to make sure I don’t like it and I got this feeling in my chest but don’t know if it was anxiety and was worried it was excitement and made myself need to poo and then I searched up what emotions can make yourself need to poo from and it said anxiety or excitement, and because the feeling I get in my chest isn’t painful it’s just a feeling and I’m worried it’s excitement and that I like the thought, whenever i see an animal or a person I have this feeling like an urge of needing to do that horrible thing to them or I saw a cat sat outside today while I was sat in the car and it felt like would do that or want to do that and now I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to do that but now I’m worried that I do or that I like the feeling of doing that I hate this problem I feel so exhausted I really don’t want there to be anything wrong with me but I’ve started believing that I’m genuinely bad and want to do these things I keep having melt downs crying and feel like it’s all doomed because maybe I’ve just got this inescapable urge of wanting to suffocate something because of imagining the thought and the thing that makes it worse is that in movies they make it out to seem like the serial killers get a relief from suffocating someone and now I’m worried that’s me, I wish someone would tell me that I don’t know how it feels to do that through the thought and that it’s all a lie

I’ve tested so much that I believe I convinced myself I wanna break up… I also keep hearing I don’t wanna hurt him. When he held my hand randomly I felt better for 2 minutes. I want us to be close again but it’s like I found my truth….😞