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the NOCD Community

What are some of the things that you all want to do or achieve? I want to personally be able to learn more skills and be productive with whatever I can. It’s a huge thing if I’ll be able to do it wholly. I’ve started baby steps with it and it’s made me feel a teeny bit but importantly positive. So I’m just really happy about that no matter what’s happening 🤪

Hello my name is Hanna and this is my first post on this app. My friends, family , and boyfriend know I struggle with OCD. They are supportive and try to help me in anyway they can, but they don't understand it like an OCD suffer would. I am making this post to help anyone who is dealing with the same thing or someone who can help me. I have been having cheating OCD where I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend. For example; The OCD intrusive thought that has been on my mind for the past week is that i kissed someone. I went to the bar with my friends, but i didn't drink because I knew it would make my OCD worse. Anyway my friend and I were outside and asking people if they had a lighter for a cigarette. This guy was walking into the bar and started talking to us in a friendly way. I found him attractive ( which probably triggered my OCD). But then my friend and I went back inside of the bar to find our others friends to leave. I was holding my friends hand and walking through the bar crowd to leave when I made eye contact with the guy from outside. My OCD immediately made me think I kissed the guy. I love my boyfriend and I would never do that, but I cannot get this thought out of my head. Then this turns into false memory and I keep trying to replay the night in my head. It makes me feel like I kissed him even though I know I didn't. It is causing me extreme guilt, and I even feel guilty talking to my boyfriend. Every-time I try to tell myself it's just OCD my brain makes me think i'm blaming this on OCD and I actually did it. I even had my friend retell the events of that night, and she told some of the events out of order and I knew the correct order of the events. How can I know what events happened, but I can't trust myself. Anytime I try and forget this and get over it my brain will not let me. I need help. It's so frustrating and debilitating that I can't even trust myself.

Has anyone struggled with creating rigid boundaries in order to create “safety” within the theme of your intrusive thoughts?? I struggle with rocd, harm ocd and real event ocd. i overanalyze my partners actions and morals. i have intrusive thoughts if things are consensual, if they respect me, if i’ve ever messed up consent and vice versa. the thoughts plague me and i’m sure you can imagine this theme freaking sucks. especially since we love each other a lot. it’s taken such a huge toll on our relationship and i’m wondering if i’ve created so many boundaries and very intricate ones at that to where it could almost for sure have someone forget or mess up at first. that’s what my partner voiced to me recently since we’ve been dealing with this for a long time. and i’ve created a lot more boundaries than they have. i just struggle thinking if it’s ocd related or if my intrusive thoughts are real. just like everybody here. but yeah has anyone struggled with this symptom of ocd? is this a trap my ocd is creating just for my intrusive thoughts to be “proven right”?

So I was eating dinner and drinking soda. After I was done drinking it I pulled the soda cap off (the thing on the soda cans you pull up to open the can) and I realized there was a tiny piece of metal that fell into the can. I went to go a drink another sip but then realized that the tiny piece of tin was still in their. I immediately spit out the drink. But now I’m so scared I accidentally swallowed that tiny piece. I keep replaying what happened in my head to see what happened but I can’t remember and now I’m scared it’s gonna poison me and I’m gonna not wake up tomorrow 😭 I’m just having time dealing with the uncertainty rn

So yesterday, I don’t know who plays genshin, but basically I was playing with a friend yesterday and she switched to a child character. Once I saw she did and was playing with that character my anxiety immediately rose and I started feeling extremely triggered. Then my thoughts started to lean towards what if you actually want to actively have sex with the character and this is where it gets tricky, I don’t know if I actively started to have sexual thoughts about the child or if it was just ocd. My brain is telling me that it was me that I actively thought it but I don’t want that to be true. I know we can’t control our thoughts so maybe that’s what it was, that I was triggered by the what of thoughts and my brain starting sending me sexual thoughts. Anyways I can’t be sure what happened and it’s really freaking me out.

Is it normal that everything gets worse when something that cause you anxiety is coming. My school is starting on few days and my thoughts are so much worse.

What i understand about the things i heared in therapy and from people who "recovered" from ocd, ocd is the rummination you make to avoid the danger that youre conviced it will happen. So the thoughts itself arent ocd, the rummination and overthinking you do after that is ocd. So in this case, lets take harm ocd, and a real life exemple, you get an illness, or get over a heartbrake, and you get feelings and thoughts of you want to die or worse kill yourself.(sorry i say it like this) and then you get anxious cause you thought about this. So as i understood it, this is not ocd, cause you get anxious because your logic activates and it gives you a sign that thats not a good thing to do. The ocd comes when you start to think "oh my God, why did i thought that, do i really want to do it?" So that means that i have to accept that i will have thoughts like "i want to die" when life isnt good? Cause thats a normal response, everyone thinks that when struggles? I dont know but this is the hardest for me to accept that i will have these thoughts which are genuine at the time cause you suffer, but then if youre lucky you realize its not right to do it... Like i dont want to have these thoughts at all, it can be dangerous cause in that hard time you dont view it as just a thought, its your reality cause things isnt good for you that time... it can be dangerous, and the other thing, i dont want to believe that everyone thinks this when they suffer from a life problem... If someone can say something about this i would appreciate it!

Anyone else hypersexual as a child and now suffering with excruciating guilt about past experiences?? I feel like i deserve to be ruthlessly bullied over what I did. I’d do anything to take it all back, and i cannot forgive myself for possibly causing any harm

What should I do if I don’t think my thoughts are intrusive? Does that mean they’re real? (Sorry I’m posting so much I’ve had a really crappy day and I’m overwhelmed)

I am currently struggling with somatic OCD. It started yesterday and continued to build up more and more this morning. I want to be proactive and not just run away from it in fear and let it get any bigger. Basically I am super aware of my blinking, breathing, and swallowing (I do kindly ask that no one gives any other forms that somatic OCD can take. I heard about these and then instantly latched onto them :/) I did make an imaginal script saying the following. I will never stop thinking about blinking I will never stop thinking about breathing I will never stop thinking about swallowing I will never have piece of mind and the thoughts and sensations will consume me. it will destroy the relationship with my son and wife and I will have a miserable miserable life. I recorded myself saying this and started listening to it on repeat for 15 min at a time. I also have been telling myself whenever the thoughts come up to not fuse with them and do my best to not engage with them. However I do find myself thinking...what if I start thinking about it when I go here or go there, etc. Which creates anxiety and makes me fearful that I will not get rid of this. When I hyper focus on these three things it makes it hard to breathe, swallow, and even see because it makes me dizzy. I have had TONS of themes in the past but I have to be honest this one scares me quite a bit because these are things that I 100% need to do each day in order to function as a human being so its like each time I do any of them even naturally my brain connects it and creates anxiety. ****So I am wondering if the script I wrote is the best way to combat this? and additionally are there other things that I could do in order to conquer this? I know seeking reassurance is not a good thing but I would love to hear how others have overcome this and got free from it....without being triggering if possible :) Thanks so much for everyone on this platform. I cant even tell you how much I appreciate you all and have learned in the short couple of weeks I have been on here.

Having constant intrusive thoughts is exhausting. They have made me question my relationship, my sexual orientation, if i am a good person, and so much more. It’s weird how they are all connected in a way too. A lot of these thoughts that I have feel so real, and i’m just now learning how to tell the difference between what is true and what is an intrusive thought. but at this point i cannot tell. they all feel real but still make me so uncomfortable. i’m scared i actually feel a certain way, whether that be i don’t actually love my boyfriend, i am actually bisexual or a lesbian, or that i am actually a horrible person and have done horrible things. it’s hard to not believe these things when they are constantly nagging at you. im scared im not with the right person. im scared that im not attracted to him enough, im scared we don’t have enough in common and im scared we don’t think the same way. im scared im supposed to be with someone else and that i am hurting him by lying. and im terrified i am lying about my sexual orientation and using him to deny my true thoughts. im scared i am actually bisexual or lesbian. i think i can accept being bisexual more than being a full blown lesbian, but it’s still scary. im not sure if i am actually bisexual or if i just have intrusive thoughts. and i don’t know what to do from there if i am. if i am bisexual that means to me i have to be with a woman? even though i don’t want to and i’ve never seen myself with a woman. i keep replaying memories with girls and if i showed any signs. and then i get scared that because i was aroused by “specific” porn that it means i am lesbian. all of these things make me feel like a horrible person for treating my boyfriend this way, lying to myself, and for being so confused. it’s exhausting. i don’t even know where to start to get help. im scared that i have had OCD my whole life, and if i have, i’m scared a lot of my feelings and thoughts weren’t even real. im scared when i liked a boy, it was actually my OCD. im scared that when i’ve been attracted to something, it was just my OCD. i don’t know what to do

Does anybody feel like they have to try and force their real sexuality? I am straight but my so-ocd makes me believe I am bi or lesbian. For a few days I keep forcing the fact I'm straight and forcing my feelings to other people to make them believe I am straight and not bi or lesbian. I have a big worry at the moment about people thinking I am bi or lesbian as I feel if they believe I am then that means I am and I also don't want to live and have people think of me differently then I am. I think this has come from telling my parents my worries and about my ocd. Is this normal? Has anyone else with so-ocd felt like this? And done this? I hope someone can help

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never be able to have a healthy relationship with a significant other because every time I enter one my ocd kicks in and I end up becoming the toxic one. They get tired of always trying to reassure me and I know they aren’t supposed to but they also don’t care to know that. I’m just so sad and so miserable I wish the guy I loved loved me the way I love him. I wish he cared about me. But I also wish I could let him go. But I’m just so obsessed with the idea of us I can’t let it go and it’s driving me crazy.

I really don't know if this is denial or so-ocd. It's really upsetting me. When I'm not in an ocd episode I don't worry about liking girls or if I'm in denial because my mind knows it's not the case and that I'm straight, but I feel like I could have just been lieing. Before this episode of so-ocd I have never in my life felt attracted to a girl and never felt the way I do about men towards women. But now I'm in this cycle my mind thinks I'm just starting to realise that I actually like girls when I have no prove of liking them and the actual idea of it doesn't sit right with me, i dont think. But I worry that I'm lieing to myself and actually I'm in denial. It feels so real! How do I know it's so-ocd or denial? The idea of me being in denial makes me feel really uncomfortable and anxious and like I would be saying that to just say it but then I'm unsure. How can I help this?

Does anyone suffer from a mixture of magical thinking and harm, whereby you think if you don’t do something a certain way a family member or friend will die? I find it difficult to purchase things or to write cards etc anything with some permanence as I think the thoughts will contaminate that thing and come true at some point. I have been doing ERP and it has been very very difficult but I still struggle. This is also coupled with scrupulously and a fear of the supernatural and some aspects religion (despite me not being religious really) - incase anyone also has that! Would love to connect with others for some support.

I lost attraction to my partner and I couldn’t look at him without thinking about that. I couldn’t have sex with him anymore because I felt guilty that I wasn’t into him that much. I also couldn’t stop thinking about other flaws he had even though ultimately he had way more good to him and we got along so well and we have so much love for each other. I’m bisexual and more into women than men, so also couldn’t stop thinking about women more. I feel guilty saying this out loud and it makes me sound like a terrible person. I love my boyfriend a lot but I broke things off because 1) I can’t be a good partner while dealing with all of this and 2) he deserves to have someone that really loves him without having these doubts. He doesn’t hold this breakup against me but I also couldn’t tell him everything I was feeling because I know it would hurt his feelings a lot. The breakup is not totally permanent and we could get back together if we decide it’s best but for now we agreed it would be best to focus on our own mental health first. But after this breakup I got incredibly sad and was reminded of all the reasons I was with him and why he is so great. Though I just can’t shake the lack of attraction. Id do a checking compulsion to check my attraction to him by staring at him in person or obsessively going through pictures of him to see if he is attractive. He is a handsome guy but I just can’t see it as much anymore and this feeling has persisted for almost 6 months! I thought it would go away but it didn’t and it just got worse. I don’t know if I made the right decision. But I also don’t know if I was making the right decision to be in a relationship. Now my question is.. how do you deal with these doubts in the context of a relationship? Because I ultimately have to make a decision about whether or not to get back together, and because it affects and involves another person and I don’t want to lead him on or waste our times, I can’t just accept that I don’t know like I can with other types of OCD. It’s causing me more distress to deal with these thoughts in a relationship than to not. Though i know my OCD will latch onto something else if I don’t start ERP. Thankfully I am starting soon.

Tried erp a week ago and failed within a week, I struggle with totally commuting the erp with whatever thoughts are in my mind at the time , It feels like I’m stuck at the bunjee jump board and can’t trust and just jump if that makes sense , how do people Just do erp

1. It’s okay if what might work for others, doesn’t work for you. It doesn’t mean you won’t find something that will or that you can’t get better. You will find things that help your ocd and you will get better, I promise. 2. You may not have a support network around you that is helpful to your OCD, like myself. And you should all know that just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you aren’t trying. You’re here and not giving up, and you deserve to be proud of that. 3. You are not your OCD. It doesn’t matter what your OCD is telling you, if everyone in the world was what their OCD was telling them, there wouldn’t be success stories of recovery. And I promise you aren’t the exception. Everyone at some point has felt that they must be the exception, that’s unfortunately part of the process. It doesn’t mean it’s true. Everyone who has recovered has done so in spite of feeling like they must have been the exception. You *will* feel like yourself again. 4. Just because there are people out there and around you who don’t understand OCD does not make you odd. There is no “normal” vs “weird.” Millions of people deal with this, anyway. You aren’t an odd one out. 5. You aren’t weird for your own specific hyper-specific OCD thoughts. OCD can pick up on anything. It’s the lint-roller mental disorder. You aren’t a “weird” ocd-er.

I was focused on a vid of women my age and above doing explicit things… I kept getting intrusive thoughts that I didn’t notice… then I started getting a physical groinal response… and by the time that happened I had noticed the intrusive thoughts… my HOCD is saying I’m in denial because of this… when I don’t ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all…

I don’t know how to tell my friends about my ocd mental illness I feel like they are going to think I’m a creep and not want to be around me anymore