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During really bad moments of soocd do you guys ever feel demasculated, like less of a man, more feminine etc.?

So earlier my sister layed on top of me like horizontally I guess and then I got a groinal response but it felt like very real and then I looked at her but and got an even more intense feeling and I’m like wtf wtf wtf but at the moment it felt so real and like I was just thinking no way this isn’t real and I’m like wtf now and I’m scared and I’m like actually like WTF And I haven’t like been having anymore like intrusive thoughts or feelings that have to do with my sister anymore but I’m having them again and I’m so scared cause this time it felt like real and like I wanted those feelings but I’m like freaking out

When I first started to deal with Schiz-OCD it has always been fear about internal voices. I’ve become overly obsessed with the process of my inner dialogue. This has always been the main fear regarding Schiz-OCD. Questioning my inner monologue, command thoughts/voices, mocking thoughts/voices, voice commenting on what your doing. Anything you can think of. It’s more like I’m thinking the voices if that makes sense. It’s more of a thought/voice but I feel that I have habituated it to the point that it’s automatic and I have lost control of this inner speech. I can create how it sounds, what it says and the tone of it based on my imagination. But I feel that it is getting to the point of real schizophrenia. I’ve been checking in with multiple psychiatrists and professionals who don’t think I have schizophrenia at all. I don’t have any delusions,external hallucinations, disorganized thinking or speech. It’s only the inner voice/thought things and I’m not sure what to do. Is this Pure O or Schizophrenia ? Very confused on what this could mean for my future. Feels as if I’m developing my biggest fear and that it’s not OCD anymore.

And does anyone have any advice on how to stop doing that? Much appreciation for anyone who takes the time to read all of this one and give me some feedback because I really feel it is an issue that I need to deal with. So I partly blame some members of my family for my poor mental health which then led to OCD and even if I am right which im sure I am I want to stop feeling this resentment and the really negative feelings that I have towards them because I am 36 now and I know that it's no good for me and really contributes to keeping the OCD alive. I will be as a brief as I can be about what I am talking about although it is difficult. So I had what I would call an okay upbringing but I did sometimes witness my mother and father physically fighting and arguing when I was growing up. They both enjoyed a drink but my father become a full on drunk who never worked. Alcohol and drunkenness was a regular occourance particularly at wkends right throughout my family. My parents separated when I was 14 and I stopped talking to my father when I was 18. I started seeing him again when I was 23 which was actually nice as my condition was that he wouldnt be drunk in my company again and he stuck to it although out of the blue he commited suicide about a year later When I turned 16 I started to drink and become a typical binge drinker getting hammered every wkend although when I got to about 18 I started to space my sessions out and would regularly go a month or 2 without a single drink although when I then decided to have a drink I would always get black out drunk. I have continued this behaviour until the pressent day but I still tend to get really drunk every time I do. I have to say that when I got to about 29 I started getting more drunk than ever and although I would never physically hurt anyone I would become verbally unpleasant when I was drunk. Even though this would only be once every 2 months my mum started to suggest that I have some councelling so I eventually gave in and went to councelling but I actually believe that going to councelling wasn't a good thing for me because the councellor got me to open up boxes that I had either already dealt with or kept closed for very good reasons and I'm sure all of this contributed massively to the OCD. My councellor at that time also reckoned that I had a drink problem even though I was only drinking once every 2-3 months and suggested that I tried aa. This made me feel quite angry tbh because although I felt that I needed to stop getting so drunk when I did drink I didn't feel like an alcoholic and I actually enjoy drinking every couple of months. This whole thing has made me feel resentful towards my mother which is horrible because I love her and im sure she just wants what's best for me but she still drinks most wkends and still occasionally gets absolutley hammered. Apologies for the life story here it's just that I really need to sort out these negative feelings out towards her and towads a few other people if im to stand any chance of getting on top of my mental health

How do I know if the medication I’m taking is right or wrong for me? Currently taking 60mg of Prozac but idk if it’s doing anything

Hello does anyone else find that maybe they read about a symptom they have and then look it up and they see so much more about it. Then the compulsions of wanting to check and recheck and figure out without getting certainty that they may in fact have this disease? I seem to loose all control when it comes to stepping back and not looking stuff up even when I know how this is going to affect my ocd and make me feel worse. I’m looking for some type of certainty that I don’t have it and there is none. Living in the uncertainty is so hard. Why as ocd people is it so important to have this reassurance when no one else in life has this either. If you can relate to health obsessions and compulsions, what things work for you to take a step back and not spiral into a hole of this ruminating over and over again. Feeling anxious and depressed. I feel by the time I realize I’m doing it, it’s too late and I’m right in the middle of it. How can I catch myself BEFORE I go to the journey of doing compulsions from things I worry about. Does it get easier over time to see the process and catch yourself from doing compulsions from something I’m ruminating about? The thought is uncomfortable but when the thought comes I just need to stop there! But I never do! Help! Does this happen to anyone else and can you relate? Any tips or suggestions? Thx

Today it feels super real and that my whole entire life is a lie. Like I'm only staying with my boyfriend because I don't want to hurt him and one day i'm going to give up and have to forget my previous straight self. Oh the misery....if any woman have recovered from so-ocd please give me some insights. Bisexual I can for sure handle but never liking men again or not getting to be with my boyfriend actually feels like a death sentence.

Hi, I need help. I really don’t know what to do. I have had ocd and intrusive thoughts my whole life pretty much but I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19. Before I was diagnosed I didn’t really know what they were or meant for a long time. Once I remember thinking “I’m bi but I wouldn’t act on it because of what my family and friends might think, so I will just date guys” and this memory HAUNTS me. I don’t know if I really believed this about myself or if it was an intrusive thought. My brain tells me I ABSOLUTELY 100% accepted it but I don’t know really. I don’t think I’m bi now but soemtimes my ocd still tries to convince me that I am and I am not sure. I feel like this memory is proof IF I really accepted it and it was an egosyntonic thought not an egodystonic one. It also says it suppressing my want to be bi bc of other people and that I really do want it I just don’t want to be judged. I can’t ruminate ab this anymore. It’s torture. Someone pls help me if you have advice

Would someone with a fear of being gay ever be a willing participant in a gay relationship and feel reassured by having gay thoughts, fantasies, or urges? Am I just confusing genuine attraction with OCD?

Prisoner to contamination OCD here and the "things" I "have to" do to stop the. feeling of some imaginary plague overtaking me just keep multiplying. The whole Covid lock down and sanitization really made my OCD spiral. I'm still wiping groceries. I can't touch anything public or money without sanitizing. I wipe any surface I come into contact with or have some kind of plan of how I will conduct myself (what to wear, if I can cover my head, come home change, shower) just to make it through, say a dentist appointment or a manicure. Yes, I can complete the tasks, but the thoughts of the ritualistic washing just looms and makes me more anxious and depressed. I know not to go into specifics here, but can anyone chime in? I only have a good day when I don't have to come into contact with things or use my coping compulsions. Unfortunately nocd doesn't have an available therapist that accepts my insurance. Anyone here have success with ERP? I just think it would be extremely difficult.

Im so tired. I don't know how will i feel better. I tried everything but i feel so bad. My heart hurts and i can't breathe. I feel stressed for no reason. Im so tired. Im really tired of everything. I want to pray without stress. I want to be in a relationship, be a healthy and good partner without stress. Im so tired. Is it normal for OCD to be active for EVERYDAY? What if i upset, use, idealize, hurt, be obsessed, cheat my partner? What if i can't stay loyal to God and be a bad servant? Or what if God takes my partner away from me? Relationship and religious ocd, but sometimes pure, meta, s.o and more. This shit is taking my life away and i can't stand that anymore. I can't do it. I can't get a therapist. It's so expensive. No one here to help me. I feel like the worst servant, worst partner and worst daughter, sister in the world. I want to accept myself but OCD makes me feel like i don't deserve to live. Im so tired. I can't even look at enviroment. I walk by looking at FLOOR because everyone and everything triggers me. I feel so horrible. I always feel like something bad will happen or something is wrong. I misrecognizing my partner or others because of OCD. OCD makes me feel like everyone hates me. Even writing here makes me feel guilty for no reason.

I just saw this video of this lady talking about coincidences and death. I know I shouldn’t have read the comments but I did. It now has me freaked out that my thoughts are facts and will happen. How do people have gut instincts? It freaks me out. Has anyone ever feared this?

Hello! I am a happy mess because I met a cool guy (I saw him once so maybe I am in an illusion) but he asked me to hang out today and I really want to go and get to know him more. On the other hand, there's two guys. I am not dating anyone, but the truth is that I rn don't want to date anyone either right now. For one of them I think I liked him in some occasion in my life and he is honestly one of the kindest people I know, but the way I like him has no sexual or corporal context. I can't imagine myself even kissing him, but I care deeply for him. The other guy is also a kind friend who helped me during one of the most difficult times in my life and we used to make out sometimes, but we have stopped it. He is kind and attractive, but I don't see myself in a relationship with him. I know that both of them liked me in the past, Idk if they still like me being honest. I contact both of them in a daily basis, the first one is my biggest company in college. I am afraid I am being a piece of shit for hanging out with the boy I met. What should I tell the 2 guys? I don't want to lose their friendship, but I don't want to fool them too. I

Do you guys have any tips for dealing with OCD when you feel like your real events 'prove' your theme? A lot of people when discussing ZOCD have a harder time distinguishing it from having a paraphilia. Honestly, I worry so much that I'm just an anti-contact z**phile whos in denial, and I think a lot of that has to do with the messy discussion around it. There are days where I feel more secure in myself and days where I feel like I dont really know myself or fear I'm in denial. I know for a fact i would never harm an animal and have no desire to. The idea of being a z**phile is so distressing to me especially with my fears of abandonment. However with my real event, I worry it's proof I am one anyway. I feel like deep down i know my events were just a result of growing up with unfiltered internet access and being exposed to things I shouldn't have been (specifically furry porn art). but I still should've known better, and that's what gets me most. I've been almost a year porn free! But it still haunts me. I might be the only one in this boat but if anyone has any advice (especially on dealing with it outside of therapy) I would be grateful.

Or feel like if they allow themselves to recover from OCD then bad things will happen? Any answers or feedback will be greatly apprecaited So I ask this question as I have struggled really bad with OCD for almost 4 years now. So bad that I haven't worked in that time and I have spent all of my savings as I have had to live off it. I am 36 now and up until 4 years ago I had always worked and had a nice amount of money saved for a house deposit. The really frustrating thing is that I feel that I know exactly what it is I need to start doing in order to get a grip of my mental health and this horrific OCD but because I don't feel worthy of being happy and free of ocd and because I've told myself that if I do then something really bad will happen it stops me from allowing myself to get better. I've had over 150 hours of councelling in the past few years aswell as some ERP but because but because off these feelings I can't seem to get better

Would you say these are fairly common symptoms of this theme? - seemingly a ‘brain breaking’ thought that comes from nowhere? Up until 25, never considered I was anything other than straight. - complete loss of libido - seemingly loss of attraction feelings for the opposite gender. - constant feeling of anxiety or that something is wrong. - inability to seem to focus on anything else other than this topic, the anxiety it causes. - loss of interest in anything that you knew you once liked. Music, games, socialising, family. - constant battle with your mind throwing up evidence that you are XYZ, which means it’s not ocd. - fear that you ‘believe’ the thoughts due to how very real it feels. And because it feels real, even more fear and anxiety comes. - constant wanting to evaluate everything you see. Men/women, things you associate as being xyz, even how you talk. - after several years, almost complete loss of who you are. Not really knowing who you are anymore, or wether you even are xyz at this point. - almost the first thing my mind does every morning is ask “are you anxious, are you thinking these things” then bang, off to the races. Are these all common symptoms? And treatment. My psych keeps telling me. “You have to just allow yourself to continue living your life with these thoughts and feelings happening in the background. Even if you believe them or they feel real. Maybe they are true, maybe they are not. Then get back to living a healthy life” But I keep seemingly getting sucked in. As soon as it feels true/real. It’s like I give up? And my ability to soldier on seems useless if it’s real/true?

Does going about your day while having intrusive thoughts and urges/sensations count as a exposure?

I see there a lots of OCD subtypes but which one would Trichotillomania fall under so I can follow it?

i’ve been having difficulty feeling a lot of guilt for past things i’ve done. such as mistakes etc. it’s even hard for me to share these things because i feel like such a bad person for them. one thing is for the longest time even up till recently there’s times i wouldn’t wash my hands after using the bathroom. i have no idea when i didn’t. but now i feel terrible for it. idk if i was being lazy at times sometimes ik my hands would be clean so i felt i didn’t have to other times i was lazy. i’m sure everyone has probably done this at one point in their life however i feel i probably did this more often. if i was cooking i’d wash my hands ofc before. but now i feel bad for potentially getting germs on other people bc i was being gross. this is hard to share bc i’m so scared of judgment. sometimes i’d turn the sink on and pretend i washed my hands when i was lazy. like i said i don’t know why and i have this insane amount of guilt for it. i keep thinking what if i put people at harm bc i was being gross. i used to babysit and i do think i washed my hands after using the bathroom most of the time or all the time but now i’m worried what if i didn’t them i’m putting the baby at risk. i just hate myself for this bc thinking back to it it’s so gross. i did this even up till i was 18 it’s not like i didn’t know right from wrong. like what is wrong with me why did i do this? and if you’re going to hate on me or make me feel guilty pls don’t respond bc i already feel very bad. i just can’t get this out of my head and don’t know why i did this so often. :/

Today I ran out of money in my HRA account so now therapy is completely out of pocket I’m scared I can’t afford to get better. (My husband says we’re fine so I really think this is an irrational fear) but I can’t shake the feeling. Maybe it’s my ocds last ditch to get me to stay sick. I keep checking back accounts and calculating how long I’ll need therapy to get better…