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I feel like my ocd is ruining my relationship. I can’t stop confessing and all it’s doing is making my partner feel differently about me. I wish I could just stop

Kind of a vent, or a dairy entry idk, sorry Tldr; I worked hard to start loving myself. I'm a troubled christian but also crave a relationship. I don't know if I should completly devote myself to be a good christian. I don't want to ever give up my faith Lately I can't help but think about life. My main theme is SOOCD and after months of fighting it I'm much better. But I'm in that weird phase where I'm mostly concerned about how my future relationship will look like. I've never been in a relationship due to my social anxiety and horrible self esteem. I started to fantasize about being with that dream guy, but whenever I think about anything sexual with him it's high anxiety. I had a phase before where I was crying because SOOCD and being scared of being asexual. Now I think it's just my social anxiety, but I also observed that it calms me down when I imagine him and me with wedding rings. I'm a christian, but a horrible one. I sin a lot in my thoughts and start daydreaming whenever I pray. I'm trying to fight it, but it's hard. And I was always looking down on myself because I'm not perfect and that I could do so much better. Lately I was working on myself and I finally started thinking more about myself than others. I wanna do what I wanna do and be myself, no matter what they think. And I think that I don't want to wait until marriage. I'm not sure tho, but I have a strong urge. I feel like if I found the right guy and I would feel super safe and comfortable with him, I would want to have sex. And this drives me crazy lately. If I want to sin, how can I be a christian? How do I give up something that I want, when I was working so hard to learn to do what I want? Why do I have to belittle myself and be humble, when I felt like actual human trash all my life and just started to feel good now? Should I give up all my wants and my human value? I don't want to, but I love God so much I want to be His child. I will never ever give up my faith, but I feel like I'm blasphemous for calling myself a christian. If needed, I can completly devote myself and be a piece of sh** again. But I worked so hard and finally feel good with myself. I feel like if I don't belittle myself and give up everything I'm being blasphemous for even praying or thinking about God. I feel like this may be ocd, but I'm not sure. My ocd likes to jump around and be different types, I literally had half of the existing themes already. I'd appreciate if somebody commented and shared something, I feel awful sitting with this by myself Thank you

when you have what ifs which a a possibility how do i stop doing compulsions because my mind is believing every what if to fit my real event and i don't know how to stop it's causing me misery and i'm not happy it's all my minds consumed with every single day the same what ifs to my real event 😣

I can't live at home because I'm afraid I'll stab the neighbours with a knife. I've spent basically all year in a psychward. I feel suicidal at the moment. I see this therapist and I'm learning some strategies but I'm afraid it's not enough. Please tell me your experiences with harm OCD? Have any of you been able to beat it?

Me and my boyfriend ha been together for 5 months now , I am having a very hard spike of ROCD from thinking he isn’t the one to thinking i actually love someone else , the thing is the thought jump from a theme to another so fast that i can’t process or handle my mind throughout it all i tell him every single thought I don’t want to hurt him or be the person who leaves a scar now the theme revolves around not loving hum and being guilty that I feel like i am using him and i just love the idea that he loves me and that I just don’t want to be alone no more and I don’t feel real love or spark anymore I actually at the very beginning felt extreme safety and comfort now everything is triggering and when I look at him I cry instantly as I fel of how awful I AM TO HURT SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME THIS MUCH !! I do believe I am not obligated to do anything he gives me extreme freedom to choose if i want to leave and he is very open to this so nothing is pressuring me and now I fear it’s me staying only because I am afraid to hurt him and bec of guilt not bec I actually wanna be with him..

Hi there, I am the parent of a 13 yr old daughter with a multi diagnosis. For the last couple of years she has been suffering from a Trichotillomania. Curious: 1) if there is anyone who has this condition also, and what’s been helping you? 2) we are trying to treat one part of her diagnosis (ADHD) and I’m worried that the medication that helps executive functioning skills may increase her hair pulling. She’s currently in CBT and ERT.

I will start off by acknowledging how incredibly lucky I am to be getting married to my partner in the next few months , something I thought of as being an impossible dream to achieve when I first started struggling with my relationship anxiety. I grew up with the idea that love was simply physical attraction and that ‘the spark’ =love. I was never really raised to learn about more important values such as respect , loyalty and commitment unfortunately. I never thought that love could grow overtime or that it doesn’t have to start off with an immediate spark. When I met my partner , though I did definitely find him attractive there wasn’t that initial spark or chemistry upon meeting but I felt incredibly attached to him and cared for him like no other. I really struggled to come to terms with the lack of spark assuming that I was a terrible person for continuing the relationship but I couldn’t bring myself to end it as I do love him. I’m glad I held on cause I’ve learnt so much about relationships and love now and I understand that it doesn’t have to look the same for everyone and that it’s also a choice and a commitment and that I don’t need to feel guilty there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with our relationship it’s what we make it. That being said , during the peak of my ocd , I bumped into a stranger a few times near where I live (we’ve never spoken and I no nothing about him) and I immediately felt a strong attraction and spark, that coupled with the extreme guilt and anxiety , created an obsession for me. I started ruminating and fantasising about what life would be like with this person and I would compare my current relationship to this built up fantasy. To this day I can’t get this made up story line of living and being with this other person out of my head , my ocd has ruminated on this point so much that it almost feels like a real scenario. Because of my strong beliefs that spark =love I have felt so guilty and its made me question if I’m making the wrong choice even though I definitely want to marry my partner. I’ve read for articles explaining marriage I’d difficult and it takes work to stay committed and it’s normal not to feel the spark etc which has helped ground me , but then when I go onto forums the people there say that there marriage is easy and it’s only hard work if you marry the wrong person. So now that’s causing me immense distress because I feel responsible to make sure I’m ready and certain for the marriage so that I can be the dependable and committed partner my fiancée needs. I know that I’ll never end our relationship anyway so all this overthinking is wasted energy but does anyone have any advice?

Can someone pls help me, my current intrusive thought is rlly severe. I saw a very disturbing & gruesome video recently, & I don't think it's real, it's a hoax by clearly a bad person, but now the image of it won't stop popping back into my mind. It is triggered by almost everything, & it is rlly annoying, like a song stuck in my head, except it's something gory & sick, so it's worse! For those curious, I will NOT be attaching the link because it's too traumatizing, trust me, I am doing u a favor, & curiosity is what killed the cat for me, figuratively speaking. It's like that thing with OCD where if u try not to think of a pink elephant or a brown bear, that is exactly what you're going to picture or think of almost instantaneously. But ontop of feeling absolutely repulsed, disgusted, & full of anxiety, I am also feeling guilty & ashamed for even having such thoughts around Christmas time especially, when things are suppose to be innocent. I regret watching it so much, & feel f'd up for the times I "rewatched" it, but only in an attempt to find some sort of evidence that it was fake, because I so desperately want it to be fake. But the amount of ppl in comments who say it's a prosthetic are less than the amount of ppl who argue that it is real, so I'm outnumbered, & now doubting my judgement, even though I did find some near-obvious signs of it being staged. Pls provide whatever advice u know, because it has already gone on way too long, & I can't have it constantly resurfacing from my memory just to torment me. Distractions (if & when they work), are so temporary.

This is unrelated to ocd, but I came on here to discuss my frustration. I’m so so tired of people leaving my life without communicating with me the problems they’re having. I am someone who gets attached very easily and when I care for someone, that shouldn’t be taken with a grain of salt. 99% of the time if there is a problem, I recognize my mistakes and apologize so I can do better in the future. That’s all I can do. But if that’s not good enough, what was the point in wasting my time and committing to a friendship that was never going to last? Along with that, my anxiety has been through the roof this year and it’s so overwhelming. All I do is live in constant worry. I’m basically just walking anxiety. It’s exhausting and so tiring. I just wish the volume would lower so I can breathe. However, for some reason, I won’t do what it takes to really try and make some improvement. I can’t figure out why. Maybe it’s because I’m scared there isn’t a bright side or anxiety has become my safety net? I don’t know, but I’m just so exhausted and need somewhere to let this out. Thank you for listening :)

So I have an uncle who comes over sometimes and I started having thoughts of being attracted to him or something, this has happened before and it became a small obsession until I finally said I don’t care (I did) but it’s back again with my uncle and it feels so real and confusing, I feel so weird around my uncle now idk how to explain but I hate it so much I want to cry

Hello, I have hypochondria, gad, ptsd, and panic disorder. For the past 5 months I have been in a deep episode of what I’m hoping is just hypochondria where I’ve fully convinced myself I’m psychotic/developing schizophrenia. This theme has become so debilitating I lost my job and was completely bed bound for a while. Anyway, I have the extreme fear of developing delusions and hallucinations, so I’m constantly on the look out for symptoms like that. For whatever reason I have become extremely sensitive and afraid of anything demonic or horror related, I literally used to be a horror junkie, listen to Marilyn Manson etc. I am literally an atheist, I don’t even believe in the devil or superstitious things like this, but for some reason I have started getting extremely fear inducing demonic type intrusive thoughts, like one night I had the terrifying thought “what if my wife is possessed by a demon and isn’t really my wife” this thought scared the fuck out of me and actually changed my behavior towards my wife and gave me a panic attack, the fear of that later passed, but the uneasy feeling still linger. I’ve been getting all sorts of terrible demonic type intrusive thoughts like that about everybody and random places and even objects and they cause a panic attack everytime I get them, it used to be a panic attack about struggling to fight the urge to believe these thoughts but now I feel like it’s gotten to the point where it just straight up feels like it’s happening and I’m afraid for real and not even questioning the thoughts anymore. I’ve completely stopped listening to any music that references the devil or any type of media that may have dark references, to avoid getting these types of thoughts. When I am not anxious and I take my anxiety medicine (clonazepam) I can laugh these thoughts off and confidently shrug them off as ridiculous, but other times it feels real!Why is this happening to me? Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and do not believe in superstitious things like this, why am I suddenly afraid of things like this? And better yet why do they scare me and “feel real” if I don’t believe them. I feel like I’m fighting for my sanity every single day. I literally dread the anticipation of getting these thoughts. These strange new fears about demonic shit is only solidifying my root fear that I am developing psychosis. Can anyone please help me?

Hey guys, I’m very curious what other peoples initial moment was that started their SOOCD journey? Mine was at 14 years old seeing a character come out to her parents on a tv show and out of nowhere I gasped and panicked thinking “what if that’s me one day” and the anxiety around this topic spiraled and persisted for a while… it’s gone up and down a lot since then… with sometimes it actually almost being gone (I attribute this to being a time in my life when I felt secure and my general anxiety and worry was low)…. But I want to hear others stories :)

I have had lots of themes this past year only but I recently have gone through some weird thoughts and i dont even know if its a theme or not? So weird that i dont even know how to explain but ill try my best to. I was getting ready to take my son to a soccer game and I suddenly started to pay attention to my sorrouding my house started fo feel weird which gave me so much anxiety! I had a horrible panic attack and after that I started thinking and questioning everything like why are we here? is this real life? are we just little humans living in a house doing the same thing? which made me question faith like why do we even need to believe in God and why do we have values? why do values exist why do cars exist? i mean evey little thing I questioned so at this point is this even and OCD theme? i was suddenly very aware of my self every little sensation like my head moving my hair my hands everything felt weird… HELP is this a common thing? and if so how to treat it?

I've been getting intrusive thoughts that I have a kidney infection. I have discomfort around the area and I believe it came from my UTI. It's been months since I've got the UTI, I took antibiotics (Nitrofurantoin) to try and get rid of it. Before I took those antibiotics, I had bad pelvic pain along with a little bit of stomach pain. After taking it, I felt much better. The pelvic pain was completely gone. Now I feel fatigued and I have this kidney discomfort which isn't excruciating but present. Has anyone had experience with this?

I’m in a very new relationship and we just had an amazing weekend together, but now that I’m home without him I’ve been having intense compulsions to research how people knew they were gay? I can’t seem to stop researching this, and it’s making me doubt the great time I had and it’s really distressing…. I guess I want to know if anyone else feels like a new relationship can be a serious trigger, and does non-stop internet digging count as a compulsion??

This is just a question out of pure curiosity. Not sure if this is even a thing, or if anyone else has experienced this, but has anyone ever had their ocd go from what felt like 0 to 100 after a tragedy/loss? Don't get me wrong, I've struggled with OCD (didn't know that's what it was) for years but it was manageable. Then, this last summer, I had a major loss and immense grief and it's like my OCD then went off the charts. It was truly shocking and unexpected in that I was experiencing dealing with grief, then suddenly this crap which hit me like a ton of bricks. Again, this could be a coincidence but it was pretty spot on timing. Was curious if that's a thing, if anyone else has had that experience etc

Hello, my name is Rae and Im 18. I've been diagnosed with OCD and my therapist recommends I use this app. I'm going to get straight to the point. I hoard things, not so safe things so I can hurt my self later. I hoard small blades, matches and medications. Whatever i can get my hands on without nobody notices. It's a habit. I feel like it's not a option. I can't handle lots of things. A day out with friends or going out with my family. One small thing goes wrong I just know I'll burn myself or take a much of pills again. Theres never a night were I can fall asleep easily. Always the thought "I may have took to much pills and not have remembered it" crosses my mind. It keeps me up. I have trouble sleeping. Whenever I get back in the state. I ever fail to one up myself. I don't want to die. I have so much to live for. But sometimes I feel like I need that burn, that stomach ache, that whatever to knock me off my high horse. There's been many times were I believe I had to go to the hospital or admit myself to the psych ward. But then the next day i instantly sugar coat it. 2 years ago I ended up in the hospital for a suicide attempt. The nurse had something against me. Her and her "tough love". She kept asking me if I were doing this for a attention and kept referring back to my mom. "Look what you did to your mom." She was crying and I understood why. I don't remember what the nurse looked like. If I did I would of done something about her. I was treated like the bottom of the barrel. My mom said I should go to jail for attempted murder. I lied to the crisis worker so I could probably get the hell out of there. I just know I never want to be in one of the beds again, with an IV in my arm for 7 hours. I kept asking as politely as I could for them to take it out. I was Ignored, and ignored, and ignored. For 7 hours until the crisis worker came. She lived 5 minutes away and said she was available all day. But I was Ignored. I goal was to be easy and not ask for much. To not be a bother. I went home that night and knew if I wanted to kill myself. I would need to be thorough. I still stand by that. I'm aware this isn't a normal way to think and it took my awhile to understand that. I'm getting the help I need. Whenever it gets to bad, I'll try to turn to this app. Thank you.

Today it felt like I am losing my faith in Jesus and it feels terrible. It just feels like I don’t know him anymore or how to have a relationship with him - the certainty of knowing that he’s there just vanished. I am currently at a bible college so its no surprise that ocd has attacked my faith but I feel so helpless and lost. I am on lexapro for about a week with a dosage of 10 mg but right now I just feel worse than before :( when am I gonna get better?

Feeling sick to my stomach. Over a year ago I got highly invested in a true crime case. I believe her name was Linsey Clancy? I can’t even look it up because I will spiral. I was over consuming true crime for over two years before that on a consistent basis. I thought I could handle it but once I read this case I think it ruined my life. I couldn’t begin to fathom how a people called her a loving mother but she did what she did to her kids. I couldn’t fathom how people said she was so normal and had kind words for her but she still did that to her kids. Did she just snap? Is that something our bodies can do? Can we be great moms one day and then our bodies take over and we snap and we hurt our kids? Can my body do that? I have a little girl who I can’t even conjure up the right words to express how much she is my world and how I have limitless love for her. She’ll be 4. I don’t even get Loud with her and have not once even spanked her. The thought of anything remotely close to that makes my whole system feel like it’s going to shut down. So much to the point that I have a fear of disciplining her like a mother needs to do. I’ll think is this what happened when Lindsay Clancy you know what her kids? Who would have imagined those kids would be in danger with their own mother? That could never be me…right? I haven’t looked up a thing about it since I had the worst panic attack of my life in March last year. I accidentally scrolled past something on YouTube that was about it. I just read the title. Now I’m in tears begging god that I’ll never be a danger to my own daughter. Im exhausted. I know that will never be who I am to my very core. But Is that what Lindsey Clancy thought too? The mental torture is exhausting 😭😭

Hello, I have hypochondria, gad, ptsd, and panic disorder. For the past 5 months I have been in a deep episode of what I’m hoping is just hypochondria where I’ve fully convinced myself I’m psychotic/developing schizophrenia. This theme has become so debilitating I lost my job and was completely bed bound for a while. Anyway, I have the extreme fear of developing delusions and hallucinations, so I’m constantly on the look out for symptoms like that. For whatever reason I have become extremely sensitive and afraid of anything demonic or horror related, I literally used to be a horror junkie, listen to Marilyn Manson etc. I am literally an atheist, I don’t even believe in the devil or superstitious things like this, but for some reason I have started getting extremely fear inducing demonic type intrusive thoughts, like one night I had the terrifying thought “what if my wife is possessed by a demon and isn’t really my wife” this thought scared the fuck out of me and actually changed my behavior towards my wife and gave me a panic attack, the fear of that later passed, but the uneasy feeling still linger. I’ve been getting all sorts of terrible demonic type intrusive thoughts like that about everybody and random places and even objects and they cause a panic attack everytime I get them, it used to be a panic attack about struggling to fight the urge to believe these thoughts but now I feel like it’s gotten to the point where it just straight up feels like it’s happening and I’m afraid for real and not even questioning the thoughts anymore. I’ve completely stopped listening to any music that references the devil or any type of media that may have dark references, to avoid getting these types of thoughts. When I am not anxious and I take my anxiety medicine (clonazepam) I can laugh these thoughts off and confidently shrug them off as ridiculous, but other times it feels real!Why is this happening to me? Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and do not believe in superstitious things like this, why am I suddenly afraid of things like this? And better yet why do they scare me and “feel real” if I don’t believe them. I feel like I’m fighting for my sanity every single day. I literally dread the anticipation of getting these thoughts. These strange new fears about demonic shit is only solidifying my root fear that I am developing psychosis. Can anyone please help me?