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Does anyone look at the mirror and not recognize themselves? This could be derealization or disassociation not sure?

I have had OCD my entire life and my obsessions have changed one after the other. As a child I was afraid I was going to overdose on pills, stab family members, then being transgender and gay, leaving stove or iron on, and now my dominant obsession is getting the wrong degrees and going to wrong school. I’m 39 and it’s very debilitating. When the intrusive thought comes about my education I feel so bad and I feel like I’m being held hostage. It’s very intense and I wasn’t able to hold a job and I contemplated suicide many times. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt because the major and university didn’t align with my values or who I really am. I would seek relief by googling the university etc. but it never helped. My OCD has taken over my entire life. Whenever I think about my education I don’t like it and it doesn’t sit well with me and I don’t even like discussing it with anyone. I feel dead inside and I feel like I’m just surviving. I carry a lot of guilt and shame and I always feel like the worst.

Any tips on how to not constantly worry about getting sick during flu season? My contamination OCD has never been as bad for me as it has been this year and even after being in therapy, I’m not sure how to cope with the anxiety and paranoia. 🥲

How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person

I’m in a really bad panic at the moment re my ocd. I’m trying so hard to accept the thoughts/feelings and accept how real and true it all feels, despite the panic and anxiety. I read somewhere that you can clearly tell the difference between a thought about your sexuality being true vs an ocd thought. It said if the thoughts/feelings/narrative makes you feel panic, anxiety and dread, like you don’t want the thoughts, then it’s ocd. If they make you feel warm, content and normal, then they’re likely not ocd. Is that how people and psychologists differentiate? My situation is that I’m a 36 year old male that never questioned or had to question my sexuality until one day at 26, I had the question pop up “are you gay”. Since then, it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore. Questioning, checking, anxious 24/7, wanting to escape myself. Help :(

For the past 3 months, I’ve been dealing with a sort of forced exposure in my life that has involved two of my themes (relationship and moral scrupulosity) in a very real way. A mixture of real relationship struggles, world events and conflicts have forced me to really address the top of my fear hierarchy, ready or not. I’m not gonna lie. It has SUCKED and there have been MANY days when I could not function normally. I had lots of insomnia, trouble eating, not being able to be productive or feel enjoyment. My mind felt so dark and scary. It felt like hell, mentally and physically. But I’m slowly getting better at accepting uncertainty. (There’s a lot of it in my life right now!) I went on Luvox after being off of meds for a year and at the moment it seems to be helping! My intrusive thoughts are still there just…less intrusive. The problems triggering my anxiety aren’t gone. Things might resolve. They might get worse. My relationship could progress positively. It could end badly. These are all real possibilities and I would obviously be deeply upset by a negative outcome. But right now I’m choosing to just 🤷🏻‍♀️ and live in the moment. That’s a big deal for me because my whole life I’ve been so bad at that. I’m focusing on developing good habits and self-care. One of the best tools my therapist taught me was “Do I really need to know this to _____?” Do I need to know how this conflict is going to turn out in order to wake up, go to work, play my music or hang out with my friends? Nope! I’m just taking it moment by moment and task by task. The thoughts are still there and they still suck, but they sting less. I’ve been taking baby steps that might seem insignificant to some ERP pros, but I think it’s working! I could totally feel panicked tomorrow and start ruminating again. But right now I’m OK, and I’m OK with right now. This super long message is to say that even after what feels like hell, there can be hope and you CAN improve. Your baby steps—even just increased awareness—make a difference. It’s not gonna be linear but there will be moments of respite! Just keep going even if you feel like you can’t! Every tiny step is a huge victory and really makes a difference❤️✨

I went to a Nurse Practitioner psychiatrist today. I told her about all of my intrusive thought OCD. She said I don't have OCD but that its a form of bipolar and maybe some psychosis. She asked me 20 times if I hear voices it see things that are not there. She said OCD is just people who order things and must have it done. She made me feel horrible and asked if I had ever acted on any of this. When I said no she almost acted bewildered. Very frustrating. My Lexapro has reached its shelf life and I just wanted to try a new SSRI. She prescribed Lamitrigine. Anyone ever try this?

Hooray....obsession switch.... Five years ago i visited a restaurant while travelling abroad and had a meal. When i finished up, they gave me the reciept in a wooden box. I went up to pay for it and handed the box back to them, but they handed it back, so i left with it. Now im stuck obsessing over whether or not i accidentally stole a reciept box from this restaurant, or whether i really was meant to take it. Nobody stopped me when i left and i came back and dined there the following day and had the same thing happen but i left the box they gave me that day behind because i didn't really think I'd need two of them. I've stressed myself out further because i found a way to contact the restaurant and i asked them about this and offered to return it or pay them for it. But they haven't responded yet, so OCD is playing merry hell with my thoughts. Very frustrating

Ok, so I’m looking into past events…. So, I worked at a preschool and a little boy held onto my leg but I got a bad thought but still let my legs go apart to let him hug my leg. I feel awful cause I was thinking how his hands could’ve possibly hit my upper genital area…. I remember worrying about it back then and I’m still worrying about it to this day. Also, I remember thinking how this little girl may end up hitting my area if I don’t move. I didn’t move and felt awful cause I knew it would happen… it has bothered me ever since! I don’t know if that makes me an awful person. Was I taking away innocence of children by not moving?

I have had bits of OCD and anxiety as long as I can remember but never in this way. I am in a 3+ year relationship with my now fiance. About 8-9 months ago I started heavily doubting our relationship.. doubting his love for and intentions with me and that we'd inevitably split up. That turned into me questioning my love for him. Questioning if my amount of sexual desire was "normal", if it's "normal" to find other men attractive if youre with the "right" one and that would go in and on. Then came the SO-OCD. These worries, fears, and doubts made me questioning EVER bit of my sexuality and that being the reason why I've felt a lack of contentment in my very healthy, stable, consistent relationship. I feel as though this is my body going full on protector mode!! I've had my share of trauma growing up and in adult relationships that have left me with tons of relational wounds and then pile on a lifetime of fantasizing about what it would be like to find "the one" (thanks Hollywood and social media lol). All of this to wonder if anyone can relate to all of this and how you've been working through layered traumas and OCD

I have a exam in 9 days or so and for the last month I haven't been able to focus on revising for it cause my real memmory ocd keeps making me go over a incident that happened when I was 12 or 13 between me and my sister I keep shutting my family out and avoiding my sister like the plague cause I feel terrible I've always seen her as my own daughter because of our 11 year age gap and I just feel terrible.

So basically, I'm afraid of having schizophrenia or becoming possessed (I'm religious). And I have been noticing I'm really paranoid lately and almost believing delusions or what ifs in my mind. Obviously I know they are crazy, but my mind keeps doubting it. That's what scares me the most if I listen to it one day and go crazy.

When OCD strikes, and you turn to someone who knows you struggle and they say, Oh come on, you’ve been through this one before, and you always beat it. You know what to do. ^ This right here gives you some encouragement and makes you feel not so alone in battling the mind demon. And for the people who say yeah but that makes the OCD come back and you shouldn’t rely on others blah blah blah Well guess what? OCD comes back anyway. It always does, whether you tough it out or ask for some reassurance that you can, have, and will beat this thing Why not ask for support and comfort, when the struggle is real. It’s almost like not telling your problems to a therapist, and forcing yourself to suffer alone. Just my thoughts..

Finally OCD free after struggling with HOCD for a little while. Just posting this to show that freedom is possible if you keep doing ERP.

Note: Im typing this at 8am and have gotten no sleep so I apologize for all the spelling errors and grammar mistakes. A little over 3 years ago I started work at this new job and while working there I met a guy who was kind of goofy, really cute and funny and played all kinds of instruments. He was just my type. I often gave him rides home from work and during those rides we’d exchange banter over random things. I really liked him and he really liked me. He even offered me piano lessons but for some reason I declined. After a couple weeks my job offered me a position at a different location for a huge pay raise and I decided to take it. I have no idea why but I never thought to get his phone number or instagram or anything like that before I left(maybe I wanted him to make the first move?). He has since left that store and I have no way of reaching out to him. I can’t help but shake the feeling that he’s the one who got away. After about one year in my new position I started daydreaming about me and him. what I had (possibly) missed out on. Sometimes I would even confide in him as an imaginary friend. I’d even think about him laying by my side as I’d go to sleep. I’m aware of how pathetic this sounds now but for some reason I thought nothing of it back then. At first I would only think of him once a month but over time as my depression and anxiety got worse it became more and more. Ive now become deeply concerned with how often I think about him which I think has only made my obsession with him worse. Obviously the problem is my loneliness but I have no idea how to fix that. I have zero social skills and any bonds I do start building I put no effort into keeping them going(as exampled by me not getting this man’s personal information before I left the store) It stresses me out how often I think about him and I have no idea what to do. I just want to stop thinking about him. I’ve also become concerned with what I would do if I actually ran into him again. Would I go ballistic and lose my mind? Would I hurt him? Would I keep it cool? Would my obsessiveness cause me to do something stupid or dangerous? Does anybody have any experience with this type of feeling?

Has OCD ever kicked in whenever you felt God’s presence? I felt like it’s been this way for me many times. I could get peaceful and then thoughts could come into my head and I wouldn’t like it at all. Can OCD do this?

Hi everyone! So one of the ways my ocd has manifested has been through fear of getting sick, being sick or getting someone else sick (guilt) - for the new year I’m really trying to not complain or say anything negative because typically I complain a lot about common things like “my head hurts” “my stomach hurts” “I have this symptom do you think I’m okay?” “Feel my head if I’m not” basically just constantly worrying. I also freak out if someone around me has even a sniffle or anything off of the norm. I also own a lash business where I have clients and I still wear a mask and have a mental internal breakdown if someone comes in seemingly sick. Anyway - since I’m trying really hard for this new year to work on this and scale back on talking about things to my boyfriend friends and family only if it’s really something I’m going to come here for advice instead Today I went to the gym my boyfriend owns and he threw up in the bathroom after sudden nausea. He said it was because he drank coffee too fast and I do believe that then he felt fine. I mopped the bathroom for him incase any throw up missed the toilet since he had to finish his client. Then I left and I did my normal sanitizing of my phone hands and everything as I do when I leave the gym. I tried to remain calm and I got home and did my normal morning routine trying not to think more about it He said he felt fine and normal again still but then about an hour later he texted me that he threw up again but this time blood, and that his friends then said they didn’t feel great (not stomach problems, but just sick) and I was with them all on Monday. So anyways I know these things are inevitable but I’m really trying not to freak myself out. I have to accept if I get sick I get sick but I have extreme fears of being sick especially because I see clients and don’t want to get sick in the middle of an appt randomly if that’s when something would decide to come on How do I deal with these types of things better?

I was practicing an instrument and I was annoyed by my mum because she gave me unwarranted advices about my playing, so after she noticed that I was a little bit upset she wanted to give me a hug to make up but I repeatedly said no because I wasn't in the mood; she tried to do it again so I did a little push to her arms but she weighs much less than me so it looked like I pushed her hard. Did I commit assault?

Anyone been in bedbound situation with pain who has been helped by dealing with ocd fear of pain?

I tend to avoid situations where I feel I could become uncomfortable or anxious, or things can trigger an unwanted thought. Avoidance seems to be the biggest thing I struggle with. Once I get a bad thought about a situation, I want to avoid it as much as possible. my mind runs so many different scenarios of unwanted thoughts happening, which makes me want to avoid the situation altogether. because then I start to feel anxious and panicked and worry “what if something does happen”. It feels like my brain is constantly looking for ways to make me uncomfortable, so it’s easier to avoid situations where I feel like I may feel triggered. I’m not sure how to deal with this. certain situations I can’t avoid. I know I’m going to have to sit through discussions I’ll find uncomfortable. it’s going to ruin my day. And I’ll spend the rest of the day analysing every detail of what happened or how I reacted. im not sure how to combat this.