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i keep getting thoughts like ‘try being a p and see if you like it’ and stuff like that when i’d genuinely rather die than be like that. then i try not to think about it but i can’t stop thinking about it which makes it feel like im thinking about it on purpose

I’ve been struggling with what I hope to be HOCD for over 6 months now and I’m starting to loose hope…I had always been attracted to women, had plenty of crushes on women growing up, fantasies included, enjoyed spending time with the one I had a crush on, would avoid the usual things seen as “gay” or “feminine,” you know the usual kid stuff. I never had any issues or desires back then to be with a man but suddenly a few months back out of literal no where i got a thought and it’s stayed with me ever since. I know deep down that I don’t want to do these thoughts and that I’d rather die then be gay or bisexual but then the “what-ifs” come up and even when they don’t come up I have this underlying fear of “maybe it will happen. Maybe you are gay” and it scares me. Yet my brain still tries to lie straight to my face and say “oh no, you like this don’t you” it’s like I don’t know anymore and I couldn’t live with myself if I even experimented with it because I know for a fact I would be repulsed and don’t want it. Please help. Going about this with the idea of accepting uncertainty just makes me more anxious and feel as if I’m accepting these thoughts as facts for me and I don’t know what to do.

Anyone else feel like their brain starts to tell them they’d be happier if they were gay or trans? Like it feels that way and you feel like you’re living a lie or something is wrong. It feels like my thoughts have shifted to that making it hard to see if this is real or not.

Hey guys, so these past 4 months I had a sudden onset of OCD after a concussion. It first started with HOCD which was super distressing as I’ve been in a 9 year relationship with my girlfriend. It then evolved into transgender OCD, which was horrible as well but it felt easier to disprove my intrusive thoughts. That and of course horrible health anxiety about my head. And it’s funny, as soon as I got comfortable with one topic, the OCD would jump to another. Basically over time I accepted all these negative thoughts about all these topics, so where does my mind go? I had a physical groinal response to an image of an underage person. It freaked me out so much that all day I was obsessing over it, I eventually told my girlfriend as she’s been supportive with me over the other topics. But this…. She’s angry with me, and doesn’t trust me anymore. And she doesn’t understand the groinal response. She did ask to sit in a therapy session with me to help her understand. But that’s about all the communication I’ve gotten from her. I feel so alone. And it’s literally ruining everything I’ve built up with her for the past 9 years. I wish I hadn’t told her. And instead just asked her to join a therapy session with me. Just making this post as I just need someone to talk to.

What to do? So now my mother is refusing my OCD therapy, despite it's chronic from where it has been untreated so long. Not to mention its causes heart attacks and panic attacks and mental breakdowns. She's puts pressure on me. No Idea why I'm here? And why she even adopted me at all? For this? This is bs. The treatment I am getting. Not to mention when I admitted needing help, seeing doctors and getting treatment. Dakira then desides she does as well, I'm like okay, take me Seriously, this isn't fun, or, funny at all, I am on the edge of going so insane. My therapist thank goodness changed my appointment from 29th to the 16th and she acts as if this isn't something to care about...I'm done she can neglect me like she has been most all my life. But, to avoid my appointment schedule and important mental assessment artenuary is another. This is important to me, my health and my mental state of being, of that doesn't matter to her, I will call 911 and we can settle this in a court room. They will see my missed appointment and if I go off well, easy, she should have took me to my appointment,bout to ask to see if a friend can. This whole thing, her lack of support isn't safe on my end, I don't feel safe. Normally I don't talk at all, that's me .but, this is to much pressure. I'm about to go nuts Not only this, but I need meds and a better lifestyle than my living style now. I don't feel safe at all, she doesn't even know what OCD is and why people have it, say I don't clean? Yeah, because she doesn't give me my money enough to clean and doesn't understand noone can offord this mental illness. She doesn't get it's a struggle, doesn't try to help. She just sits on her ass watching TV and doing other things, not even asking, "Do you jeed anything?" I never cross her mind, she doesn't even get it, I fear my son's safety as he may have this as well, as for him I know he's safe since he is small it's easier to catch it and treat it. But, to do this, to love this way chronic with no medication is doing me in mentally and physically. It's too much to handle. So if I go nuts, it's not My fault.

Idk why OCD has latched onto my sister but she’s my other half & I started comparing us out the blue one day.. and the dogs go to her more so i’ve been feeling so rejected and low.. and my mind said well what if she wasn’t here anymore? i would never harm my sister or ever want to.. i really want to be okay again.. i was just okay a couple weeks ago and now im so sad & scared!

The last couple of days i’ve been able to keep my ocd at bay and have been ocd free but now i’m having ocd in my dreams. This is so upsetting. 😪 Does this happen to anyone else?

Is this OCD? My brain will always say “if you don’t do this certain thing then this will happen” none of the stuff ever happens if I don’t do it but I always end up with this terrible feeling for days from resisting the compulsion. I’m still ruminating on the same thing. Anyone else feel this too?

Can someone tell me how meds vs no meds effects your OCD?

Yesterday was hard, and have probably spent the last month doing mental compulsions and taking up 12 hours of my day. Yesterday I also dealt with a combo of SO-OCD and Harm OCD. I woke up zero anxiety this morning and the thoughts are still there. I was still doing compulsions in my sleep. I woke up with a thought that said “you’re a lesbian or bisexual, just accept it”. It’s scary when the thoughts come in first and second person. But I feel calm, none of the thoughts I’ve been fighting the last month are anxiety inducing. I just feel like they don’t bother me, and it scares me. I’ve been dealing with this theme for the last month and the first week I didn’t sleep, I was crying and throwing up. I really don’t want to be with a woman, and I know of the backdoor spike. I don’t see myself dating a woman. I just want to be with a man. It makes me feel like I’m in denial. I just have to trust that what I’m experiencing OCD and let the thoughts pass. It’s the backdoor spike, I’ve read all the articles and know that I’m dealing with SO-OCD and the backdoor spike. Those articles brought relief in the beginning, and just need to stop going back to make sure. I’ve also been on Sertraline and can’t really cry. I want to scream but I can’t. This part of recovery is the hardest. The thought of what if this is not OCD and I’m really bisexual or a lesbian creep in? Of course this is all classic OCD. Having to let the thoughts pass by. Going to try my best and just be present.

I’m 23 years old almost 24 and when I was 20 I was so obsessed with the idea of being an mma fighter so I trained for a bit and then almost had a fight and in the midst of training for it I started to get really really anxious and wasn’t really sure if I wanted to do it (not so sure I like actually fighting as much as the idea) I ended up not going through with the fight and after that everything went bad for a while with severe panic attacks and constantly searching google for answers and my girlfriend was studying a book about a psychopath and from that point on I was in distress that I was going to turn out like a pedo or killer constantly searching for answers trying to figure out what was going on cause the thought of harming someone made me ill and panic and cry for days on end. I finally got over it by working and I ended up starting training again and I fought once and lost and I had some anxiety towards it like normal but here I am in the midst of training again and now I am stuck on do I wanna do this do I like this or do I just like the idea of it and I’ve been having off an on serious anxiety about it and I’m not really sure I’m so confused and scared because I don’t want to regret not doing it but I can’t seem to figure out whether I enjoy doing it or if I just like the thought of it. I’m not sure if I actually have ocd never been diagnosed I have an appointment soon with someone who hopefully will help. Sorry for the long post but Idl what else to do

I wish more people knew what OCD really is, how it hurts and how we are living with it! But I'm afraid of people starting to judge us, especially in relation to taboo topics... I'm afraid of this happening and making our situation worse. People are very judgmental, they always want to have an opinion, even without having complete information... Has anyone thought this too?

I’m not feeling great whatsoever. Had another nightmare. Did so much research last night about the risks of cold sores and of course freaked myself out. It’s Day 3 maybe 4 or 5 since they say shedding happens 24/48 hours prior. But anyway, I thought my son was acting odd yesterday, his eye got red, he’s not listening to directions that well when I tell him not to touch. He is delayed and on the spectrum so it’s a little difficult for him to follow through and he can be impulsive so it’s making me worry even more he’s spreading it everywhere on himself. He was super sleepy yesterday and it caught me off guard, he wasn’t feeling hungry either which made me think the worst. I almost thought of taking him to the er yesterday. I think he’s totally fine this morning just sneezing and coughing for normal sick but I’m scared of what else to expect. The cold sore doesn’t look terrible it just looks scary.. to top it all off I have small cuts all over my hands (from washing them so much) and have no idea if the virus entered through there. And it’s making me worry about myself too.. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless..

i want to share some examples of my intrusive thoughts (ROCD) - What if i have lost feelings for my boyfriend? - What if we are “too far gone” and cant fix the relationship? - What if we arent meant to be? - I’m feeling weird and distant today, and irritable. Do i hate him? - What if i do hate him? What do i do? - I found someone else attractive. Am i a bad person/being unfaithful? - I can’t stop thinking about the rough patches we’ve had. Should i just end it? - When i try to picture a future with him now, its very hard

I believe I was in elementary school, maybe 5th grade? I already long had ocd at this point, especially the 'I have to do this specific thing or else this bad thing will happen'. I didn't know why this was or why I thought like this at the time. All I knew was I didn't want to be like this. I was already the werid loser who got severely bullied in school and my mom was really harsh on me talking about my feelings or any problems I had. No where in my life did I feel safe to tell anyone what I was thinking or how I was suffering. So, back to my experience. I was in 5th ish grade and my mom was taking us to Walmart. It was the middle of winter and I had an electric oil heater in my room. It was on 24/7 as we didn't have heating in the home (we grew up extremely poor). So I put on my boots and as I was putting them on I thought, "If I don't change into my other boots my oil heater will catch on fire." I decided finally to lwt this thought pass, acknowledge it but not do it and keep the boot I was place on, on. This was the first time I let the thought pass and not do what it wanted me to. We started to leave and I remembered to grab something from my room and much to my horror, the plug in to my oil heater was on fire. It was an electrical fire, I took off my hoodie and beat the fire out. I was able to unplug it and never told my parents what happened. This had made it extremely hard to ignore these thoughts even much much later on in life.

I see people living their lives and just enjoying themselves. Not taking things too seriously and not overly stressing. And then there’s me. Who stresses at the slightest thing. Whose OCD has taken massive chunks of my life that I’ll never get back. It feels like I’m going through life just terrified of my own f*cking shadow… Any small thing I have to deal with that to anyone else might just cause slight inconvenience or nervousness, causes me to have an almost complete and utter breakdown. WHY CANT I HANDLE LIFE. I am so ashamed of who I am. I want to be someone who is brave and courageous and who does things and lives life anyway, regardless of fear. But no. I avoid living because of it. Why am I even here if this is how my life is? What is the point? I’m going through it today, friends 😭

So it started i think a month ago when i saw a video about a psyhopath and it said that they start by killing animals when they are young and when i was younger i was killing grasshoppers and from that day i had a fear in my head what if im a psyhopath and don’t know it. i couldn’t get the fear out of my head its like alaways on my mind and i got so scared that something is wrong with me so i started googling stuff because i was so scared that i have a mental illnes so i started reading about stuff one google and i saw a illnes called Schizophrenia and i read about it and when i saw the symptoms i got scared that i have them because i have felt kinda stuck in my mind because of the fear and now im scared that im in the early stage of schizophrenia. Please i just want the fears to stop someone give me advice i just want to live a happy life and focus on my school but its hard because of my fears please how do i know that i dont have schizophrenia because i have read about it i feel like i actually have the symptoms im so tired i would love some i advice please

Hi I can’t afford therapy but feel I have ocd but don’t have a diagnosis I’m constantly changing my mind about whether I’ve got ocd or not so I’m stop stating erp therapy that I do alone. What can I do?

I’m getting thoughts that I’m following women. I did see a nice looking woman on my way to the river and I did go a bit like a meerkat but we went in separate directions. Now I’m sitting by the river being paranoid that I’m staring at white women… I’m white. I’m thinking the women are too young too when they are well past it being an issue even if I was interested. In other news the flower children at the river were eating thali and I said hello so I got POCD exposure. I’ve promised then chalk whenI get paid and every day they are asking for chalk lol. The chalk will cost £1 for forty coloured sticks. They can make extra money drawing for tourists and it is a bargain for me. I’ve told the tea stand nearby that he should sell chalk as I’m sure the children would continue to get chalk long after I move on that way. I honestly feel like I’ll be in the news rn and they will use my messages and social media as evidence. I know I have had a lot of caffeine and I said this would happen.

on the daily i shower for 2-3 hours. i dont understand why but i spend so much time being paranoid of being dirty or touching something dirty in the shower that i constantly keep washing nonstop. i spend like 20 minutes washing my hands in the shower before i even touch my shampoo, then after i finish my shower i spend 20 more minutes washing my hands. i also developed a bad habit of cleaning the knob that controls the water because i believe it is very dirty. this is very exhausting and hard to live with, so can anyone share some advice?