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I feel I r*ped someone so people felt sorry for me, what is wrong with me

im just losing my mind... im so scared of minors lying about their age online... i dont go on dating apps, and I was on an NSFW discord server (with age verification) and literotica, a chat site where you have to be 18+ to access the chat and the site... Im so scared and anxious of unknowingly messaging minors online when i dont ever want to... I havent been on these places in a while... but im so so so scared of minors lying about their age... it honestly just terrifies the everloving crap out of me... i dont ever want to ever be involved with men or minors in any way... god im so so scared... i dont have reasons to doubt most. The ones I found suspicious were those who were unverified or suddenly left the server... this one girl gave me her birthday, so that wasnt that suspicious... but then when i asked this one girl what date she was born on, she just said "13😭" before reiterating that she was 18 later on and many times beforehand... im just honestly so scared and anxious rn... idk if they were lying or not... thats whats scaring me... ive only talked to verified women as far as i know... and i get so scared about minors online lying about their age, and it makes me ruminate on whether or not this happened to me... Ive seen so many horror stories of minors lying about their age and it just terrifies me to no end...

Repost as I’d love to hear if this is normal :( Anyone else get doubt come in thoughts that aren’t ‘what if?’ Mine are and have always been more like ‘what about this?’ ‘What about that?’ ‘How do you explain this then?’ ‘But isn’t that the same as this?’ Never really what if. Almost like my mind is always wanting me to disprove or prove something. Is this just another way to say what if? Are all these doubt questions?

It all started when my winter break started like 3 weeks ago or so. Me and my bf are a new couple. We started dating late november 2023. Not even three months into dating. And also it's my first relationship. Fresh into dating i had concerns but it wasn't taking much of my time and my mind. It was mostly about if he was gonna leave me and was the relationship going at a pace as it should be. I would occasionaly ask him whether we are doing it right. Like was it too fast? It felt normal in my normal and he told that's what mattered but something in my brain would tell me it should all be by a book but there is no book. We kinda got physically intimate a little too early and i couldn't tell if it would affect the relationship badly in the future . As time passed i was kinda letting go of the "should be's" in my mind. Also the feeling of high dopamine was wearing off and i realized myself becoming sad often not knowing why. I questioned whether it was relationship. He said he didn't know and if it was what can we do about it to make me feel more confident. We decided we gotta spend not everyday together but i failed at that. I wanted to be with him every second. He was kinda less affectionte. I told him about it and he tried to be more affectionate again. I thought that would fix my sadness and thay was the problem. But then i started to find other things that annoyed me as if trying to control him. But then i realized i was keep finding stuff to critize about him and that wasn't really nice of me. So we decided doing weekly relationship check ins would be healthier rather than me keep finding stuff to be sad about. Anyways we went into winter break and i started to feel distant because we weren't seeing eachother. I would feel okay when we talked on the phone. But rest of the day i would spend overthinking whether we are right for eachother. And i started to pick and more and more flaws about him. And that would make me question my feelings. I lose my mind in the course of day and feel better once we facetime or talk on the phone. But then the overthinking and anxiety got worse. It turned into a cycle of finding flaws in the relationship, hyperfixating on the flaws, questioning if it's right, feeling less feelings, questioning my feelings, urge to break up, stoping myself from the urge, remembering all his good qualities, feeling not deserving of his love, questioning if i shoulf leave him cuz he deserves someone better. And it's this same cycle for two weeks. Over and over again in the day. I talked to my cousin and had a relief because she told me she found all those things normal in the relationship. But then questioning my own feelings became a really big deal and often i struggle to feel love. I just have glimpses of love throughought the day. I keep telling the thoughts im having and sensations to my boyfriend. He keeps asking if he can do anything to help. I just never feel relief. I keep telling myself i love him then what if its not enough thoughts hit. I don't find the strength in me to show love. My boyfriend says he does feel it but i can't. I keep freaking out if this means we have to break up. I dont want to i can't stop thinking about it. When we facetimed i would feel better and go to sleep. But it didn't help today. The thoughts came back. I keep crying a lot during the day. I can't eat or sleep. My stomach is icky and heart is tight. I dont wanna feel this way. I want to feel love again. I can't tell if im lying to myself about this bejng rocd. I can't fully believe it is. I watch ROCD videos on youtube. But they arent %100 what im going through. But im scared i am falling out of love and scared to admit it so im hiding behind this mask. I told my boyfriend this exact thought yesterday. He says if you don't love me why would you be so worried. And i don't know. Why am i? Also it feels like i don't exprience relief at all. It's always with me. I pull my hair and squeeze my legs but it never leaves. I feel like my relationship is going to end and i have no control over it. I used to struggle with HOCD back in 2020 so i thought this must be ROCD but what if it isn't. What if it's real and i don't love him. I am going to see my old therapist next saturday. I am not sure if she is really informed on this type of ocd and i am scared she'll say "yep you have fallen out of love, leave him" i dont want to. I just want to feel in love again. And feel the same as him. He deserves a lot of love. And i am sat here crying if i am able to give it.

I am doing a school project on OCD and I have some questions if anyone would like to answer them I could quote them but leave them anonymous if they prefer. This would be shown to my small class and my teacher and that would be it. My questions are Do you like it or not like it when people use OCD as an adjective? And how has OCD affected your life and those around you?

im just losing my mind... im so scared of minors lying about their age online... i dont go on dating apps, and I was on an NSFW discord server (with age verification) and literotica, a chat site where you have to be 18+ to access the chat and the site... Im so scared and anxious of unknowingly messaging minors online when i dont ever want to... I havent been on these places in a while... but im so so so scared of minors lying about their age... it honestly just terrifies the everloving crap out of me... i dont ever want to ever be involved with men or minors in any way... god im so so scared...

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, 4 in May. We have had little to no big issues, I moved in with him at his parents house full time within a couple month, he co-signed on my first car loan with me (it’s only in my name now) and we built our first home (only his name is on it) and most recently we got a puppy in October. In these 3 years we have discussed marriage a bunch, we got together on a Saturday in May, and I always have talked about getting married on that Saturday in May in 2025, exactly 5 years later. He always seemed on board with it until about 2ish weeks ago when he told me in around about way that he wasn’t quite ready. It’s been stuck in my head since. Mind you we are only 23, would be 24 when we got married if we did do it next May, I was just shook cause it came out of literally nowhere. A few days later he was being sweet and said he couldn’t wait to marry me, to which of course I responded “you literally just told me you weren’t ready.” And he said that he knows he wants to marry me, just not right then. I told him to stop saying that to me cause it hurts my feelings and makes me overthink. Fast forward to 3 days ago, I was a little drunk and called him out on it just to get more understanding cause it’s been circling my brain for too long. He told me that everything has been moving TOO FAST?? WHAT? I’m not saying there’s a right or a wrong here. If he feels that way I don’t want to push him into anything he’s not ready for or even possibly doesn’t want, but WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM!? Again, there’s no right or wrong, but when I moved into his parents house I offered to go home, I even tried to go home sometimes, he didn’t want me too. I could’ve gotten my mom to co-sign with me on my car but he offered, when I refinanced it he wanted his name to stay on the title so we could stay in the same car insurance plan. He wanted me there to pick out all the things for the house. I put him on my phone plan. WE GOT A PUPPY TOGETHER, that’s a 15 year commitment at least and now he’s thinking it’s going too fast? What the f@&k!? He has assured me he only wants to be with me, he wouldn’t wanna marry anyone else, but mentally I’m pushing away and packing my bags. I’ve always been secure in our relationship since the beginning, I didn’t even remember what it felt like to be uncertain of my future and now it’s all I can think of. Any advice!? We’re about to be going on vacation for 12 days starting Friday, I don’t wanna be sad and mopey and I’m scared of what he might say if I bring it up. 😫

How can I get over the feeling of needing to confess everything? Even private thoughts & situations … nobody’s business but my own. But I feel like I’m doing something wrong and keeping big secrets. Thanks!

I genuinely can't stand my life any longer. I just wanted it all to end

So basically I repost lots of stuff and links and resources and awareness about what's going on in Palestine on my story on social media, because what's going on there is horrific. It just feels like everytime my worries (probably about being moral) clash with my wanting to help.. People don't care? They say stuff like, it doesn't matter, you come first, it's not that big of a deal, you shouldn't be worrying like this and trying to help at the same time. And while I agree that maintaining good mental health is important, there are people suffering in the world who are more important at the minute. That's not to say that mental health should be ignored, but I don't think it's a reason to not do what you can? Nobody seems to get this though. Like, I'm worrying about how, as I don't have many followers, I should add more people so the message is spread. Then I thought, that makes me uncomfortable because I don't want people to perceive me as annoying. Then I'm like, how is advocating for something in the world annoying? What society do we live in where it's weird to advocate for freedom and safety? The thing that gets to me the most is people I know who stay silent. The thing is, I don't think people stay silent because they're awful people or because they don't care, I just feel like it could be 1) We're desensitised. 2) It's not the "done thing". People follow other people and stay silent because it seems unusual to post about things like that. But then.. Do I stay friends with people who have stayed quiet in the face of this extremely awful thing going on in the world? It doesn't feel right, but I don't want to lose my friends. But 1) I don't want to be friends with people who don't speak up about it (and now worry that actually I don't care and it's just my conscience), and 2) I don't want to act like my friends are more important than what's going on. I feel like not one person around me understands this, and I don't understand how people can be ignorant to what's happening. I would just love to talk to someone who truly understands. Now I really don't know what to do about the following more people on social media thing, because surely if I even made one person aware of what's going on, that's a good thing? And it worries me that people think mental health matters more than what's going on, and use it as an excuse. Yeah mental health is important but.. I feel like it's not an excuse. And not more important than what's going on. And people make me feel as if that's wrong.

Anybody else get extremely anxious how fast life is moving? Like it feels like im almost at the end of my life. I think of it as like I’m 1/4 in my life and at this point of my life with 20 years will only have 3 other times in 20 year incraments so im almost done. Sounds stupid but does anyone else think like this💀

I was just confronted by a personal trainer at the gym. I think he’s dating the front desk girl. Which I’ve had many conversations with her. I assumed we were on friendly terms, on Friday, she was in a particularly foul mood. I asked her if she was OK, And I tried to make a joke about racing her on the treadmills before I left for the day. The one next to her hoping to get her to laugh. It didn’t work. She stayed pissed the whole time. Anyway, tonight at the gym, I was approached by her angry personal trainer boyfriend. He was so pissed off. He seemed to be shaking. I’m 6’2”. This guys is about 6’8” and Jacked. He claimed that I was using his girlfriend’s name and making her feel uncomfortable. I explained that I was just having a friendly conversation with her and he wasn’t having it. He told me I needed to talk to her about it. I used it as ERP. I was determined to not let it keep me up tonight. I have difficulty sleeping when I can’t let things go, like this. I’m extremely extroverted and like talking to people. But, I pride myself on being kind and respectful. So this type of thing triggers the heck out of me. I made sure not to confront them until my suds levels dropped. I was definitely disappointed when she made up the part about me following her around. I’m trying to not to let ERP get out of hand. I get myself in trouble with therapy homework. Sometimes I feel stuck for days. I’m tempted to report them to management but I’m worried I’ll get kicked out of the gym for it. Im happily married with kids, I have no interest in her whatsoever. It’s disappointing when women try to get their boyfriends to fight me, it’s happened a few times. Not sure how to handle it, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Hi! I have OCD and am thinking about starting a family. I have been married for a few years (through some pretty sever ROCD) and starting a family has come up more than once. Every time our “this is when we will start” time comes around I have a HUGE spike in OCD including ROCD and OCD around having sex with my husband. I have a history of sexual assault, but that’s another story. ANYWAY…I was wondering if there are any folks on here with OCD and thinking of having children, pregnant, or went through it all with OCD. Really just looking for community and any resources that might have helped you- books etc. I am in therapy and on medication so really looking for anything supplementary. Thanks for reading!

Hello! I am new to the app and I struggle with Trichotillomania. This has caused my every day life to be a struggle and also upsets me because I used to have very long, thick hair. My hair is now very thin and will not grow. I also have lost the majority of my eyebrows and eyelashes and I now use false lashes/makeup to cover up my hair loss. I have struggled with this disorder for a couple of years now and have tried many coping strategies, but none seem to work. I want my hair back, please let me know if you have any suggestions on how to cope with this disorder!

Hi guys. This might be long, but it’s me somewhat looking for reassurance while also venting. I’m recently engaged and am suddenly feeling my ROCD come back. I was in therapy for it for a few months and eventually those intrusive thoughts about my partner went away completely and I was feeling sooooo much better. I thought I beat ROCD honestly, but I always knew it could eventually come back because that’s just how it works. We’ve talked about marriage for a while and i knew we’d get married. But when he proposed, I was thrown off guard (it was super random on a Tuesday night in our apartment and I had absolutely no clue it was happening then. Maybe if I would have had somewhat of an idea it was happening, I would have reacted better bc i had time to process it alone) but I paused and took a long time to say yes out of sheer shock and selfishly the want to have the big proposal done for me. He was very generous and gracious in my needing to process the proposal and he totally understood why I needed to take a second during all of it. But while that was going on, I didn’t feel any ROCD. it was more of the guilt of realizing I was disappointed in his proposal (I know, it was selfish. But it was also my first time being proposed to lol) and I realized after that, I didn’t care how it happened and I love him immensely regardless of how he chose to do it. And obviously I said yes :) !! Anyways, in the last two months that weve been engaged, the ROCD hasn’t come up at ALL. But recently it’s come back, and now that we are in fact, engaged, it doesn’t feel worse than it did before but the intrusive thoughts are a lot different. Because now I’m realizing the commitment is real and I’m scared that I’m gonna feel this way forever. Especially during our marriage. I’m scared that I’m going to have a panic on our wedding day. I’m scared that the feeling of wanting to run away and hide under a bush will come and I HATE the feeling of that. It’s all the “what if’s” that come with ROCD and while I’m a lot more aware of it now as I’ve been dealing with it for a while and was in therapy for it & actually getting help, it’s really hard to control the thoughts and realize it isn’t him. Because i really do think I have a fear of “boredom” and if i don’t feel sparks fly every second all the time, I feel panicky. That fear probably comes from growing up with my parents loveless marriage and them fighting all the time, and me not seeing what a loving marriage can look like 20+ years later. So that’s where I’m at right now. Thanks for reading

This is a big problem for me which makes me feel shame and alot of guilt, the feeling of denial is really misunderstood, sometimes i feel like they mean for certain ocd themes like harm or something when you feel like you did something bad and by ignoring you feel like youre in denial. Those times its normal that you ignore it. But i experience something different. Many times i tried to ignore ocd thought or emotions or even emotions or thoughts cause many times i couldnt decide if its ocd or normal problems, and this is why i experienced that im in denial, and this became stronger when i realized im still afraid of the content and it still comes back after time and i react the same way, they i use this fake positive reaction to it (i choose thatbits ocd, its not a real problem) which quickly makes me feel good, and then i get hit by the feeling that im avoiding im in denial. I watched a video about shame and denial, and the bad thing was i saw myself that im really in denial, that i avoid the problems, i react to the problem as its not a real problem, its ocd and i dont deal with it, its not real. But this limits me to see other problems. So realizing im actually in denial feels bad. And i dont know how to recover cause one people say do this, ignore every thought, dont listen to it, dont give any attention to it, and the other one says if you say this to every thought youre in denial. You do it as a cooping mechanism.. Just to give you an exemple, im christian so i will give that, i felt shame over doing something bad, and i was so afraid to admit it cause it comes with shame that i felt like i cant accept. I was so afraid cause shame said im a bad person, full of sin, im a shame for christianity, and because of this i didnt wanted to accept that what i did was bad and a sin cause then all of this is true. Then this made me feel like then i dont want to accept that i have flaws and im not perfect which is bad again, everyone has flaws, then i was worrying i dont want to accept that im not perfect cause i want to avoid shame, and this is where denial comes. Then what i heard that helps ocd is to ignore, i choosed to ignore it and be sarcastic with it, which made me feel more like im in denial. And after i watched the video I started spinning, cause it showed me im actually in denial to cope agains shame... so that would mean i have to accept that i did a bad thing and its okay, but that doesnt sound good to me and again i feel like im in denial, cause i should accept that what i did was bad but bc of shame i dont want to so im in denial. Im spinning so much and i dont know how to get over this denial thing. Expecially that the worries always come back and it makes me feel that i didnt worked with them as o should, i just avoided them i was in denial so thats why they come back...

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

Is it common with OCD to have intrusive thoughts that are delusional in nature and disturbing because you realize that they’re delusional?

I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… (when i was 14, and 17-18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented, the content was on public sites and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… When i was looking at explicit anime content (i was 19 and was making sure the characters were over the age of 18) I accidentally looked at characters that were 17 by mistake... (a couple times even though the site said all characters have to be 18+) my pocd is saying im in denial for this... this, combined with my previous pocd and real events based on this... makes me just feel so alone...

So I’m in college. A FineArts major who’s a sophomore to be exact. And it’s fine, it’s as stressful as you’d expect it to be. But I had gotten this massive massive burnout. As no matter where I sit or sit I cannot for the life of me write or draw what I used to on my own. It feels like a chore. And even more than that, burnout. I’m scared I hate what I do, and I’ve abandoned my love for art. Which I know isn’t true because I still want to draw and create and write. But my mind just won’t let me think. What’s going on with me? Is this normal in college?