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I thought I was a hopeless case. But with NOCD tx, I am finally able to take back control of my life which I once thought was impossible. I am so proud of myself ❤️

I hope this post can find someone who is currently going through false memory ocd. I just want to say, I have been dealing with false memory OCD for the past two months. I’ve gotten into depression because of it. But today, I had an awakening that truly made me wake up from this nightmare. Call me weird, but I sat in my living room couch and pictured myself as how I was without OCD or its thinking patterns. I also pictured myself as how I am now with OCD tendencies. I started to conversate about what I am currently going through and I was just able to step out of that ocd bubble and stepped out as a normal person with normal thinking behaviors and let me tell you I laughed. I was so in that head space of not having the agony of fear and anxiety weighing over my head at that moment, instead I felt ‘free’ like when I did when I didn’t have OCD. My point here is, today I realized how much OCD can ruin your life and distort memories in this case. In terms of false memory or OCD adding stuff to a memory, it’s so funny how we fall into that trap. This may sound harsh, but realistically you just know when you do something bad or if you didn’t. Yes, bad memory can come into play and other natural/normal things. But a person with OCD with good memory, come on, don’t we see that our ENEMY is doubt. Your brain is just naturalized to grasp onto things that point out. For example, my real event OCD memory is about that I had an intrusive thought to be friendly to a guy behind my boyfriend’s back. All I can think ‘with ocd tendencies’ did i just act on that, did I smile more when I had that thought because I was smiling during this. See what I mean, a person with no OCD would come to me and say you just know. I didn’t go out of my way and start having a conversation with this guy, simply although my ocd finds it hard to grasp on to this but I was just smiling to whatever the guy was saying and this thought came in the midst that’s all. I realized that the ‘ what if’s’ are simple fears. There are no ‘what if’s’ from past events im sorry. It’s a simple yes or no because you just feel it within yourself. I also realized people with OCD over stretch things. For example, the day of my false memory I told my boyfriend that the thought was about flirting when I know it felt as being friendly because I wanted to give him worst case scenario. Not only that but I came across this YouTube video that distorted it more for me. This doctor on YouTube said ‘ you tend to remember a memory best, when you remember it the first time. I had an immense amount of anxiety now asking myself if the thought felt flirtation. But I will not let a video or no man come and torment it more for me. We have to be careful with things we hear and watch. To continue, We have to come to realization that if you are doubting yourself and omg did I do this or did it play out like that, come on step out of that bubble and see the root of this. So much unhealed trauma that we drag with us every day. The problem is never the problem but the way we interpret situations and how much of a big deal we make it when it’s so small. You know yourself and you know when you do bad things or not. It makes you unstable to sit here and doubt your every action. Accept for the things that you do and move on and stop dwelling on the what ifs. God has not called us to be double-minded but single-minded. The Bible says ‘ a double minded man is unstable in all his ways’ James 1:8. You got this, sit yourself as a person with a normal thinking pattern or who you used to be without OCD and picture yourself with your ocd tendencies in front of you and talk it out. God is with you, we can do this. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

I am very bad I used to to do my compulsion a number of time in different days and than i ended it right and i started doing compulsion only on the day they appeared bc if i made them the next day it's wrong and i have to make it in different days and do another compulsion to he right i different days idk how to explain but it's ruling my life i feel tired stuck i feel loney and with no hope please help me i need someone to talk to

I’m a rookie when it comes to ocd (I have had it almost all my life but got diagnosed 3 years ago). I want to know which books were most helpful for your recovery (my main struggles are with false memory, guilt, shame, and real event). Also, I have been reading Albert Ellis’s book “How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable”, would love your opinion on whether it was helpful if youve read it.

So I have been obsessing over a real event that happened 25 years ago. It flares up from time to time but this time it has stuck for every single day for 8 months all day long. Anyways it’s gotten to the point that everywhere I look or anything I see will be about something that matches the theme of my obsession. Then I start to wonder is God telling me something or showing me signs of confirmation that my fears are true. Not sure if anyone else has experienced seeing signs every where that point to your obsession

My bf and I of one month spend a lot of time together. but recently I feel relieved when he’s gone and prefer to be alone. The love I show him feels forced. I hate feeling this I don’t want to. He reassures me that it’s just OCD and I do love him and then I feel better and in love but then it happens again. I’m scared deep down I am losing feelings but am in denial. He’s such a great guy I don’t wanna feel this. But I feel like I want to push him away or do my own thing a lot of times and I HATE IT!! I’m so sad and frustrated. Can OCD cause this? Or should I break it off ):

I was wondering if anyone else has ocd and adhd. The two are so difficult to treat together medication wise. Stimulants often flare up ocd and anxiety and ssri’s do nothing for my adhd. I feel even more off task while on an ssri. So the result now is I’m unmedicated and in therapy once a week which isn’t enough for me. Does anyone else have this same diagnosis and if so what works for you?

I feel that I cannot go on sometimes, I feel that I would harshly judge anyone with my problem and with my thoughts, what does this mean and how do I stop it from killing me?

How much s*x is normal? I was looking it up on reddit and people were saying they have s*x around 9-13 times a week, 5 times a week not including oral or twice a day?? So many people were saying this. I have been with my partner 6 years this year and for us it happens 1 - 2 times a week. Is that normal?! I stress a lot about frequency but in my mind it is also quite time consuming because it usually takes up to 40-60 Minutes (which I enjoy!). Should it be different?

I'm having a hard time with these thoughts and was wondering if anyone could provide insight. Thank you. One of my intrusive thoughts is "What if you intentionally go and get soap, oil, toothpaste and smear it on your TV," and my compulsion is to check to see if I've smeared anything on my TV. The next intrusive thought is triggered by wearing my CPAP mask, which actually leaks a tiny bit of air. The intrusive thoughts is "Oh no, there is a tiny bit of air leaking and it's going to hurt your eyes," and my compulsion is to readjust my mask. The next thought is a bit tricky, and really tripping me up. The thought is saying "Since your CPAP mask is actually leaking a tiny bit of air, you need to put a tiny bit of soap, oil, toothpaste on your TV. Since your CPAP seal is imperfect, you need to make other things imperfect intentionally. If you don't, you're doing therapy wrong by not making things equally imperfect." This has been really hard to deal with, and it's really making me confused and tired. I'd like to add that I know a tiny bit of air escaping from my CPAP mask isn't a big deal. Would I prefer no leak at all, well yeah. And I know that smearing some soap/toothpaste/oil on my TV wouldn't be the end of the world, but at the same time, I don't want to do that. I don't want to risk damaging my TV.

I used to have an asbestos contamination obsession. It was pretty unhealthy. I learned how to identify the material and would go through bottle upon bottles of hand sanitizer to “protect” myself from likely nothing. Now my POCD, ROCD. and false memory ocd is making me hardly want to live. I called in twice this week and haven’t gone to classes at all. I’ve been in therapy through here for about 2 month but I’m getting worse. I get evaluated for meds next Friday and I’m having such a hard time thinking how far that really is. I haven’t left bed today. At least I was more functional with the asbestos theme. It was very annoying, but it was nothing like this

I see on tiktok and social media all the time that relationships are only hard if you are with the wrong person. I’ve only dated one other person before my current boyfriend and things weren’t smooth sailing all the time but maybe a little better just because we were long distance for most of it. However my current boyfriend is a much better guy than my ex was. But anyways I find myself getting so overstimulated and annoyed with my current boyfriend and I worry that since I’m not happy a lot of the time because he annoys me or if we argue that he isn’t the one. I’ve never been able to tell if I’m in love and I think it’s because of ROCD. However I’m just curious if it’s like a for sure dealbreaker if relationships seem hard or if it could just be me and my ocd that makes it feel so hard even if he is the right one for me. He really is super kind and helpful and we have pretty much all of the same values. Im just worried that since we argue (nothing like crazy or out of line) and he drives me crazy sometimes that maybe he isn’t the one.

I just feel a complete weirdo for my actions, I’ve made mistakes with females and I’m scared I went too far this one night on my own intoxicated and feel I done something horrible, what shall I do

I was set up to have my first appointment. I realized it would have to be out of pocket. I can’t really afford this but my tax returns are inbound so that helps. I kept getting a prompt in the app to upload my insurance. DO NOT DO THIS IF YOU HAVE MEDICAID. Now my appointment has been cancelled and I am not eligible to schedule one. There are no providers near me that specialize in OCD. I just got done bawling my eyes out. The relief I felt to finally be heard and understood and then to have that ripped from me is completely devastating. I feel so hopeless!

I have a Big fear of pregnancy/childbirth/newborns. My partner wants kids of his own and adopt but I’d rather just adopt. I feel like I like the idea of it sometimes and now it’s terrible fear. I’m also on my cycle so I know that affects OCD too. I feel like I get some validation from knowing my partner wants kids with me like I’m of value and wanted but then when faced with the reality of having kids in the near future it haunts me. My reasons seem more irrational though. From body dysmorphia in pregnancy to the pain and complications of birth, I also hate hospitals. I also deal with people pleasing a lot so that works it’s way in too. The way it’s portrayed on social media doesn’t help either. My own past with mental health, fear, the way my own family was dysfunctional, trauma and ptsd has definitely put my mind in a one track thinking of fear. I know fear just needs reframing most of the time and I feel better about things once it clicks. I know this is probably related to OCD bc it seems irrational and I have a skewed perspective on most things in life bc of it. For me, I feel really sad and grievous even about having a newborn, it feels like the end of my life and my own survival and the start of bondage. But for some reason I want to adopt or foster and raise kids anyways so I don’t know why I fear my own kids. Weird to say but I always felt like these things were out of reach for me and my own life would end with me like not beyond anyone else like kids. Even calling myself a mom feels weird bc to me there is only one mom my mom. I guess it sounds like I just need to warm up to a new reality possibly? I never grew up wanting to be a mom or get married like other girls. Not that I was against it I was just too busy being a kid myself or fending for myself. I also feel in ways I’m unprepared, immature, and like how can I abandon my own need of survival which is how I felt my whole life and cater to someone else’s survival? I can’t function on my own a lot so how could I possibly be a mom? I know i cant trust myself due to OCD and the skewed beliefs and perspectives my brain adopts bc of it. Even the messiness of birth and the sensuality of motherhood makes me very uncomfortable, I’ve kinda always felt uncomfortable in my own skin and body. The idea of someone else using my body feels violating almost and like I grieve my old self in the future. I’m also a terrible perfectionist so that is a part in these fears too. So I’m just going to be journeying on my own with God to help me dismantle these fears. I can’t afford therapy anymore. I also have a terrible Interoception and gauge of my feelings so the lack of desire for kids has me concerned but I know I develop feelings and desires slower than others. I also lived life in extremes so anything in the middle feels off or numb. So right now just trying to get to the bottom of the fears and see the truth in them. These fears make me very sad and broken like something is wrong with me. I wish I didn’t feel this way or deal with this stuff and I wish I was different. I’m not content with the way I fear this and not wanting my own kids. Any advice would be very helpful. #pregnancy #birth #healthocd #rocd #newborns

Struggling currently. Anyone here have it and what did you find helpful to overcome?

Does anyone get POCD thoughts that come up when you see things that are flat out wrong and disturbing to you when you aren't looking for those things. You look for one thing but results give you another and it's very awful and it triggers you. I don't want anything to do with those things that come up but they show up regardless and it really sucks. Then I worry that I'll be in trouble for it even though I made no intent to look at those results when I wanted to look at something else specifically

I feel like im becoming more and more disgusting, shameless. I feel like I'm going back to the horrible things I used to do. What if OCD is the reason I'm a good person? And what if I'm not OCD anymore and I will become a horrible person like i used to? What if my partner is not important for me anymore? Or what if I always act "cute" and become an attention seeker like before and what if i start to become a disgusting love chaser? What if I become the same attention seeker, selfish, obscene, abusive, unfaithful, reckless, liar, pretender as I was before? What if i've never changed? I don't even react to OCD with bad feelings like I used to. It's like I like my thoughts. I feel like im proud to be evil and unfaithful and disgusting. I just want to feel disgusted towards to my thoughts. It's like I started doing the disgusting things I used to do again, enjoying it and normalizing it. I always feel like im pretending, acting a role to be different or be the center of attention. I feel like a narcissist. I feel like I don't respect other people as individuals. I feel like im manipulating everyone to convince them that im innocent... I still have thoughts that blame my partner for him being avoidant. I always want to accept and love him as he is. Without being disrespectful, expectant, unaccepting, unfair, ungrateful, unsympathetic... My mind tells me that I'm obsessive, that I'm exaggerating my partner. And my mind makes me feel like it's okay if I'm unfaithful to him, if I cheat on him, if I find someone "better" than him, and that it won't make me feel bad... I DON'T want to feel like that. Even if my partner is not the best like before, I want him to be the best *for me*. I want to be determined, devoted, extremely loyal to him, i want to love him. I want to keep choosing and doing all these things. I want to be a good person for people and especially for my partner. I feel like I've become the disgusting person I used to be. I want to remain a good person. People always badmouthed avoidant people and blamed my partner against me. And people always said "youre obsessed, you're exaggerating your partner" to me. Even though i did not. Is it wrong to love someone this much? I questioned. I don't want to blame people, but could people's comments be affecting me and my thoughts? Did I let someone else control me? I don't want to give up on my partner, be a bad person, a bad partner.

Anyone else with false memory / real event ever turn into a detective and start to guess details while looking back on old pictures to see if you’re correct about anything? If you have been correct about anything how did you cope? I’ve been correct about a radiator on a wall & I dunno if I’m being delusional here but it’s making me feel like my false memory is real even though I’m sure it’s not? I dunno if I’m just completely alone in this but I feel like it.