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the fact that we are all real scares the shit out of me, idk if this is existential ocd anymore

Hey everyone, I haven't been on here in about 6 months because Ive been doing pretty well with my ocd. I still had flare ups but I managed them well. But now my health ocd is back and it feels like there's no hope. I can't be sure I don't have every single illness I'm afraid of, I can't stop checking my body for weird symptoms and sensations. I've been through this before but never this bad. My mind is spiraling 24/7 and I don't know how to calm down. Nothing helps. Most of the time I try to distract myself and do something but this time I can't. My brain won't shut off. It feels like Im living in a cage and it's slowly drowning. What helps you calm down quickly because I'm so tired and scared?

How do i know for what thoughts I should use non engagement and for what thoughts I should just label it and how do I know to which thoughts I should just let go?

has anyone else done this? today i got presented with one of my triggers, but when i first saw it i didn’t immediately feel the feeling i’d grown to associate with being triggered. normally had i been confronted by my trigger, i’d get a pit-like feeling in my stomach, heart racing, anger, and dissociation. today i looked at it and thought “huh, i don’t really feel triggered, but i know i should be. should i be mad at this?” the nature of my trigger is one that concerns my relationship, and this is where i made a mistake. i told my partner, “i can’t decide if i should be mad about this or not.” and that opened the flood gates to a 2hr long conversation surrounding my obsession and triggers. i feel really bad for not taking the opportunity to disengage from my habitual response. i didn’t feel triggered initially, but i triggered myself out of habit, because i “should” be triggered. i feel like recently my ocd has been dying off, at least this particular obsession. i haven’t really been doing any of my compulsions, and it’s not on my mind as often. regardless, i’m still really scared to accept that it is what it is and it’ll always be there. when given the opportunity to disengage or stay, i chose to stay. i hate that i did that. it felt like an aha moment, though. maybe this was necessary. a fight with my partner over something i chose to be upset about because it has historically been upsetting. do you ever feel like your ocd tries to get your attention even more when it’s dying off? how do you proceed without reaffirming the ocd when presented with a circumstance like this one? do you ever trigger yourself out of habit rather than because it really strongly bugs you ?

Hey guys I have officially been in NOCD for a month and the ERP is going well. However, I have been feeling a lot of hopelessness when it comes to my existence. I have also been questioning my purpose in life. I have also been scared of dying because it’s so inevitable and I don’t know when it’s going to happen. I have also been feeling a lot of guilt because I am a content creator and putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy is the hardest. Has anyone ever felt that way? Does anyone have any advice?

I’ve known for a while that my anxiety gets worse right before my period. I guess my OCD does too. I’ve been feeling more stuck or “running the hamster wheel” this week mostly because next week will be my period. It’s incredibly frustrating having that OCD/Anxiety plus the hormone changes. I’ve been feeling like spontaneously crying then I will feel like screaming then other times I feel so stuck and fearful with my OCD and anxiety. Usually on my period I sorta mellow out a bit, especially with health anxiety. I know that the symptoms I feel is just from my period and nothing else major so it’s not as scary. Is there any kind of trick that helps you guys when your symptoms get worse during that time of the month?

Can not sleep because my brain won’t switch off Can never get to sleep anymore because of overthinking too much It’s 3:31 and feel like tomorrow is ruined because I’m going to be tired and when I’m tired my ocd is 10xworse and my mood

My POCD randomly triggered over a friendship I have with someone who is eighteen. I’m sixteen and I have no intention of dating them however we do make jokes and are very affectionate. Nothing bad, normal internet friendships but it’s making me nervous that I’m somehow a victim or something even though I have no issues with it. Is this okay?

I feel guilty I’m feeling this way because I know people going through worse stuff than me right now so I can’t speak to them and feel so alone I feel like I’m making it up and putting on “bad mental health” and that I’m actually fine but if that’s the case why am I feeling so drained and struggling to get through the day Constantly having thoughts of s3lf harm again I don’t know what this feeling is anymore and I don’t even know what’s what I feel a mess I can’t explain what’s going on inside my head

Can someone please tell me I’m not alone? Can you share your experience with getting intrusive S3xual thoughts please Because I feel like it’s not talked about and it’s something I really struggle with and I’m scared I’m the only one getting these disturbing and fucked up thoughts and scared I want them and that it’s actually me and not my ocd For example : I feel like I’m constantly constantly getting S3xualised thoughts of people I’m related to especially when I’m trying to have S3xual time

I just did an exposure of looking at naked women and it kind of took a turn for the worst. I did one on Tuesday and it went great with no rumination, but today I felt aroused and then started googling. And everyone said I was a lesbian or bi for being aroused. Even though I don’t want to be with any of those women 😣 feeling like I took a few steps back

Hi all! I am trying to practice self compassion with myself as i suffer from ocd, ptsd and bpd and due to years of sa abuse and so on I have a very very negative self image of myself. Anyways, I realized I was avoiding talking to my nicely (compulsively if you will) and being actively proud of myself as it triggers a mean ocd thought about myself. E.g.: ‚i did really well today on xyz‘ —> immediately my ocd says ‚sure but you are dirty and should feel guilty because you had sexual thoughts and enjoyed them about xyz‘. I think you get the point… Do some of you experience the same ? How do you deal with it ? The same way as with other intrusive thoughts ? Let it pass and restrict compulsiions ? Thank you!!!

Ive made horrible childhood mistakes at the ages of 12 and 13 I heavily regret... It was separate events when i was 12 and 13... I didn't know how horrible the mistakes were at the time... the mistakes were extremely horrible... i dont ever want to be what my pocd and real events ocd say about me... I genuinely feel so horribly and as a 22 year old in pre-med, idk if i even deserve happiness because of my extremely horrible childhood mistakes...

Even with my insurance, my co-pay is still $90 per session which I think is really expensive. I was having a lot of really good improvement in exposure therapy but now I just can't book any more sessions because I can't afford the payments. I'm only 19 by the way, so please don't be too harsh on me, like is there any better alternatives that you guys have found because I found it extremely helpful and now I just can't afford the sessions

Hi everyone. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed by my intrusive thoughts. It's so tough to try distracting my mind and overcome my thoughts because I'm isolated at home all day. I have no daily schedule, no car or job. So I spend a lot of time alone, which doesn't help my OCD at all. Does anyone else feel lonely or distressed by their scary thoughts? I'm trying to go to sleep but I can't seem to relax

recently my partner has been going into intense spirals like really intense she's on medication but stopped ERP a few months ago because she wasn't handling it well and although I've encouraged her to go back she's very reluctant often the spirals are focussed on something benign like making sure she gets the perfect coffee order and she'll spend a few hours doing the order while I support her best I can but occasionally she will go quiet for a couple of hours before exploding into a rage typically how I am unfaithful or deceptive and it can last the entire day (I wouldn't consider myself either of these things and on any other day she wouldnt either) but occasionally she just explodes no matter what I try she cannot be communicated with in this state but will demand to be near me the entire time and it's getting to be alot she's becoming vindictive and mean in these spirals and I guess I'm just wondering if this is like normal?

does anyone else have this? it really really sucks, i have bad intrusive thoughts about anything that could be “sexual”. I cant even eat a banana anymore, without my brain telling me its sexual. I feel so so much anxiety from it, and i cant be around people and i dont like when people look at me cause im afraid their sexualizing me and i just cant. I hate this, can anyone give me tips for thoughts like these? because it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I dont know how to ignore it.

I’m almost 4 months post partum and started having terrible OCD centered around going into a psychosis and hurting my family. Today I’ve been obsessing terribly and constantly checking my five senses. I’ve been able to work through this obsession in the past to the point that it was just a passing thought, but last night I walked into my bedroom and smelled weed. Nobody in my house smokes or has been around weed, so now I’m terrified I was hallucinating. Please help me.

I just did ERP in my therapy and I felt completely horrible. I was watching a video of a woman harming her husband or where she harm her husband and that’s what I’m dealing with harm OCD towards my husband while I was watching it. I completely didn’t feel nothing like before watching it I did feel a little scared because I thought I was gonna get ideas but honestly, I feel like at this point I thought everything and every possible way of harming my husband. Recently they killed a guy near me and they shot him and I put myself in the position of if that were to be my husband like how would I feel and I felt super heartbroken super sad like really sad that something like that could happen to him, but when I was watching the ERP exposure I did not feel anything like I started crying because I’ve heard they were talking about the guy that was dead and it’s like I wouldn’t want someone talking like that about my husband but then again like I wouldn’t want it, but then my head is telling me I would want it like I didn’t feel completely nothing while I was watching the video like I did not feel anything. Neither concerned neither scared neither happy like I was just neutral. Then again I’m on medication and it makes me feel numb but then again I do feel sometimes and I just I’m worried that I’m just gonna turn into that person.

Because the things i fear the most are the things i want the most. Because i feel like this disease is taking my life from me.