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Send any support you can for dealing with this. It is very difficult.

Does anyone have fear of just “thinking?” Like being scared to just think? My thoughts can get very racy, & intense. It can feel like I have too many thoughts at once. I’m afraid of being a bad person. Im afraid my intentions aren’t always good. Sometimes I have very negative thoughts about people. Im always scared of what my motivations are. I feel lost.

so it’s been a few days i lost my best friend it’s been hard my ocd has gotten worse but i had a therapy session yesterday it went okay i guess… but i was telling her about losing my best friend and telling her i’m still highly aware that it’s ocd… she was like well a psychiatrist would diagnose u with ocd then she asked if i pay attention to numbers and im not for sure sometimes i don’t even know my compulsions.. but i do repetitively like tell people my thoughts so i’m guessing that’s repetitive reassurance.. my ocd thoughts were rlly high this morning like: “what if i hurt myself” “what if i want it to happen” “do i want it to happen because i’m going through a lot” “i don’t want it to happen… but what if there is a reason to” but it makes me nervous that i’m afraid it’s true because i think this happens from a tramatic experience from losing a classmate even tho i wasn’t as close with her it tramatized me bc she passed away due to s*cide and i guess that’s why it started my fear because she had mental issues and that started that crazy maze with my thoughts.. but not the only thing after when my best friend passed away at the funeral it was a open casket, she was rlly pale and it was rlly scary i use to constantly check myself to make sure i wasn’t gonna turn pale but it calmed down but then last night i was having trouble sleeping because i was having racing thoughts while i was sleeping so i guess i was sleeping very light but i get scared i will die in my sleep… my therapist still hasn’t figured out saying if i have ocd or not and sometimes i feel like i’m depressed or if i’m bipolar

I’ve been dealing with the fear of schizophrenia for about 10 months now with symptoms varying from fear of hallucinations, constantly on the look out for negative symptoms such as flat affect, low mood etc. to now constantly having to fight off delusional intrusive thoughts. I feel it’s worth it to mention I am an atheist, secular humanist and realist and had/have very firm beliefs about reality that were evidence based and very grounded. Ever since this theme has started, these thoughts and feelings coupled with derealization have completely warped my mind and I’m constantly getting thoughts such as “the world is way too good and complex to be true, there must be something more at play here” “there must be something sinister at play here”“this must be some sort of simulation” “there must be more to the world than just science and biology” “what if satan is the true creator of the world” “What if the government is working in accordance with Satan to keep up with this simulation” etc etc. just bizarre crazy shit. these thoughts feel very very convincing, despite there being no evidence for them. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m done fighting and don’t know what to believe. No amount of logic that I feed these thoughts will ever be enough. I feel like my case is different form most peoples with ocd, from what I’ve read, everybody with my kind of thoughts still have a meta awareness that there thoughts aren’t real and the world around them is very much real. Well I feel like everyday I’m losing that awareness more and more, moments of clarity are quite rare for me now. I feel like I am becoming convinced what I’m thinking is true and I’m getting thoughts and feelings like “how could I not see this before, this is all way too good to be true” and I don’t want that. It is scaring me that I am thinking this way. Like I said this is a COMPLETE 180 from the way I used to think. Please help. My mind has me convinced that there is no other way to think about it and I’m possibly just in denial about it

hi! I have never talked about this before so this is going to be quite long but I just need to get this out and I hope someone can relate to something. I’m a 22 y/o about to start my PhD in the fall and I have struggled with mental health my whole life. I had a pretty shitty childhood and throughout life it felt like bad things just kept happening to me, almost like the universe was against me (it didn’t help that I grew up in the church). I’ve always been a little “particular” about things but never had the classic counting, repeating, etc symptoms, and my mental health journey started around 15. high school sucked of course because it was high school but all day every day nothing seemed to shut my brain up!! finally when I was 17 I met a psychiatrist I actually enjoyed talking to and she diagnosed me with bipolar II because I was quite the delinquent for a time but I would also get super sad a lot. also important to note that I’m one of those gifted kid burnouts (hopefully no burnt out because I got 5 more years lol) so I’ve always been above average. my psychiatrist was so nice and fun to talk to and for a bit it seemed like she really understood and cared! but somewhere along the way, around age 19, I realized things still sucked in a way that they’re not supposed to if you’re getting the right help, if that makes sense? I started telling her again that my brain is too fast and won’t stop (things I’ve said my entire life), that I have these “silly little things” I do because I can’t focus, and so many other blatant signs (retrospectively). one day she “diagnosed” me with OCD and gave me a weak med for it (guanfacine?) and never really talked about it again and at some point I just stopped taking them. all of our sessions for YEARS were just us talking about life, my mom, theater, school, etc, and every time I’d bring up a concern she’d say “that’s just how my brain is” and “I’m just too smart for my own good” and similar lines – I wasn’t sure what to call it because I feel so guilty and scared every time I question her but I think this has been medically traumatic. I feel like everything is just “how I am” so I have to deal with it and it’s just been that way for 22 years because “I’ve come so far and done so well!” even though I tell her it’s exhausting every single day to have gotten to this point. I’ve been feeling unheard and frustrated for at least 2 years but have only thought about it a handful of times because it makes me feel so guilty - we’re friends! she says I’m one of her favorite patients! she’s so nice! but then one day a few months ago my friend started telling me every silly little thing I did was actually OCD. I brushed it off because I already had a diagnosis (bipolar) and we hadn’t talked about OCD in years, and we would’ve if it were relevant, right? I talked to my psych and got the same dismissive replies and just a change of dosage in my mood stabilizers, like it’s been for the past 5 years. however my thoughts have gotten so bad and the compulsions that I didn’t know were compulsions got so bad that I didn’t want to leave my house unless absolutely necessary after believing it’s all trauma-based so if I go over everything I’ve been through I’ll be cured (very bad idea LOL). anyways now I am at my peak severity (counting, repeating, washing, clenching my body to the point where my jaw hurts, etc) and I got the OCD workbook and have been crying for days because I FINALLY FEEL HOPE. I did not think this part of me — the part I struggle with the most — could be fixed. I found a therapist who taught me about ERP and have been trying to implement it but he is very new to this as well (not a specialist but very willing to learn!) so it’s hard. about my psychiatrist though, can someone please give me advice? is she just a pill-pusher and I’ve been bamboozled and played the last 5 years for that monthly/bimonthly check? :( ok I think that’s all for now but these have been an incredibly intense and emotional few days and nobody understands even though my loved ones are AMAZING in trying. it’s nice to see this is a real thing and that’s not “just how my brain works” :’)

I don’t fight the thoughts I just let them be. I don’t ruminate on them, well not in the same way that I used to. Attempting to disprove them is not something I engage with anymore. But since I’ve been not trying to disprove them I feel as though the distress is so unbearable. And I weirdly feel as though it’s now real and it’s not even OCD. When will the distress stop? I haven’t been doing compulsions. Yet the distress never seems to go away.

sometimes i genuinely believe that i would be a lot better off as dead. i hate being like this. i hate being me. i don’t want to be a bad person or a burden on anyone. it’s starting to feel like i want the thoughts because they’re no longer causing me anxiety, i don’t know if that’s down to my meds or what but. it’s like i feel disgust and guilt but i don’t feel the panic if that makes any sense? i’m a terrible person, i don’t deserve any type of happiness. it all feels so real, i fully believe what my ocd is telling me even though i know this time a few months ago i wouldn’t have ever thought anything like this. when will this all stop? i feel like the right thing for me to do is end it all

I just performed a ritual today and fell again in the cycle of contamination ocd. Now my brain is telling me to do more compulsions now as i feel dirty and then i cant start ERP from tomorrow again. But i don't want to do any more compulsions now. I know i did wrong by doing one but i dont want to keep doing them all now bcz my brain will now tell me to do more and more. I want to start resisting but my brain just tell me you did one and now you need more. I am just sitting with this anxiety. Can anyone please give me some suggestion? I just want to fight against this ocd. Although i do fall in the cycle sometimes but then i get up back and start resisting. Its like i cannot get fully normal

So, a few nights ago, I had a really intense panic attack because I’d did some really stupid googling and basically convinced myself that I have cancer. Ever since then, things have been…off. I can usually bounce back from bad flare-ups, but this has been different. I just don’t really feel like myself. I also don’t really like being by myself and have struggled falling asleep because I don’t really trust my own mind not to overwhelm me with these intrusive thoughts that I have cancer. I’m not really sure what to do. I guess all I really can do is wait for it to pass, but I was just wondering if anyone potentially had any advice/wanted to reach out? For the record, my doctor has NO idea that I suspect I have ocd symptoms, and getting meds will probably be a whole thing, even though I would love to start medication at some point.

I was checking my emotions and feelings so often I no longer recognize my own emotions

I have been anxious about this one specific thing for a few days now. I keep telling my parents about it over and over again. I am going on a big trip tomorrow with my friend and big trips or events trigger my OCD into thinking the trip has to be perfect. Should I tell my Mom what keeps bothering me before I leave for my trip even though I’ve already told her several times about it the past few days I’ve been anxious about it and even though she keeps getting mad at me for repeating it?

I am jsut so tired i want to go to sleep but my brain wont let me i feel weird and anxious and sick physically i dont know why i just feel so wrong rigjt now i just want to sleep

I have pretty bad ocd focused on my relationship. I’ve been doing the work but I had a pretty bad day on Saturday. I’m always checking how I’m feeling and I didn’t feel like singing in the car with my fiancé. Something I usually do with my fiancé. Then the thought came in my head like what if you would feel like it if you were with someone else. Then after those thoughts came in, I felt like singing. Is this ocd playing a trick on my feelings? This happened before and I usually just keep my mouth shut or I do compulsions until I feel better. I felt like I did compulsions but then I think I ended up singing. So I felt like I did something bad. Advice?

Please?

I struggle with nail picking, and have been dealing with it for about 20 years. There won’t usually be a cause for it- I’ll just randomly start the habit and won’t even realize that I’m doing it until it’s picked off. I think what triggers the behavior is when I feel the nail is uneven, or sharp, or “pickable”. This habit just recently started to also make its way to my lips. I pick the dead skin off my lips and again, won’t realize I’m doing it until they start to bleed, causing more scabs and dead skin for me to pick off. Does anyone have any helpful tips that could break these habits for me?

I feel like dying right now

tw dark intrusive thoughts. if you saw my last post, (ok if you didn't) i talked about my contamination ocd tied to ptsd trauma of dogs. I don't know if what im about to talk about is a compulsion, but its related. And my mom tells me, that she thinks I have compulsions related to needing to talk to people about things. so i really can't stand dogs. looking at them makes me sick, triggers memories. saying the word "dog" makes me start thinking about them in a loop that i really struggle to break/can't purposely break myself. i have a lot of pain and anger revolving around dogs 😢 it feels like people have always tried to force me to like dogs. me saying "i don't like dogs." was never enough, no one would respect it, always trying to fix me and make me like dogs. (which i know it stems from trauma and so yes could/should be resolved, but i want to do it on my terms. i want me saying "i dont like dogs." to be enough and to be respected for my opinion.) again, im angry. it used to just be a fear, but now it is dark hatred. i think of my trauma; i think of people trying to force me to like and interact with dogs; i think of asking my family to please get rid of the dog for my mental and physical sake, that it was me or the dog, and they chose the dog; of when i cried my heart out to random strangers about that last thing, and they said i was selfish and they'd chose a dog over me too. im angry and hurt and don't feel like i can be healed or fixed. and ky ocd and intrusive thoughts make it worse. i used to have nightmares about dogs eating and murdering me, as i grew up i learned how to take control of the dreams and I'd kill the dogs before they could get to me. that bled into the real world mixed woth my hatred, and i cant tell if its really intrudtive thoughts or not for sure, but i think a lot about how much i want to murder dogs. whenever i see one, my first thought is "i want to kill it." a dog passed me and in a daydream im pulling out a knife and stabbing it before it gets me. when i meet up with my family all i can think about is that dog, and how much i want to push it into the road snd watch it bleed. i cannot escape dogs, they are everywhere. i became a recluse so i would limit my time seeing them in the world, only going out on rare occasions. but dogs are still everywhere on the internet. blocking tags and words doesn't work. All it takes is one TikTok ad, Amazon not loaded, and it shows me a picture of a dog and i get filled with so much pain and thoughts about how i wish i could kill every dog on this earth. and again again, im angry that people wont just accept me. i say "i dont like dogs" or "im afraid of dogs." and they tell me im a werido. and it makes me so mad and fills me with a want to tell them my real thoughts. how i constantly dream of killing dogs. they think im weird, well wait till they hear the rest. prople talking about their dogs, sharing pictures. it fills me with a want to just confess. i so deeply feel the want to tell people how much i want to kill dogs. i can't tell if i really want to kil them or not anymore. i wouldn't, but i think i do want it maybe. not to kill them, but for them to all die. i feel like i have a compulsion about telling people about my hatred of dogs. I can't stand to see them happily tallking about dogs, acting like "oh everyone loves dogs, there isn't a soul that would hate them or fear them." i want to feel seen. even if it leaves people thinking im a monster or a weirdo. i just hate people assuming automatically, that everyone and anyone loves dogs. what i really want is just a place where im free from the dogs. that i can have a happy life without all this fear, hatred, snd distress. people like me, who understand not liking dogs. so yeah this mostly turned into just a vent, i dont really remember what advice i was looking for. maybe if you think my need to tell people i hate and want to murder dogs is a compulsion, and or is you have any ideas of what i can do when i feel like this. thanks

I'm a 16 Y/O male who always had anxiety and panic attacks. Recently my anxiety went up terribly with a fear of having a brain tumor or having an aneurysm. One night this terrible thought came into my head about killing my family and how simple it would be and it scared me to death. This feeling went through my body and I kept thinking "what's stopping me" | don't think I want it but what if I do? What if one day I get so angry and snap? I feel like l'd rather take my own life before someone else's but what if that won't be the case later on? I've tried meds before but eventually just never took them. I'm not sure if I should take them again or if they'll make me even more insane. I feel like my brain won't be able to control its self someday. I don't want to feel like this anymore but I really can't stop it. I live in such a small town with not much "therapy" that's face to face. Most of it is online. I want to be okay. Can someone please PLEASE help me.

ocd has always made me think i’m pregnant. but it has been blown up like never before today. The last time i was sexually active was the last week of March. I got my period a few weeks later in April. I was supposed to get my period on the 29th but i am now 8 days late. i’m freaking out. the last time i was sexually active was in March

Question I don’t like girls right now but when I kiss I get turned on my mind used to say I’m gay and it was just there but now the thought only comes when I think about it I’ve never gotten erections to guys or thought about guys like that but now I stare at men and my mind goes he’s hot is my orientation changing?