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I’m kinda losing hope and feeling defeated

Hello all! I am new to this support group/community mental health thing. I’ve tried (online) therapy before for past mental health struggles, and always found it to be a money and time sink, and unfortunately, I can't financially swing giving NOCD a shot. However, I am at the end of my rope. This past year has been REALLY rough mentally, even though it seems like exactly the time that my brain should be starting to settle down. I’m finding it hard to cope with a lot of stuff that’s been buried deep down in my brain, and I’m starting to lose hope as I feel my most valued relationships starting to unravel and my ability to function in the day to day becoming weaker and weaker. I’m usually pretty introverted, and reaching out to people, even online, is something I never really would have considered before. But I’m hurting physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and I know that I have hurt the people closest to me as I’ve been trying to undergo an actual healing process. All of this to say, it’s extremely unlike me to reach out to a community like this. I suppose I’m just wondering how effective any of you all have found this group in trying to heal and grow? Looking forward to hearing back from any of you, and I appreciate if you’ve made it to the end of this post in advance. Sincerely, Wanting to Rewire

Tell yourself the opposite of what your thoughts say. You're allowed to make mistakes. You deserve love. You deserve to follow your dreams. You deserve kindness. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to go through life embracing all of who you are without judgement. Time and time again I get stuck in this superfluous loop of remembering what i didn't do right. What didn't go well. The bad things that happened to me. The mean things people have said to me. The guilt and shame I have for addictive behaviors. The things I wish I didn't do in my teen years. You know what though? That's all BS. You did the best you could. You tried with what you have. There's no use ruminating over it. I know this is easier said than done. I know this is difficult. I know that OCD can make this worse for us by making us think about the very things that bother us over and over again. I know it sucks. It really is a pain. But with practice, and reminders, I think we can do this. I think I can do this. I think you can do this.

I’ve spiraled to the lowest of rock bottom. I now have all subtypes and I do not deserve to live. I hate my mind so much. This has all happened in 3 months and all because of reassurance.

It's all so confusing and difficult. I swear I would just want to take some sort of blood test to tell me what the f*ck I am. Lol

Has anyone taken Prozac while having this theme and it seemed to help ? I’m scared to take it because of the theme . Also I’m not suicidal never have been but this theme idk makes me depressed and panic and think of it then freaks me out . Is this normal ? Or am I actually having ideations ? Sometimes I feel like the best plan would be to be in a mental house so I know I can’t hurt myself . It’s just weird cause before all this started I had panic attacks about dying in my sleep , then it switched to dying of a heart attack which led me to get all my blood work done and quitting smoking and alcohol and caffeine and since may I’ve been dealing with this theme and it’s making me freaking confused like I have 3 kids I love my life but it’s fucks with me like makes me depressed.

I want to ask how you know youre having panic, but i dont mean it like a reassuring way. This is not trying to figure out everytime you have a panic if its panic. I ask this cause noone talks about this, usually videos about panic is about "if you have panic you go get checked" thats understandable, and if youre okay then you can say its panic. But what about those times when you dont have panic for a long time and then it comes back and you forgot about how it feels so youre worrying again if its something is wrong? Everytime you have a long time without panic and then it comes back you have to go to get checked? Everytime you forget or panic changes the sypmtoms or get mixed with real problems you run to the doctor? Isnt that panic fueled? I do forgot how bad it feels like, i didnt had panic more that a year and a half, and what was worse, it got mixed with real problem. I had food poisoning last months and i was really scared. For 2 weeks i didnt had good appetite, i ate but if i ate alot i felt nauseus. When it happened i vomited and had diarrhea, so it wasnt a good experience. I developed fear over vomiting or faiting. So i was working and i ate a little bit more and i got nauseous, i thought i will vomit and be very sick and i started to panic. Then because of panic the nausea got worse. And then i didnt know if im actually nauseous bc of eating so much or because im afraid of vomiting and the slightest sick feeling made me spiral to feel nauseous. So since then if i feel a little bit sick or just feel dizzy a little i get so stressed that those symptoms becomes more strong and it feels like a real danger now... This is one side only, i just have this dizzy, hard to breath panics that i can handle but i know panic can be fast heartbeats like having a heart attack, and if i will experience that i will not be able to stay calm. I remember i used to have rapid heartbeats, one day i had that nonstop for the entire day, my heart didnt wanted to stop and ofc i was worrying but it made it worse. I went to the doctor and they gave me vitamins that helps the heart and the blood, and then eventually went away cause i got calmer, but all day my heart was beating really hard. I felt it without paying attention to it. So i know if i would have that now i would go crazy if theres something wrong with my heart,so the panic and the heartbeats would become worse, which would make me panic more. So in this case i would have to go again to the doctor again cause im not sure what is happening cause i had these syptoms long ago and im not sure if its panic? So everytime you have a non panic season and then it comes back you have to check yourself with a doctor? That sounds more stressful to me. My question is how to know if after a good season the panic comes back, that its panic or it might be real issue?Or when it mixes with real issues like for me. That "everytime you have it after a big break and it feels unfimiliar you go to the hospital" it seems a bad idea. Cause you run bc of panic and you dont show your brain that its not dangerous. Everytime you have a new sypmtom or something that you forgot how it feels, it makes you run to the hospital then you will be alot in the hospital. Or wheb its mixed with a real problem. Someone who has blood pressure issues, if he has a panic attack, everytime he has he needs to run to the hospital? Thats just shows their brain that it is dangerous and they will be afraid of having panic. Or the first exemple they will teach their brain every new sypmtom is dangerous, i have to get checked... How do i calm myself down or remind myself that its not dangerous, its just panic in these situations?

I've been having recurring thoughts of wanting to break up with my boyfriend. And this is the first time I've ever experienced these thoughts, a while back I also experienced thinking I didn't love him anymore. And I do love him a lot, but these thoughts and urges are so scary and I don't know what to do. I've also started picking out flaws and things I don't like about him and I don't know why because I feel so guilty about it and especially since he is the sweetest person ever. And it feels like these thoughts won't go away and I'm just so scared I'm gonna lose him because of this.

So even tho I'm not yet diagnosed, I am very sure that I have OCD because of other things unrelated to this post. But I was wondering if someone else also knows these situations and thinks this might be OCD as well^^ Sooo these are just three Situations but they are representative for other very similar things that happen to me every now and then. 1. So i was wearing a knitted jacket and noticed a lose sticht. This already made me angry because the jacket wasn't "perfect" anymore. So I took out my sewing kit and fixed the sticht and made it look as good as possible (and it DID look good in the end!). Nevertheless i had to check the entire day if it still looked good or if it looked ugly/unprofessionally done and then I always realized it still looked fine. 2. Whenever I wear tight pants or pants made out of thin material, I always worry about "something showing" through the pants. So I always have to check if people can see something and then I worry about people thinking I'm undecent/pervers for having a body that shows through clothing 😂 3. I was in the train the other day and there was this weird smell. Maybe someone was sweating or something. And then I started to believe it was me smelling weird and then I felt so gross, even tho I knew it was propably not me smelling bad.

I’m so scared I’m not going to make it to heaven what if I’ve made too many mistakes in my life .. I’m afraid of the unknown what if the rapture happens soon

For those that have managed to get better how didnyou manage doubt? I have i hard time trusting myself so i tend to always be on gaurd of my thoughts and feelings, so its hard to relax even though ik intrusive thoughts and the need to do compulsions reduces when im relaxed. Last night i was able to sleep without being tense and anxious or on gaurd of what thoughts im having i felt so much relief but then i woke up this morning fine until had the thought of "what if you actually want these thought? what if you enjoy them?" then I spirals again 😭 Im working on learning to trust myself enough to relax again but its quite scary.

I think I have borderline personality disorder. It hurts so fucking bad I don’t know what to do I can’t grieve anymore. I’m so full of it….I’m so incredibly full of grief and sadness. I wish someone could put my pieces back together.

Hello everyone, I'm a mom of two young girls. My entire world. Since having my kids some 10 years ago it's like an ocd switch turned on.. My world was all about safety and keeping them safe. One violent movie that I child was murdered by a parent sent me into an absolute tails pin post partum and ever since. This stuff horrified me to my core and I feel like all violence is the worst thing a person could do. This is where I struggle now.. I understand acceptance.. but HOW does a person accept thoughts like unaliving or violently attacking someone they love more than life itself. What is the frame work for this acceptance piece. I understand accepting is not agreeing I just don't know how to practice this. Please help anyone with insight. Sending love to everyone struggling with any subtle of this. Xo

I know that God is good and loving. He has proven it to me so many times. But recently a video came on my for you page and it was kinda blasphemous. It was basically making fun of some pastor in a church. But I found it really funny. I knew that it was disrespectful to God. I wasn’t laughing at the fact that it disrespectful to God. I was laughing because the pastor was doing something out of the ordinary. but now im scared that He’s gonna punish me with one of my worst fears that OCD has been revolving around. I just think back to some of the punishments that He gave in the Bible, and im scared that im gonna get punished in the worst way.

I was recently diagnosed with OCD last month, and my new psychiatrist started me on two new medications. I have not been put in any therapies yet, (talk therapy has always proved ineffective for me) but I am open to it in the future.) For the past 16 years, I’ve been living my life diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My new psychiatrist has “undiagnosed” me with those two disorders, and diagnosed me with OCD. She said my “anxiety” has actually been caused by severe untreated OCD. I particularly struggle with suicidal thoughts/ideation and have been hospitalized multiple times for severe depression episodes; including Catatonia and Existential Crises. Being treated for those other disorders my entire life (starting age 12) many of the medications they put me on always made my symptoms worse. This new revelation has caused me to experience feelings of confusion and loss of self-identity. This new diagnosis is scary to me, even if it makes so much sense. I’d appreciate any advice on navigating this time in my life. I appreciate this app finding its way to me in this time. ❤️

yesterday when i was texting my bf i felt this overwhelming feeling and hotness in my chest and i felt an urge to kill someone (specifically him) i love my bf to death but i freaked out and i thought i was going crazy and i thought i was a physco path. i told him about this feeling but i didnt mention that it was specifically towards him bc i didnt wanna freak him out. so last night i asked my mom to sleep with me bc i was so scared and i was just out of it. i was shaking, i was experiencing a panic attack and i kept thinking that i was going insane and i convinced myself that i was a serial killer and i almost called the cops on myself because i was so scared of myself. i also wanted to go to the hospital to talk to someone but my mom didn’t let me. im not sure what triggered this feeling but i did watch scary stuff and stuff that i was advised not to watch but i watched it anyway because i was curious. im not sure if this is the cause. i am not diagnosed with ocd but ive read many things online and watched many videos and i feel like i fit into the criteria of ocd. im genuinely scared that these thoughts wont ever go away because today that was the only thing i could think about, i started avoiding my boyfriend because when i see him or think about him those thoughts come back and i get scared. i just feel so alone and i feel like a physco path. i have no intent of doing any harm to him or anyone in general but i feel like at any moment im gonna do something stupid and snap. im really scared and i dont know what to do to help myself there are moments where im okay but then it comes back all over again. i feel like my entire life is over. *this is the first time i have ever experienced such a horrible intrusive thought, i’ve had intrusive thoughts before but shrugged them off but this one is different, i couldnt stop thinking about it and i freaked myself out and made myself cry*

Hi there, this is my first time posting but I thought it would help me to talk to others going through the same issues. I have had repeated health issues within the last few years that have lead to extreme obsessive OCD over the most minor thing. Most recently I had sinus surgery and have been freaking out about getting a fungal sinus infection post surgery after discovering large amounts of mold in my apartment. I have an infection that my doctor wants to treat with antibiotics now but I can’t help thinking that it is something more serious that the doctor might have missed (because it says online that it is often missed by doctors). Everyone I am in pain from it I can not help but thinking the worst and while I try pushing myself through, I am always brought back to the same thought, that I will be dead within a few weeks. No matter what I try I can not seem to push past this and even with doing exposure therapy in the past, it was hard to do because I would be literally doing things doctors would say not to do that would get me sick. Maybe I gave up to early with the exposure therapy to early but my OCD is so episodic, I couldn’t just replicate the feelings for a session. Just looking for some advice from someone who has had to deal with similar stuff, would appreciate anything, thank you!

Literally noone wants to diagnose me with ocd My therapist said they are sure its ocd,my osychologist said its just my autism(I dont agree at all,like find me another autistic person without ocd having violent sexual intrusive thoughts what leads to seeking reassurance,rumination,checking bodily sensations and replacing thoughts) and my psychiatrist doesnt care and I feel like if she dont want to help me at all,she doesnt even talk to me I hate self diagnosing but I feel like thats the only option for me,especially because noone believes me with my ocd because my compulsions are mental,and in Poland practically not any psychologist,therapist or psychiatrist knows about this Also they think that autism is some sort of problem for me when its not

OCD is being mean again recently. If I come across a video of someone who has cancer, or some kind of ailment, I have to watch it with so much focus, read every caption perfectly, or I feel like I’ll get the same cancer or ailment. Totally irrational. I know. I keep telling myself so. Yet I can’t help but give into these compulsions. Because I know they’re compulsions, and I know it’s OCD. But there’s still a “what if” flicker in my head. “What if this feeling actually a warning and not OCD this time.” Part of it is my scrupulosity OCD. I feel like God is going to punish me for “not being compassionate” Or empathy, or caring enough by giving me the same ailment I ignored. Like a religious karma. And I’d like to say I KNOW for a fact God won’t do that, but OCD makes me believe other wise. What’s your experiences with this, even if it’s not religion OCD related.

Today I realized I’m actually really scared of becoming a bad person. I’ve been dealing with symptoms of OCD for a few years now, or maybe they were always there and i never knew what it was. I’m scared that i’ll eventually become a bad person. I’m scared I’ll hurt someone one day, even though i have no violent urges or tendencies. I’m scared i’ll be a pedophile even though i have no attraction to kids. I’m scared that i’ve done something really bad to someone and i don’t remember. I’m just scared and I wish I could tell people my thoughts but i know it’s hard to understand intrusive thoughts when you don’t have them.