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do I have any Christ followers with ocd that can talk ?

My intrusive thoughts about ending my life have been so active today just constantly going and going and going. It's been exhausting. My brain just constantly makes me doubt it's OCD with thoughts like "are you sure you love your life" "what if you actually wanna die" and I just been so sad all day because I've had a really good week and now this happens again out of nowhere.... I'm feeling so discouraged and so scared. Then when I'm actually enjoying life laughing ect I get the thought "don't be happy because people are always happy before they do it" and that sends me spiraling... Please send me some encouragement or any tips to help I would greatly appreciate it 🥺 thank you in advance. 🤍 sending hugs...

does anyone know if its normal to get to a point in ur spiral where ur not only 100% numb and disconnected feeling nothing but also reassurance isn't working anymore? it makes me think this isn't ocd anymore but it still makes me feel like shit so idk. constantly testing for attraction to my partner, testing to see if i miss him, questioning why i'm ok w not seeing him at times when usually i'd be jumping at the chance to see him every day, questioning if choosing to text him or say i love you or goodnight or anything is becoming a compulsion bcs i can't "feel the feeling of wanting to do it naturally". any of this normal??

I don’t really know how to keep pushing anymore. Today I went out and I went to the arcade which was fun, but then as soon as I pulled up to my driveway I just felt a wave of sadness because I knew that I had to go back in my house and deal with my thoughts. I feel like that every time. I’ll have a small moment of distraction then I’ll immediately get sad because I know that after this, I’ll just have to go back to sitting in silence and dealing with my thoughts. They just feel so real and it’s so overwhelming. It’s so draining. I dont know what to do anymore. I’m scared that I’m using ocd as a “cover up.” I’m terrified of my thoughts ever being right. And I’m terrified of living like this forever. I was just okay a few months ago. But now I’m stuck in this seemingly incessant loop of suffering. It’s so painful seeing everybody happy because these past few months, I’ve felt anything but happy. It’s like I can’t be happy anymore. All I can feel is stress and anxiety. I just suffer in silence because I can’t talk to anybody about this. I feel like I’m going crazy and I’m scared that I’ll feel this way forever.

What has been a win lately in your journey?

Hi so i wanted to know if my ocd can make me do things without thinking like i today i got a electric razor and wanted to make sure it worked so i was going to test in on my cat sometimes i will do this because i will give my cat a reward after i do it and i didn’t have the intent to hurt him but i was getting ready to do it and my ocd was like you are gonna abuse your cat by doing it so i got freaked out and didn’t do it but then my ocd was like acting like a compulsion and was being like your gonna do it sometime or another so do it know but i did not do it idk if I’m weird but sometimes my ocd will be triggers by random actions i do but can someone tell me what this means please i didn’t do it to my cat but I’m scared i will

My biggest trigger that started my soocd was how it took me time to get into the mood when having intimacy with a partner.. I feel like I always had really severe performance anxiety and if I wasn’t aroused quick enough I’d freak out. I believe soocd was maybe underlying but I’ve been like this since I started being sexual. I feel like I’m the only one that has worried about if they’re aroused or not and how quickly they are even before ocd. Can anyone relate ?

anyone else thoughts don’t always start with “what if”?? i sometimes get thoughts that’s like “you want to do it” “your going to do it” and things like “you might as well just do it because your unhappy now”. these all cause me major panic and makes me think i’m going to snap and do it. i feel like im going crazy from this and just want to get better.

Hi everyone!! ❤️ Quick trigger warning ‼️ I just wanted to know if anyone has advice for differentiating between intrusive thoughts vs true suicidal thoughts. All I want is to live my life and be happy. I want to live so badly. But sometimes in states of distress my brain brings up suicide as a “way out” which I don’t want to take AT ALL but I get concerned that my brain even presented that to me. I have a feeling its OCD because its so not something I want, it just gets hard because I really feel like life is so painful to get through right now. If anyone has been through this let me know! 💕

I noticed a spot on my lip that looks to be a mole and I never noticed it before. Anytime I notice a change in my body or skin I just get scared I have something really deadly and I don't survive it

Before I even knew I had ocd around last year I used to smoke a lot of weed like dabs joints carts everyday like a lot of weed and I used to be completely fine until I did shrooms I took 5 pieces of a shroom bar and had a really bad trip where I thought I died and after that I started to get a lot more of ocd symptoms more than ever before I never even knew I had it before this (but I still had all of the symptoms just not as intense but ever since that trip id experienced really bad ocd the past year) it started when I smoked after my trip and thought I was having a heart attack because my chest and left arm hurt and I googled everything nonstop and had to check my pulse every couple of minutes and having a panic attack because of it and then after that I was like I’m going crazy it has to be psychosis and I just started googling and just convincing myself I had all types of different sicknesses this feeling stayed when I was sober but was intensified whenever I smoked especially the existential ocd when I was high I felt like my thoughts were spiraling just about everything my existence and time especially time time freaked me out so much just the concept of it and how nothing lasts forever and even when I was sober time just scared me it made me sad that was out of my control and nothing lasts forever and everything I do will be a memory and just so many thoughts about it that I just can’t even explain into words I recently heard people using micro doses of shrooms to help their ocd I was wondering if anyone had an experience like mine?

Votes just happened in the uk, and my boyfriend used vote and lent it to a very bad party, unfortunately that is against human rights, racist and all stuff like that. His intentions weren’t bad at all, he didn’t vote because he SUPPORTS the party, he voted because he was lending a vote/tactically voting and KNEW that the party he chose wouldn’t win and didn’t want them to. At no point as he “supported” the party, he just wanted to take votes away from the main 2 (conservative and labour) and vote for the next one down to show those 2 parties that seats weren’t safe and they need to improve if they won. My friend of 4 years has possibly decided to stop talking to me because of my partners decision. I tried to explain that they misunderstood my bf and he doesn’t support the party he voted, but they weren’t willing to listen and accused my partner of all sorts. It hurts so much. My boyfriend KNOWS the party he voted is bad and very much dislikes them, and after talking to him he realised he made a bad choice and there was a better, less problematic option that he wishes he had voted. He explained why he voted to some other people, who were open minded and willing to listen to his explanation. It just really hurts how my friend was closed minded and wasn’t willing to listen to how they misunderstood my boyfriend. My ocd is going crazy about if he’s a bad person, wether I made the right decision, when actually his values are similar to mine and my friends, but because as soon as my friend heard the name of the party my bf voted, they were rude and not willing to listen to anything. My friend mistakenly believed my partner voted for the party because those are his values when they aren’t and think he supports the party. He just wanted to take away a vote from the main 2 parties at the top. Am I right for stopping talking to the friend? I’m an open minded person who is willing to understand why people make certain decisions. My boyfriend has stated he regrets voting the party he did and he has realised how bad they really are. He dislikes people who vote the party and WANT them to win, he thinks they are bad people. In so upset about this and I’m feeling like a terrible person, my friend made me feel like I’m a bad person when it wasn’t even my view/vote and I can’t stop feeling guilty. Is my partner bad???

i don’t think i have ocd, i have no idea what my compulsions are or if i even do any. the stuff that used to help me doesn’t work anymore, the more i searched the more it was convincing me that i was. each time i’d talk to my mum about it all when she’d reassure me i’d just automatically feel like everything i was saying was a lie and that i left parts out so she didn’t think differently of me. this is all so much, someone told me that noticing what your compulsions are helps a lot but i don’t know what mine are or if i even have them. if i don’t have it that will mean all these thoughts are probably really who i am and all the stuff ive been convinced ive done in the past is true. when i first started taking medication it was really bad, i felt like i needed to die. i’d research about p’s or their behaviours or go on quora and stuff to see the answer to my questions, at first it reassured me that i was nothing like those people but the stuff people would say abt their experiences would go through my head over and over again. my mind was constantly repeating comments i had read. i stopped reading because it didn’t help me but now the damage has been done and i know all of this stuff about people that i don’t want to know. it would help me knowing p’s didn’t get a groinal response from a name or a simple word which reassured me but now i don’t get that anymore and im searching for that because it was the thing i relied on the most. it’s made me feel disgusting for even looking for that feeling. when i first used reddit and this app every time o saw something i related to i would screenshot it and read over it to remind myself that other people are going through the exact same things as me but now i just feel like because ive read so much about it, i’ve convinced myself i do have ocd to cover up that im a bad person. i don’t feel worthy enough to receive help or even be happy because im probably just convincing myself i do have it.

i rlly need some people to relate to and feel normal bcs i cant tell if this is my ocd or if ive just lost feelings for my bf. which i do not want at all. at first i realized i cant tell if texting him updates of my day and telling him about my life was becoming a compulsion bcs i felt myself losing the urge to do it which already made me feel guilty and bad. so i started texting less and then i basically gave into my ocd i think bcs now i text him less and we havent hung out in a while and i don't feel the feeling that i miss him even tho i want to and i don't feel anything lovey dovey over text like how i used to. i genuinely feel numb like nothing and completely disconnected and disassociated. and i hate this feeling idk if it means ive completely lost feelings bcs just last week i was doing great with him and we have been together for a while now. idk how this happens but it feels awful and im struggling to tell if its my ocd or not or if its even normal to feel this numb bcs even i cycle through disconnection a lot but i don't think it's ever gotten this bad. is it because i gave into my ocd or is it not my ocd at all? can someone give advice/relate

While I was only recently diagnosed with OCD, stress, anxiety and depression (about a month now), I had started ERP here but found that I needed something more intensive and asked to be discharged. One of the main reason why is that I’m not in a headspace where I can properly devote focus to it as my intrusive thoughts never stop being so distracting that trying to get rid of them takes up the vast majority of my focus. The other is that going through the process of attempting to rank my OCD triggers I experience on a daily basis (which is everything I experience on a daily basis) has opened wounds from both old and recent parts of my life that I did not know I had. My ERP therapist at the time before I was discharged had given me some outside referrals prior and even though they are in person, it’s still only two meetings per week for an hour at a time which simply is not enough. I couldn’t get a meeting with a psychiatrist regarding medications or more intensive therapy until the 15th, but my primary physician has given me antidepressants for the in between. I wanted to ask if anyone had ever been referred any organization and/or facility that does do daily OCD therapy for extensive periods of time? I’m tired of living in a constant state of stress every minute of ever day (it hasn’t stopped ever for many years) and I need to focus all my attention on dealing with this because of how much it’s consumed every facet of my life at this point. I know ERP is part of that process but I need different kinds of therapy before I can really get to work on that.

It's really hard for me to accept myself sometimes. Especially with thoughts and feelings I don't want to have. I think there's a part of us that feels we need to keep shaming and guilting ourselves because of our brains are all out of sorts. That the shame and guilt and self punishment will protect us from doing, enjoying and being what we don't want to be. But shame and guilt, though it may feel justified, is what keeps us stuck. It condemns and that's about it. It doesn't solve anything, focus on healing, or do anything useful. All it is is a barrier between us and our fears where we end up being hurt so we feel it's okay. When really it serves no purpose, and gives us no chance to improve. The definition of punishment means associating a behavior with a negative stimulus so the behavior will not be repeated next time. But if there is no next time we can't define that as punishment. It's torture: pain and punishment with no end we are afflicting on ourselves. And we somehow think said torture is the only way to keep ourselves safe and the world safe from us. Sometimes we think we need someone outside of us to tell us we don't deserve that. That we need someone to say, "you're free to go, I forgive you, you're more than what you're going through." But really the only person who needs to give you that permission is yourself. Far easier said than done, and maybe you're not at that point and that's okay. If you need someone to tell you that you can relax, you can see yourself through a lens of compassion, you can forgive yourself, let me be the one to tell you: You are allowed to be compassionate towards yourself You are allowed to forgive yourself You are allowed to enjoy things You are allowed to be happy You are allowed to be free You are allowed to let yourself feel loved You are allowed to stop punishing yourself You are allowed to rest This shift in attitude towards yourself isn't going to happen overnight. And I don't know what you've done, thought, felt, went through, but shame and guilt ends a story in the middle of the book before you can see if it gets better. It's black tar that holds the pages of your life shut and is like death inside your heart. Breathing and existing but not living. A book that isn't burned, just unreadable. I know it's a lot to ask of you, but please, open that book back up. It's not over yet. If you have to do it slow that's okay. But don't let the shame get you stuck. Feel bad, feel guilt, then move on. Just one page at a time. You can do hard things ❤️

I've been in the middle of a bad OCD flare up recently. It makes me super tired with the compulsions and anxiety and everything. I have times where I literally feel like i can't get out of bed. This morning I went back to sleep, because I just needed the thoughts to stop for awhile, I was just tired. I also have an eating disorder, and sadly appetite and energy to eat is one of the first things to go when I'm down. I guess this is more of a depression question, than an OCD question. But does anyone else expoernce this? And if so, how do you handle it? I'm feeling a bit frightened if I'm being honest.

I've said this before but the thing I struggle with the most is the intrusive thoughts feeling like actual urges. The urge and overwhelming feeling that I'm gonna lash out at someone. 🥺 especially the people I love most

The fear: I’m not good enough The obsession: my pastors righteousness The compulsion: trying to prove his unrighteousness The story: my wife and I got kicked off the worship team because we were arguing a lot, it’s a lot better now but it’s still not where I’d like it… the pastor who kicked us off is guilty of adultery and in my state that’s even a felony. I’m feeling not good enough because I’m not righteous enough to serve but I haven’t committed adultery… there’s a major conflict here. To make matters worse, my wife picked sides with the pastor, even after I begged him to at least let her serve on the worship team as I self deprecated to prove that she is blameless and that I should be the only one to suffer this punishment. This all happened in January, now it’s July and I’m having a hard time still… Help! I just want these thoughts to go away and leave me alone… I can’t prove his unrighteousness, everyone knows about it and they like him more than me because I’m some sort of OCD freak to them, or maybe that’s just the OCD talking… help!