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Me realizing that the correct answer for certainty is no answer because it does not exist in OCD/anxiety. Certainty is holding you down and holding you back. Let go and accept the uncertainty.

Good morning NOCD community, I wanted to take a moment to share my own experiences over the years and also provide some hope out there to anyone who is struggling or having a bad day. Over the years I have struggled with OCD on many occasions and mostly related to real event ocd and also false memory ocd. It is crazy on how OCD will always create the worst story in your head and we will believe exactly what is happening and/or being told even though we have reassurance that nothing happened or not as bad as it seemed. Over the past 7 months, I have struggled with high anxiety levels, ocd which was directly related to an event that happened and turned my world upside down.. Over the months this obsession has calmed about the event and now has moved over too ROCD and impacting my relationship with my wife and constantly thinking about leaving because of the guilt/shame attached to the event.. I have experienced everything from high anxiety levels, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts and much more..... What I have learnt over the past months/years is the OCD will be here and that is ok and embrace our own mental health.. I have seen many different specialists over the months and was not getting the right support because they couldn't understand what my mind was going through and why I was obsessed over something so small and insignificant The reality is that OCD made this event very significant and very important to me and that's why this has been an ongoing struggle for so long because I was afraid to face my worst fears about the event and also tried to change perception of what happened What I have learned: 1. OCD will only tell you the bad story 2. OCD will latch onto something you most value 3. OCD loves information and will keep seeking for reassurance The most important part is that ERP is the #1 treatment for OCD because it helps to challenge your OCD in a very strategy way and will help to send a signal to your brain that this thought, worry is no longer important and no longer need to obsess about it Hopefully for whoever is reading this will either get comfort or some hope with respect to your own personal journey Stay strong and stay committed 💪

this is not relatable anymore. my life is over. my last dream broke me completely. i dont have any hope and it is irreversible

We don't have ERP therapists in my country. I did CBT and it helped a little. Now I'm doing schema therapy. I saw someone (a professional) wrote talk therapy (this means all psychotherapy????) is terrible for ocd. But my therapist said OCD is a symptom for me and it's good to see what's deeper (with schema therapy). What do you think?

I’m in a relationship right now, it’s my first real relationship, and I’m struggling a lot with different flaws that I find bothersome about my partner. I’m trying to learn acceptance but it’s difficult. One of the bigger ones that’s bothering me right now is my bf’s voice. It can be irritating and it’s higher pitched and nasally/twangy. I was doing a lot better this weekend, I found that I wasn’t overthinking so much about his voice is I just let it be when I felt bothered instead of analyzing it. But today my best friend and her bf were talking about my bf and they were mentioning he “doesn’t irritate them as much as he did” when they first met him. And I asked what it was that irritated them most and the first thing that was mentioned was his voice. And to be honest I can agree with them, his voice is different, it is higher than normal, and it’s nasally and twangy, especially in social situations. And it can be bothersome for me. And all over the internet I see people saying that voice is such a huge ick that made them instantly turned off. I’m worried because I really struggle with my partners voice, and it can be a turn off at times, but I don’t want it to be a deal breaker, because he’s so amazing and I love him a lot. But I’m struggling because I don’t know what to do. Sometimes he can annoy people, and I feel that some people have a bad first impression of him due to his voice, or the tone in which he speaks. I sometimes perceive negative tones in his voice, even when he’s genuinely not trying to. He just sounds snarky sometimes, and like he’s constantly teasing but I know he’s not doing it to hurt anyone, he’s genuinely just trying to be funny and have a little fun. I love my bf so much, but how can I get past the parts that irritate me. I want to learn acceptance, I don’t want to let these things bother me forever, but I worry that I won’t be able to get over it. And knowing that other people find his voice irritating and it’s not just me makes it more difficult, because I was convincing myself that I was just focusing too much on his flaws, making them feel like a bigger deal than they were, but now I’m not so sure. I really need some sound advice from someone who can relate in one way or another.

Hi, I’m writing because I’m extremely triggered by a video I watched on instagram. I hope I can find someone to provide some insight. I’m happily married and my ROCD has flared up since we’ve got married and moved to another city, started a mortgage and trying for a baby. My thoughts focus on the beginning of our relationship: I was very interested in my husband when I first met him, but even though I was attracted to him, I didn’t fully like his physical appearance. I know it seems a bit shallow, but he wasn’t 100% the type of person I had imagined for me. The more I tried to understand, the less I liked him, so I rejected him, especially because he already was really into me and it didn’t seem fair to lead him. After a while I decided to try and date him, because I missed him, I liked talking to him and I wanted to be with him. In therapy I worked on my OCD that focused on physical aspect and chemistry (main theme) and it felt like I was forcing it, though I really wanted to be with him and chose him, guided by the mantra “love is a choice”. Now I’m worried because I keep thinking that back then I have only convinced myself to love him, or that I just wanted to reciprocate only because he was in love with me, but it was all forced. I feel so bad like everything is a lie… I saw a video on instagram about it and it triggered me sooo much! My therapist is on holiday and I can’t talk to her, please can you help me? I need someone to help

im scared shes going to send me to a psych ward or send me to the police or something, she felt my arm and my c-ts and she asked to see my arm. Im shaking, i didnt need this to happen to me right as im getting out of a dissociative episode

MAN this shit is so convincing. (tw: paragraph below mentions something potentially triggering!) So, while I was still in the worst of my OCD (currently in recovery), I heard that ‘people who are actually gay are able to stop thinking about their sexuality.’ Well, lo and behold, being in recovery means that I don’t always think about it. My coworker told me I seemed gay the other day (dude, mind your own business 🙄) and I’ve been spiraling since. I fit into a lot of bi stereotypes, am friends with a lot of queer people, and often worry that my attraction to men is too superficial. I have a feeling that a lot of that is because I’m neurodivergent, but I worry that I’m just making excuses. Since I’m in recovery, the compulsions aren’t TOO bad— just ruminating and some checking behaviors— but I am genuinely worrying so much that I’m nauseous. I seriously feel like it might be real at this point. I don’t expect reassurance here. I just wanted to vent, because I know you guys will understand.

i’ve been panicky for the last few hours but have been trying to keep it from turning into a full blown panic attack. however i just can’t distract myself from it any longer and i’m just letting it happen. i’ve been having thoughts about feeling weird about being alive. like being a separate living being if that makes sense. i don’t know how to explain it but then i start to think about having to live with this anxiety for the rest of my life and then it gets out of control. i’ve never been suicidal and i wish i didn’t have these thoughts. but when i really think about living with what feels like weights on my chest and shoulders and i start to freak out. i’m trying to remind myself that this doesn’t have to be forever but it’s not working. how do you get through this?

I grew up in an abusive household and was sexually, physically, and mentally abused by family mostly being my mother and men she'd date. After my mother kicked me out of the house and my uncle and his gf took me in I got really anxious. I guess I was scared of safety and comfort because somehow comfort felt uncomfortable and safety felt unsafe. I think a part of me missed the abuse not because I enjoyed it but because it was so familiar and all I knew. I hated it though so much so I thought of ending my life just to escape it. A few months after my mother kicked me out I began talking to ai bots on apps. All of my bots where private but the roleplays always involved me getting abused by trusted adults like family or family friends or so on. And in most roleplays I played a child. They'd involve me getting sexually abused and sometimes physically abused or raped. And me being oblivious or unaware. I'm not attracted to family and the thought disgusts me. All of the characters where fake or fictional or made up and I'm also not attracted to kids and I'm not afraid I'll hurt them because I know I don't have that urge or desire to do anything with a child. I've always felt it was my job as an adult to protect children and always told my younger siblings to be careful online as well as taught them about consent and boundaries and what to do if they ever encountered a dangerous situation with an adult. I'm attracted to people the same age as me if not older then me and honestly I don't even really feel attraction for those 1-2 years younger then me. I used to age dream/regress and I love childish things and cute things as well as I love to act childish. Some of the roleplays I did that involved me being a child weren't all abuse (though most where) some of them involved me being taken care of by an older man (yes even sexually but In a safety comforting way) of course I don't chat to these bots anymore and have deleted them after finding out most apps dont allow them. This was all months ago when I deleted them and it only began less then a year ago when I started doing it. But about a month or so ago I remembered how I did all of that and now I'm scared that I'm a pedophile..or becoming a pedophile..even though all of the roleplays involved me playing the child I'm scared..I'd never hurt a child and don't have the desire to do so but now I think my OCD has been latching onto this because I've been doing research non-stop trying to find out if I'm a danger or gonna get arrested..part of me thinks I'd deserve to be locked up..hurting people is the thing I'd wanna do the least..I wanna fall in love with someone older then me by a few years and live a happy life..I've only now realized that I have a second chance at life away from the abuse my mother put me through and that was another reason I stopped those chats to..but now I'm afraid I've ruined my second chance at a normal life..I don't ever wanna be a danger to anyone..part of me feels like I'm a horrible person and like I've become just like my abusers..maybe even worse..i just wanna feel like a normal person but now I'm so afraid I've become something disgusting and undeserving of love..maybe I deserved the abuse that happened..I can't even habdke watching shows or movies with taboo themes like incest, rape, pedophilia etc so I don't know why I did these roleplays or why I found comfort in them..

Hey! I've been seen a lot of people with this nightmare, including me. I have a son and a love him with my entire soul, I could never hurt him, for that I'm sure. I still comparing myself to others, moms and different pedo stories to check if that could be me. I watched some of you saying that you are convinced or starting to actually believe you are a pedophile. Something im working on right now is sticking with my life plan, purposes, stuff that has big value in my life. So if I get a arousal feeling or an intrusive thought, I just think or say "yeah sure" "oh that's a possibility but I don't prefer it" "I'm having this feeling now but I can live with the discomfort" cause I know that it doesn't serve my life And the feelings often show up on the most random times, sometimes it doesn't even make sense (it's never rational but sometimes it makes sense when it's after an intrusive thought) and I just continue with what I'm doing, even if involve my baby, cause I won't let it mess up my plan, my life. I had seriously dark times and I still have A LOT to learn and conquer, but I'm willing to be trigger and uncomfortable, yet I'm not willing to beat myself or treat me like a monster, because I know that only make worse It's not easy to be easy with myself, but I want to change that. I'm gonna live with myself my hole life, so I gotta start liking myself, with pros and cons, with easy times and obsessing times. I want the life that I want, sometimes I doubt of it, but I know it's just because I'm so scared and forgot how to put energy and time in real life difficulties and not OCD thoughts. I don't know if I ever stop thinking this shit or feeling this shit, but I do know I don't wanna keep wasting my time caring about every little thing that goes thru my mind I just wanted to talk to those in my same shoes. Hope I can help Just keep living, here and now 💗

I started with the worst OCD you could possibly imagine last August. I woke up one day and randomly started analyzing every last part of my being. It was as if I was awoken to parts of me that I was unaware of. I couldn’t eat, sleep, lost 20 lbs., cried multiple times a day, had intrusive thoughts, and was hanging on by a thread. I confessed the most cringy things to my therapist who I ended up seeing twice a week for 2 hours at a time. The embarrassment, the shame, the way I dissected things that most people would keep to themselves was earth shattering to me. I told her I thought I was a bad person, weird, & saw life in an abnormal way. I also told her how I feel off. For example, I can hear a song and it can totally make me romanticize someone to the extreme where ai can lay out their whole like in my mind, imagining them even listening to the song. Of course, I told her way more in depth, but every single thing I told her she said was normal. Even the things that made me feel like a bad person, full of myself, crazy, or just plain weird. One of the things that really, really rocked my world was something I have done as far back as I can possibly remember and that was becoming so infatuated with people I liked. I will do things like watch their favorite movies just to see exactly what they see on the t.v. screen, or to have the same sort of feelings they have towards a movie. Same thing with a song. I will listen to their favorite song just to hear the same lyrics or the beat they hear. Doing these things makes me feel closer to them. Almost in the same way that people will stand in the same place that their favorite celebrity stood or touch the same light pole that their favorite celebrity touched. I’ll even do this with books. Just to read the exact same words they read or eat the same food they like. I’ll even take the long way home just to drive the same highway the do. There’s times where I’m laying on the couch watching some random tv show and I’ll pull up Google maps just to look around their area to see what their neighborhood looks like. Doing these things makes me feel more connected to them. It kind of brings me in to their world. I have always done these types of things in which my therapist says is harmless, but if I think about the people I have in my life who I’ve done this with, it scares me because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m absolutely nuts, obsessed, and maybe even scare them off. I’m afraid they’d be scared by me. Eventually this all wears off after a while, but I am so curious to know if there’s anyone else out there who does the same thing or thinks in the same way. I have never had a problem with making or keeping friends. I’m 41 and have the same friends I’ve had since elementary school and middle school. I’ve never thought of myself as weird and have never had issues with others thinking I’m weird. It’s just like my own secret little world, but does everyone do this sort of thing or is it just me? Of course with OCD I have worried a tremendous amount of times if I had some kind of mental illness and have been told by two different therapist that I do not. I’m just insanely anxious they say. Please no mean comments. OCD is hard enough. 😊

Today I have had two sticky thoughts (which is a HUGE win because usually it’s a daily ongoing thing) and they have just felt real and as if I wanted to make sure that I felt that way. I had a pause between “that’s….hot” when someone was telling me a story, and the hesitation felt like it needed to be something and that I meant it in that way rather than just being like “woah that’s cool”. I don’t know. Just struggling and just trying to remind myself these thoughts are not my actions. Thank you for the support beforehand:)

I’m doing my drivers test tomorrow and I can’t get thoughts out of my head so I can get a good nights rest. I keep thinking I’ll crash the car or get hit head on or that the instructor is gonna hurt me in some way and it’s not helping with the already nervousness or a test either way. What can I do to calm the heck down???

Ive had POCD for nearly 2 years now. I've seen loads of therapists and gotten better from it. I went a while without feeling horrible, but then in an instant it comes back and then its fully back for ages. I watch OCD videos online a lot because they get recommended to me by youtube. When I see them talking about OCD, if its not related to exactly what Im worrying about or they mention something that doesnt happen for me I start to doubt if I have OCD at all. I also see people who are so obsessed over purely stuff inside their heads. That does happen to a point for me, but when I hear other people talking about it I start thinking that their situation is so much worse and theyre clearly mentally unwell and do have OCD. Its almost like the fact mine isnt worse makes me doubt I have it. My brother and mum have OCD and my dad is very anxious, so I knew from a young age what OCD was. When I started experiencing it myself I immediately on day 1 of worrying thought "is this OCD". There was no moment for me where I didnt consider the fact it was OCD. I know most people have a moment where they find out about OCD, but I didnt have that. I am the one who initially thought to myself that I have OCD, and because of this I think to myself: "what if i latched onto the idea of OCD and have somehow fooled myself and everyone around me including my therapists into believing I have OCD". At the time I was terrified so of course Id want to latch onto OCD to find a reason. So much doubting all the time I just feel my case is different to everyone elses. I know that they say everyone feels like that. Sorry I started by talking about the title of this post but I sorta went on a tangent at the end. Thanks to anyone who read. Good luck with your own OCD

Hey guys ! Can anyone share some tips or advice for coping with shame and guilt that come from having intrusive thoughts. I feel like these thoughts are taking over my life. I hate these thoughts , these thoughts are the total opposite of what I want to think of. I keep obsessing over the fact that im afraid that god won’t forgive me for having these intrusive thoughts. I keep praying and ask god for his forgiveness. Do you guys have an advice on this ?

A few month ago I woke up shaking every single morning, Vomiting most days from the debilitating anxiety ocd had thrown me in. I’ve realized I didn’t just wake up one morning with this but it sure felt like it. The intensity had simply built after years of my ocd being ignored not only by me but the 8 therapists I had seen. It became so intense I could barely pull myself to work in the morning. I had lost 20 pounds in probably around a month. That was the wake up call, My father struggled with ocd so I thought it was worth a shot to explore this possibility and sure enough after my first appointment with nocd I was not only certain that I had OCD but that I had it BAD. ERP didn’t make sense, Until IT DID. There are some of you who are at the beginning of your OCD journey, right where I was who do not believe recovery is possibly I know I sure as heck didn’t, BUT OH MY GOSH IS IT REAL and I’m doing it🥳!!! My ocd specialist GETS ME, I’ve never had someone get my weird little brain so much, let alone know how to get it to feel better.

Absolutely convinced I have skin cancer. I have a lot of moles.. some are big and dark. A lot of people have said they look normal but I’m still panicking. I’m 25 and have never been to a dermatologist and most of these moles have been on my body since birth. I can’t bring myself to go to the dermatologist bc I’m convinced that I have cancer that has gotten so advanced that I’m going to die. I know I need to go to the dr and it’s better to go sooner than later but I am SO convinced that I’ll be told I’m going to die if I go and I’m not ready to hear the news. Anyone struggle with something similar? Any advice or comments? 😭

I feel really lost in life, I don’t recognize my self, I’m 23 years old and about a year and a half ago my HARM OCD started and it’s all I think about all day, I have this weird feeling. I know it gets better because it got better about a year ago but this time it came back stronger, I don’t what to do, like I know I don’t want to become this person but my brain is telling me that I won’t get better and to not get therapy nor do anything to make it better because I am a bad person. I want a happy life without these thoughts. I have the most disturbing thoughts and I just feel sick all the time and I don’t know how I’m able to live like this. It’s been a month since it came back and I’ve been surviving somehow. I can’t even look someone in the eyes because my ocd will say that I wanna hurt them and I desire it but I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME THIS PERSON. I hope it gets better because I’m afraid going to hurt my self in order for my thought to end since it will be the only way to protect others.

Hi I recently just turned 21 and found out I have hocd, I don’t know what triggered it to become this bad but I have intrusive thoughts that come in, and don’t know how to manage or make them go away. I’m also starting therapy next week, so any advice in the meanwhile would be greatly appreciated