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This is the last straw for me I font think I can do this anymore. I dont know

I really need advice because I feel stuck. I know everyone on here is from all over. I’m from Ca and it’s so hot. Our ac just went out and we had someone come look at it but they said they would have to go inside our attic and replace something. I never have anyone come in because of my contamination ocd. So my mind is spinning out of control on what could be dragged in from the outside and the attic. I told him I needed time to adjust to him coming it so he did half the work and is willing to come back when I’m ready. It’s so hot I know it needs to get fixed but I’m freaking out!! I’ve never been up to the attic and I’m paranoid what might be there and plus him coming in and out of the house. I’m so tired of cleaning for hours and now if someone is coming it, who knows how long it will take. Can someone give advice! Thanks!!!

Hey! A little about myself my names Jacob, I’m 23 years old, I’ve been a firefighter since I was fresh out of high school and I’ve been dealing with OCD symptoms since around my Senior year of high school. When I was 17 I vividly remember being at home one day and all of a sudden having a full on anxiety attack with no trigger whatsoever. From then on it developed into me having no idea what was going on for weeks-months until I was able to do the right research and figured out I was dealing with OCD, more specifically Pure OCD. It mainly was made up of intrusive thoughts of harming myself or others, for example thinking of crashing my car into oncoming traffic or randomly attacking someone for no reason. It terrified me because the thoughts never reflected my character at all. In fact I’ve never even been in a car accident before thank god and I’ve never been in a fight! As I’ve gotten older and learned how to deal with OCD I was put on to a prescription called Fluvoxamine around the time I was 18-19 and noticed it helped significantly in reducing my intrusive thoughts and when I would have them there would be no anxiety or rumination following them. I’m now 23 and I work a steady job at my local fire station and I absolutely love it. OCD sometimes makes it challenging to go about my day especially when I have “flare ups” which don’t happen all that often but when they do it can be pretty overwhelming. I’m currently going through a flare up that is as challenging as all the other ones and it relates yet again to harm OCD. One thing I’ve been able to do very successfully is being able to recognize when it is a problem and I’m able to rely on my mom to sit and chat with me about what’s going on and help get everything off my chest. Flare ups usually only last a few weeks maybe a couple months usually, sometimes getting better and sometimes getting worse but I always remember im able to get through it and this too shall pass cause I’ve done it before and I will always continue to do it again. One thing I’ve been researching recently is Ketamine therapy for OCD/anxiety and was curious if anyone had any input on the idea of it. I’ve read some good things and some bad and would like to know too if anyone has tried it for themselves. Thank you if you took the time to read this😁

i feel anxious, i feel change. i feel like i don’t know. im being honest with myself. i love my girlfriend but i don’t know if i can give her what she needs when i feel like this and rocd. i don’t know if she’s the one for me sometimes. i feel good when im with her and i feel calm, not too much on edge, not too much on guard. i feel afraid of giving this my all, because i worry that i will want to leave eventually for real. bc im in my 20s and change imminent. i hate seeing these things on social media about how “i left this person because i knew that they weren’t right even though they were amazing to me” it scares me that maybe i know deep down the truth, that really triggered me today on tiktok. on top of it i just moved apartments, and that made me super stressed and burnt out. i really appreciate my girlfriend, we’ve been through a lot together. it’s no secret that my feelings for her have ebbed and flowed; it’s why it makes me anxious, it’s why it makes me feel guilty, it’s why im worried on if this is right. should i feel more secure and immensely and deeply emotionally connected in a way i was before. i don’t believe love is a certain way, i think everyone experiences it differently. for me i know that i feel light, and warm and action, a burst of excitement and a sense of peace and happiness. i question my happiness out of fear that maybe im not happy and that my gut is telling me something with rocd since my symptoms have lowered. i have to be true to myself, i want to grow and be happy, i want to come into myself with security. i need to learn to let go of these past obsessions and comparisons. i keep comparing my feelings in the back of my mind for my girlfriend to my last relationship. even though it was hell and full of limerence, i still felt like a weird sense of peace that i don’t experience all the time with her, though it was giving anxious attachment. but i feel like accessing that same sense of peace is broken now because of how my trust was broken traumatically before in my last relationship. i want to be able to give myself to my partner. but i feel guilty that i don’t know if i will end up with her or marry her even tho im only 21. my mind completely goes to this plan for the future and an age of when ill get married and the rest of life, and then it makes me feel like i dont want that but i feel like i have to stick to a plan. i dont want to do that i want to make my own choices and know myself. i’m feeling like i know i can be more present with myself and i know i must let go of any future ideas in order to find out what to do with my life. these thoughts make me question and fantasize scenarios. they make me almost feel regret starting this relationship bc of how i thought about it beforehand and how i think how it could be easier for me to be single because i wouldn’t be thinking like this all the time. i don’t know if people in love think that way. truthfully i don’t regret any of this, my anxiety and mind have created a perspective that this relationship has only been stressful and not enjoyable at all. but i know that’s not true. i don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, genuinely. i know that i would be miserable and so regretful. it would feel like a weight off me because of my anxiety and ocd, but i know i would simply be thinking about her still and how much i wished it worked out, or how in love i am with her, or how my life would suck without her, etc etc. but something needs to change in order for me to keep moving forward in this relationship. maybe it’s reframing my own life and myself. i create these plans and get successful quick schemes so that i can know what would or could happen and that all my aspirations would be met. but that just gives me anxiety because it makes me feel like i wouldn’t be happy with THAT LMAO. i want to change and let go of that and live presently. i feel it’s the only way through this. but i need advice and some guidance. does anyone have any advice? thank you for reading

Hey, this is my first time posting… so I am a little nervous. I have OCD, along with Bipolar 1, and Autism (autism was assessed by a therapist and psychiatrist but not an official diagnosis cause of the cost). I used to have my OCD treated with Effexor until it revealed my Bipolar disorder and instead I can only be on low dose Prozac (alongside other meds for bipolar) One of my biggest and oldest OCD symptoms has been a constant need to confess everything hidden about my life to my parents. It started when I was 15. I suddenly would become so stressed about something I did in the past (usually regarding more private topics, stuff no one wants to talk to their parents about). It would be so bad I would struggle to keep food down if I was fighting those thoughts. Although it’s gotten better, it hasn’t left without leaving me completely exposed, and it still pushes me to want to confess my private life to them. I always think “but X or Y was wrong of me to do, or was private” and then I’d feel like NOT confessing was me “lying by omission.” It’s hard to explain it… but I just wondered if anyone had and advice or just messages of solidarity. Thanks to anyone who read this long message, I appreciate it.

I will cut right to it. I have severe anxiety over psychosis or mood related disorders due to misdiagnosis when I was a child and into my early 20s. Turns out repressed trauma and a very bad upbringing can cause some serious ptsd, ocd, and panic . Imagine that! Lol. In all seriousness my doctor prescribing me 25mg seroquel as needed is scaring me half to death since 20 years ago I was misdiagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar and put on all sorts of things that disoriented me. My diagnosis for last 8 years is the above diagnosis I just mentioned. I am highly functioning and have a family with a senior level corporate job which provides me reassurance. Im 36 and now and just want to get better and have faith in medical practitioners. Anyone else struggle with a similar story that causes them to be fearful of medication and or physicians ?

I have noticed that my ocd symptoms has went sooooo downhill after my second trimester. I am terrified that this will get only worse during pregnancy. I recently finished my therapy and i dont have any medication currently. I have been getting instrutive false memories from past event. I feel that i’m losing my mind with it, and been crying all these 3 days in a row. I feel like i need to confess these hurtful false memories and instrutive thoughts to my man and i can see him getting upset by them. So, this one tv show triggered my cheating ocd, where this one girl kissed another guy than his spouse. And my situation basicaly was a taxi ride home with my male friend (i promised him to go for his avec to one wedding before knowing my man so i went. We never had anything romantic between us just old colleagues), and i was tipsy and telling him how glad i am to have him as one of my good friends. I kissed him on his cheek and the chat was that. Then we went home where my fiance and other friend was. This happened 3 yrs ago. So i think the cheek kiss triggered my cheating ocd also bc of that tv show. I have told my partner about this millions of times and he is okay with everything. There didnt happen anything else. (Even my ocd is reallllyyyy making it hellish for me to say this) Still i am ruminating so much. And i am doubting that do i remember right, did i kiss him properly, is there smtng i havent registered bc of alcohol etcetc. Or the worst have i told him not to tell me if i ask him? Its so ridiculous. I am SO dissapointed to myself as i was doing so well couple of months ago and now literally i have been asking reassurance from this person who was at the event with me already 2 years ago and now again. Im just embarrasing myself so bad right now😭 I feel so helpless with these kind of situations

i feel anxious, i feel change. i feel like i don’t know. im being honest with myself. i love my girlfriend but i don’t know if i can give her what she needs when i feel like this and rocd. i don’t know if she’s the one for me sometimes. i feel good when im with her and i feel calm, not too much on edge, not too much on guard. i feel afraid of giving this my all, because i worry that i will want to leave eventually for real. bc im in my 20s and change imminent. i hate seeing these things on social media about how “i left this person because i knew that they weren’t right even though they were amazing to me” it scares me that maybe i know deep down the truth, that really triggered me today on tiktok. on top of it i just moved apartments, and that made me super stressed and burnt out. i really appreciate my girlfriend, we’ve been through a lot together. it’s no secret that my feelings for her have ebbed and flowed; it’s why it makes me anxious, it’s why it makes me feel guilty, it’s why im worried on if this is right. should i feel more secure and immensely and deeply emotionally connected in a way i was before. i don’t believe love is a certain way, i think everyone experiences it differently. for me i know that i feel light, and warm and action, a burst of excitement and a sense of peace and happiness. i question my happiness out of fear that maybe im not happy and that my gut is telling me something with rocd since my symptoms have lowered. i have to be true to myself, i want to grow and be happy, i want to come into myself with security. i need to learn to let go of these past obsessions and comparisons. i keep comparing my feelings in the back of my mind for my girlfriend to my last relationship. even though it was hell and full of limerence, i still felt like a weird sense of peace that i don’t experience all the time with her, though it was giving anxious attachment. but i feel like accessing that same sense of peace is broken now because of how my trust was broken traumatically before in my last relationship. i want to be able to give myself to my partner. but i feel guilty that i don’t know if i will end up with her or marry her even tho im only 21. my mind completely goes to this plan for the future and an age of when ill get married and the rest of life, and then it makes me feel like i dont want that but i feel like i have to stick to a plan. i dont want to do that i want to make my own choices and know myself. i’m feeling like i know i can be more present with myself and i know i must let go of any future ideas in order to find out what to do with my life. these thoughts make me question and fantasize scenarios. they make me almost feel regret starting this relationship bc of how i thought about it beforehand and how i think how it could be easier for me to be single because i wouldn’t be thinking like this all the time. i don’t know if people in love think that way. truthfully i don’t regret any of this, my anxiety and mind have created a perspective that this relationship has only been stressful and not enjoyable at all. but i know that’s not true. i don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, genuinely. i know that i would be miserable and so regretful. it would feel like a weight off me because of my anxiety and ocd, but i know i would simply be thinking about her still and how much i wished it worked out, or how in love i am with her, or how my life would suck without her, etc etc. but something needs to change in order for me to keep moving forward in this relationship. maybe it’s reframing my own life and myself. i create these plans and get successful quick schemes so that i can know what would or could happen and that all my aspirations would be met. but that just gives me anxiety because it makes me feel like i wouldn’t be happy with THAT LMAO. i want to change and let go of that and live presently. i feel it’s the only way through this. but i need advice and some guidance. does anyone have any advice? thank you for reading

For a few weeks I was talking to a guy. I do have feelings for him but he was very upfront and talked about how much he liked me. It was clear he liked me more. He is also friends with a guy I dated for a month who turned out to be a well known weirdo at my school and people got insanely mad at me but I didn't know this and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but ended up unable to. Multiple times after a few months after I broke up with him I got some angry messages from people he knows. I wasn't expecting his friend to start liking me and he is nice but he is going very fast. He already started calling me "Baby" and "Pookie" and recently made a comment about how my bendy legs could come in handy sometime and how he wants to hang out soon. It was all a bit much for me but I've also been worrying about how my ex would respond and lately it's worse so last night I mentioned being a bit overwhelmed about how forward he was being and said I wanted to get to know him some more still. He understood and said it was his bad. It was fine but a few hours that morning I was stressed put of my mind and realized alot of the stress also came from the fear of having to deal with my ex boyfriend again. I couldn't stand that thought and I sent the guy this message "I'm extremely sorry but I think we would be better off as friends. I have been stressed out alot because you are or were friends with (insert ex Boyfriends name) and it just feels really awkward. There was a couple times when he got a new girlfriend where she messaged me and got angry with me out of nowhere, which she texted me again yesterday not to yell but for some random thing she wanted me to vote for but the notification alone made me anxious. Don't feel bad about what I said about being a little overwhelming and quick with it all because I should have said something before. It was mostly due to the fact I was already stressed out about this. Your really cool and its not that I don't have feelings for you, it's just that I don't think I could be any more then friends with you without feeling guilty because I doubt (insert ex Boyfriends name) would react well which could also get me yelled at by somebody again and it's also just kinda awkward and stressful that you two were or are friends. I just don't think I can deal with any correlation to him considering when I started dating him alot of people got extremely mad and yelled at me and then with the girl he dated after me losing it at me out of nowhere I just can't. I'm really sorry, and I hope you don't hate me for this." He said be understood and it was okay I didn't have to be sorry or anything. I didn't add this but I also just felt like I didn't have as much interest in him as I thought. There is another guy I kinda like and this guy was stressing me out, espically the fact with my ex, and I didnt wanna make him mad ether. I then cried cause I felt so guilty. My friend said I did the right thing and I'm not a horrible person and it's okay. Not only did my OCD make me feel like the most awful human alive for hurting his feelings, I also ended up worrying that now somehow because I did this "people will assume I'm gay or asexual" I'm not asexual or gay. I'm straight but support, however that what if made me feel homophobic and more guilty. My OCD loves to hit me when I'm down. Am I horrible person? Will people assume those things and am I homophobic for worrying about then?

I was listening to some podcasts on OCD and heard that a lot of times OCD can be triggered from a traumatic event. Looking back I can say I’ve always had OCD tendencies but it didn’t get really debilitating until a few years ago when my dad became a late in life alcoholic and drug addict. This event traumatized me in many ways including almost all of my OCD fears and compulsions today. I know it’s up to me to learn to manage my OCD but on days when I’m having a hard time trusting when someone says they’ll come back at a certain time and start to freak out and check their location or ask over and over where they are I can’t help but be so angry about where a lot of these fears stemmed from and why they might have such a grip over me. It might seem selfish but it’s how I feel.

This morning I woke up and all of a sudden had terrible harm related intrusive thoughts regarding other people. It has made me feel terrible all day long as I had a huge panic attack as I woke up. I have this horrible feeling throughout my body and in my head and it’s just so so hard to describe. I feel so scared like so worried because i am having these intrusive thoughts and its like bringing up other intrusive thoughts to “what if it doesn’t really matter” “what if I don’t care about doing it and just snap” “What if I actually did that” “What if im like a crime documentary” or news story. I am so worried its actually really debilitated me today, I feel terrible and am just crying. Please is this okay to experience and have is this like harm ocd. Sorry x

I’m a female for context, been boy obsessed my whole life, crushes in school, making up scenarios in my head about them, butterflies etc. However I also discovered that I seem to get more sexually turned on by women? May I say I’ve never been romantically attracted to female ever, although the ocd can make me spiral and think I’m lying to myself, I know very well I’m only ever interested in boys. I disregarded it for a long time, If the thought ever came up that I could be a different sexuality I’d say so what, you stay with the uncertainty? Myself can get aroused by countless things, doesn’t mean I want to be with it or do that. My worry is the ocd comes and goes especially when I don’t have a burning crush (don’t atm) I’m a virgin and when the day comes to do it with a guy I’m inlove with what if don’t get as turned on as I do when I watch same sex stuff. It plays with my brain a lot and guess I’ll never know until I do but I wish to be married with a husband and kids and the Soocd really feeds of the fact I’m aroused over same sex but there is no DESIRE there, it just gets me and then when it’s over boys are in my head again. Does anyone know what this is? I accept myself but the back and forth questioning is draining. I also feel when I get a boyfriend they wouldn’t really care if this is the case

firstly im not privileged enough for a diagnosis but i am not the type to just label myself as such, when i had the symptomps i knew there was something wrong with me thats when i searched if such things are normal and it all lead to me having ocd, i wasnt really familiar with ocd back then so i didnt belive that i had it cause i thought its only about physical related obsessions (washing hands, repetitive behaviours etc.) i would get this thoughts that are unwanted and find myself hyperfixating on it and rationalizing my thoughts but in the end ill just keep doubting myself its so bad to the point that it would last months the first time it happend was last year i was in a relationship and experienced rocd where i doubted if i was really loyal to my partner id get this thoughts abt other guys and worry that im being unfaithful. i would research abt things to see if its normal and such and find reassurance that would only work temporarily and then doubt myself all over again. this is just an idea of what i was struggling with but it was more complex than this. that resulted with me breaking up with him. it stopped my ocd. but i got into a relationship again, i was pretty confident because i thought i knew better but guess what it happend again and i had to break up with him again because i was so scared of my own thoughts making me doubt myself. but now i have new obsessions and its pocd and i cant do anything about it to make it go away i honestly feel so disgusted everytime i have thoughts related to kids and i feel so guilty about it. i know deep down that i really have ocd since i relate to every videos about ocd since it EXACTLY explains my situation. like unwanted intrusive thoughts and obsessing about it, constant doubts, trying to fix or ruminate about the thought, having to do something that would make me feel at ease (compulsion) so please help me, i would really want to go to a therapist but i have to explain to my parents first but i feel like they wont bleieve that much and im also starting to doubt myself because of it.

for context, i’m not officially diagnosed but i’ve had symptoms since i was around 8 (from what i can remember) and lots of people close to me in my life told me i probably have it too. Anyways, i am at the lowest point i’ve ever been in. It genuinely just gets worse. It doesn’t help that i’m Female cos my monthly hormones make it SO much worse. I have literally no one to go to with my problems because i’m way to scared of their reactions. For weeks i’ve been too scared to do the things i enjoy. For example, listen to the music i like, watch my favourite tv shows and movies, dress in my favourite clothes and use my good makeup. This is because i am TERRIFIED of it being tainted by my thoughts and if they are ill never enjoy them again without thanking about this time. Also, i believe i am not worthy enough to have these pleasures in my life anymore. This has made my life miserable. Most my days revolved around wearing my ‘safe’ clothes and doom scrolling for HOURS because that’s the only thing i deserve to do. I’m so sick of living this way, nothing is fun anymore. im miserable most of the time. I barely sleep and i wake up early almost everyday which makes the shitty day im gonna have even longer. I’m so fucking tired. I have like nothing to live for anymore, i feel like my life is over and i’m only just turned 16. I spend hours reading and ruminating on the internet and various other blogs and pages which doesn’t make it better in the long run, it provides me a little bit of relief until all the anxiety floods back in again. I’m so uterlly and completely lost i dont know what to do anymore. no one knows how i really feel and i see no point in my life at this point. I just want to die and start over or just never have to be here again. Sorry about the long ass rant i just need to get how i feel out here.

For the past week or so my ocd and anxiety have flared up when it haven’t been for a long time. All I could think the reason for this is from my period but it hasn’t lasted this long in ages and it’s making me feel so down and anxious and I’m lost on what to do or to ease it.

I woke up this morning so unexpectedly with the worst harm ocd thoughts with urges and sensations, i had such a bad panic attack and literally cried for an hour. I think this harm icd was triggered by an article and its made me so worried. Has anyone ever got the intrusive thought that if you acted on thought that it wouldn’t even matter bc nothing does as i had that and it really scared me because i never would want anything like that and care about it deeply.

I keep spiraling into these “what if” thoughts, particularly about things I might have done to family members in the past ( like what if i s@’d them), which I honestly don’t remember. Out of concern, I asked a friend to check in with my little brother about whether I'd ever made him uncomfortable (they asked him over text), but the response wasn’t what I hoped for (he told me my friend was asking some questions and how they thought i was a bad person). I also left my brother a note, but he never answered. I feel completely lost. I genuinely want to talk to a therapist about these feelings and the guilt that’s consuming me, but my parents are hesitant due to a previous therapy session where I shared too much about our family dynamics. Right now, I’m feeling isolated and worried about what I might have done in the past, and these thoughts are affecting my daily life and with school coming back i dont think i can honestly do it anymore.  I’m even having some dark thoughts and contemplating overdosing. Idk how to cope or honestly if i want to if my “what if” thoughts are real i know noone would want me alive its honestly disgusting My parents told me they would’ve known if I did or my baby cousins parents but I can’t stop thinking like what if I just did it in secret and they didn’t know or what if I did it and I forgot and they forgot idk what to do I feel at a loss.

I know this may seem silly, but I'm afraid to go to sleep, because I know that when I wake up I'll feel terribly anxious. It happens each morning. I feel awful from the moment I wake up until like 4 pm, and on the mean while, I can only be on freeze mode, scrolling on my phone, trying to make the ugly feeling go away. And by the time night time arrives, I feel a little more stable, but regret that I didn't more during the day other than suffering and procrastinating. Has anyone ever dealt with this? If so, do you do something to feel better?

for the past 12 days i’ve really been struggling with feeling contaminated, over washing my hands yet they never feel clean, washing them so hard that i start to sweat and my arms give out. i feel like parts of my body are contaminated from being outside. instead of showering and washing my face like a normal person im avoiding myself because im afraid. im afraid that my hands will get contaminated and i wont stop washing my hands. (i know it doesn’t make sense but im experiencing a lot of stress that’s causing my bladder muscles to tighten and i can’t hold in my pee, i need my hands to be clean to even lower my pants) if i get stuck in a handwashing cycle ill pee myself and i never feel brave enough to start. this week has been very hard for me, struggling to eat, sleep, and bathe. i feel i have to move very carefully just to navigate life in a way that won’t stress me out. the fear of touching these areas and my brain constantly convincing me i did had been very hard on me. i know the answer is obvious but i don’t know how to build up the confidence to do these things. i’ve been in a very stressed out and suicidal state for the past month i really dont want to trigger any negative feelings but this isn’t any better. what can i do to just… i guess not be afraid and go for it?

I hate pocd so much… I hate it so much. I just want to be happy but this will never let me be happy. Idk if i only have pocd but my mind makes me think that i’m attracted to anyone I get close to. My mind doesn’t care how inappropriate it is. I hate this so much. I live with my family and I never go out. I’m stuck here with my thoughts and the people who trigger the thoughts. I hate saying that I feel so disgusting. I feel like a horrible disgusting person. I wanna live a happy life but I know itll never happen. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish I could just die. I just want it all to end. I don’t understand what caused this. Why me. I do believe that I can be a bad person sometimes. I’m so rude to my mom and I have a bad temper and no patience. I hate myself for it and I always try to blame my dad because he acted that way my whole childhood. What if this is my karma. I hate this so much. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up without an ocd thought. Sometime I think about taking medication but i’ve seen people struggle with choosing the right one. And I’ve seen people taking them still struggle. This will truly never end. What if while taking medication the thoughts are still there and it was never ocd. Im so scared.