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Anyone else have ocd psychosis or ocd of madness?

Hey! I'm a lesbian and I'm terrified of being attracted to a man someday and ending up with one. I do not hate men at all, actually I love my brother and my best friend to death, that's just not who I am 😅. All the comments about how "it's just a phase" or "how do you know if you don't like guys if you've never tried with one" are extremely triggering to me and I'm struggling to cope (especially since my family isn't exactly LGBT friendly). I'm also haunted by all of those stories on reddit about lesbians eventually falling for a man. I'm so scared and I'm not sure what to do. Anyone else going through the same thing?

Do you ever just have some days where you’re just chilling and then whenever you think about your boyfriend you start questioning if you love him or not and because you’re not reacting to it strongly and are a bit calm it makes you think that the thought is true? This is how I’ve been feeling for the past two days and it always happens whenever he’s being super clingy and affectionate with me and I don’t understand why it happens when he does that. It could also be because my ex messages me a few days ago saying how he’s going insane and my current bf being worried cause he doesn’t understand why my ex texted me that. Sometimes I do miss my ex but I’m not gonna act on it at all. But because I have these thoughts it makes me question if I even love my current boyfriend or want to date. Can anyone relate?

I confess so many horrible intrusive thoughts to my partner about his height the way he looks other people etc for so many years and now I feel so numb I’m so tired of all these thoughts now they feel real I don’t even know what to say to my boyfriend when he asks if I want to be with someone else because my ocd has become so believable that I feel like I’m supposed to break up with him I feel so sad I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 years and I just don’t even know how to navigate this

Im not sure if anyone has advice, but I’ve been experiencing more So-ocd symptoms and been triggered a lot more when around people of the same sex even when I KNOW I am straight. I am going on a trip with a friend and meeting a whole bunch of people and I don’t want to be triggered by thinking I’m attracted to someone that I know I’m not. It’s so frustrating, I don’t want this subtype to ruin me.

does anyone sometimes feel like you think and overthink too much to the point that you actually star believing that it’s true and maybe you’re just in denial? my mind actually convinces me that i have a crush on someone and it really does feel real even though i still feel deep down that something’s wrong. like I know it’s ocd but it feels so real it’s exhausting

My mind keeps popping images of my boyfriend cheating on me and I know he’s incredibly loyal. Suddenly I’m feeling like I’m not good enough and it’s my fault and I have to do better and be better and I keep getting stuck in this loop of actually believing he is cheating on me. I NEVER go through his phone and I did and found nothing. But I keep replaying the times he could have been or am thinking that maybe I missed something in his phone and I don’t know why I’m looking for something that isn’t there or will hurt me. Logically, I know that if he were I deserve better. But even when I start to feel relief or better I start to believe this story in my head again. I’m really struggling with it.

I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago but have found that most of my day to day struggles are dominated by OCD behaviors. I have contamination and health O and find that in my work and household with roommates are where my compulsions to clean are most present. ADHD is easy for me to talk about with people, but I am scared that if I talk about OCD with people in these spaces, everything they see me do will be filtered through a less-educated perspective of OCD, and I will be judged for it. I don’t want people to assume how I feel about the cleanliness of things and label me “overly perfectionist” or “too careful” bc I am fully aware that I cannot impose my fears on anyone and how unrealistic the fears are. Yet I still want people to understand what I’m going through 😔

I’m scared I’m lying to myself. All I have is depression and hardly any anxiety about it. I’m on Sertraline and only have been for 4 weeks. I don’t want to have to lose my wife. I feel like my mind has been hijacked.

Often times my OCD will convince me that my entire personality is a lie and that i’ve actually just created it in a long scheme of manipulation to get people to like me and that in reality im a horrible person. It’s really stressful and im not sure how to negate it. I’ve tried talking to my therapist about it and she tried to combat these thoughts by retelling her observations of my behavior and how my friends view me but then i think, hmm what if all that i’ve shown them is a lie in order to produce this response of “oh, of course you’re a good person”! I’m afraid that there is this deep evil part of me lurking beneath a facade that i’ve created even though ive never put that sort of thought into who i am at any point in my life (making it to be a facade, that is) it’s not my most reoccurring intrusive thought, but certainly a stressful one.

I don’t know why my brain keeps targeting you but it is and it’s pissing me off, I hate how my head goes like oh did they bleed or enjoyed it or why didn’t they and I know full well why they didn’t and it just pisses me off because I don’t want these fucking thoughts anyone!- Or ask these questions. Oh did you cry?- Or the fact that more stuff pop into my head and me just imagining what happened is stuck in my mind and one of my thoughts- I don’t want to say sexualised- More like it popped up- About a baby!- I DONT LIKE THIS AT ALL!- I know it’s wrong!- I can’t even look at any other porn and my head keeps saying that I like my mom romantically and not platonically!- LIKE WHY ME?!— IT JUST PISSES ME OFF AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO SEE THE DOCTERS SO I CAN STOP SUFFERING WITH THESE THOUGHTS AND IMAGES, I FEEL LIKE I VICTEM BLAME THEM AS WELL, MY THOUGHTS ARE LIKE THAT WHEN I KNOW IT WASNT THEIR FUCKING FAULT!— AND IM SO SORRY.

How can I feel normal again and not numb? I feel like I have grieved my relationship because of the breakup urges and it is a pattern for me to just randomly lose interest and this one really came out of left field. Woke up and felt I need to break up and had no feelings towards my boyfriend. I just want to not feel numb and live in the moment but I want to feel like I love him again and it is so hard. Please help me I am hopeless

Does anyone else feel that because of their OCD they are easier to gaslight? Especially when someone says something defamatory about you and you know that it isnt true, youre still able to find a way to gaslight yourself into believing youve done something or acted in a way thats deplorable?

Bad week at work continues. Thoughts won't stop high anxiety. My thoughts then are just quit and I get so upset and anxious and picture everything I'll lose

So recently after a big obsession with so much anxiety and rumination it seems that I'm not giving a big reaction towards my intrusive thoughts and it seems there coming in less and then they usually come by and I don't give a reaction sometimes and I worry why didn't or why don't I have a reaction towards the intrusive thoughts what if there not intrusive then I start to worry but then I would just say oh this is ocd messing with me but thn I get the classic what if it's not ocd and it's you you like your thoughts you want to be xyz and I start to freak out why am i like this not giving a reaction it's soo annoying because I don't want to be/do my thoughts but then there's that are you sure thought and feeling that bother me sooo much I need help

For all of us who judge ourselves for decisions, actions, other people's jugdement, humiliating, and insults of us. I hope we manage to live by these meditations.

I (15m)am seeking advice because I believe I may have a false memory OCD. I am worried that I may have sexually harmed people without realizing it, especially my young cousins. I am also concerned that I may be a pdophile as i think im aroused by kids but idk if its kids or the idea of s*x. I believe my exposure to explicit content at a young age may have also given me hypersexuality, which still affects me.I feel guilt too because when i was younger i did cocsa against my younger brother he doesn't remember it but i do and i'm just scared what if i did other bad things like that. I do not want to use this as an excuse for my actions at age 14 when I made sexual advances/jokes towards my friends, causing them discomfort and harm. Some forgave me saying they didn't care about it now, but one friend ended our relationship due to my inappropriate behavior during a game and is scarred/traumatized and doesn't even want to look at me i tried to tell him i'm sorry but he doesn't really want me talking to him ever again. I am filled with guilt and shame for my actions and consider turning myself in as a result. The idea that I may have harmed someone without remembering it terrifies me, and I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others. I'm scared to even encounter people I hurt. I'm a monster that deserves to be beat up/ publicly hurt as most pdos/ s*x offenders do.

Could I just be a **** with strong morals? This afternoon I read the news abt a **** doing something horrible, and I wondered how could he do such thing, and how could someone develope a liking to the very thing that triggers me. How does that happen? I know I would never such thing, but what if I'm secretely attracted? I could be a non offending ****. I had to test if attraction could happen. I picked up a very triggering memory from last month that has been recently reappearing in my mind these past days, triggering me each time and putting me in bed all day without eating anything, feeling distressed and miserable. In that memory there is a young girl, that has legs exposed, and they trigger me a lot. I wanted to know if I was attracted, and I compulsively stared at it, and I didn't get any answers, I only felt more triggered and wondered if what I was feeling was actually attraction, was that weird feeling me liking the legs? Yesterday I had a revelation: what simply bothers you, just bothers you, there is no secret attraction, everything else is overthinking. That's it, it bothers you, it doesn't mean something else, but you misinterpret it for something else, which is "coincidentally" what you fear the most. It makes sense, all the time i was deeply disturbed, distressed, tortured myself with ruminations, to the point that i stayed in bed all day, self harmed, smoked an unhealthy number of cigarettes etc. are a testament to that. But these beliefs have been shattered when I tried to test for attraction. I pictured that triggering image of the girl from memory, and instead of just checking for attraction, I tried to see what would happen if I forced myself to liking it. And I'm afraid it kind of worked, and, at the same time I was trying to force attraction an involuntary smile slowly formed. I got very scared, it lasted an instant, and I went back to my usual self, distressed and bothered by what happened, what it meant. This is very concerning. It could be just false thoughts, false fabricated induced feelings, but it felt very very real, indistinguishable from reality. It felt like a glimpse at a possible reality where I was actually attracted. Maybe I was for that second. Maybe attraction is simply voluntary, and if I decide to become attracted by something that becomes real. Or maybe I was a monster all along. I don't know. I'm very scared. What did just happen? Why did that happen? I can't explain it. Are we what we think? So if I believe that I like it, will that become true? It's very scary. Are simply morals preventing me from being a monster, and maybe I'm not a monster, but that "thing" is something that always exists, and it means I could easily allow it to become the truth? The thing is that, whenever I had those triggering episodes in the past and I ruminated hours to understand if I was attracted, I knew that I was always felt uncomfortable, distressed, triggered, but I never tried to see if there was something else hiding underneath all those things. There was something very strong blocking myself from doing that, I think it was fear. I always checked for attraction, but I never tested it directly, I never tried to force myself to be attracted, to tell myself "you like it" and to see what would happen in fear that it would be the truth. It felt so easy to go "there" in my mind, and I'm so afraid that I might have crossed the line between being bothered and liking it. I feel like more than forcing myself to be attracted, another word could be allowing myself to be attracted to remove the barrier that I self-imposed myself, and see what happened. And I don't know if I felt attraction, it could be very false. But also very real. I'm afraid that all this time my morals are the only thing stopping me from aknowledging that maybe I'm secretely attracted. I can't tolerate this. If this is true, and not a distortion of OCD, if I truly am a monster in denial, I don't want to keep on living. Please someone tell me what actually happened, because I don't know. I need to believe, to know that what I felt was false, that it was OCD, that those feelings were fabricated, emulated, copied, but not true, that they were egodystonic. Help.

I have trouble disengaging with my intrusive thoughts because when I say something positive in response to some disparaging comment it made or disengage it will get louder; more aggressive and sometimes even screams at me. So I’ve usually resorted to actually fighting the intrusive thoughts, but I realise that this isn’t helping & I feel like my thoughts have made me a bitch to people lately because my patience has just been spent on that thing and I’m just tired. I’ve come to conclusion last night that fighting the thoughts isn’t going to help but rather disengaging. The best analogy I’ve used is that it acts like a kid having a fit when it doesn’t get its own way and to just ignore it. But surely, I can’t be the only one whose intrusive thoughts have temper tantrums?

What if I am what my OCD says? What if I am deep down a horrible monster and my ocd has been right all along and I’ve just been trying to fight it and deny that I am what it says?