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i’ve been doing so much better sometimes i forget i even have ocd and then it comes right back to remind me in new ways

How do you guys deal with it? When it has to do with a self harm theme it’s so so confusing and debilitating. It’s like someone else is in the drivers seat of your brain and you’re going against what it wants but it’s painful to do so. It genuinely feels like I want to. Even though I didn’t want to at all before this one thought and I have no reason to. Then I always spiral wondering how and why and if it’s even ocd or if I need to go get help. So exhausting. These thoughts/ feelings and urges are coming in first person and it feels like I’m intentionally thinking them or they’re my genuine feelings.

Hello, so I have been thinking about getting medication for ocd. But I am not diagnosed by my doctor they tested me and said I had it but never followed up. I want to get an official diagnosis where should I get it that won’t be to expensive because I am a college student.

Its makes me angry. Its like an ultimate giving up which it is actually and i became really depressed doing it. I have those automatic judgements that i dont know what to do about it so i just accepted it. I watched a video about being in the present and they talked about not worrying about the future and think about the past but you still will have problems in the present so focus on that and thats presence... well okay this is my problem i get drowned by present problems. If youre afraid that your fast heartbeat means heart attack, you have that in the present moment and you are afraid that now you will have a heart attack. When youre depressed you are afraid that you will do something bad now. When you have pain and it makes you tired your head hurts and it makes you upset its in the now. And you just accelt all of this that im afraid, my head hurts, it makes me upset, im depressed, im depressed cause im depressed, and you do nothing about it... then i get thoughts like this will not change, i cant do what i want, everything is bad, i cant connect to people, i hate these, i cant be myself, these arent brought up by me, by rummination, its automatic by depression... Then im just in a deep depression. A good thing happens and im cant be happy cause i think i will never be happy for something. I can say its just a thought, but i accept the feelings too that it creates which is making me be still depressed and not be grateful for a good thing... Since i started acceptance i feel like i lost myself, this is me too who experienced it but its like i lost my life, its a different life now. Im stuck with fear, depression and im afraid. What is also automatic is comparison. I keep thinking about people who killed themself bc of depression or they just stuck in a deep depression and my mind says im in the same boat... all these accept accept accept...and dont change anything, okay im here being deeply depressed. I feel like this will go for sometime until i get really angry and go back avoiding again cause i want to live my life. I see other people and i dont really see them being stuck and depressed like me, and i know people say well they lie and hide it, well i cant hide it. I always get judged that im not happy, im silent, why im so low, and i dont see that in others. Even my mother went through alot of bad horrible things, sometimes she cries yes im okay doing that too but not about the past. Things happens and she cries then she okay. Im here bombarded with alot of emotions and it just sends me to my bed being depressed and tired. Noone im my family gets stuck like this. I would be okay if something happens and i cry myself out then i move on but no that not what happens. I really dont see that people would be in pain. And if they are they get through it by some days or weeks. I worked myself up so much, i give a chance to this but if i get into my bed being depressed and people will tell me that i need to change i will stop doing it. I understand it should become worse cause you let out all your emotions but i dont see the difference, when i was avoiding i wasnt this depressed. Accepting vulnerability and being emotional sounds good but when you realize you'll have to let be affected by anything, like im depressed cause of the weather, then im depressed cause of feeling depressed, i feel depressed about my thoughts, i feel depressed cause i cant be present with people, then someone says something and it affects me maybe makes me depressed, then i have a pain and im angry or scared its dangerous, im angry that all of this makes me tired, and then i feel like life is tough, i want to die or idk but then i get scary cause i have suicidal ocd and idk if its real ideation or just suicidal ocd, then you see something in the news and it affects you, everything affects you. This is very vulnerable and people say you have to be like this but then we wonder we are deeply depressed. Im not joking i will give another chance to let everything be as it is, not changing it but if it will make me bed sick, and if it will make me think about death which is the last thing i want to do, i will stop and go back to avoiding... I dont really think anyone will read this cause its too long, but i will apreciate if you would write something to me.

Hello! I'm new here and new to OCD. My therapist suggested I might have OCD due to my tendency to ruminate endlessly on doubts and fears. These thoughts are indeed intrusive and I can't seem to stop them. The thing I'm kind of stuck on is that I can't see where the compulsions come in. Unless the thoughts themselves are compulsions. Can anyone relate to this?

I’m so tired of feeling like a bad person, i’m so tired of my brain treating me like I’m a pr//dator, it’s making me feel like I want all these things and I don’t. But I don’t even believe myself anymore sometimes. I used to get a feeling that reassured me that I wouldn’t do something like this but now it’s gone. Now it’s all feelings that I would do something like this. I’m so uncomfortable. I just wanna go back to normal so bad. I was just watching good mythical morning, every time they talk about their kids, my brain will always say “ they shouldn’t allow you around them” or “ you would hurt their kids” or “ you would be attracted to them” something along the lines of that. It’s always a different variation of that but they all mean the same thing. And It convinces me because it makes me feel like I would do something like that, wouldn’t mind finding these things attractive when I really would. I’ve been trying to move on from what happened earlier, but I can’t… I just wanna start ruminating …I just wanna stop checking…. I just wanna stop asking for reassurance. I want to stop, but I’m so scared. Even when I’m clearly freaking out about something I don’t want to happen, it’s still punishes me and says that I actually want it. It all seems so real, the attraction feels so real, the emotions feel so real, the intrusive thoughts feel so real. Everything feels so real. I’m just scared. I don’t wanna be a bad person. I don’t wanna do bad things. Just worried that it will never go away. Like I’m stuck like this forever. I don’t want this to be the first thing I think of whenever I see someone younger than me. I wanted to have a family in the future, but I can’t stand the idea anymore. I’m too scared. Not only because I’m afraid that I’ll hurt them or what if I feel an attraction. But I’m also scared of having to deal with my POCD and them… which would be a hard struggle. I just want this to stop. I want to be all over. Why do I feel like I want this? Why do I feel like I am attractive and I don’t care? Why does my brain try to make kids look older than they need to be? What does my brain do this? Does this mean I’m turning into a bad person? I never wanted to hurt people.… I never wanted to do bad things… but I genuinely feel attracted and I don’t know what to convince myself that I don’t… I don’t wanna be attracted. But my brain keeps making me feel like I do. And It does it by altering kids faces to look older, I’m really scared. Why do I feel all these emotions about wanting to do these things? Sometimes I’ll allow myself to feel it, but then I’m like why did I allow myself to feel that? Sometimes I feel like I feel things on purpose, and it scares me. I just want to not be a bad person. I don’t want this. I don’t care how much it tells me that I do or makes me feel like I do. I do not want this. Why do I feel like I do? I feel really messed up saying that… it honestly grosses me out, but I hope that people will understand this post.

My health concern OCD has been getting A LOT worse in the last days. I'm always panicking about having some serious illness, and I have yet again come to the point where I can't understand if I feel actually unwell or if it's just my mind. I'm under a lot of stress these days, I have some big changes coming up, and I know this is my way of coping, but it's tiring

Been prescribed SSRIs (sertraline) to try and help with the OCD. I know it's serotonin that plays a huge part in the OCD when it's at it's worst, so this is definitely the answer. Only problem is if I know that my OCD knows it too, and so I need certainty that the compulsions I'm stuck on can still be completed after taking the medication. Yes, I know how stupid that sounds. How do you overcome that barrier and take the medication? There are compulsions I feel I need to do because of how debilitating they can be - if I alter my brain chemistry there will always be doubt so I can never fully complete them (this is the OCD perspective). It just feels like when I start I can't go back.

hi, I'm currently 7 weeks into Setraline and 2 days into Pragiola. I have anxiety and OCD. First I had harm ocd, which turned into a fear of schizophrenia. I was most afraid of auditory hallucinations and not knowing what I was doing. I have been confirmed several times by a psychiatrist and a therapist that I do not have schizophrenia, yet I have the feeling that I am hearing strange things and am afraid that they are hallucinations. I started to hear worse, but at the same time certain sounds bother me more - car engine, car braking, children's cries and whispers. Sometimes it takes me a while to even recognize what sound I heard. Has anyone also had hearing problems? I had my ear checked today, I have some problem with my ear canal, but it shouldn't cause such changes. Psychiatrist says it's hypersensitivity from anxiety.

Last week i went to a local bar for trivia and there was a tv at the back of the restaurant that i was looking at for questions. A girl at the table next to mine got really aggressive towards me because she maybe thought i was looking at her? As the night went on people at her table started looking at me for longer and longer periods of time. Her laughs got loud and shrill and her group did more and more to try and get my attention. Same thing happened to me this week at a different place: my trivia group went to a new bar and a huge group of adults got really stare-y when i looked in the judges direction literally one time…not even at them. They literally came over near where i was sitting and at the end of the night almost ran me and my friends over in the parking lot. What is going on? Why do people get so unnecessarily aggressive when they think you’re looking at them?

Does anyone with so ocd get scared or feel like they r just going to suddenly realise they r gay. Like all of a sudden you’ll be like omg I’m gay and then I get scared like ong it’s happening to me Can any relate to this

Im so scared to fall asleep I genuinely do not want to because the fact that there are confirmed cases of people murdering others in their SLEEP is enough proof that my fears are legitimate. What if i harm myself or my family. what if the next time my boyfriend sleeps over I hurt him. what if I am eating cough drops in my sleep and that's why they are in my bed when I fell asleep with them on my end table, and I choke on one and die. These fears are genuine like yeah ocd is probably amplified it but the proof that this happens is hard to ignore. if I could lock myself in a empty room every night with no way of hurting anyone I absolutely would at least I'd know me and everyone else is safe. how do I even begin to combat this fear again and not let this fear bother me anymore.

I’ll give you an example of what I experience on a daily basis, so there was this one time I was on a date with my gf at the time and I was so caught up in the moment then all of a sudden a thought pops up into my mind. In the exact moment of having fun with her, the thought was “she doesn’t love you, she’s only here for the ride, she only “loves” you because you make her feel good not because she loves you as a person” in a split second it hits me. It changed my whole demeanor, it ruined the mood for me, and I couldn’t tell her about because I grew up keeping my thoughts to myself or expressing my feelings as a weakness. So after that initial thought, I became so agitated to the point where I’d go quiet, and when she would continue to be herself I would get annoyed by her continuing to do whatever it was she was doing. I’ve continued this behavior up until she left me because I exploded this one time. Messy breakup, but i genuinely didn’t know what was wrong with me until I started reflecting. Now that I’ve fully acknowledged it, im trying my best to avoid it, but I still find myself struggling with it severely. I lost many friendships over this. What’s your advice ? Is this considered ocd ? One initial thought that lingers for hours or even days at a time for me. I’ve recently started taking Wellbutrin and im able to move on from the thoughts within mins but the feeling still lingers on. But whenever I’m not doing anything, the thought comes back. Before Wellbutrin, the thought would linger as I’d be doing daily tasks like cleaning, cooking, walking, conversing, and working. Am I screwed ? I feel extremely lonely.

Anyone get thoughts that they are possessed?

is there anyone that is not on meds for ocd and is recovering? im really trying to stay away from meds

So i tried actual acceptance for a day and it was helpful, maybe it was easier for me cause i used it before but i got to the same point after the end of the day. It was the question "what i will achieve with this?" And i remember this was my problem back then too. Cause we want to change and with acceptance it seems like nothing actually changes, you just stop being afraid of things. And i realized this when i was thinking about what i want and that is to experience less negative thoughts and emotions but thats impossible, im a human and its normal that i have flaws. So then i was like everything will be the same, I will still have these thoughts and some will scare me, i just wont rumminate about it and make it worse. Same with emotions i wont learn to not have those emotional reactions, i just wont fight with it. So back to thoughts,it is normal to experience harm thoughts when youre angry, so after this anytime i will have anger and then thoughts like "i want to kms" or "i want to hurt that person he/she deserves punishment" i'll just go with "this is just a thought, its normal to have these". This bothers me. Its like i show my brain and myself i can have these thoughts so then i will have them all my life. And here is my question. If we accept everything as normal,.when its the time when you say "why do i jump to these thoughts everytime? What are my beliefs about this? Why do i jump to this everytime? I see this in myself, maybe i shouldnt judge after 1 day of acceptance. Something happened while i was practicing it, a feeling of depression hit me and then i had thoughts like "this is horrible, the water is bad, its so depressing, i feel bad too, things are sad" and i hear some sas "well you added that" no it was automatic, it came with the feeling. So i realized if i try to change i make it worse so i just accepted. I dont know if you seen videos about making self feeding fire. This was like that, the automatic thoughts made me depressed which generated more thoughts which made me more depressed. And im like there accepting all of this. The same happened this morning too when i realized im sad because im sad and im accepting it cause its normal to feel sad about being sad... cause i have self compassion or idk...So do i have a false imagination of what a recovered person would look like? Maybe i didnt thought about it well, i dont expect that i will never feel sadness or negative thoughts, but i think about these like different thoughts not like the same harm thoughts everytime i feel angry about someone or thoughts like the world is a horrible place, its so cruel and i feel depressed and after recovery my mind still will jump to these conclusions but now im just putting the "acceptance blanket" on it. I wont lie acceptance did help me but after time i realized it might mean that i need to accept that im vulnerable(which i hear many times) and that these things are here and will be here cause they are normal... but this view doesnt explain how change happens or what is change and development. I dont believe it means the only change you can do is to not fight with thoughts/emotions. How will you learn to be more rational when everytime you just accept that this is human, its normal, i dont have problem with that its normal that we have problems but do you stay there in the rest of your life or you become better? I appreciate those who read all this, thank you very much! :)

Can someone give tips about living in uncertainty?

this is really confusing me lately. i went into my physiatrist the other day and she gave me a survey for my depression then asked more questions about what i still had higher scores on. One was a lot of lack of focus. I just took it as medications because i am on prozac and wellbutrin. Important to note that it isn’t an overload of thoughts my head just goes blank. I can’t think or do my schoolwork, it feels like the comprehension part of my head just switches off and i can’t keep any thoughts. imagine just a quiet airhead void. Sh asks how bad it is i say impairing work and stuff. I give her my answers and i guess they led her into questioning ADHD. My understanding has always been that people with ADHD are bouncy and all over the place. I know some people who have it and my doctor said it’s a consistent disorder. But i don’t daydream a lot, i am pretty messy but also meticulously organized about certain things. my parents don’t see it so they told her the almost exact opposite. she was really lost. I don’t have a lunch period in school and i eat a ton of snacks through the day. I try to get 7 hours of sleep but i’m still always tired. my parents just said i need to fix that and ill be fine but something still feels off. Because my doctor was unsure she said the only way to positively find out was through a really expensive neurological test thing. I don’t know what to think i’m not really fidgety and i guess just don’t fit what i think would be ADHD but i also am more uneducated about it. I don’t think i have it i really don’t but something else still feels a tad off. maybe it is just sleep and diet and ill be fine but i need advice. does anyone else’s brain just completely go eerily quiet and you just like can’t focus on anything or like read and actually under anything? i feel like i sound like a hot mess so please leave questions if you need clarification i really need some external advice.

i feel so alone and this overwhelming sadness upon me. im in college and don’t talk to any people, there’s a guy that was becoming my friend in the beginning but we kinda stopped talking and i think it’s my fault because i also have social anxiety.to add on i feel extreme anxiety in class because my brain just keeps repeating thoughts and it’s so exhausting every day plus the other stresses in my life.one thing is my head , the pain is so bad and i have no idea of what to do, i keep researching stuff and its making my health anxiety so bad i can’t stop crying because my head hurts so much.i wish i had some friends in my college so i could be a little happier

A good life, success, healing, beautiful things? ⚠️ Important: please don’t read if this is triggering. No one should think this way about themselves, of course you deserve it all. I struggle with real events and harm OCD. My worst fear is being a bad person, causing harm or doing the wrong thing. These thoughts haunt me all the time and cause me to essentially throw my life away. I don’t go out, pursue opportunities, etc. because what if I don’t deserve them? I think of the worst things I’ve ever done all the time. The things that I’m most ashamed of. Like a broken record that’s all I replay in my head. Doesn’t matter if it was 5 or 10 years ago. And I beat myself up for not doing better. And I just don’t know how to move past it. I’ve read a lot of quotes and books about self help and love and acceptance (e.g. once you know better, do better). But for me I feel like I have to hate myself forever. I won’t ever get a clean slate, there’s a permanent stain on my record. I just can’t forgive myself, whether other people know it or not, I can’t allow myself to move forward. It’s about integrity for me. Does anyone relate? How do you do it? I’m so sorry if you’re also struggling. I don’t wish this for anyone. Please keep fighting, you’re not alone. ❤️