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I'm trying to do this as my first step of beating HOCD, just acknowledging that its HOCD, where the feelings, sensations, thoughts, etc, are all symptoms of HOCD and are not me, but one they feel so real and convincing, it's impossible for me to separate them from me. it keeps going and starts trying to convince me its real, like after I say""This is just the symptoms of HOCD, not me" 100 times a day prolly, no matter even if the doubts pop in and tries to convince me some more, no matter how much it gets worse and more convincing." doesn't stop and gets stronger, what should I do? How can I practice knowing that the feelings, and sensations are just hocd and not me and separate myself from that

Hello friends, 3 days ago, I woke up after not getting good sleep. I’m beginning to think I was maybe still half-asleep when this happened. I got as far as making a coffee, and realized it needed more cream and tasted crappy. At the same time, my cat was sitting on the side of me and had his nails hooked onto my right leg/pants. For some reason, even that got me all riled up, even thought he does this on a daily basis. As I tried to unhook his nails without hurting him, he got all wild and started attacking my hand. Then he hooked his nails into the side of my hand and the more I tried to get away, the more he started biting me. My hand was bleeding everywhere. It was almost as if we had gotten into a fight, and this is my favorite cat in the whole world, I would do anything for him. When I finally broke loose, I instinctively kinda spanked/pushed the side of his butt to let him know how much he hurt me. Called him a bad boy while I did it. He didn’t move or act hurt or anything, just glared at me like, “Oh you think you’re so cool.” The second after I did that, it was as if I woke up and got flooded with thoughts like: HOW could you have done that? You’re an animal abuser. I guess you don’t love this cat. You should be put in jail. I love all animals, I love them to the point of protecting them at my own expense. I told everyone in my family, they were all like who cares? We know you didn’t really hurt him. In a matter of 5 minutes, he was right back to half-sitting on my lap like nothing happened. I am still so surprised and shocked by my quick action, that’s why I think I may not have been fully awake. But that’s just a guess, I am not looking for a pardon. More like trying to figure out how I could’ve been so angry at something I love so much. So, so much. The guilt took over that day, I even began hitting myself really hard on the leg, anything to punish myself. That night, I allowed him to beat the heck out of my hand as much as he wanted to. 3 days have passed, and I still feel my mind jump in from time to time and say “animal abuser” or when I look at him, the most lovely sight in the world to me, I get consumed with shame. I keep apologizing to him and he even looks at me like what’s your problem already? Has anyone here done anything instinctively that you regret, and is there such a thing as guilt and shame OCD? Thanks for reading, I swear to you I am not a mean, aggressive person towards animals, yet a part of my mind keeps insisting I am.

Hi folks, can someone please point me at resources for challenging/accepting etc pure OCD? I have had ACT and ERP therapy but it only worked partially and OCD still decimates my life. My main question is as follows: in ERP, if you have hand washing compulsions, you gradually go longer and longer without washing your hands (this is just an example). But with my pure OCD, the cognitive compulsions happen instantaneously after the triggering cognition and then submerge me like a tsunami. so how do I not "do" a thought that is instantaneous? I can't distance myself from the sink, or go for a walk right (as one might if one were employing ERP for hand washing)? How do I not have the compulsive thoughts? BTW I'm aware of acceptance and (ACT) concepts such of "buying into" a thought etc so please use ACT, ERP, CBT or even REBT language and metaphors as you see fit! Many thanks and best wishes to you all 🙏

hello, my psychiatrist told me that she thinks i need to either be in a residential specific for OCD or do a virtual IOP. she sent me a list of potential programs. has anyone ever done a virtual IOP before? did it help? they’re really expensive and take up a lot of time, i want to make sure im doing the right thing.

In May, I began experiencing what I now suspect to be OCD. I started obsessively worrying about things that people around me assured me weren’t worth the concern. I found myself ruminating on past events, convinced that they could ruin my life. I sent texts to people I knew years ago, apologizing and seeking reassurance that I hadn’t done anything wrong. This often confused them, and I knew, deep down, that these worries were irrational. I laughed about it with friends, yet couldn’t fully let go of the fear. Small mistakes began to feel like life-altering threats. Getting my dream job seemed to intensify these symptoms—I became anxious about being canceled, losing my career, and being judged by strangers for things I regret. I identified my main symptoms as real-event OCD. Even sharing this post makes me anxious. My most recent fixation is my last relationship, which ended last year. We loved each other deeply, but the relationship became toxic—characterized by arguments and a lack of trust. I had been in a really bad relationship before that, and avoided dating for years out of fear. But when I started this relationship, it forced me to confront those lingering issues. I tried to manage them on my own but failed, becoming the toxic partner in the process. I should have gone to therapy to address my insecurities, but instead, I projected them onto my partner. While my partner wasn’t perfect either, I recognize now that a lot of the issues stemmed from me. After the breakup, I went to therapy and finally did the work I should have done sooner. Now, a year later, I feel I’ve genuinely changed. I’m more empathetic and have worked through past traumas to become a better partner. However, with my OCD flaring up recently, I’ve been fixating on the mistakes I made in that relationship. I can’t seem to forgive myself, and I’m constantly anxious about being canceled. It feels like my efforts to change and grow might not matter—like people won’t care that I’ve become better. I did reach out to my ex to apologize, and while they didn’t respond, I understand that decision, as I made it clear there was no pressure to reply. Friends tell me we were both young and immature, and that what matters is how we’ve grown since then. They say it’s common to have toxic relationships at a young age, but I feel that’s too easy an excuse. Does change matter? I don’t know how to forgive myself, and I can’t tell how much of my worry is driven by OCD and how much by reasonable guilt. TLDR: I was a bad partner in a relationship, have since gone through therapy to be a better person, and am struggling to forgive myself for past mistakes.

Hi, so I’ve been knowingly performing compulsions and ruminating and checking memories and feelings nonstop for a few days, and it feels like I have all this proof that I’m a lesbian who has always been attracted to woman and repressed my feelings. I saw an old friend from HS this past weekend and we were looking through yearbooks, and I wrote in it that we had a “lesbianesk” relationship, but I don’t remember why I said that because we never did anything. I think it might have been that we pretended to flirt, and I know there were times I was jealous of how she looked because she was skinner than me, and I also thought she was pretty. I know I did it to be funny, but I can’t stop thinking that I actually had a crush on her. I’m also thinking of all the times I was jealous of girls growing up, and my brain is convincing myself that those were all crushes. I saw someone who is queer say online that they realized they had crushes on girls they thought they were jealous of and it sent me spiraling. I thought girls and women on TV were beautiful and thought I just wanted to be like them. Now it feels like this is proof. I keep imagining marrying a man and being in a romantic relationship with one, and it feels like I don’t want it anymore. Like I feel hot, my stomach churns, and I feel dread. My brain will say “don’t make me be straight!” And I don’t want to lie to myself and suppress real feelings, but accepting that I’m gay feels awful. I hate even saying that because I always imagined that’s how my life would go, and now I’m so scared I’ve been wrong and I would actually hate being with a man. Being romantic with women also feels awful but at the moment not as bad. Idk if that’s OCD or me, though. I don’t know if anyone can relate to this. I’ve been so anxious for so long that my body has turned off some of the anxious responses and now I just feel tired all the time. I used to be okay with the idea of being sexually fluid, and now I am deep in the obsession spiral. Any words of encouragement would be helpful.

I saw my psychiatrist again today after a month of taking sertraline and risperidone. I wanted to tell him about the sexual thoughts and images and how I am so convinced that I like them (he is also a sexologist) but I chickened. I feel like when he asked if I'm doing okay I lied. I am doing a little bit better (depression symptoms are decreasing) but again , I can't recover from this theme. It's like I discovered something I ignored for years. My mind sexualizes every little girl I see. It's so frustrating because it feels like I enjoy it?? And I don't want to. I feel so anxious and scared all the time. My chest is heavy. It's honestly been feeling like I'm sad the thoughts are true rather than not liking them? Like something suddenly shifted. Makes me think my therapist and my psychiatrist got the wrong diagnosis. My psychiatrist bumped up my dose of sertraline to 150mg. He said it's going to take quite a couple of weeks to reduce OCD symptoms, but I don't even think that's what I have. Today I'm stuck in bed again and I'm losing faith in the meds. This will stay with me forever.

This is my first post.. For years now I’ve had a severe fear of getting an STD, having one would make me feel unlovable and undesirable. It first started when my mom allowed homeless people to live in our garage, use our bathroom, and other parts of the house. I feel like that is understandable, they are dirty people and everything in my house became disgusting after their arrival. That was about five years ago, I moved out a few days ago. After awhile of them being at that house, I often found myself worrying about the toilet seats and shower and so I would stand to pee (I’m female), cover the seat with toilet paper when I had to go #2, and wear shoes in the shower. Failing to do any would cause me to obsess over thinking I got an STD. After some more time it got worse, I wouldn’t touch my mom, doorknobs, handles, or anything in the house without a paper towel or something to protect my skin. Even if I was running late, I had to find something to open the door so my skin wasn’t contaminated. The anxiety spread to the outside world as well. I don’t touch doors or anything many people have including money. If I have to touch it my fingers start tingling and feel dirty until I get to wash my hands. As I mentioned earlier, I moved. I turned 18 on the 19th of October and really want to get better. I’m unsure how to get over my fear of STDs, it feels like anything I listed could result in catching an STD if I touch a dirty door and then go to the bathroom I feel I could get one. It’s exhausting and I wish I didn’t, does anyone else deal with this? Any advice? Please help😭

Ocd makes me think everything I do is sexual. Moving my mouth is some way meaning I’m doing something impropriate. Moving my tongue too. Moving my hand too. It’s give me intrusive thought. For example: if I’m moving my hand then I get intrusive thought (impropriate) that in the thought I also move my hand and then I get the urge to move my hand again to the thought to get rid of her and check. It’s happens all the time with every part of my body. Like if I do some move and I get intrusive thought about me doing sexual with that move to a … and then I have the urge to do this move again to the thought to check and get rid of the thought. This is so much because the urge is so big and I have so many thoughts. I feel alone in this because I haven’t heard that people have this kind of thought. Because all of this urge is hard for me to move normal. Like I cant move my hand/tongue/leg/mouth… in some way because of this. My therapist told me to act normal and if im hyper focused on something and trying not to move it it’s another compulsion. And honestly this are my main thoughts . I barely get thought about 🍇 a child (sometimes i do) but this is the thoughts I get most. How can I stop it? I feel like it’s never going to disappear. Did someone struggled with this in the past?

I’ve been talking to this guy for the past year on and off, but in the past 6 months we’ve become best friends who talk every day and have also been intimate w each other. The past three months I’ve been abroad and I’ll be here until the rest of the school year. Before I left we had two very romantic nights and before he left for summer vacation it was the same. He called me once a week while he was overseas in summer, and we continued to talk everyday since I’ve been here. We didnt become exclusive before I left bc we wanted to keep our options open bc that was most realistic for the both of us. But we act like we r bf/gf and he just got me a bday present. This weekend he went MIA w school stuff but also bc a girl asked him out. He’s upset that he feels guilty and like he’s betraying me if he says yes. So he decided to tell me that he doesn’t want to stop talking to me but he thinks we should change how we talk to each other to be “strictly as friends.” I got upset and lashed out at first. We resolved it and he still wants to talk to me regularly bc im his best friend but just as friends and I gave into it. He doesn’t wanna lose me just bc he wants to talk to other ppl bc we r incredibly close. He doesn’t understand his feelings and he’s struggled w that for a while, but in this case bc he doesn’t understand his emotions he makes it my problem. And it’s annoying bc he just shut down and won’t come to terms w his feelings for me. He loves me and doesn’t understand it bc it’s uncomfy bc we can’t be together bc of distance. The difference between him and I is that im very comfortable w how I feel about him but im still open to exploring things here bc I understand we can’t be together. I don’t tell him im on hinge or that I flirt w guys bc I know exactly how I feel abt him and don’t feel the need to do that. He feels the need to tell me everything bc he doesn’t understand his feelings for me and he looks to me to explain. I also think Our closeness challenges his sense of who he is. We talked last night and he made it all abt him, didn’t ask what I needed etc. it felt mean and I was upset and I don’t think he knows how upset it made me. When I said he bought me a present a week ago he said “that was before this happened tho”. I haven’t texted him since last night. He’s clearly in denial of his feelings and this happened practically overnight bc a girl gave him the slightest attention. this isn’t the guy I know or love. I’m not sure what to do and I keep spiraling bc he knows the insides of my brain more than anyone else and I just want him to be ok with his feelings for me. Idk I just need advice plz help!! I’m spiraling!!

This is my first post and I wanted to post because my ocd feels like something that will always control my life and nobody truly understands because no one in my life experiences this. I’m hoping to maybe find a community who can relate. I’ve always had an intense fear of death. The fear is of my own death and my loved ones. I’ve had 2 debilitating episodes of this and the most recent episode being a month ago. The first one lasted about 3 months of constant intrusive thoughts about death and the meaning of life. I also feel as if I’m not real and the world around me isn’t real. It’s almost like I’m completely gone and I can think of nothing else. I would sleep to escape it. Nothing has purpose or meaning. I even question happiness of others. I question why anyone would be happy if they’re gonna die eventually and why aren’t they thinking about it?? I know it’s ridiculous when I come out of it. But to be honest the thoughts never fully go away. They pop up every once in awhile when I’m in a good state with my ocd, and almost everyday when I’m in a bad state. The severe episodes I’ve noticed have happened when I’m in a period of high stress in life. For example I’m moving in with my boyfriend next week. All that my therapist has told me is to work on my grounding techniques but it’s hard to explain to anyone who’s not experienced it that grounding doesn’t help when I’m in that headspace. It seems like when I get there I just have to wait it out and eventually it’ll pass but not fully. Does anyone have anything that’s helped them?

Hello all. I have been doing really well with my contamination OCD but an event from my past stuck in my head yesterday and last night and made me miss sleep so I thought I would share my story because people have helped me in the past after I have posted. I coached my child's sports team and they finished in first place for the regular season for two years in a row. In the second season there was an injury late in the season and we didn't make it to the championship game but I am pretty okay with that cuz I don't feel responsible in any way. The first season we lost a double elimination championship game. We had The Bases Loaded in the bottom of the last inning and didn't score and then lost an extra innings. I started to remember how bad I felt and how I felt responsible for the loss even though there was no direct decision that I made that caused the loss. I then started to reassure myself that everyone's disappointment is dealt with and ends eventually. I then started to think that the loss will never leave them cuz it'll stay with their soul even after they pass away. I don't often think of this but something yesterday triggered it for me. Any feedback would be appreciated especially for those who feel something happened that they can't make right and get past in their own head.

My OCD has spiraled out of control and I’m afraid I’m going crazy. I’m scared I’m going to hurt myself or someone, even though I don’t want to. I just feel so sick. I don’t want to go to the mental hospital, so I don’t know what to do. I would never hurt anyone but right now I’m just so scared. How do I calm down?

My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years, I love him a lot. I am always worried I don’t love him enough because it doesn’t feel like my past relationships did, which were super intense and passionate. It makes me feel so guilty. Like in my past relationships I swore these men were making love to me because of the way I felt. Yet it was all in my head, they were just horny young men. I was just a body to them. I worry that I don’t love my boyfriend because the sex isn’t passionate. Or the love isn’t intense. But sometimes the sex is passionate I just don’t get that overwhelming feeling in my chest that I did in the past when I was infatuated with people. I love my boyfriend with my whole heart and I can’t imagine life without him honestly. Why does my brain worry about these things. Why does my brain compare these things? I feel guilty for even thinking about sexual relations from my past. I love my boyfriend more than I have anyone else before. Sometimes I feel like I don’t feel the intense feelings because of my medicine and my therapist said this is very well possible. Any advice?

There are so many things in my life that I am so grateful for, opportunities some don’t have. Luxuries that some don’t have. But yet I am cursed. Thought after thought after thought. ALL DAY, EVERYDAY. I can’t catch a break. Can’t take a breath. It’s always lurking behind me. Clinging on to my brain. I hate this. I’m starting to get mad. I shouldn’t fear showering. I shouldn’t get scared when I look in the mirror because I get thoughts. I shouldn’t have to live everyday with the light inside of me ripped out. I am done. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of all of this. I hate TOCD I hate Harm OCD I HATE OCD. These thoughts take up ALL OF MY DAY. AND HAVE ROBBED ME OF MY LIFE. I can’t go in stores anymore without worrying that I like the women’s section more. NOBODY DESERVES TO LIVE LIKE THAT. I need science to hurry it up, I need a cure for this. Because I miss the optimism I used to have about everything. Now I sometimes hate waking up because it’s too tiring.

I’m losing it completely, I’ve never had a flare up like this with contamination. I’m so burnt out seriously , I feel like I’m going insane. My hands are cracking and bleeding from washing them and my family’s getting very tired of me , they think I should go stay in a hospital or something for a while because of how bad it is. OCD as taken away my relationships with people , I can’t sit on the couch anymore with my family , I can’t hug my dog anymore , I can’t relax ever. I just needed to write this down as I really can’t process my feelings right now as I have too many thoughts , any advice?

Please help! Always had some social anxiety since I can remember and maybe ocd? I'd have a hobby and would have to check on sertain things multiple times a day even though I know they're there or are in the right order, would lose some sleep because of worry about it. But it was really manageable. 2 months ago I started to have some thoughts and worry about my kids because of a nightmare of someone hitting my 3 year old outside with a car while he's riding his bike and woke up feeling really anxious, throughout few weeks I kept getting more and more anxious and the thoughts of something happening to my kids became overwhelming and would not leave my head, it turned into a looping thought and me trying to control the uncontrollable. It sent me into multiple panic attacks / depression and 24/7 anxiety with every minute of the day those thoughts are circling in my head. I can't function and am in constant fear. My body is stuck in fight or flight. I lost all appetite ,can't sleep and doctors are not sure what's going on with me, im afraid I won't see my kids grow up, I break down crying holding them thinking I won't make it.. I've been stuck in this for almost 2 months and have to take medical leave from work and am afraid I will not snap out of it. Anyone have any advice? Or any guesses what could possibly be going on with me? I just feel like giving up but I don't have a way out because my kids depend on me.

Hi all. This is my first post. I am 45. My wife and I recently went through a rough patch and I don’t wanna throw away 20 years but I can’t shake or get over the amount of work I put in for our family and she doesn’t even come close. She says I do all the work I do bc I am the only one who cares about it. I really gave a good go at overlooking the fact that it isn’t 50/50 and was going good for like 2 weeks and now we are back again bc I feel overwhelmed and need help and support and I get none. Am I a bad person bc I feel that when I have a ton on my plate she should support me and take some of it? I tried to talk to her about it and she told me “I never said I was changing and I am not doing anymore than i currently do” For reference: I vacuum the entire house once a week Do 6 loads of laundry Handle all the bills and taxes Dust everywhere but our bedroom Go to the dump Handle the kids school stuff and pick my daughter up every night from sports (1hr and 10 minutes from my work) Clean all the a/c filters etc in the house Deal with any maintenance of home, vehicles etc that needs to be done She… Cools dinner 4 days a week and forces us to pay to eat out the other 3… says she deserves a break…. Cleaned the hardwood floors every other week Dusts the bedroom every other week Cleans her personal bathroom ONCE A MONTH! (Yea that’s a pet peeve) Grocery shops (she orders online and sits in her car while they load it) Am I out of line here by asking her to do more, it’s a real sticking point of our marriage. I love her but I am killing myself and no matter what I say she shits on it.

Me (19) my gf (20) have been dating for 1.5 years. R-OCD hadn’t really attach to me until I suspected that she was cheating. We’ve discussed and resolved those concerns. However, today I was looking through her phone (out of paranoia) and I went back to her messages (on snapchat) before we started dating (big mistake and I knew it in the moment idk what drove me to keep going), and I saw her texts with other guys she was talking to before me. It hurts so much to see that and I can’t stop replaying everything I saw in my mind. I know I shouldn’t hold it against our relationship obviously because it was before us, but right now I can’t separate it even though I need to in order to keep the relationship alive. I have had this fear of her liking guys more than me, especially sexually, which has constantly triggered my fear of rejection and has constantly made me paranoid and on edge. It’s so hard cause I know this fear is irrational because no one is gonna be attracted to one person, especially sexually. It’s embarrassing to get into this but thinking about d-size really triggers me and my fear of rejection and r-ocd. I fear that that would somehow be the only thing that matters to her and that if she had expirence/ talked to someone with one she wouldn’t view me in the same light. This is especially triggering cause this is our first real relationship for the both of us. And she has always created this ideal notion of how amazing it is that our first relationship is gonna last forever and how we took each other virginity’s yada yada. This has made me paranoid and scared of her reactions to other men sexually, I think it’s because I fear that she doesn’t really know what’s truly out there cause she has no experience. I fear that if she actually see another man in a sexual context she may disregard me cause she hasn’t really been exposed to that before. So this whole time I’ve been scared of her finding other men sexually attractive, and going back to what happened today (me going through the snapchat messages with other guys before our relationship) im now triggered more than ever. And of course my ocd brain is obsessing about a sign that she may have been talking to someone with a big d and/or expressing how she wants one (embarrassing to even say this trigger). So now I’m triggered that she’ll never believe that I’m sexually enough, and that they’ll always be guys she would die to be with sexually more than me. While I try to make everything in the relationship perfect, something about the hollowness of her potentially rejecting me just based off of another man’s sexual appeal or d size is why I’m so obsessed with this sexual envy/fear. I’m scared I’m gonna self sabotage the relationship with my fears and I don’t know if I can handle what I was exposed to today. Seeing her talk sexually about other men with her friends before we were dating is so hard. The worst part about this is I have no reason to associate her past relationships with ours, it’s not fair to her. So now I’m in this state where I can’t look at my gf and our relationship the same even though she did nothing wrong. Basically I feel like I’m gonna end up running the relationship even though I dont want to and know I shouldn’t be thinking about the past. I’ve talked to my girlfriend about my discovery of her messges (minus the more embarrassing parts of my thinking) and she’s gave me the reassurance that they didn’t mean anything that’s why they never turned into anything blah blah blah. And I believe her but that doesn’t stop my ocd and this fear of sexual rejection. I know that having a girl never fantasize about other men sexually is impossible and stupid and I’m so angry that it triggers me. Our sexual life is actually pretty good and i don’t have any problems down there which just adds to my frustration and confusion about everything. Does anyone have R-ocd thoughts somewhat like this haven’t seen anything really similar?

Good evening, Does anyone has good tips on how to manage the handwashing because I try some many ways but I still manage to backfired. My problem is I don’t count right so I have to constantly start over