Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hello! I am trying out and looking to partake in therapy, but I literally don’t know what is good. So could use some personal perspectives. Thanks

So I was doing good for about 5 months. I was going to therapy, practicing the skills, and for about the past month, I fell into a depression funk. The last week, however, has been a week of really loud OCD. I am in a constant state of anxiety and find myself doing compulsions. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced what I'm about to describe. I'm considering taking myself to the hospital, but my little boy's birthday party is this weekend and I don't want to miss it: I keep having this bad feeling like I actually want to do the bad things in my mind. I know OCD intrusive thoughts can tell you "I want to" but this just seems different - maybe it's OCD trying to come at me a new way. It's not like thoughts telling me "I want" it's like even when I tell myself I don't want to do the bad stuff, there's this nagging feeling telling me I really want to. I'm scared.

Does anyone else find that their compulsions actually make their OCD/obsession worse? I don’t mean in the obvious way, like that it strengthens the OCD cycle, I mean in the way that when I perform my compulsions, they make my anxiety so much worse in the moment. My main compulsions are ruminating, arguing with my thoughts, and memory reviewing, but they all just end up giving me more intrusive thoughts/questions, making my anxiety more intense, and making me think my intrusive thoughts are real. I’ve always read that you perform compulsions because they bring you relief, and I suppose for me, they more make me feel like I’m working towards “solving the issue” or “answering my question”, so then is that my version of “relief”? In reality, it just makes my anxiety worse because the more I ruminate/memory review, the more jumbled together and foggy my thoughts/memories become, which in turn makes me think that if I ruminate/memory review just a little more, I’ll be able to “push through that fog” and find my answer, which then also causes me anxiety because my brain feels foggy and hence makes completing my compulsions/figuring out my obsession impossible (which I guess is good because I’m not supposed to complete my compulsions). All of this is making me believe that I don’t have OCD and that my intrusive thoughts are true and that’s why I can’t shake them and that’s why I feel the need to figure them out and why I feel so foggy… Or is this just meta OCD playing it’s devious tricks on me? Has anyone else experienced this or is this not OCD and I should be concerned that my obsession is true?

My bf and I just broke up and I haven’t felt this sort of heartbreak in a very long time. I’m crying all the time and can barely get out of bed. Idek what to do with myself and I’m terrified I’m going to relapse because of all the added stress. I think us breaking up was the right decision but it hurts so fucking bad idek what i should do anymore. I’m not normally the emotional type when it comes to situations like this either. Any advice?

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

hello everybody! 🔞 last saturday i did something i shouldn't have done, and i even posted about it here, but no one responded to my post (it's okay, i completely understand). to inform you, since i deleted the post: i consumed erotic literature where two 14 year old children had a relationship (☠️), on wattpad. and i consumed this theme to see if i was really attracted to it..i think. i'm unsure about it, but i know i didn't feel anything consuming it. i was feeling extremely anxious and felt extremely bad the next day, and i only got better when i talked to my girlfriend and an online friend. i'm still feeling bad, i know i shouldn't have done it and whenever i'm feeling genuinely good, it comes back to haunt me.. i'm worried because i'm not feeling enough guilt or remorse, idk.. i feel bad and i regret it, and i can't stand going through this problem anymore.. i was in therapy a few months ago, but i stopped for financial reasons and my psychologist doesn't see me virtually anymore. it's been difficult.. just a vent.

Hi everyone. I take hydroxyzine 50 mg every night for anxiety for about five months. I’ve been experiencing at least one heart palpitation a day so of course I went down my googling spiral and saw people say it gave them cardiac arrest? I’m only 19 but I’m so so scared. Please someone help me.

I am currently having a bad ocd trigger and doubt, and ocd is coming up with more what if’s? What do I do?

My husband suffers from SEVERE ADHD and he claims that he “forgets” whenever I ask him to do something like clean up after himself or pick up his clothes off the floor. But it’s everyday now and we’ve been together for a year going on 2. We also have a 5 month old and I feel like I’m going crazy worrying about my mental health and taking care of the baby AND still having to come home and worry about him. At this point I’m done telling him anything as he sees anything I say as me “attacking” him rather than me just telling him why I’m upset and that this is now affecting my happiness in this relationship. I no longer feel close or want closeness. I’ve also mentioned this to him and he doesn’t take me seriously. “All this, only because I don’t pick up after myself.” I get stressed very easily over the smallest things. I don’t know if I’m at fault and need to seek help for getting mad over small things or if he’s just not mature enough to own up and be responsible for himself(he’s younger than me). Am I overreacting? I’m just a very clean person and can’t stand that he’s a “I’ll clean it later” type of person and forgets. I just don’t feel I’m getting the support of a mature spouse. I want to lean on him and feel like I can’t do that. Like I have to everything myself. Does anyone else feel like this? PLEASE HELP. I’m reaching my limit and feel like I need to break things off.

Hi! I’m new to the NOCD community, but I’ve been dealing with OCD since I was 12. I’m almost 29 now, and my biggest issue is health anxiety. It’s gotten to the point where getting work done is nearly impossible because i can’t stop spiraling. I’m lucky that i work remotely, but also makes it easier to be in my own head… Asking for advice - how do you all deal with the intense anxiety and are able to make it through a 9-5 work day? Any suggestions on how I can actually be productive? Thank you!

Honestly ocd has been so tough these past months, like I wake up in the morning thinking I accidentally hurt my whole family and just don’t remember. And I start to question so much. And freak out thinking that I did. If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you ;) and any things that may helped you

My allergies are probably to blame mostly but I keep feeling like I got brain fog and it’s hard to concentrate. My ocd says what if you loose control and don’t know where your at and can’t concentrate and complete and task. I feel like I got alot going on trying my side gigs etc and working. Not feeling the best today.

Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.

OCD can be an incredibly lonely experience, especially when people around you don’t understand the thoughts and fears you’re facing. But you’re not alone—others have been there too. What’s something about OCD that makes you feel isolated or alone?

So I just joined and I’ve been reading through this forum. And I feel a strong sense of compassion for everyone here. Reading about people’s OCD concerns shows me that people with OCD may be particularly sensitive and caring. I have struggled with OCD since I was a kid, but having compassion for other people’s OCD is helping me have compassion for myself. Maybe that perspective might help another person. If we can have grace for another person, we can give ourselves grace as well. I’m working on self forgiveness and gentleness when normally I beat myself up for my intrusive thoughts

I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.

I wouldn't call myself an OCD conqueror, because do you ever truly conquer it? I think I've become more of having a PH.D. in OCD! Just like a PH.D student, I've gone through years of turmoil and successes, each granting me more and more understanding of what OCD looks like to me. The future is always unknown just like a student leaving school, but I'm going to try and take the tools with me when those scary moments happen again. Nothing is permanent, everything flows, and here's to whatever is coming in my future. Cheers to trying to live a happy life!

I feel like I need to confess everything to my wife. This week it’s gotten me in a lot of trouble, there’s more I feel I need to confess but I know it’ll hurt her. How do I just not!

So, yesterday while I was laying in bed, I was relaxing when suddenly I had an intrusive thought about someone, but the thing is that it brought me a sense of enjoyment or calmness for a few seconds before it went away. Once it did, it was only until hours later when I realized what had happened and I began to freak out because I'm reading everywhere that when someone experiences this type of thing, the anxiety happens shortly after the enjoyment or "false" enjoyment. Can OCD do this?

Hi guys me and my partner have been together for 4 years, he used to suffer bad with rocd however has now made a good recovery with minimal struggle. Back story my ex and his ex used to be controlling with each other to the max When me and my boyfriend got to together I did think he was controlling however 4 years later he’s now not however he’s been recently asking me to remove all men I don’t know that follow me on insta unsure if this is controlling? I have 2.5k followers post a photo about twice a year and when I do it’s either of me and him , selfie or our dog. It feels wrong he’s asking me to remove all men I told him that and he said to just remove all good looking men instead if I don’t want to loose lots of followers advice please