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Is it normal that my intrusive thoughts latch onto my brother even when im not around him? Different intrusive thoughts about him loop in my head no matter where and when, even in my sleep.

I saw this minor at the airport and I kept looking at him and I feel like a p because I thought he was attractive and I walked by him and was stomach was out so I felt like I did that to impress him and when I went outside his mom looked at me

One of my biggest fears and hardest struggles when writing music is to sing while playing guitar. I never feel like it’s right or how i hoped it would sound. I typically barely speak if anything at all, or mess up the rythm while trying to sing lol. Or i just don’t feel like I’m good enough, which is probably why i mumble or remain barely audible at best. But today, today is different. Today is the manifestation of the encouragement my therapist Leigh has given me, the freedom to express and learn about my person, the place to feel safe to express what i cannot otherwise. Through all of it, I’ve finally learned to just go for it, no hindrances, no blocks, just whatever comes out. Last night i wrote the music as if it was already there and waiting for me. Today i wrote the words as if they already belonged to the music. Today i gave my song a voice, my voice, and its beautiful that i finally get to say that. A lifetime of trying but always hindered and silenced. No matter what happens from here, i can finally say i did it!! I really did it🥹🥹🥹. Just wanted to say that, thank you for listening.

I read that this can be caused by chronic stress, anxiety, and can be an indicator that anxiety is getting worse. I'm really losing what little control I have over this. I really want to try medication but I'm just really scared of it. So is my family once they saw me trying to take it but was extremely against it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just waiting to see my therapist in hopes that things get better and that I'm my body just calms down.

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 13 or 14... I cant remember... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was either 13 or 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 24... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was either 13 or 14 at the time… now I’m 24… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was either 13 or 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was either 13 or 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I cant remember if i was 13 or 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13-14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

first post on here in a bit so SORRY THIS IS LONG but basically about over a month ago i went out with my friends. everything was going great and we were having fun. it got to the point where we wanted a second round of drinks. my friend asked me if i could get his and he wanted a Narragansett. already i was like huh? i had no idea what that was but he pointed to the menu and showed me where it was. i repeated it over and over in my head so that when i get to the bar i can say it right. anyways i get up and go to order and i notice there’s a drink menu on the bar and im thinking to myself great i can just point to it and if i butcher it i can just say its one of the lagers. i go to check the menu and its not the same menu that we had on the table bc the drink wasn’t on it. now im freaking out and trying to remember what the drink was. anyways i order my drinks first — tecate and tequila shot — then im like can i get one more and then i say, “can i get a nagarrsett” (nay-ger-sett) immediately the bartender leans in and is like what? and kinda just stares at me (mind you he’s black) and then i kinda go umm is that not what it is? and then i immediately realize what that may have sounded like. now im scrambling to find an explanation and say it’s one of your lagers and he’s still like i have no idea what you’re talking about and then i try and grab the menu again and look through it and still can’t find it. my heart is literally racing, my face is so hot and the silence was so awkward. finally i see another menu out down the bar and rush to grab that and i point to it and try to pronounce it correctly (nay-rang-an-set) and then he kinda goes ohhhh and either lets out a sigh or a chuckle i don’t know i was so mortified. and then he goes on to tell me, “its actually pronounced narragansett” and i immediately put my hand to my head and say, “oh my god im so sorry” and im still so stuck on what just happened that i dont know if he said its ok or what not. he gives me my drinks and tells me my total and i literally just give him all the money in my hand and some more and tell him to keep it and run back to my table. now for the past month ive been convincing myself im a horrible person who deep down wanted to say a bad word and now i feel like a tainted person and that i can’t go back to the person i was before. my friends try to reassure me and being like, “ok first of all you didn’t say it” or “yeah it was awkward for a sec but like he probs forgot about it.” now im just reeling bc what normal person would say it like that and im going every single event in my life that proves im a horrible person. i feel like im waiting to be exposed for this and that all my values that i hold dear mean nothing bc of this. at this point i just don’t know what to do. i’m anxious all the time, im losing sleep, rarely eating, and most of all feel like i betrayed my friends and family and that they’re all distancing themselves from me bc of this. i feel like i need to be punished for what i did and that i can’t redeem myself or be trusted.

Ok...so I need help navigating a relationship I have. I met this guy in trade school bc he kept following me around to talk to me and so we became friends and we kept in contact after leaving the school. He occasionally visits for a few hours maybe a few times a year and most of our interactions are over text. That's essentially all the necessary background. 2 problems 1. This person once had feelings for me, which I did not return because I just didn't feel the same way. He jokingly called me cruel because of it and one of my loved ones even joked that I was racist for rejecting him. Now I can't stop thinking about those things, even though I'm 80% sure they weren't serious. I know I'm not cruel for not having caught feelings for him, and I was extremely careful to let him down as gently as possible and as soon as possible so as not to give false hope. I also know that his race was not the reason I didn't catch feelings. Regardless, these comments still stick in my head. 2. This person is draining to me unintentionally. Our senses of humor kind of clash and our conversations are stiff and awkward because we have little in common and can rarely find things to talk together about that aren't sad or about our relationships with people who treated us poorly. It doesn't feel natural even after years of talking. He doesn't seem to understand me half the time but will pretend to and I've noticed I avoid starting conversations with him when we're not in person, so neither of us are perfect to one another. Major views of ours are also conflicting as well, as in, I am not exactly accepted around this person as a non-binary person, and this person defends those who want my rights taken from me. This is political, and I don't like to break relationships over politics, but it ads this undercurrent of tension. This person is also often taking risks and getting into accidents, so even more stress there in worrying about his safety. Every time we talk, I feel a pit of anxiety in my stomach and I worry I'll hear of another accident. I have trouble understanding him and he has trouble understanding me as well. We both struggle to communicate with frequent misunderstandings and I'm unsure why. It stresses me out when I struggle to read his meanings and tone and because of that, I particularly misunderstand him a lot, especially over text. His levels of sarcasm and irony are often too advanced for me to interpret and so I don't know when he's joking vs when he's serious vs when he's upset. Because I have so much trouble telling his emotions and he's not the type of person you really open up to about stuff like that, it's hard to navigate so I get very stressed and anxious never knowing if my responses are socially appropriate to the mood of the conversation. This is really frustrating, because from what it seems, he's a great person and there is no reason why we shouldn't be friends. He's different from me and interesting and tells great stories that make for thoughtful conversations to follow, yet I often wish he would never contact me because of the stress, and that he would not like to visit me or leave sooner, and that makes me feel really evil and a terrible friend. Right now I feel like I'm talking behind his back too. It feels bad. And now my OCD wants to tell me that not only am I a bad friend and person for this, but also racist, because a friend put that idea in my head after I rejected his romantic advance. Idk how to feel about this and what to do moving forward. Why does being friends with him stress me out so much? I only ever felt this way with one other person, but that was in highschool, and because the person was extremely high energy and extroverted while I'm very much not. This guy is not as extremely extroverted. Just a risk-taker who likes to poke fun a lot and confuse people for giggles. Idk. I want to stay friends because he's done nothing wrong, and he's a good guy, but it's draining and overwhelming.

I have experienced OCD in many forms ... Self harm, harm if others, religion etc. But now it's targeting my relationship and honestly it's debilitating at times.. I'm always convinced my person is cheating. However my relationship has became toxic . When it's good it's good .. When it's bad it's very bad. I have OCD and I worry about these things and when I do he now becomes angry.. he won't reassure anymore. Which is fine that is his choice but the anger and the things he says when he is angry about me "not trusting" him have built a wall . I want to do my part in making the relationship work.. but is it really my fault he calls me out of me name because he feels untrusted.. If you name it I've been called it And is it really my OCD wondering if I should just leave because this person makes it so clear that they hate me when they are questioned by my insecurities and the need for reassurance. Constantly.. to the point in which they tell me ..along with many other things.. It's abuse .. But then really isn't my OCD abusing them .. Not trusting.. questioning where about.etc . I love them I'm doing my part to fix me.. But why if you love me the way you say do u not see that you need therapy and meds too .. The thing is... Is that he was in therapy and taking meds... And he was a completely different person... As soon as I started he stopped How can the unhealthy cycle be fixed if we are not both working to better ourselves not just for each other but for our own selves . I love him I want to work I want to try.. but even if I'm trying will it be enough for you to want to or see that the things you say when angry stick in my mind... Infact they play non stop because I know obsess over them too .. Thanks for letting me vent .. honestly there is no need to reply .. I know I'm staying in this relationship because I do love him so much.. but I do truly need him to work on his issues as well My partner I feel like also has OCD he went through months of questioning about my past, comparing himself to it etc.. It was exhausting trying to defend 20 years of previous partners, remember positions etc .. He's got anger issues and then he had that .. he seemed therapy went on meds and all of his issues stopped .. w a seldom insecurity about my past . He since stopped his therapy and meds . Anger is back .. Hasn't brought the past up too much but a few times it's came up . But I'm terrified to even mention my OCD .. because that's the only time he gets angry .. Is when I question the cheating or where abouts etc. Or when I don't accept his reassurance and still doubt him... Ughhh

Rant! Mwuahahahaha :3 Recently I’ve been folding under the pressure of the reassurance cycle in my relationship. I’ve been doing good the past couple of months just accepting uncertainty and not performing compulsions. But around last week, yesterday and today, I sought out reassurance from my bf, despite knowing better. Does anyone know why myself and possibly others will fold under this pressure to seek reassurance even when the better solution (erp) is in the back of our minds? My behavior pattern when im triggered will look something like : -upset -angry -regretful after getting reassurance -sorry I was angry A while ago my bf expressed to me that being angry from my intrusive thoughts affects him. That I shouldn’t be angry first, sorry later. And I agree as it’s unhealthy and hostile. I wouldn’t have to be sorry if I didn’t get angry and become reactive. After he said that to me I caught on and stopped becoming reactive and leaned into my erp. It was smooth sailing from there. Until last week, yesterday, and today…. 2 days ago i became burnt out mentally trying to remember what my erp skills are and what terminology I should be remembering. My biggest fear is forgetting how to do erp or falling back into my old habits and being stuck permanently. I feel like such a terrible person for being reactive over my intrusive thoughts towards my bf. He’s expressed to me that how it unfolds upsets him yet I folded under the pressure anyway. And it’s a choice too. In my mind I know the better route is the accepting uncertainty path but i choose to act out and seek reassurance from it. I don’t know why I choose to hurt him but in the moment it feels like he hurts me so I have to reciprocate it. Im reacting off an impression or hypothetical not a fact. Im being a terrible person towards him over something that isn’t even true. And I think I still fold and seek reassurance from him because he’s given it to me before and stayed with me despite being reactive and angry. I haven’t fully understood that he doesn’t have to do anything and can leave our relationship at any moment. To which I wouldn’t blame him. But it sucks that I choose to be mad at him because I assume he won’t leave, he’ll give me reassurance, and I can keep that cycle going. I really want this relationship with him to work. Anyway, that being said, I think the reason why we dip our feet into the reassurance cycle is because we’re familiar with it and have an idea of what the outcome can be but if we accept uncertainty that means we have to trust that the outcome from it is good. Trust being such an uncertain thing. Also, seeking reassurance for so long has probably made it a habitual problem for people like me that it makes the natural association of it being “good” because we see the reassurance we get from it as positive outcome from this bad behavior but we don’t see it as bad because we get what we want out of it anyway so it’s like yay I feel gratified (even if it lasts momentarily). So that’s why we trust it more than accepting uncertainty. Lmao im reading this back and what a rant, im not even sure I worded things the way I wanted to come across but im not gonna make it “just right” and ruminate over my sentences so I’ll leave it here teehee. I’ve started my ocd recovery journey around February 2025 so I’d say im doing pretty good for myself but holy shit I just realized how fast im learning and applying my knowledge to my life. I didn’t realize how short of a time span has gone by to try and unlearn about 10+ years of ocd habits. Have a wonderful evening dolls, this community is so special to me 🪽

I’m really, really spiraling, and I haven’t seen anyone talk about this. I think it might be something related to moral OCD. The topic of deportation is really getting to me, and I’m Latina myself. Anyway, I feel like people who are undocumented deserve to get caught and deported, and this is distressing me a lot. No matter how much I don’t want to agree with that, it feels like I do agree with it wholeheartedly. I think part of it is that if they weren’t undocumented, technically there wouldn’t be an issue, there wouldn’t be a problem, this wouldn’t be happening. I don’t know if this is stemming from anxiety or something else, but I feel like an awful person because I have people close to me who are undocumented, kind sweet loving people. I feel like I don’t know what to think. I see videos where people are mistreated, and it makes me so angry to see those power trips and the poor people who don’t deserve it. It just… I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m in the middle of a panic attack right now because this feels really, really important. I don’t know if anyone else has struggled with this or with other moral themes, and I feel scared because this feels so real. I don’t feel scared, I feel worried. I know that the distressed contradicts the thought, but I’m telling you it does not feel like that matters right now, not one bit and maybe that’s because I’m stuck on a technicality maybe it’s because it’s stemming from anxiety, but I really need input right now :( I feel like a monster reading this back, plis help

does anyone else struggle with both ocd and bipolar?

I've read about a few people who have staring/looking ocd, I think I have it aswell. because I stare/look at people, or sometimes even look at their private areas. I'm not even thinking anything sexual while doing that, I just do it, I don't know why. also on social media: ever since that zoom function is on FB and Insta I zoom in on pictures sometimes. months ago I accidentally??? like without thinking zoomed in a little and looked at a little girls chest, for not even a second, or maybe a second. and I was like 'no ew why did I do that??' like I said before I didn't think anything sexual or anything like that, I just had to look and I feel so insanely bad and disgusting. I read about a few people that have sortof the same thing, with looking at peoples private ares, people of any age, or apparently even animals. how did you overcome the guilt of this? and is this looking really a compulsion? my mind keeps trying to tell me I'm awful but I would never ever hurt a child! :((

Please 18+ only tho please

I’m still a teenager so I live with my parents but thankfully I have my own bathroom. It’s my safe space because that’s where I spend most of my time cleaning myself and keeping up with my hygiene which is very important to me. Especially my shower because it’s also where I go when I have a panic/anxiety attack and it calms me down. Recently my dog had an accident all over the upstairs carpet (she’s okay, just had a brief stomach bug). My brother was the one who ended up cleaning the mess and he took all of the gross poop water and dumped it down my shower drain. He could have dumped it in the toilet or outside but just chose not to i guess? I was super disturbed upon hearing this and I know it’s super dramatic but I feel like I need to replace everything in my bathroom now. I already have a new shower curtain on the way but I’m fighting the urge to replace everything else (soap, bath mats, bottles, etc) I feel like everything in it is dirty and no amount of cleaning can fix it. Please give me tips on how to deal with this.

I don’t know if I can’t tolerate this anymore. I always have a sinking pit in my stomach, a constant sense of dread that I’m gay. I present almost EVERY symptom of SO OCD, but my ocd keeps crawling back to the idea that I enjoy and find pleasure in graphic and gay thoughts. This makes me doubt my OCD, so I’m not getting treatment bc I’m scared my therapist will just say I’m suppressing feelings. Sometimes when I have a thought, for example, kissing a girl, I feel like a voice in my head is telling me I like it, and that I want to do it in real life. What’s strange is I feel like this SO OCD is like a chocolate covered strawberry. Let me explain, I feel like my true desires (being with a man) is the strawberry, the core. I feel like these thoughts are not my true self, but the chocolate coating on the outside of the strawberry. I imagine coming out and instead of exciting feelings that I get to date women, I feel dread and a pit in my stomach, like it’s not me thinking this. I’m losing my mind.

Sometimes, from afar, I see someone and think they’re a man I might be attracted to, but then when I get closer or watch more, I realize they’re actually a woman. This happened with a content creator whose videos I watched for a while. At first, I thought she was a guy and felt a slight attraction, but I was confused about her gender. I never figured out she was a woman until years after I stopped watching her. Because I wasn’t sure if she was a man or a woman, I decided not to act on the attraction I felt. Each time, the confusion made me hold back and step away. Something just felt off. Eventually, I stopped watching her for some reason but I don’t know if I figured out at that time if that was a man or a woman. Also, I have no memory of fantasizing about that person at that time. I hope I did not and I hope the reason why I can’t remember is because it never happened. I mean I know initially the confusion made me stop and say no and not get deeper into that mild attraction. But I dont remember what happened afterwards… like I think I tried to figure out whether that is a man ir a woman but I think just liked her as a person, but not romantically/sexually. Like I have no memory of fantasizing about that. Because I dont exactly remember what happened afterwards, I am scared I was still crushing on that person😭I remember watching a few of her videos and thinking she is such a sweet person and this is lowkey funny. But I don’t think I was crushing afterwards that confusion arouse, nor I was fantasizing about her. But my mind gives me this tiny memory and I am afraid it is true when now when I am writing this I realize it may not be. Idk how to trust myself. But once I aw her a few months ago, this all came back and I got so scared I was into her. I’ve realized my “attraction” was actually to the perception of a guy, and the anxiety started when I discovered she was a woman. That confusion led to “what if” thoughts, but my inner knowing is clear: I am not attracted to women. And honestly, when I was thinking about this today, I kind of know I was not into her, even tho I do not remember much. Memory is so blurry. I hate it. I hate the what ifs. I am scared this means something. Does it mean anything? Does it mean I was attracted to her? Did anyone go through something similar?

I’m a math tutor and I’ve been appreciating how much doing some math helps me reset. Do you have any subjects that short circuit The Thoughts?

I’m new to NOCD and was only recently diagnosed with OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for many years now, but learning about how OCD works has really helped me understand how my anxiety operates, because much of it turns out is OCD. Who knew. That being said, I do experience good ol’ plain anxiety too. As I’m beginning an ERP therapy, I want to make sure I’m getting as much out of it as possible, but I have trouble differentiating between regular anxiety and OCD anxiety. If anyone has any tips/observations, let me know! Does OCD affect how your “regular” anxiety operates? Can they even be separated? I feel like even my non-compulsive, non-repetitive anxieties become obsessive in nature, and drives me to “do something” to “fix it” and completely steals my focus until I’ve done something to make myself feel better. Since the anxieties aren’t always the same, I don’t always do the exact same thing to address them, but I do feel obligated to do something, and am incapable of thinking/talking my way through some anxieties. Is that something that people with general anxiety do too, or is that a topic best understood as OCD? I’m probably just describing a Venn diagram of anxiety disorders, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around this diagnosis and understand why my brain copes with anxiety the way it does and how I can work on improving my coping skills.

Hello all, I have always found social media and news/current events to be stressful. They often make me feel a lot of existential dread and cause me to catastrophize a lot. However, I am Gen Z. I am 25 and turning 26 soon. My generation grew up with social media and it has become the only means of communication for many of us. I also live in the suburbs where almost everyone within a 5 mile radius of me is either middle aged, elderly, or under 18. I also use news regularly in my line of work at a start up. My mom keeps telling me that I should avoid news and social media altogether. For her, this is easy since all of her friends are similar in age to her and she never needed to use social media. For people like me who are socially isolated and in their mid 20’s, avoiding news and social media is impossible. Social media is a social lifeline for us in Gen Z whether we like it or not. If I avoided all social media and news, I would essentially be cutting myself off from that social lifeline, which would make me even more isolated than I already am. So how can I stay up to date on social media and news without constantly being in a state of existential dread? How can I build resilience to news and social media?

One of my dearest friends has passed away after battling cancer for the last year. In navigating my feelings of grief and love I’m also seeing a major spike in all my OCD symptoms. I’m tapping things more, I’m stuck in loops leaving work or home, I’m even noticing newer physical body responses like locking my jaw or holding my breath until thoughts pass. Am I grieving right? Am I grieving enough? Do I remember our time together right? I’m not surprised that this trauma has reignited some of my symptoms. I am in CBT therapy and talking with a therapist to organize my thoughts but as a new app user I thought I would take a moment to be vulnerable and see how my OCD community navigates when real life sh*t makes the hard days harder.