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Do you live in a constant state of fear or is it just me?

I felt confident in the morning, did my homework from 4-6 AM/attempted to study for my math test for 30 minutes- and next thing you know 1st block of math and by the end of the test I was the only one left to finish it and the only one who turned it in with 4 questions missing, didn't even finish the quiz. I feel so stupid. :^( It's like my mind went blank and I had 1000 thoughts spinning around all at once. I'm so forgetful with information + procrastination and overall anxiety just gets to me. I suspect I have some sort of ADHD or some sort. (but of course I'm not diagnosed & don't have too much knowledge with my symptoms and whats what for that, so it's not a definite answer.) And with OCD, now I'm horrified I'm going to get into massive trouble and I'm preparing myself for more lectures from parents or whatevers coming. I don't know whats wrong with me. T^T And I've ALWAYS been this way so it's not like a burnout moment, despite feeling that way currently. When I turned in my quiz I said "I couldn't finish it all but I did the most I could" with my usual voice pitch going 3x higher and the teacher at that class said he'd talk to my math teacher about it and I went "😁... (nods and walk away)" I've been having nightmares of me going on my knees crying and begging for forgiveness to my teachers and everyone which sounds SO dumb I know I giggle each time I wake up but I'm still really scared. 😵 Anyone who's neurodivergent and goes to school/has had experiences from school. How has it been for you or how was it for when it came to assignments/procrastination? And if you have any advice please do let me know !!

What subtype is it when I constantly think about any thought or action in my past. I use to dress better going to a certain place l owing so and so would be there or I thought about this or that around ai and so. But I am and was married. Am I a horrible wife? Is this normal? And then I can’t let it go until I confess ( my biggest compulsion) to my husband. What if I haven’t thought of absolutely every thought or action I’ve ever done and I’m a lying wife bc of it. And then I dwell, is this even my ocd? Help.

So my story begins way back when I was really young and was still in middle school. This is as far as I can go, I can't remember having any compulsions before (though there could've been). It was basically me riding with my family normally, and then my brain snapped and was like: "What if your father crashed?" Now notice that my father is really cautious when it comes to driving. It's now 2026 and he's been driving for decades and have had multiple cars and only crashed ones (he fainted due to misuse of antibiotics that). And at that time I knew that we wouldn't crash, and even if we did, it wouldn't hurt us in the slightest way. But some inner voice insisted and as ridiculous as that may look like, it made sense to the young me, so I followed its orders. And for a while, every time I got into the car, i would get in between the front seats and crouch, waiting for the crash in absolute fear... Eventually, that fear somewhat faded on its own. where it brings us to another phase, where i knew something was off about me; which was order and symmetry. i needed to fix the pillow, couch, bed, etc... a tiring amount of time before finally sitting and enjoying my cartoons/movies. i noticed that but still blamed it on my personality. hygiene was also a thing where i had contamination fears that had me washing before holding my phones all the time (and obviously not letting others touch, let alone hold it). still not bothering me alot. we move on to covid-19 era, where it sparkled. now i wash my hands for a noticeable long perios, a time where i didn't know I'll miss the color of my hands' skin. i stayed like this for a while, and it wasn't actually that bad, i mean a little wash here and there doesn't take that much time does it? until i got to highschool. Now i started changing my clothes depending on where im going (basically i didn't use pajamas but rather stayed with same clothes until the next shower). And to be honest i dont think that's an ocd thing because feel like its actually disgusting, i don't know how i was doing that, though it's worth mentioning that this realization came to me later in life. soon enough i was in my last year of highschool, i started obsessing with my hair (this is by far my worst obsession), where I'd simply think it's contained just because i was outside, first i ignored it, then started wiping it with little water and tissue, then spraying perfume, and then straight up washing it. and i still remember the first wash, i was in the shower thinking to myself: "man, why am i doing this?" i stayed like this for a while, having to wash my hair ever single night because i feel its filthy and if i don't, say i was tired, I'd sleep at the guest room. once i graduated high school i was so sad because my dream was always to leave my country ever since i was kid, I'd watch only foreign programs/channels, and was really influenced by it. and always dreamed of spending even one day out. and after realizing that I'll be spending my youth studying in a local university, it just shattered me. i tried coping and convincing myself that 4 years aren't much, and force myslef into having friends (eventhough they'd never understand me), however none of that worked. i slowly became just a thing that tries to do the tasks that its been asked to do and wait for time to pass, i struggled with thoughts about and morality, but i think that's just me (i guess?). slowly but surely came april 2025 where my phone stopped working (i washed it... ocd...). i didn't want someone to touch, so i never took it to a phon store until depression fucking killed me and got tired of using my iphone. and boom the screen was burned because of the water. my country is libya which is an islamic, homophobic, arabian extremist. which is not much of a great place for a not straight nor muslim guy like me. then came probably the worst day ever. 14 of july 2025, where there was 5 space geodesy homeworks and a whole long ass survey project, and an exam due to the day after. obvious, barely wrote any homework, barely the project was ass. did a really good job by picking a soul sucking major despite what im going through. big shout out to my young slef. the lack of sleep because of the previous exams, the depression, and the "just wait for it" kind of life style all broke at once that night. for the first time ever i experienced such a feeling. my heart was racing sooo fast i could barely stand on my feet, i obviously had to let go of my study, and try to sleep. but it was too late. i kept fighting this urge and try to ignore, but nothing worked. eventually i got up to the bath and forced my self to throw up thinking it could ease the pain in my stomach/chest. nothing came out of my mouth yet the noise i was making was so loud that i woke up my mom. she woke my father and they took me to the hospital, and was given IV, none of it worked. the pain was in my mind pretty much. i remember even being disgusted even to lay back on the hospital beds. same thing almost happened the very next exam, but i fought it. that week, was all a bunch of sleepless nights to me, which kept worsening it even more. since that day it flared up and fucking swallowed me. i was anxious the whole time and looking at my surroundings endlessly. and now i treat my hair like my god, washing so frequently and thoroughly. one time i washed for 2 literally hours... that day i knew i had lost my mind and that i need help. so i did go look for a clinic, but the thing is.. i live in libya.. mental health basically doesn't exist. if i ever said this shit to anybody, they'd probably think im possessed (no joke. one time a whole neighborhood caught on fire, and a dude working in there said it was due to a faulty electrical wiring and overloaded circuits. would the government admit that? noooo it was a sorcerer, and you must believe it otherwise you're blasphemous and you better prepare your neck). i tried ERP on my own bya trying to go outside without washin but that only made pay more attention to my surroundings and not get my hair dirty. watch out from that, don't go from here, wear your hoodie, don't scratch your head and so on. until one day i could even pass by our bath!!!! yes "PASS" as in from the outside. cuz now just looking at somthing will have me imagining myslef touching it, therfore triggered. and had to actually record myslef every time i pass from it. and the recording was helpful in the beginning but now i just record myself everywhere like an idiot. i dont know if ill ever recover and i genuinely don't see a way out of this.k cant even go outside or function normally i no longer recognize myself. like literally, i don't remember what i was doing in life, what's my favorite game, food, color, or anything i cried yesterday over the fact that I'm looking at old photos and notes of me trying to remember how i looked like from the inside. i felt like sharing this just so that people reading this could do something quick about it rather than letting it take over your life. yes im just like you, i saw people with severe ocd and didn't see myslef reaching such a point, yet here i am beyond that point seeing the rest of me being infused into it. sorry if there's mistakes, English isn't my first language.

My mom has always told me whenever I have my like really bad days that it’s just ocd but I’ve never gotten tested, but it does seem to run in my family as my brother, dad, & grandma all have lots of signs for ocd. How can I ask my mom if I can get actually tested?

So there is something I legit want to fast for for guidance and to help others bc there is something only God could do and only some things pass through prayer and fasting. But I feel like mine just don’t work but I want to for something that is important and big event in my life and if I don’t do it if I goes wrong it’s my fault cuz I didn’t do it. So I want to to help but also hard at the same time then when I keep skipping it I feel selfish like bro you can not eat breakfast to fast for those you love.

I’ve always enjoyed writing but before getting medicated for OCD, I found it incredibly difficult. Today in talk therapy I shared a tool kit I made after an interesting session in CBT group therapy, where we talked about reframing our thinking. **CBT obviously does not cure OCD**, (I am starting ERP soon), but since I am getting to that stage where the distance between me and my thoughts feels significant enough and ruminations are starting to feel more intentional and forced (so I can control when to stop them) rather than fulfilling, anxiety inducing, or compulsive. I am surprisingly finding a lot of solace in just writing things down and putting my ideas, thoughts, and values on paper. When prior, my ruminations were so severe it seared my creativity and drive to write. It feels like a step towards healing. Creating a toolkit questionnaire for the feeling of helplessness my thoughts gave me was particularly good. I had this realization that if things like CBT exist, or ERP, and I-CBT then it’s external proof for me that indeed, my thought patterns are negative, untrue, unnecessary, and they do need deconstruction. And there are people out there who are educated and trained to help with that deconstruction process. And it’s starting to get better. Example: **For existential OCD, journaling about how my day went helps me to put in retrospect how I am living a normal human life like everyone else. That existential thoughts with delusional themes were mere irrealities that my imagination created, that my brain tried assigning importance to due to the chemical imbalance, and thus, it felt real. But what’s real was always what was in front of me. My hobbies, my goals, my creativity was being used against me.** And now that I am “getting out of OCD” and into a peaceful more state of mind, I am appreciating these small things. A question that helped me out a lot in my tool kit was **“Do I want to heal from this thought or do I want to dwell on it?”** Another one was; **“how has my relationship to this thought changed since starting my medication?”** Another one was; **“Does this thought help me become a productive member of society?”** And the goal is for me to answer honestly, face it head on, instead of simulating a forced rumination on it. And after reflecting on my responses (and these are just 3 out of 12 of the questions mind you) I am supposed to let it go. And allow myself to enjoy the peace that I am allowed to have. **I am aware that everyone’s journey with OCD is different. I am aware that my method is not for everyone,** but maybe just one person out there who also loves writing, but lost it to OCD can benefit from knowing there is hope to gain that back in a productive and healing way. **I am at a stage where doing this does not give me ruminations so keep that in mind. I don’t even feel a compulsion to do this. It feels like a natural want that brings me joy and peace!** So if you are at that stage too. And you want to pick up journaling or try out reflections to externalize the OCD and take away some of its power that it’s allowed to have when it only stays in your mind, definitely try this out. For me, it’s also helping by way of giving me something to look forward to. **I am now able to view OCD as a glitch in my mind that’s not supposed to be there. An illness and a rotten piece of trash that needs to be dealt with rather than a source of truth that needs to be taken seriously.** And journaling, writing, and my toolkit has been greatly helpful with that. I am sharing this update to give you guys hope. It can get better and it will. I know OCD will probably try to tell you; “oh but it’s different for you, this won’t work for you because her thoughts were untrue but YOURS aren’t.” Oh I’ve been there!! OCD told me the same thing. I got to a point where I had an intrusive thought about how one of my other intrusive thoughts were “hidden knowledge that only I knew” (not true btw, there’s no such thing, even in a religious context a thought like that wouldn’t be a legit thing you can trust) **it was all part or the illness and for you too it’s ALL part of the illness.** But until you get to the point I’m at where the medication is working and the thoughts feel more distant, stay strong. I had a tough fight to get here. And I hope your journey has a beautiful resolution.

I used to always be able to like out think my bad thoughts, and eventually come to a conclusion that I 100% dont wanna do these awful awful things, and now it feels like no matter what nothing really helps or makes it feel better. I practically always feel at least a little like I might be this terrible, despicable thing. Im so scared.

I need some help… for anyone battling this or having battled this (POCD) Today, something awful happened. I had a huge fight with my family. They know all about what I’ve been dealing with and battling, and my depression has become so much to the point I’m a burden. I admit, I have not been doing anything or been wanting to be with anyone because of this obsessive need to “prove I’m not a pedophile”. I feel the need to prove it so I can live freely.. They told me I was being selfish and self absorbed, rightfully so.. and they said I just need to start doing. I know they’re right it’s just so hard. Things got really heated. Even got to the point I pushed/hit my dad and started screaming at them. . It’s so hard to cope and even live with the “I don’t know” or “what if”. I don’t wanna do anything without proof because the intrusive thoughts/urges (I hope they are intrusive) feel so damn real.. way too real… (I’m not making excuses for me being a burden) My question is… how do I not become a burden anymore and struggle with this?.. I can’t hurt my family anymore than I already have. And it’s really hard to motivate myself. I don’t wanna think these intrusive thoughts anymore and I’m afraid they’re not intrusive.

Another visit with a psychiatrist who told me she doesn’t think I have OCD because I don’t wash my hands often or organize my closet by color 😭 really frustrating trying to get treated for this along with anxiety/depression/ADHD and not being taken seriously or being invalidated after 2 years of treatment with NOCD. Will definitely be looking into another psych, but just saying this to bitch and also say you are not alone if you’ve had a similar experience 🥲

I’ve been struggling with obsessive thoughts about my partner (of 6 years) who shares some differing ideas on politics than I do. It’s gotten significantly worse because of the state of things in the US right now. I become terrified of him, worried that he’s a horrible person, worried that we don’t share enough values to have a healthy partnership, and worried that I have made a terrible decision being with him. When, evidence shows he is generally great to me, but might think differently of some things than I do. ERP has been tremendously helpful but my mind is struggling with ‘believing in’ ERP right now because my obsessive thoughts are so convincing. We’re in couples therapy, but I’m trying to work on my ‘stuff’ and not dump it all on the relationship.

Has anyone else had this type of obsessions that they will develope schizophrenia? It is causing me so much distress lately. Its caused me to have the thought of, "what if I think the TV is talking to me?" Or, "What if I see people as animals, and can't stop?" It has caused so much anxiety that I feel like crying. Can someone else share if they have ever gone through this, please.

This morning hasn't been a good start, again. This morning while I was with my friends, I was looking around and sorta twitching (Which the twitching I can't control, but looking around I do it when nervous and since paranoia gets in the way even in normal settings) and a group of classmates walks by us, I accidentally made eye contact with one of them and they say: "What's that girl looking at? What's she looking at for? And that ugly ass haircut." (Which FYI I have a hime cut, did it on accident myself while trying to give myself some face framing if that makes sense- others have complimented on and I personally like it.. "^.^ so I don't know) And I felt my ears burning red, no one else caught on it but I didn't say anything about it. I already am self concious and perfectionist with my looks as well and OCD nags me about it, and my hair is flat and staticy a lot of the times and I don't dress as prettied up as other students, (at school, at home it's the opposite) and when I do dress up at school it's like- hm. Then with my friend group ROCD kinda flared and I tried to sound as cool and haha jokey as possible but I felt so self concious about my voice and the way I spoke + presented myself. And also I just felt odd so that sucked. Then midway 1st block of class, LOCKDOWN happens and all I heard in the corner was cop cars. I was sort of trembling in the corner and a classmate gave me gummies to calm me down (💜 thank you, was an aquaintance/buddy in the class) and then afterwards I had to head to 2nd block. 2nd block of class, Existential OCD came in and I began to ruminate of my current age and past childhood and what I could've done better, if the future is even worth it, and yadda yadda Real Event OCD also intertwined with it and it just wasn't fun. I felt distressed. ;^( 3rd block, I still have my 11 assignments that I need to have done by Thursday. =) I want to cry right now... I'm still shaking quite a bit. But for now time to study..! So wish me luck.

ROCD maybe? So obviously I have OCD and my main theme right now is rocd. I will say I have trust issues and I feel like my trust is constantly broken in some form, in each relationship I’m in. Well I’m in my healthiest relationship now (never even had one remotely as healthy) and sometimes it’s triggering for me. My biggest thing right now is my bf and I have been together for 7 months, we are 27, and he hasn’t made our relationship publicly acknowledged on social media. I do know that posting can’t be tit for tat, and I understand some people want to keep relationships private. He said he has never really posted his SO’s in the past. He just says he’s always been private that way. Well I would say that’s fine because I can respect that but I’ve noticed that he’s been liking girls pics (I went through his ig and fb friends and probably shouldn’t have) and of course now I’m anxious. Had a convo with him a couple days ago and he said he would stop liking pics and he would make his relationship status official on Facebook. He hasn’t done so yet and that’s what makes me nervous. I don’t want to sound controlling when talking to him but I don’t feel respected

Over the past 18 years, I have several periods of time when I have anxious and depressed that have lasted from a 1 week to several months. HOCD: when I was 16 years old I randomly started to fixate on my sexuality. I would ruminate for hours and the irrational intrusive thoughts would cause anxiety and depression. I would sleep for hours to try to escape the thoughts. I would compulsively monitor every thought I had to find out the truth that was never there. However, over time I was able to live with the thoughts and eventually the thoughts lost their power over me. From time to time a thought will come through but I typically can handle it. ROCD: when I was 19-20 years old. In the second semester in college, I began fixating on my relationship with my girlfriend (now wife). Thoughts ranged from did “do I actually love her? Is this just lust? Honeymoon phase? I ruminated and internet searched again for hours on the day and my relationship and school life was suffering from it. Same as before I learned to live with the thoughts and they began to loose their power but took months. From time to time they come back especially after we got married. Intrusive thoughts about developing other mental health illness or health related issues: this has been on and off for years. I google symptoms and compulsively check for signs to match those symptoms. These thoughts I usually can handle but sometimes it can be Recent OCD?: my job can be very stressful at times. One of my biggest fears is that I would lose my job from past mistakes or future mistakes. I hear stories about how people lost their jobs and fixate on those scenarios. I seek reassurance from my manager and coworkers to see if I’m doing a good job. I could google and Reddit search a couple hours a day for reassurance and decrease anxiety. I also ruminate every encounter, email and action to keep my myself safe. Lately I’ve haven’t been able to manage these intrusive thoughts very well. My wife and I recently found out that our dog has cancer and it’s been affecting my mental health so I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and haven’t been coping well. I think I should start therapy and I wasn’t sure where to start. I’m anxious about there and want to make sure I find someone that can truly help me.

I’ve done erp before and it has help don’t get me wrong but with harm ocd I feel like it’s more scarier and intense so far as a theme. I keep having panic attacks at night especially because I get scared over these head sensations (I’ve mentioned before ik). Where my head will feel warm, heavy, light, sometimes jolts and my body will feel light and warm everywhere with heat and it makes me feel like my body wants to lash out even though I never do it feels so real and intense and it’s so scary sometimes I feel like these feelings and sensations are real and I’m actually holding back. Because it feels like an unwanted urge and you’re holding back feeling. Does anyone else get the holding back feelings? It’s so hard to explain but it literally feels like you’re holding back even though you hate this all. Sleep has been so hard for me too because when I go to sleep I end up waking up randomly at night and getting more panic attacks and it feels like “yup this is it this time you’re going crazy your head is dizzy and you feel body sensations like a pull or out of touch”, it hasn’t happen but it freaks me out so much. I just fear I’ll develop psychosis or some scary mental problem (that’s not to say they’re all bad people) but I get so anxious and scared over it. And than I had a friend kinda scared me by saying that lack of sleep can cause it and I’ve been lacking sleep lately from anxiety and panic attacks. What erp would yall recommend for harm ocd? Fear of going crazy when you get strong feelings and sensations that are scary. (I really don’t like it I love my family and it scares me so much). Sometimes I don’t think this is ocd or anxiety and that it’s real. And how do yall manage severe panic attacks the ones that are so intense you feel like pacing or you freak out badly you can’t stay still and breathe a lot? To me those are the hardest to handle. Unfortunately my trigger tonight was going to eat downstairs to night at the kitchen :( and when I went upstairs I had a surge and major panic and anxiety attack that I’m actually going to be dangerous and scary when I don’t want that. Ik I do compulsions but it’s so hard not to

Learning to sit with it. It’s hard I’m still not sure about this and not quite ready to blow up a good thing. I also think o I could be in the right relationship. Or I dunno. When I met my partner, I was not attracted to her. She was not my type. At least on paper. She had a different body type than partners I had before. And I think that messed with me. That said we had so much stuff in common l, that I found myself drawn to her. (Stop me if you heard this one before). Since I have OCD my brain stuck on that fact while also letting her in because I k ew she was and is good for me. I was and am stuck between two truths. My partner is amazing and great for me and wondering what else is out there. If I’m settling, if this is the right relationship for me or do I need something else. The uncertainty can be maddening. That said I have been i have an amazing relationship with a fantastic partner and know, when my brain decides to chill out. That attraction did grow and when I take time to stop and smell the flowers, acknowledge that other women are still attractive. I think maybe the hardest part of this is accepting multiple truths exist. I was not attracted to her at first but attraction grew over time despite being fixated on the fact that I wasn’t initially too into it. And yes even compared her to others. A hallmark of rocd. That said it is really challenging some days. Especially days like today. I have been fixated a lot. Should I stay while I go. I have specific needs that aren’t met yet. Is this ok? I struggle with all of it and look forward to a day when it ends. When my brain decides to accept what’s i front of me or doesn’t. And I get that clarity. This is rough and for anyone going through it, I empathize l. Some days are better than others.

Can intrusive thoughts be like the MOST disgusting stuff on the planet and can they be specific kinda bc sometimes they're so specific or just so insanely vile im just worried im blaming it on ocd/ intrusive thoughts when its all my fault. They still shock me and feel like they come out of no where but idk. I hate the content of them more than anything else on tne planet but I also question if that's true or not sometimes. Im really scared and feel so much guilt. I know I dont want to do these things so much but also its like.. do I know that?.. God I hate this so much

First post here - Day 5 of ERP tomorrow I’ve been dealing with OCD for years but never got proper treatment until now. It’s always shown up strongest in my relationships, and the timing couldn’t be more challenging - right as I’m finally starting real therapy with NOCD, things fell apart with my girlfriend because of my OCD patterns. We’re in this uncertain space right now (break? space? I don’t even know what to call it), and she’s the person I want to build a future with. The uncertainty of it all is absolutely brutal, especially while I’m just beginning treatment. I’m committed to doing this work - the ERP, all of it - to stop the self-sabotage cycle and learn to actually manage my OCD instead of letting it control my relationships. I want to be able to show up as a healthier partner. Has anyone here been through something similar? Starting ERP for ROCD while your relationship is on the line or has just ended because of it? How did you navigate doing the work while dealing with that kind of uncertainty?

So I have ROCD really bad and sometimes I’ll remember random memories from my past of random things and extremely weird things that I did and I know that I did but then my brain will tell me that I did them during my relationship with my fiancé and I’m terrified about if I did or not, and I can’t remember because it was almost 2 years ago when we first started dating, but I’m terrified about if I did it or not or if like I was close to it, my OCD tends to get really really bad around my cycle and I’m on day two of my cycle and so my OCD and anxiety have really been ramped up the past couple of weeks and it’s like every day It’s a new worry or a new fear and I have to try to see if it happened or you know if I accidentally did something and I didn’t realize it was wrong or disrespectful to my relationship. I’m just honestly terrified and worrying about so many different worries or intrusive thoughts about if I did something or not and It’s like I can never have a moment of peace and I only feel better when my fiancé is around me, but my head will try to convince me that I am an awful person and that I did the worst case scenario about anything that I think of or remember in the moment. I have the compulsion to basically go tell my fiancé everything and get reassurance and at the time when I get reassurance, I didn’t know it was bad because you do feel better in the moment but it’s like I have gotten reassurance from my fiancé so many times and the same exact worries come back every single time and it’s just they get worse and worse and worse. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get better from this or not, and I don’t wanna be in my 40s still worrying about these things. It’s just I don’t really have a great memory sometimes and I’m worried about if I did the worst case scenario and I blocked it out or I just don’t remember because it’s so long ago and I’m genuinely terrified about if I could’ve done something that would be considered cheating or being disrespectful of my relationship. Does anyone else deal with this :(