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any of my girlies on Abilify? did it help with rumination?

I have been in a spiral for 6-7 weeks now. My longest ever — and it feels so real that I’m just really struggling to not make a decision. My mind has told me that my fiance isn’t the one and that my doubts are valid because I don’t feel this intense soulmate connection. I’ve never met a guy more patient, sweet, funny, or handsome than him all wrapped in one. And yet I feel nothing. I broke up with him in the early days and doing that has haunted me. When I think of romantic songs, I can’t apply those feelings to him (a compulsion of the day). I can’t believe this is my life.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 & 1/2 years (since I was 17 years old) and we began as the best of friends and started dating. I am not sure why but after our 4th anniversary I started having a bit of doubts about our relationship, worrying why I wasn't finding him as attractive and feeling guilty for feeling that way in the first place. Also started confessing a BUNCH of deep thoughts and feelings that I didn't even realize to him and I felt so terrible during that period of time like the worst girlfriend ever. I thought I was falling out of love and it was so so scary. Then, it got better, and our relationship began to bloom again. We were so so happy on our 5 year anniversary last June. Everything was amazing and since the beginning I knew that he was the boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and marry. Now, since december of 2025, I am not sure what happened but I started having these doubtful thoughts again. It all started after we had been arguing a bit and then I saw an instagram post saying send this to ur man if you think he is the most handsome in the world and I didn't send it to him and then I questioned why I didn't. First with the me not feeling attracted to him, or me not loving him or feeling guilty if I even LOOKED at another guy. The realistic part of myself knows, that we are allowed to find people attractive even in relationships, that's just life! And I am not always going to think my boyfriend is the most attractive man in the entire world, and that doesn't mean I don't love him, or that I don't find him attractive at all. But then this other side of me is like, well why did the feeling come back? Do I want to be single and explore other men? I hate even typing that sentence it feels disgusting. I fear so much that maybe we just have outgrown each other? Maybe I just need to be alone for a while? But WHY? We truly have such a beautiful relationship and he treats me so well. He has taken everything I said with my OCD confessions and still chooses to stay. He accepts all my flaws and is always there for me. He spoils me and loves me so much and I know that. But for some reason I feel like something is wrong. I see so many ppl post about how they are worried their whether their partner loves them but for me it feels like the opposite. I feel guilty like why am I not grateful for the love I have? I overthink every action or thing I say to him because I am scared I am doing it out of guilt and not my genuine feelings. A instagram post will set me off if its talking about a long term relationship that ended or that I am "holding myself back by staying" or I have a bad habit of staying in places I don't need to stay. I just want our love back the way it used to be when I didn't have to work SO hard to convince myself I am in love. It doesn't make sense to me how can I fall out of love like this? And I am SO AFRAID to breakup that is the last thing I want. I want to work through this, I don't care how hard it is but for some reason my mind just goes to "oh you're gonna have to breakup one day." It feels like the most important thing in my life is being stripped away from me. I can't remember the last time I felt present in my life when I wasn't thinking or convincing myself I love him. I just feel so scared and my biggest fear is that this is not OCD related and its just how I actually feel. I don't want that to be true it would destroy me. But I also want to stop feeling like I have a parasite sucking out all my energy from me I want to enjoy life again and enjoy the time I spend with my boyfriend and be excited for the future instead of fearing marriage or a proposal. He always tells me he will never propose to me unless I am fully ready and I know he won't (I am still in college, not planning to get married until we have stable jobs) but it scares me so bad because what if I am never ready? I used to always tell him I wanna marry him and now I just get so fearful of that day and its making me so sad. I hate this so so so much and I just wish so bad for things to go back to the way they are. I feel so afraid to post this because re reading it I feel like the worst girlfriend ever but I just pray every day for things to get better. And nothing that he does makes me feel this way its all internal in my brain. Also I've literally told him all of this, and now I can't because thats like a confessing to him so I haven't really shared confessions with him in a while which I guess is a good thing. I just let him know when I am anxious and he holds space for me or just sits with me In it, which I appreciate so much. :')

I couldn't watch any of the halftime shows unfortunately due to the fact I was still having my crazy mental fiasco yesterday and I was really upset to do anything. But this morning I saw some of the clips of Bad Bunny's show and it really took off some stress that I was having and it made me cry. 🥹💜 To add a little fact I am Mexican myself ^_^🇲🇽 and have been really scared of ICE recently, scared that something will happen to me or my family. So seeing that was really something for me. Also I am a no Sabo, well, I WAS. Years ago I couldn't speak Spanish whatsoever and each time I did I'd have a really prominent American accident. I've been called "The American sounding girl", "No sabo kid", etc and have felt really embarrrassed each time I even tried to show a bit of my Spanish side to my other family members. I still don't have the full confidence to speak entire spanish to my family. To this day, I have a slightly strained relationship with Spanish and my culture overall but with how things are I've been recently learning on my own and have been embracing more of my culture, even if it's not as noticed by others. I've been getting much better at it recently and I'm kinda proud of it. :^) --- This post isn't really an OCD-related post.. I just wanted to speak out on this.

The way my boyfriend and I got together was complicated because of me. Instead of being adult I said mean things about him to people because I was ignoring my feelings for him and being completely childish. On my private Instagram story, with about 10ish people on it, most of whom I didn't even speak to anymore, I used to post tiktoks on there about not dating the older guy and things like that (which basically implied o dodged a bullet) Ages later we got together and I told him about the fact I'd said some mean things and it was childish and stopped me from pursuing my feelings because it felt not genuine and deceitful to pursue someone after being mean about them. He said that we can forget about it and move on. Draw a line under it and basically just move on from where we are. We have a great relationship now and he's the best person I ever could have met. However I haven't told him about the Instagram things and I feel like I'm really lying to him. We've been together over a year now and I think he is going to propose soon. I don't want to ruin everything and I don't want to be a fraud

I’m 3 weeks in and don’t feel like it’s helping. Am I not doing it enough? I read something that said it’s like exercise. The more you do the more you’ll get better but I find erp hard and it makes me anxious. Do I need to just lean in hoping to get better faster? Bc where I am at is such a low point. Ruminating literally every min of the day, depressed. The light at the end of the tunnel seems so so far away.

Today I might of had a nasty 'JUST SO' OCD experience. Not sure what was said, if anything and if so - was it done so good enough for me...if after possibly trying and not saying it perfectly good enough for me more than once? Now thoughts keep popping up saying that if I was not able to say something perfectly to myself than that was because it must mean what I was trying to say but couldn't say was wrong. Just won't let go...

Actually, I wanted to post this since yesterday but I was afraid because I felt like I was weird, so lately I've been really scared about what if I have psychosis:( every time I go out and when I see someone with severe mental health struggles (I really sorry i don't mean to demean them or think they are dangerous) this is purely from my fear when I see them I really got anxious like super anxious, And when I open social media, some posts give me a trigger because they make content related to that and I also delete Instagram and TikTok because of this,I really sad cuz I wasn't like this before :(, idk what kind of theme is this, I was really super anxious so in my head was like creating an image or scenario like what if I was like that,Like directly creating visuals about that 😞 and so much what if , so much doubt like "Oh titania, what if you were like them" "You're just denial" etc etc. y'all if you have any advice or or tips, I would be very happy "I'm serious" , thank you 🫶🏻🥹

What if you did something so extremely monstrous. disgusting, awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were genuinely extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and vomit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 13 or 14... I cant remember... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was either 13 or 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 24... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was either 13 or 14 at the time… now I’m 24… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was either 13 or 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was either 13 or 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I cant remember if i was 13 or 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13-14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

My attention towards my thoughts is so sticky I can hardly think about regular things. I've tried to not pay attention by focusing straight ahead but my attention gets hijacked completely and I end up circling the same thoughts until the stimulus is removed from the surroundings. I'm worried about worsening anxiety symptoms and ocd coming back worse than ever. What meds could help with this?

Due to the past weeks, extreme news I've been seeing, (Epstein files, ICE, Global warming, etc) my awful performances at school, and my OCD getting out of hand (Catastrophic OCD, Real Event OCD, Existential OCD, POCD, etc) I don't feel like myself anymore. : ( OCD, depression, and anxiety is out of hand. I really want to be hospitalized because but I'm not showing any clear physical symptoms and knowing my parents I either have to somehow figure out a way to get really sick or just tough it out. But I can't think straight and I'm in the beginning of a really serious spiral. My heart is beating so quickly..! I'm really scared, what should I do?

1) anyone struggle with Sensorimotor shit? What are some ERP practices you learned to deal with it? 2) do any of you that struggle with spiritual/religious beliefs believe in things like witchcraft? I occasionally pick up books on it and think about practicing, but I always end up thinking about, like, what if something bad happens like the exorcist? What if I believe in it too much and I go into a psychotic episode when I'm manic? What if I offend the God's? And then I think about how much I actually believe in this and, really, it's more of a "this is cool and fun but I don't wholeheartedly believe in this". It still stresses me out tho, like "okay but what if it is and something bad happens". Obviously it's all OCD and if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. Anyway, does anyone else have feelings like that? I always feel like I have these thoughts, and it falls under a specific category, but like, in a different way than everyone else's OCD does. Idk dudes, I'm just stressed. Tell me I'm not alone lol.

Hi, I’m Liam and I just got diagnosed with OCD/Harm OCD and it’s been really difficult. Does anyone have any advice or tips for being new at this?

Can false memories just feel so real that you actually start to believe it? Mine started as an image just popping into my head of doing something bad. I can’t remember where I was or what I was wearing while doing it, it’s just this image, but my brain lately has been trying to figure out what I’m wearing or where I was and it’s making it feel more real and I just don’t know what to do right now to deal with it.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Please share your journeys with prayer and OCD as a catholic if possible! Much appreciated

Scary doesn’t mean true! We can have literally any thought pop into our heads, however the OCD will usually latch onto the ones we find the scariest. Imagine having a thought about something great happening to you. It just pops in your mind. Something great will happen unless you do _____. This seems so foreign to our constantly sympathetic OCD brains which are always on high alert in fear of danger and constantly walking on egg shells to avoid it. Instead, the thoughts we all know and don’t love, which look just like this thought above with the exception of one word, consume our daily lives. This is not because they are the most pertinent or likely to occur, but instead because they set off alarm bells that says we need to make sure (for certain! ahh!!) that this won’t happen. Now this is not where it ends. The doubt arises when we surmise that this scary thing is so close and so scary that I just need to be certain. I need to be certain that this thought, out of many that i have, is not true. These thoughts become increasingly more present as our brain starts to recognize that we respond for them with a fear response (compulsions, cortisol), our hardwired systems to fight or flight, which furthers our feelings that these thoughts are pertinent because they are so present and intrusive. The doubt cannot be as easily relieved for us with OCD, and it soon spirals out of control. Learning how to recognize the doubts that we have and their disordered origins and functions of facilitating the way we cycle through OCD was crucial to me not only avoiding the pull of these loops, but also, whenever they show up to understand that I am safe even if they do. Our brains with OCD become wired to automatically or quickly respond to the fear and anxiety that our thoughts give us with certain implied solutions. It is in our very DNA to avoid harm and make sure that whenever fear happens, we don’t some thing about it. this is not bad alone, but it becomes disordered when it becomes we think everything is threatening, and can’t quite get past the feeling of “what if” it’s not certainly okay. In other words, knowing that the thoughts that we have and the consequential meaning our brain tries to create from these thoughts is what is keeping us engaged in disordered behaviors is very eye opening. To know that the doubts are made in our own minds and are not legitamate is helpful. A final example can be of the thought of eating a lemon. Think about the way eating a lemon makes you feel. Taste it in your mouth, you can almost know exactly how it tastes. Smell it, feel the peel. These thoughts are all very sensory and there, but in reality, do you have a lemon? No. But the thoughts of having the lemon were there. Now given that (assuming) this lemon is not something that sparks your disordered thoughts, this won’t be something that disturbs you. ERP is like giving you a bunch of scary lemons until you realize that the thought of tasting the lemon doesnt mean it’s actually true. ICBT is realizing that just because you have that thought of tasting the lemon, feeling it in your hands, smelling it, doesn’t mean it’s actually true.

So for the past decade or so I have more or less lives out my life on the internet. It either drove my OCD or my OCD drove my internet use, primarily through the form of research. I initially started using it due to loneliness - i had no friends at school and argumentative parents as a- and I went into social media especially due to that. I have averaged something like 15-17 hours of screen time a day for several years especially after leaving school for uni, as less structure made my screen time much worse. I am now on the verge of finishing university, and having seen a therapist for a bit my OCD has improved a lot, but my screen time has not changed and I think it's sort of a roadblock for my OCD, and with the depression I have more generally. But if I stop using it, I feel bored and lonely and I don't really have any friends to do anything with and I haven't developed enough social skills to be confident enough to go out and do things so I kind of just continue. I don't do things other than social media either because other activities make me feel lonelier (I'm aware that social media doesn't really have human interaction/connection of course, but that's the feeling I get). I haven't developed any other interests either I could engage with so I just carry on. It has depressed me - both the general side effects of spending so long on screens but also the fact that I just exist for the internet, and I don't even like it. I feel lonely, and it depressed me to read how people say it's going to be even harder for me to make friends in the future, or try out new things now that I'm about to graduate. I don't really know how to move on from someone who effectively existed on the internet to living in the real world. I think that's holding me back from progress.

UPDATE: with my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... I have my lovely girlfriend & I wanna be with her for the rest of my life... (shes 22 and I'm 24) I've been dating her for almost 3 months now... and I wanna marry her one day... but right now, I feel like I don't deserve her... especially because of this situation... and its all my fault... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s*xual HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards minors in any way... 😭😭😭

Prozac has SAVED me, but I developed ROCD pretty bad during my last flare up. I’ve had ocd my whole life so it attacking what meant the most to me was an always, it focused on religion, but now it’s switched to my fiance. I am about 3 weeks in, I do believe this is temporary because last time I went on a med I was temporarily numb due to the shifting phase. But I am getting minor anxieties. It’s like muted. But it’s thoughts claiming I fell out of love with him because I can’t feel it. Or I have to leave him because I’m clearly not in love with him. Can anyone help me please?