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So I was out all day today, which of course triggered all aspects of my OCD. In many different ways, do my friends hate me, are my reactions alright, all the POCD and Harm stuff going like crazy. Actually being on the subway the way home I was exhausted. And earlier today I was just feeling depressed and to be honest quite a bit "crazy" or like mentally ill. The OCD bully is present and really not nice. But overall I had a good time with my friend, I just wish I didn't have so much shame and guilt. Later tonight I was watching one of my favorite shows PSYCH. I love it so much highly recommend. But I was doing a rewatch with a family member, and I hadn't watched a season one episode since the first time I watched it. And it was about DID, dissociative identity disorder. And it was just a horrible representation of both the mental illness and as well as trans people which was very 2000's of the show. I love this show but this episode isn't where it is at. But is was triggering in the sense I both felt a lot of sadness for all the people with a variety of mental illnesses throughout the years that were made to feel isolation and other things due to poor representation in the media. Something that is a big thing with OCD among other things is just how poorly it is represented in the media especially during that period of time. And I got incredibly scared because I just felt so "mentally ill". Like I'm so exhausted and tired from the meta ocd making me feel like I don't have enough ocd some days. And my other ocd just making me feel like I'm dissociated from my own body other days. Like sometimes I feel so much paranoia. Other times it's just pure fear, or constant triggers. POCD can be bad which feels horrible. Anyway's I think I either wanna write a short story or make a short film about this, as a coping mechanism. Something to focus on, and use it for something. Because to be honest OCD is not really giving me much other than a bullshit bully that seemingly fucking hates my guts and wants me to suffer. Anyways my OCD's name is Beelzebub. He fucking sucks.

🩵 To my OCD siblings I hope you can read this story, feel less alone. OCD is absolutely debilitating, and dispite living my best life its still practice ERP in my everyday life and take medication. I personally like to use humor as part of my non engagement responses. A heads up before you read 🩵 *Trigger warning this story contains conversations about medical procedures and Death* This summer I found out I had a rare deformity in my airway that would require surgery. Cue OCD spike and the endless spiral about being put under anesthesia dying young, leaving my family to grieve, my dog not knowing why I'm coming home, emotionally contaminating the OR room so everyone who goes in after dies. My partner killing himself etc (you get the picture, you have probley lived the picture) Because I have the tools to handle it, I handled it. Wasn't fun but being proud of doing your best and living your values while, also simultaneously being tired and grumpy because you just want to live but you have the intrusive thoughts + the energy used to practice ERP + actually doing things (thats being human , ride the wave) Flash forward to today (surgery day) and I am SUFFERING, panic attacks, tears barely holding it together. I am in the passenger seat on the way to the hospital just trying to hold everything in. Then suddenly in the driver's seat my partner (who has been with me pre diagnosis, during therapy and at this point forever and ever amen) gestures to the rain and says "what a wonderful day for your last day alive" and proceeds to say "very tragic, very tragic, you were so young" "I definitely won't let the dog see your body and he'll just wait for you to come home" at this point I relax because the intrusive thoughts can't scare you if you just lean in. So for the rest of the drive we plan my funeral and it gets increasingly outlandish. And this is how I make through all the pre op things. Fast forward to gowned up, things signed, IV in waiting to be taken to the OR. I start spiraling and my partner says "maybe I'll make knuckle bone dice from your bones or a knife cane with your femur, because clearly after you die my grief will turn me evil" (there was a comical evil laugh with this as well) I laugh. Cue more wild funeral plans including become fertilizer for the garden and gold plating my bones as decoration. We see people walk by with awkward judgy looks. A laugh some more. Because unless you have OCD or love someone with OCD you don't understand that the highest form of love is sitting with the uncertainty together 🩵 Take aways from this story ... 1) even when your living your best life, OCD spikes happen and your allowed to feel tired, grumpy, sad whatever you need 2) you (and your ocd) are worthy of love and there are people out there that will love all your bits and pieces 3) Do the scary thing (if it aligns with your values) cause the last month or so of ocd spike was worth it, the surgery and the anesthesia and the intrusive thoughts were worth it. I'm breathing so much better and I can't wait to hike with my dog again 🧡 (and lets be real if it wasn't an OCD spike from surgery it would of come up with something else like my airway collapsing, the joys) May you all have people in your life willing to join you in uncertainty whatever that looks like for you 🩵

Prozac was a no go for me, it made my depression worse and I’m not normally depressed but WOW it was scary. They took me off of that, I start lexapro 5mg tomorrow night. The first few weeks of anxiety of getting used to a med scare me, advice on handling those few weeks is appreciated!

Sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to be single? Legitimately it seems more fair to both parties. One shouldn't have to constantly worry if their partner loves them and one shouldn't second guess everything constantly. It seems like torture. Not really looking for any answer to this. More just frustrated and unsure of my relationship because of this dynamic

Howdy, all. I’m new here, just started with NOCD about 4 weeks ago. We’ve been doing ERP for about the last 5 or so sessions. So far ERP has been going well, though taking some to get adjusted to. I spent so many years with a generalized therapist doing talk therapy, so it’s been a little off putting going through ERP where I talk a ton about obsessions and compulsions and the point is to just sit with it. In any case, my most recent session triggered me pretty bad. I’ve been with my wife for 14 years, married for 8 of those years. We have a really great relationship, I can’t imagine my life without her. For a big chunk of our relationship, I’ve had a recurring obsession that I was in love with or currently in love with a mutual friend of ours. This mutual friend and I no longer talk anymore (which, of course, my OCD uses as evidence as that I did or do love her because she’s the one that got away or whatever my OCD comes up with). We were really good friends, would text almost every day, and just generally enjoyed each other’s company, all of which my OCD also uses as evidence against me. Nothing even close to romantic happened between us(although that doesn’t stop me from ruminating over every interaction we ever had and trying to determine if I ever did anything untoward or would be considered as cheating!). I always treated her as friend and always saw her as a friend. In any case, this has led to years of me toiling over the obsession of “was I in love with her?” Or “am I in love with her now?” Rather than being in the moment and enjoying time with my incredible wife. The obsessive thoughts come and go in terms of severity. Sometimes I can go months, maybe even a whole year not thinking about it; other times it’s near constant. Lately it’s been pretty bad. Part of that i am guessing is ERP since it’s stirring up a lot. This most recent session had us looking at and reading Reddit posts about love triangles. I was obsessing prior to the session about the thought described above, and the exposure just made me fixate anymore. My session was yesterday, and I haven’t really been able to stop obsessing over it since. Although, to give myself credit, I haven’t engaged in compulsions, as far as I know. So that’s something! It’s just the absurd amount of dread and horrible feeling that comes with OCD that makes everything so hard. Anyway, this post got way too long. If you read this far, thank you. Not expecting any replies, just feeling on the verge of doing a compulsion so I thought I’d vent. Maybe this is a compulsion. Who knows!

I keep having this obsession that is causing me extreme anxiety, but I also cannot talk about it cause I’m convinced if I talk about it, it will happen. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t keep going like this.

Do u guys think deleting social media would help with this issue? I find triggering videos that brings up past events and then I start spiraling out…. Bringing shame n guilt

Currently going through one of the hardest times of my life. I’ve had ocd most of my life but had my first trigger around 2 years ago. I’ve been doing good since then was even able to get myself off my Prozac. Well I lost my job that I worked at for 6 years and this is new to me. And it’s started to make me experience hyper vigilance derealization and disassociation I’m back on my medicine have been for a week a 1 day. What can I do to make it easier. Anything helps please. I have a therapist as well.

I have a compulsion of checking my Apple Watch ECG repeatedly. Often times it’s squiggly or inconclusive, it’s even said afib but my cardiologist said it was sinus Arrythmia and gave me another heart monitor. I’ve checked it about 2,000 times. Every time it’s not 100% normal I instinctively call 911. Emergency services and the hospital are absolutely sick of me. How do I prevent myself from instinctively calling, especially during a panic attack where it feels like I’m having an emergency? Has anyone else had this issue? Edit: wanted to note my mom has taken my Apple Watch for now and only lets me check occasionally, but I’m not sure if this is the right first step

Im extremely overwhelmed by my symptoms and getting really scared that im stuck like this permanently.

So my mind is still on this same problem; it's been a week now. I have a huge fear of going crazy, whether it be psychosis or schizophrenia. This started when I had little to no sleep. It was 4 a.m., and I couldn't sleep, so I decided to masturbate so I could sleep. That didn't help. I already had weird thoughts that made no sense, lots of anxiety, and this head pressure. When I turned to my right side on the pillow, I said in my head, “I knew I was gonna feel better,” and then I got a thought that said, “You're welcome,” in a Russian accent while I was sleeping. It was so random, but unfortunately, at the time, my brain was looking for something to worry about. At first, I found the thought strange. Then another thought came: What if the thought came from something else? Obviously, that's ridiculous, and I tried joking about it and tried to sleep, but then a huge wave of anxiety hit. I got up, went to the bathroom, and said to myself, “Do I believe this?” I said no. I knew I hadn't gotten any sleep; I was very anxious, and I had racing thoughts. I've had hypnagogic hallucinations before, and at the time this happened, I forgot about them. But, to tell you the truth, I don't know where this “You're welcome” thought came from other than my mind. Of course, anything outside of that is just delusional. Now, my biggest fear is that I believe some lady was communicating with me; see how crazy that sounds. Logically speaking, I know this is 1. It was just a random thought, and my OCD misinterpreted it as a crazy "what if," but has anyone ever had this before, or something similar? I just want to know I'm not alone, pls.

I just started on my ROCD journey. My main issues is comparing my partner to other men, finding faults, and blaming myself constantly for being a bad partner because of these thoughts. He has been supportive through it all. Some brief explanation- he is very much so a “I don’t ask for help” kind of person. He has his own demons and I finally convinced him to talk to someone, even just a friend about them. One of his demons is he does not want to be a financial burden. He is not good with finances and I am. He has been managing his debt whilst trying to pay for a ring to propose to me. Yesterday he asked me for help, and I spiraled a bit. I’m terrified of financial insecurity and I also have previous trauma from letting family borrow 40k for a car. My immediate response was just “I’m scared”. His pride slammed the door on him and he backtracked immediately, apologizing and saying he would handle things. He threw up twice at work from anxiety and his own spiraling and was sent home. He thought I was going to break up with him. And to be honest, I did to for a little bit there. We met last night where I had him print all his statements from the last 3 months out and let me have full control over looking through it all. God I love this man, but he has a small spending addiction. There would be times he spent almost 600$ in just 15 days on eating out, energy drinks and… ai stories… I don’t even know about that one to be honest. I laid it out to him fully. He’s around 9k in “bad debt”. If he only pays minimums it takes 23 years. At the start of this conversation he really seemed to get it fully. But as we went on for hours through his statements, he just started laughing at his own purchases. I felt a bit put off but also I think he will fix his behaviors. We set a game plan in motion and I’ll be holding him accountable by sitting down and going through statements every month. Ring is on hold, because I cannot say yes anyways to someone who has not changed their behaviors. That’s a long explanations I suppose. Currently I feel good, I feel like there’s a plan and I feel like I’m keeping ROCD separate from this financial issue. But I also know that once something else inevitably pops up and I start to spiral, I’ll use the financial issues as another jab. I’m just not sure how to be a supportive partner when I also need support in some ways.

My boyfriend was in a long term relationship before we met, and my boyfriend was my first serious relationship I’ve been in. He was also my first sexual partner. We’ve been dating for almost three years now, and I honestly don’t feel much retroactive jealousy when it comes to his ex (romantically), but I do get very uncomfortable feelings when I have intrusive thoughts about their sex life. I know this is because there is sexual experience asymmetry in our relationship. The thing is, I think the uncomfortable feelings his sexual past brings up are less about jealousy, and more so painful feelings of regret that I have about not having more sexual experiences before meeting my boyfriend. I get so upset that I have to deal with these uncomfortable feelings, yet my boyfriend never has to (both me and his last partner were in their first relationship). With my OCD, I struggle a lot with beating myself up and obsession over regret within my own life. Does anyone have advice about getting over regret?

I am so sick of hearing “they never go away you just learn to manage them better” but how can I be expected to ever be happy again when this is what’s in my head? Yes I get that they become less important but still I cannot just accept that I’ll think of this forever and i absolutely hate that fact that it’s most likely the reality. But I don’t quite understand how life before OCD I was “normal” and didn’t have bizarre thoughts all day only sometimes and why I cannot be that way again? Like if I’m re-wiring my brain then can’t it return back to normal? I just can’t accept a life like this I DO NOT want to think like this all day for the rest of my life and only get maybe a month break from having thoughts but it comes back. I may as well leave what is the point in fighting for a life that will never bring me happiness only frustration I don’t want it even if I get “better” cause that better is not better to me.

I’ve been going through a breakup these past 10months & I still miss and want my ex back (sue me). Just to preface this, it isn’t an ex where it was ever bad or toxic, it was actually a very good relationship. He broke up with me due to his own capacity. Anywho back to the point, I’ve heard he soft-launched a new girl on his Instagram story, and that’s hard. I’m catholic and our relationship grew me closer and also this breakup grew me closer. I feel like I’ve had spiritual experiences in the relationship telling me that this was my person and then post-break-up during prayer I feel like i experienced those experiences again. So you can imagine hearing him soft launch a possible new relationship or dating makes me confused and kinda ocd about what I feel like I experienced from god and what he’s told me. I know their are possibilities where we can still come back together after being with other people bc I’ve seen it happened before, but at the same time my worst fears keep happening so why would anything good happen. The breakup, and now this so in my mind it immediately goes to “yea you probably won’t get back together ever and you interpreted what god was telling you wrong” and that’s I guess how my ocd ties in. On the bright side I was able to handle hearing the news of a potential new girl in his life better than I thought I was. I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to get over the man I thought I was going to marry and the only one I wanted a future with and confused how he’s over it, I feel like my therapist would tell me that we don’t know that he’s over it and I guess that’s true even if it seems that he’s dating idk how he feels about me on the inside but idk in my mind it’s obvious he doesn’t want our relationship, which is weird to me because it was something he really wanted and loved. Also in a weird way after seeing all that and feeling the feels I still have hope for us, I honestly think I’m just being delusional at this point.

Hey guys. I have borderline and PURE OCD comorbidity. However I kinda managing my life well, I'm also becoming a psychologist. I've been in schema therapy for 2 years now. Helped me a lot with my relationships and BPD, but when it comes to OCD... My therapist says OCD is just one of my schema modes, and healing BPD will make OCD symptoms more tolerable. But it's not true. We finished therapy now but my OCD just got worse from all the analyzing and I learned here that "there is another explanation always, and you can never be sure you interpret things the right way". When I complained her about not doing ERP, it's pretty visible she doesn't really believe it would work for me, or just asked me to write down my obsessional thoughts 100 times a day. I'm super confused cause she's one of the bests in the country, made a lot of research about OCD, she's a CBT therapist and also a schema therapist so she should know... And still, here I am, freaked out from all the analyzing. And she just tells me to get back on my meds again and manage my emotions with some meditation. But I don't wanna get back on meds, I wanted HELP with how to handle OCD. This is super confusing for me. If she's one of the bests therapist, qualified of CBT, and schema therapy is the newest method and it says OCD is just one of my modes... Than why do I feel that something is wrong here? I would be so happy if a professional could also give me a reason 'cause I don't get it.

Im already diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. I’m wondering if I have any other undiagnosed issues? I need help understanding whether what I’m experiencing could be relationship focused OCD, because I’ve realized this isn’t just normal relationship insecurity for me. When I become attached to a man, especially when I really care about him, I become terrified that he’s going to leave me or stop loving me, and the fear can become completely consuming. It feels like my own thoughts become these dark phantoms surrounding me and telling me every possible thing I’m afraid of: “He’s tired of you. You’re too much. You’re pushing him away. You’re a burden. He’s talking to other women. He doesn’t actually love you. He’s going to leave. He’s gonna start hating you. No man will ever choose you or love you when you’re like this.” The thoughts can feel incredibly real when they’re happening, even though another part of me knows I don’t actually have evidence for them. The biggest problem is that I cannot tolerate not knowing. If something feels even slightly different, a text is shorter, he doesn’t respond when I expect him to, a call ends differently, I don’t know what he’s doing, my brain immediately interprets the uncertainty as evidence that something is wrong. Then I feel an overwhelming need to figure out what happened. I ask for reassurance, call, text, analyze wording, analyze behavior, and try to figure out whether he’s pulling away. The worst part is that reassurance doesn’t actually solve it. He can tell me “nothing’s wrong” and I’ll feel relieved for a moment, but then my brain immediately creates another loophole: “What if he’s lying? What if nothing was wrong then but something is wrong now because I mentioned that I feel that something is wrong? What if he’s secretly annoyed that I need reassurance? What if I pushed him away by asking? What if he’s tired of me and second guessing about me? And then I’m right back in the cycle and still stuck in it. I’m currently in a talking stage with a man who has actually been treating me well, and that has made me realize something really important: even when a man gives me reasons to feel safe, the fear doesn’t necessarily disappear. It still amplifies. My brain just finds another uncertainty. I’m starting to realize that this isn’t something another person can simply reassure out of me. I’ve had painful relationship experiences before, including a relationship that lasted about a year and a half and ended very suddenly, and then another relationship that was on and off for about six months where there was cheating, manipulation, narcissism, abandonment, etc. I think those experiences may have made abandonment feel catastrophic to me, but I don’t want to keep living this way. I don’t want to constantly monitor a man I love, seek reassurance, worry that I’m pushing him away, and then become terrified that my anxiety itself will cause him to leave. I want to learn how to have a healthy relationship without needing constant certainty that I’m safe. I’m wondering whether this could be OCD, possibly relationship focused OCD, or another anxiety/attachment related issue. I don’t want to diagnose myself, but I’m just wondering. I also want an actual professional evaluation at some point and help learning what to do when the thoughts start, because knowing intellectually that I’m spiraling doesn’t make me able to stop it. I want to learn how to tolerate uncertainty without constantly checking, seeking reassurance, analyzing everything, or feeling like everything is ruined. I don’t just want reassurance that my relationship is okay. I also want treatment for whatever is making me feel like I need constant reassurance in order to feel okay in the first place. And I’ve realized that this isn’t just about one particular guy. The guy I’m talking to may be the person currently triggering it because I deeply care for him and the thought of him leaving is world ending to me, but I’m seeing that even when a man is good to me and gives me reasons to feel safe, the fear can still show up. I don’t want the man I care about to leave me because I’m struggling with this so heavily. I also don’t want to believe that I’m incapable of having a healthy relationship. I want to get professional help for the part of me that is terrified of losing someone, because I genuinely want to learn how to love a man without constantly being terrified that he’s going to leave, to the point where every single uncertainty feels like proof that he’s already leaving and then I’m spiraling and freaking out so bad that it’s unbearable. If anyone here has actually been diagnosed with OCD/ROCD, does this pattern sound familiar to your experience, and what was it like getting evaluated and treated? Is there a cure? Medication even?

Asking as this is something I've been struggling with a lot lately, but I haven't really come across anyone else with this issue. For context I'm 31 and my husband is 34. I've only come to the realization that I want kids somewhat recently; my husband also wants them but is hesitant about taking the next step, but has agreed to a TTC timeline of spring 2027. While I already have a concrete answer and logically know 6 months isn't that long, my mind cannot seem to let go of the topic and I'm having a very hard time waiting. I'm sure there's some degree of biological clock element, and I also feel embarrassed constantly due to being older. Then I'm struggling with almost feeling like anything else I do in the meantime is meaningless because there's this much larger objective that I can't actively pursue it at the moment. My husband's aware of what I'm dealing with but at the end of the day is not ready and I know I need to respect that. I'm in therapy now, ironically part of what prompted me to go was my struggle with emetophobia (fear of vomiting), to which lead to an OCD diagnosis. I feel like my phobia has drastically reduced (but still exists) and it's almost like I feel like I need to make this happen sooner rather while my phobia "allows" me to, for lack of better term. My biggest themes are contamination and existential (especially related to age, which I know is at play here), as well as some relationship themes. I'm also autistic and have ADHD and GAD.

Does anyone else ever imagine liking the thoughts because it’s taboo? Like I’ve felt a ‘taboo attraction’ to things before (but things that aren’t violent or gross or anything), and when I’m dissociating with these pocd thoughts, my brain gets a pit in my stomach and all I feel is anxiety, groinal response, and imagining that taboo attraction. It really scares me because it feels like ‘oh if I’m in a certain mood/mindset, I can like these thoughts’ or something. I’m trying not to do compulsions but it’s really hard. It’s just so frustrating because I know I’m only imagining that feeling because I’m only half-thinking about the pocd thoughts. Like a weird, forcibly prolonged moment of not processing my own thoughts cuz I’m out of it. And my brain doesn’t WANT to process the thought because when I do, it’s like ‘ew’ and why would I wanna think abt that. But it makes me feel so bad and scared, and then I start to genuinely believe that it’s how I feel when I’m detached from reality, and the thought itself feels so fuzzy while the ‘attraction’ feels so high and real. It feels like because I can IMAGINE feeling this way, and it feels so similar to other attraction I’ve felt, that it’s real. All I wanna do is move on, but my brain is so stuck. I’m gonna try to just… not figure it out and focus on reality & things I enjoy. But it’s so hard. Could use some advice or shared stories if anyone has any ❤️

I feel shameful for things I did in college 7 years ago. I’m getting married in two months, and want to confess to my partner things I did in college from my intimate past (before I was dating him). It’s things from my intimate past that I keep thinking “my fiance would hate knowing this about me. I can’t believe I did that) This is a horrible feeling. Should I confess? I feel like he doesn’t know the “real” me from these things…