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I recently had another relapse with my HOCD. It’s tiring and really hard to manage on a day to day basis, and sometimes I feel like giving in to get it to end, but even then will things keep getting worse. I miss being gay, and now calling myself gay doesn’t even sound right, it doesn’t sound the way it did before this problem resurfaced. I feel like identifying as what this disorder wants me to identify as is easier than what I want and what I feel and that causes severe distress and anxiety. I feel like it’s only getting worse and I just want things to get better. Some days you feel like you’re recovering and about a day or two later it hits you again with full force and you feel like giving up again, like giving up is the only option you have. Will things ever get better? Will my life ever be normal? Will I ever be able to say “hey, I’m gay and I’m proud!” without questioning if I’m actually gay? I’m tired of crying every day and every night because of this fight. I’m tired of battling my mind and my thoughts every day telling me one thing when my heart wants something else. What am I supposed to do? Nothing’s working, nothing’s helping, and I can’t keep crying, thinking the only way out is suicide. The only things keeping me alive right now are my passions and my goals, knowing that I’ve worked so hard for everything that I have and everything to come, and I don’t even know if those are strong enough anymore. I’ve won the battles, but how long is the war?

Unpopular opinion: being active on OCD forums (such as this) delays your healing progress and affects your anxiety levels in a negative way. Could also lead to a tendency of reassurance seeking. I want to hear your thoughts on this, because I am notincing my anxiety going up the more I read posts and try to help ?

I would love to take psychedelics. I'm sincere. But I'm frightened by the consequences that it may have on my ocd.

I’m unsure how to move on from this particular symptom. I exhibit no warning signs of being dangerous, no history of this behaviour, or having joy and intention to do something sexually inappropriate, but I just have this feeling that I could want to even though I feel so anxious and scared. I’m worried that maybe developing POCD awakened some repressed urge in me to hurt people and it’s just not how I see myself. I don’t WANT to want this, if you know what I mean. This post is scary to make, but I would just like to know if this is normal, I’m worried treatment won’t work for me because I really feel I could be a bad person who does bad things.

tw: eating disorders, trichotillomania, fatphobia my best friend triggers me easily like it's more about my eating disorder than about ocd but she's so beautiful and y'all know she's trying to make jokes about herself but they are very triggering like 2 days ago we were watching a movie and there was a girl who was fat and my friend said "ugh I'm so glad I could take control over my eating habits so I don't look like her" and I'm like WTFFFFF it hurts so much cause I see myself having a big body and her words hurt me so much also she makes jokes about calories food and exercising and it triggers me so much and stressing makes me pull ouout my hear idk she's just a little selfish when it comes to her?? she usually pushes other people down for their voice or their drawing/singing skills and I hate it but she doesn't say it to themselves, just shares with me and I don't support her in this case I'm just like "hmmm okay" I love her and she supports me but I can't ask her to stop cause she wants to talk with me about things which bother her and it's okay I'm just too sensitive??? idk

I was at work and my mind just randomly thought I said something and I was like okay maybe then I had an idea of what I may of said which is something positive I always say, every single day I say “I’m a queen” to uplift my spirit and confidence. It’s a way of reassurance for me. So I was like okay I think I remember saying that, if anything, which is fine ofc, then my mind says “what if you said queer” and I was at work I was doing a few things at once, I whispered it ofc but I was like no I wouldn’t and would never say that. This topic has brought me so much pain and I’ve fought it COUNTLESS times before and always will upset me because I’ve always liked boys I’ve been with my boyfriend whom I love very much for a year and a half, my mind always will try to twist and trick my mind and it makes me angry because I know I would never say that after all the hurt these stupid thoughts have brought me. Also I was calm which made me believe I said queen, I sounded out “queen” and “queer” and I say them completely different, and I literally say “I’m a queen” multiple times a day, every day, so there is way more likelihood that I said that in my opinion, I was calm after and then I was like “wait did I said something” and then my mind began overanalyzing, I am trying to stick my ground and I hate not being able to go back and time and know for sure. What I’m sure of his I love my boyfriend so much and I’m not EVER changing ever because of these stupid thoughts. But help!!! What can I do?

I figured out that I have been triggered by a movie and my relationship issues. I’m scared I’m relapsing into this horrible pit of dispair. What does one do when they relapse? How can I feel safe? I don’t feel safe even in my own home sometimes :(

I'm scared I have melanoma because of a swollen lymph node in my upper thigh. It's a bit bruised, too, so it's freaking me out. I'm 18, and my grandmother died of skin cancer, so I'm a bit paranoid now. I want to bring this up to my derm when I see her for my acne but I dont want to make a fool of myself by being overly cautious and changing the subject from my face to something else.

Anyone here could share your experience with real event ocd Because I think I'm going through something like that right now

Hello guys, I need your advice because I am currently engaged in ERP teraphy and the thing is that I do not feel any fear with the thoughts I am trying to expose so basically it does not work for me. I feel very anxious and want to do rituals only when I have sudden thoughts so I don't really know to deal with that.

this is a rlly rlly dumb question and i feel like i know the answer but i’m gonna ask anyways in case i’m wrong but, if u know ur obsession isn’t true why do u keep getting anxious about it? like shouldn’t ur mind just move on like it does with literally any other thought? what makes certain thoughts stick and others not stick?

I believe I have a personality disorder (or multiple personality disorders) in addition to OCD. Of course this is a huge trigger for me as it plays into my fear of long term suffering as well as being inflicted with something that is commonly corresponded with violence and lack of empathy as well as lack of treatment options. Anyone have any experiences with having a personality disorder as well as OCD? What has helped you? What have you learned works best as far as treatment goes.

I’m so tired of this. It’s mentally draining. I’m so tired from it all. HOCD has taken over my life (if it even is hocd). I spend countless hours analyzing my thoughts and getting a groinal from them. I don’t even know if it’s HOCD the thoughts and feelings feel so genuine. I don’t know where to turn I’m legit so lost. I miss being able to like girls. This is so stressful and mentally exhausting. It’s been about 3 months since I felt this way. How do I continue to live life like this when I can’t ever find peace? It’s like a living hell everyday. I wish there was just a medication to let this all go away because I can’t take this anymore it’s hell...

I'm so worried right now. My brother and Mom were talking about some girls at her work that have a little crush on him. It feels like I'm jealous even though I could care less :( I don't want to be with women and I haven't even meant this girl in my life. Yet it feels so strong and powerful. It makes me want to do a checking compulsion even though I know it wont help and it will just make my ocd worse. I wish the sensations and everything didn't feel so god damn real. Im hoping that it is because im jealous of the fact that she is so confident she likes guys and can be sincere and im over here every damn day wondering if I'm attracted to them or not cuz I have felt that before but I just hate this shit.

Hi! So I’m new to this forum and I’m glad that I’m able to be in a community and understands how I am feeling. I’m hoping therapy through this will lighten my pain through this hellish experience. Hope you all are doing well and we can get through this!!!

I need desperate help I’m confused because when I said I’m not straight it felt true and there wasn’t any anxiety and it felt as if it weren’t ocd. Then I compared it to saying I’m straight and that gave a 5 second relief then a little bit of anxiety. So then I said fuck it and kept saying I’m not straight and it gives me anxiety but it still feels so true and real and as if it’s not ocd and it’s truly happening.

Long post coming up! Newbie here and also new to ERP. I debated a long time before posting this because it sounds like a really privileged problem compared to what some people here are going through. But ruminating about it is taking up so much of my time now that it's hard for me to function properly. I was wondering if I could get some insights. So, my ocd seems to revolve around the themes "just right", scrupulosity and mental contamination. This makes it hard for me to enjoy life, and to allow myself to have nice things (both physical objects and experiences). I always feel like I don't deserve it, and then my mind makes up a reason why I shouldn't have it. A few months ago I got myself something really nice that ties in with a hobby of mine. It's fully paid off and not hurting me financially, but my ocd has been acting up a lot telling me the object is "contaminated". It's gotten to the point where just having it in the house is causing me distress. I am so close to selling it at a loss just to get rid of it, but I know I would be online looking for a new one to replace it the moment I shipped it off, and I don't want this cycle to repeat once again. Should I just accept that this hobby that I really love is not for me? Or can I somehow work with it using ERP? Any ideas on what that could look like? Thanks in advance :)

Hi I am just wanting to hear from others about having this subtype and then also wanting to have kids? I have this sub type along with other forms of OCD so my OCD will sometimes switch to a different form which we know is common for OCD. But sometimes I’m terrified of having this sub type and having kids. Has anyone been successful with having kids and having this sub type? Me and my fiancé want to have kids in the next couple of years. Did yours get worse? Better? How did you deal with it? Did you have POCD before you had your kids and then still had them? Thanks in advance!

I’m having old themes come up. Worried because I’m remembering when I would look up a fetish of mine on tumblr a few years ago. Some of the posts from the tag included furries with the fetish. I thought it was bizarre and after a while I got more specific with my search tag (ie narration/stories) so as to avoid furry content or other questionable stuff. However, I’m feeling sick because what if I should have reported it? Why didn’t I report it? I also try to go back in my memories to make sure I didn’t find it appealing. I’ve told my therapist about this situation, but I worry they don’t understand no matter how I try to explain it to them. Part of me thinks I should turn myself in. I can’t do this anymore.

I’ve been struggling recently. I have hOCD (worrying I’m asexual) and rOCD, which can be a tricky mix. I’m on my first relationship, with a wonderful man and I am happy. But I keep tripping myself up in terms of sexual attraction. The thought of my bf arouses me, I fantasise about him etc. However, I’ve read so much on asexual forums that sexual attraction has to be visual. I.e. I have to look at my bf and then feel like I must have sex with him, just by looking at him. This has never been something I experience. It has always taken me some time develop sexual attraction in the past (it’s never just their looks). Like when we’re in a non-sexual environment/context I don’t look at him and think ‘I want sex with you right now’. So now both my OCD and some forums are telling me I don’t experience sexual attraction? It’s all so frustrating!