- Date posted
- 7y
I need help. Possible trigger. I finally got out of bed and walked around the apartment barefoot (I usually have some kind of protective wear on). I’ve always been scared of something stuck under my feet. (Like I would step into a mouse/rat poop unknowingly and squish it with my foot(feet) and get it stuck and that if I carry it back into bed again unknowingly, somehow it’ll go into my mouth and I would swallow it while I’m asleep). After I was ready to go back to my bed, I check my feet and what do I see? Two black spots. At this point I’m freaking out. A part of me wants to shower and other part of me wants to say f-this and go into bed. I took some pictures as I slowly got into bed. I’m crying too so now I’m triggered by my bodily fluids. I’m now laying down and not sure what to do. I’m so overwhelmed. I’m scared I have something in between my toes. Im trying to remember one of the exercises I did with my therapist about rubbing “mouse/rat poop” (which was really just a lint. But who knows maybe one was actually a poop. Like maybe one day I will step on mouse poop) all over my face and body. I’m acting like a five year old throwing temper tantrum. Yes I cried and screamed and yelled. I have a hard time controlling my emotions when I feel threatened. I ended up removing them with rubbing alcohol. But I feel everything is dirty. My bed, my legs that touched the spots, my face from crying, I want to clean everything but I know that’s not what I should be doing.