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the NOCD Community

It’s genuinely crazy how real these false attractions feel. I’m 20 years old and I’ve never thought abut dating a woman, and I could acknowledge an attractive woman when I saw one but nothing in me ever wanted to think of anything else, maybe friendship at best. In the course of 6 months I’ve gone from physical sensations like tingling in my lips after talking to a friend and intrusive images of me introducing her to my family and getting married to her, worrying about whether or not I’m in love with my best friends romantically, worrying about if I have to marry a woman/date one, worrying I’m going to be living in denial my entire life bc I also realized I’m aroace, being unable to fantasize about men in general, being afraid of my best friends (which kills me because they’re my everything), being unable to think about my future which made me so happy before (single, adopting kids), and SO MUCH. I feel like I’ve lost my drive for life lol

Does ocd always have compulsions or can it just be obsessions?

I just did an exposure that was so intense I started crying. It was reading an article about how women can change sexuality into lesbians later in life and I’m so scared because I thought that could be me and now I have to agree with it for exposure. This is really hard and terrifying

Is it okay to seek reassurance about ERP? I think a lot of us who do ERP have had thoughts like "what if this isn't working out" and doubts along the line. Or "do i really have ocd, what if i have been misdiagnosed?" I feel like a therapist is a big support in reminding you to just keep going. However if you are doing this entirely on your own, it is okay to ask for some support during your hard times, to encourage you to keep going? I was wondering about this because it feels like sometimes this app can become like a compulsion itself, but maybe it's a kind of support that should be okay if one doesn't overdo it. The issue is we ocd people might be bad at telling where the line is. That being sad i have to thank everyone here a lot. For someone who had absolutely nothing, finding a infos and people who relate guided me onto a path of what i think is recovery.

you know what i think that even when i get rid of my current theme that's tormenting me my brain would still find something trivial to worry about so i ultimately can't escape this. i just need to accept that my brain is problematic.

Is it my fault if I keep finding videos that make me really uncomfortable and spike my OCD on YouTube? I was browsing through videos on a channel that for the most part I was comfortable with and didn't feel terrible about until I saw one video that did make me uncomfortable and I ended up unsubscribing. Is this an overreaction? This has happened several times on youtube and I don't go intentionally look for videos that make me uncomfortable or worry about how I view myself. Is this just my OCD?

Sometimes I rant in my head for like an hr and feel like what I’ve been ranting on and on in my head I want to write on here about it but then I realize I’ll just be going over what I was ranting in my head again and I’m like do you really want to revisit your whole hr of compulsions going over how your life sucks and that no one gets it and that your previous therapist was the worst therapist ever??? Smfh. Having OCD just makes life twice as hard pun intended.

I’m not sure where my OCD begins or ends. My partner has such a wild sense of humour and always makes these insane jokes. It makes me anxious ALL the time and I begin to question and interrogate him. I’m so frustrated because I can’t figure out if I’m so upset and triggered by the things he says because he’s actually going too far and crossing the line, or if my OCD and anxiety can’t allow by brain to relax about this. When I do manage to “brush it off”, we both laugh and move on. But then I’ll start overthinking and I’ll bring up the subject over and over and over, seeking reassurance. However, he made a joke that was NOT funny and I legitimately got upset. But I also think my anxiety causes me to react stronger than I should? Sorry if none of this makes sense. I’m all over the place. This anxiety just makes it SO hard to tell if I’m overreacting or getting upset over nothing, or if I’m warranted in feeling this way.

I feel like I’m just lying to myself now and that I’m actually gay and do not have HOCD. From the last hour I’ve gone from being disgusted by my thoughts to me thinking I’m completely gay. I’ve had this in my head for 2 years, everyday I just want it to end 😩

False attraction OCD. Urgent advise needed. (Fyi, Nobody knows I have OCD and I've never had therapy, the largest dialogue I've ever had about this is by having conversations on this chat board) I decided to leave my hometown for a bit because a couple of my relationships fell apart, leaving me feeling like I had no where I could turn to. The only place to escape was to go and stay with my mum. Unfortunately, I also have gronial response and fear of attraction OCD, and one person my OCD targets is my mum. I find it very difficult. My only symptoms are that I get anxiety and a gronial response if I'm hearing, seeing, or interacting with a subject that I fear it would be innapropriate to feel attracted to. Flair ups are the worst if I think they are doing something that could have some sexual connotations, i.e licking lips. So, I'm aware through hearing on this app - that allowing dark feelings and thoughts to come and go in triggering situations is actually really helpful for recovery. I.e The ERP technique. I'm trying this whilst I'm up here and I want to give an example of whats happening: I get triggered by my mum if she talks in a hush voice. She works on a mental health hotline and so for a few hours I can hear her talking in a sympathetic voice, and I guess to me that could have connotations of sexual undertones. Today I tried to sit in the other room and meditate whilst she was talking and i could hear it, letting the feelings come and go and not judging myself. I tolerated it for quite a while. But eventually I just feel discusted, I just want it to stop and i want to put my headphones on. I tried to feel nothing but love and acceptance for myself. But after a while I just want to cry or hit myself because I feel so horrible because of the gronial response it gives me. I keep thinking about the meditation I did today which told me that I should embrace triggering moments and let them in. I should be thankful of the opportunity to overcome them, and welcome it. But Im away in the country side, in lockdown with my mum, and im basically exposed to triggers here 24/7 - sometimes I just want to go into my room where I can't hear her, or put my headphones on. Is this really bad avoidance and going to make me worse? I came here to get over some other painful personal problems and now I'm having to do a self induced ERP on myself with no experience. Sometimes I just want to relax, but am I reinforcing avoidance and rituals if I try to get away from her sometimes when it gets too much? It honestly feels so horrible to have to keep exposing myself to this, especially because I came up here because I needed to get away from bad relationships in my home town. I don't feel like I'm asking for reassurance here, I genuinely need some advice regarding how I can be here and battle my OCD and also not feel horrible all the time? Its so hard to try and fight this looming depression and anxiety all by myself. Its so isolating. Basically, is it okay to try and leave a situation where I could possibly be doing some exposure? Thanks. Peace and love. And HOPE.

How is the mental health system in the Uk? I have a friend on here who is in the UK and the doctors she is seeing isn’t getting her the help she needs! This is so upsetting to me! Like it’s your duty to help people it’s the oath you took! We have to get better about mental health as a whole world!

Do thoughts die down over time?

I lost my dad when i was 15 and everything starated from there i had signs of ocd but i didnt pay attention to them i had panic attacks at that age ,3 year after that i became better traveling with friends and family i was healing slowly until pandemic , quarantine started and ... now im 19 no graduation party no trip no cinema corona made my life worse and i miss my old life without ocd and anxiety or even covid

i can’t even watch straight porn anymore. i can’t even watch gay porn anymore. my mind is telling me that dicks are gross and boring. but i never thought that until got onto social media and so all the girls constantly complaining about men and sex. like if your partner isn’t satisfying you, FUCKING TELL HIM. but no, they rant about it online instead and tell your girls that “lesbian sex is the only way to experience pleasure” and blah blah blah. im so sick of it. i just want to be myself again and watch the porn that i like. FUCK

Feeling so confused and angry about my ex girlfriend

Maybe this’ll put things in perspective for those of you suffering from obsessive sexual thoughts. Two summers ago I had a really attractive female personal trainer who was coaching me. Again, my sexual fantasies revolve around domination, so I like to ask women to compete with me (e.g. wrestle, race, or arm wrestle). I did make such advances on this woman verbally and it got so obsessive that she felt uncomfortable training me and we had to cease all communication. I made several more attempts to reach out to her and apologize and last summer she made it clear to me that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. Now, a logical person would leave her the hell alone. But I’m a sex addict. So tonight, she popped into mind for whatever reason but I currently have all social media sites blocked so I can’t go on there and find material to masturbate to. Nonetheless, I have found other sites that display peoples’ Instagram profiles so I have found a way around the blocks. So, after this woman popped into my mind, I tried like hell to locate her Instagram profile to see if I could find a video of her wrestling somebody. Couldn’t find anything. So then, I actually wrote out an email to her asking her to be my personal trainer again! And I almost hit the send button too! But I didn’t. I stopped myself and deleted the email without sending it thank god. What’s my point? If you are a sex addict, you ACT on sexual thoughts that pop into your head. You do everything in your power to achieve the high you are craving to feel, even if it means hurting other people or yourself in the process. That is the crux of what addictions of all types are about. So again, if you are feeling distressed about intrusive sexual thoughts, but you don’t actually act on them, your situation is not as dire as mine for instance. Do not be so hard on yourselves. You are not bad people for having obsessive intrusive sexual thoughts that you can’t control. I like to think I’m not a bad person either, but my problem is, in my opinion, more diar than those who simply have sexual thoughts but don’t act on them or hurt others in the process of doing so. Think of the lengths I was willing to go to in order to get what I wanted from this woman! It’s very predatory behavior. And I need serious help before I end up in jail. I hope relating this helps some of you to not be so hard on yourselves. Goodnight, ppl.

I Just read this somewhere. "Research has shown that many Americans have been misdiagnosed and are being issued prescription medication for conditions they do not have. Some of the commonly misdiagnosed mental illnesses include bipolar disorder, depression, and even obsessive-compulsive disorder." what would be misdiagnosed as ocd.

Has anyone had intrusive thoughts about having other disorders like ADHD or BPD or bipolar? Whenever I read a story about someone who is diagnosed with that I always google the symptoms or take a test because my mind is like “what if that’s me???”

i’m not sure if this is a part of ocd, something else, paranoia or something that most people go through .. but i have an issue with posters or action figures “staring” at me. i feel like they can hear me, see me, or know what i’m thinking. it was worse when i younger. i couldn’t even get changed in my own bedroom unless i took down my posters. that’s why i my room has been minimal in decorations since. i recently went against my own uncomfortable feelings & put up a figurine on my dresser. when i first did it, i thought, “what if i’ll never stop thinking about this every time i enter my room.” and felt an unhappy feeling wash over me. but i forced myself to let it be. it hasn’t been a problem. (i am talking abt it now / thinking abt it so i’m a little anxious again) i’m wondering if anyone goes through anything similar ? am i just nuts?

i think i’m broken, i’m never coming back omg this is it, i wanna cry so hard ugh