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the NOCD Community

I have ROCD and my compulsion is rumination. Not engaging with my ruminations is incredibly challenging. Is there anyone who can relate?

Can you stop feeling depressed even though you are depressed? I’ve been severely depressed I want to love my partner like before… but it doesn’t feel like it’s gonna happen…

what is the difference between having hope and giving self-reassurance?

Hey y'all 😊 happy Tuesday :) here's a quick check in post for ya, are you doing alright? If not feel free to talk in the comments and me and everyone here will do our best to support ya. 😊 Today I'm doing pretty 🌙 tbh, but i am making the most of the day 💛

Im curious.. How old Is everyone here? What theme do you deal with? Anything you want to get off your chest?

What does ERP for POCD look like? Is it "I'm okay with potentially being a pedophile" because one can't know because there is no blood test or something to absolutely know that do sure, and the person just has to take comfort in the fact that whether they are or are not a pedophile, they are in control of their own actions? Asking as I am speaking with someone who is struggling with POCD but hasn't gotten therapy for it or done OCD, and deal with contaminated OCD so I am noth familiar with ERP for POCD

Drew777Hi. Was thinking about you yesterday. Praying everything is okay with you. My therapist messaged me and apologized for the way her post sounded about the weekend. She said she really wanted to work with me and help me. So tomorrow I will have my first ERP session with her. I did go back and read where the therapists are here to help us with the ERP's and be there anytime we need them. BTW, we are in Orting, WA now. Got here at 6:30 last night. Had a rough night sleeping. The bed is so soft, so my lower back is bothering me. And yes, I'm still anxious about tomorrow. When I read on here where some people wonder if they will ever get well, and then I remember my husband telling me that some Dr's and people in the medical field told him maybe he should put me in a home. That was when this started three years ago. I don't know, maybe he should have. It didn't help going through the covid thing either, and still going through it. And I don't really fear it, but a lot of stuff about the end of the world. I guess I fear it a little, because I would like to be healthy when it comes. I know that probably doesn't make any sense. I hope this posts for everyone to see. I could use lots of fist pumps for strength and prayers 🙏

(this might be long but I really want some advice, anyone who bares with this i am do greatful) I think I have gained a new OCD theme A year or so ago I came out at not female, early this year I finally came out as trans male. I have been happy with this up until last weekend My mom sat me down and told me she doesnt think I am trans, my stepdad doesnt either, they think I just want to be different amd I felt outcasted at school and this is my weird way of coping. Ever since then my mind has been full ’what if im not trans??’ ’what if theyre right?!’ and its been upsetting me and scaring me because I really dont want them to be right, I dont even know how I feel anymore but It was so so clear before this, Im scared that its not even OCD, but I dont feel like a girl??? So surely it is ocd? But then i even question that. I cant stop thinking about it, im so desperate to feel that certainty about who I am again... I just want to KNOW who I am.. J feel so scared and alone, Im so scared i was wrong?? What if I am a girl?! Ive changed my name though, I cant see myself as a girl? But i cant see myself as anything right now either? I dont know where to even start on erp or helping myself its so alien, please help

Questions for those who take medication. What does medication do to your OCD ? Does medication supress your anxiety attacks and panic attacks? Also how bad does ocd need to be in order to take it?

I'm extremely scared to share this, please don't reply with anything mean 😔. I kind of need reassurance right now even if I'm not really supposed to because I'm really distressed. Last year when I was 11 years old, I was on Roblox and I was arguing with someone and I was really mad and I cant remember why. Nothing I would say would upset them so I said something horrible. I said go oof yourself ( I don't want to say the actual word, like oof as in dissapear. ) And then they said to me they have problems with stuff like that. And then I apologised and said sorry and I friended her but I'm just so scared like what if she did oof because of me. I'm so scared and I cant sleep at night because of it. Please help fast 😭😭😭😭

With effective OCD treatment, you'll learn to let those intrusive thoughts pass on by. Say buh-bye to the OCD noise! 👋

PLEASE HELP - i am 16 years old and my parents do not want me to get a therapist as they believe nothing is wrong with me. i suffer from both HOCD and ROCD although that doesn’t matter because ocd is all the same no matter the theme. before my boyfriend i went through a loss of attraction, i would sit and ruminate all day and beg for my attraction back, i would cry and want to kms because i jsut felt absolutely nothing, i would try and feel sad over my last heartbreak jsut to prove i felt it, then, i don’t know how, i got my attraction back, i didn’t wake up one day and it was back, it just came back over time although i don’t remember how. in that time i developed a crush on this guy and now we’re practically dating it’s been a week but these past 3 days, that same numbness and loss of attraction is back, anytime he says anything romantic to me i feel numb, and i know it’s not just him, i feel numb to sad moments in tv shows or to my passions but my main focus is about attraction, how do i get my attraction back?? or how do i let go of the need? the thing is, when my boyfriend says romantic things to me, it sort of triggers me, i dont want to avoid him, i know i’m attracted to him, otherwise i wouldn’t wanna be with him, but how do i feel it again? i’m so obsessed with not feeling it and feeling numb but it’s the same thing as before, how do i let it go? i dont really get intrusive thoughts anymore, it’s more of this lack of feeling, i’m scared i’m not attracted to him, i keep trying to feel it and idk how to stop. please help.

Good evening and happy Sunday OCD warriors!! This is my first time making public of what I’ve been going through but I’ve struggled my whole life with OCD and it’s themes. I’m currently dealing with ROCD, primarily partner focused OCD and everything ROCD entails. It started off as me seeing a photo of my gf (almost a year together) and thinking that she was unattractive. I felt so guilty and thought how could I think this of my partner? This ended up to me obsessing over my partners flaws and I was convinced that my partner was unattractive and atrocious (OCD always blows things out of proportion) It got to the point where I started questioning if I loved my partner or not, feeling so real and convinced that I didn’t. I know this is reassurance but I just want to know if I’m the only one out there feeling this? I feel like my feelings have changed and I feel repulsed by my partner and I have terrible thoughts/feelings where I don’t want to be around them anymore or what if I am annoyed by them and everything they do will set me off? I know OCD has tricks but it feels so real and I can’t tell if I am in denial and maybe my partner is not right for me? I want to be with my partner so bad but it seems like my body is rejecting even the thought of her :(

Will I ever know if this is ocd or denial 😭

I MIGHT ACTUALLY MOLEST SOMEONE. so i was applying makeup on my sister in a aggressive and hasty and twice i had the thought it doesnt matter if part kf your hand touches her chest which scared me. Then i started applying it on her forehead in the same more aggressive motion checking to see if my hand touched her chest. It felt like i was doing tue checkimg compulsion but also ocd assigns random meanings to random actions. If my hand had actually touched her chest it was mestation but it didnt. Im so scared it waa so automatic. I thought my brain knows not to do that kind of compulsion!!!! Like in class it happens a lot where i move a body part and it feels like a compulsion. Im so scared ill moleat someone as a compulsion. In class i was like my mind wpuld only do that compulsion if i was certain i wouldnt touch anything which makes sense cuz its her forehead so i wouldnt touch her chest anyways. Im so fucking scared.

Hello peoplesss, I haven't been here for a couple months but I suppose I really need it. I'm currently in my senior year of high school, and I'm usually that straight A student blahblahblah, but this one thing has stumped me and to everyone it's so trivial but for me it's so big and it keeps coming back. Basically, calculus. I know the subject and I even self-studied for the AP Calc BC test in 11th grade, but now I can't even pass a test. I don't know how to describe my school's test system but basically if I don't perfect or nearly perfect my next exams, I'm doomed. All the awards I worked up to, my school's equivalent of valedictorian, my college admissions, probably gone. These exams aren't even hard; they're supposed to be like a medium level. I can literally take on harder exam questions (I know this because I've been doing it myself and helping my classmates that have reached that level already). Like, our teacher gave us a practice set, and only two of us got a hard level question correct, but between the two of us, I was the one that also did the medium level questions in that time frame. But when it comes to the medium level questions DURING the exam, I always make "dumb" mistakes that add up, like forgetting to write exponents or flipping fractions. And the fact that I keep making these same mistakes and am thus unable to progress really scares me. In one of my recent tests (one where I'm still at that medium level) I prepared so much for it, but the second I read the questions my mind loterally went BLANK for 2-5minutes. I managed to finish the test, but my answers were so shaky and in disarray that I'm not confident in them at all. I'll probably find out mt results in a few hours when I wake up. Once again, probably a trivial issue, but it's been eating away at me for weeks. I haven't been able to sleep, I can't really do the things I enjoy, heck, I haven't been able to write my big college essays. I feel so paralyzed in a way that I've never truly felt before. I've probably felt it in tiny waves, but I am so freaking stressed right now. It'll be over soon and people say that I'll laugh at it in a couple years, but I wish someone could just understand this man :( I feel like if I don't get this grade, everything A student-y about me would be gone :( I know people are going to say that that isn't true, but for the past 2ish online years, big awardees went from two of us in our batch to ten. My A- in 11th grade PE might also prevent me from getting that top honors thingy And gosh my parents are the antonym of unsupportive. My mom doesn't understand the whole grade panicking, which is fine, but she just stares at me everytime I cry. Then my dad literally keeps saying oh are you getting top honors you need it for this and for that blahblahblah. Then my mom's gf, who's usually supportive, just laughs whenever she sees my cry about it. I'm at my wits end here and my parents aren't doing anything to make life a single bit easier, as they usually do. Anyways, thanks for listening to my Ted rant. TLDR: A student is making dumb mistakes on calc and panicking about whole life. Parents suck.

My brother (43 yrs old) is developmentally delayed (Initial diagnosis in the 70’s was Mental Retardation) and he has schizophrenia that became severe during the pandemic due to increased isolation. He is doing much better and we are getting much closer to managing it the last couple months. He is not able to understand some things, but man… he is wiser than most on some other things! He saw this Welcome Mat yesterday and got so excited and begged me to buy it, he couldn’t stop cracking up….. THEN… he says to me: I hear voices, SO I AM A LITTLE NUTTY!” Omg, that level of self acceptance and ability to find joy and humor….Yep… there is a reason I call him my “Life Hero” Sharing his amazing smile and welcome mat (yes I bought it), and hope it encourages and inspires someone else like it did me.

I think I’ve ruined myself. I was so happy in my relationship. I’m going to be blunt. Because I need to vent the facts. When I first had sex I really didn’t enjoy it because I didn’t realise I had a medical problem that got in the way of enjoying it. It means I used to have to fantasise, in me head, to get any pleasure. I then met my current girlfriend (post operation) and when we first slept together I literally cried with joy afterwards because I was so happy I could finally enjoy it. I didn’t have to fantasise at all after that. Everything felt right (😊) my OCD is telling me I didn’t feel this but I know at the time I did. I was so in love. Then one day I remember realising how I hadn’t been fantasising and actively said to myself (you need to try and keep this up) and from this point Whenever we had sex I would get so scared I’d have to go into my head that I would end up doing just that. When we weren’t together for about three weeks (due to work commitments) the relationship OCD kicked in (my dad left when I was a child) so I feel abandoned easily. I then went into full relationship OCD mode (I had had OCD in the past but this was more with physically counting and locking things repeatedly etc…). All the classic ROCD questions came in. Until one day someone on the TV mentioned they were gay and the HOCD came piling in and that’s been my endless obsession for the last few months. I have ruminated so much that I’ve managed to go over my entire life and find reasons as to why I must be gay. And everyday my reasons that I must be straight disappear. I had never even contemplated the thought of me being gay despite all the sexual trouble I had with my health in the past. I was so in love with my girlfriend. But gradually over the last few weeks I’ve lost all attraction for her and now most women. If I ever do find a women attractive it feels artificial. When I see a man I get very anxious, which I can’t tell is attraction or anxiety. I’m done! I’ve managed to convince myself so much that I’m gay that I nearly fully believe it. I never asked for any of this I was so happy and ready to spend the rest of my life with this person. And now I can’t even see that anymore, I don’t even know if I want to anymore? OCD has taken everything away from me. I am done! Is this it? Will I ever be able to feel the way I did again now that I’ve put together all this evidence in my head that I feel I can’t ignore? I want to feel that way again but I just can’t even see it happening now because everyday it seems less and less likely. I don’t know what I want anymore? And I feel like maybe deep down I’ve always been gay and never realised it and now I’m just rejecting it but I was so in love and I just want that again with my girlfriend.

Just a question? Probably will turn into a chapter of a book however. Does anyone know of a therapist that will message on the weekend and is a Christian. I'm just beginning ERP this next week and wanted some info on it. My therapist finally answered me back, but made sure I knew she doesn't message on weekends. I kinda need someone who is understanding also.

Has anyone else found that the engagement on this app has gone down massively? I swear that a while ago (some months ago) if you posted something, it was likely you’d get a number of responses, albeit with many of the same people. There just seemed to have been a lot more activity on the app. I think that now covid is becoming more and more distant in the past, people are busier, and have less time to engage with others.