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Does anyone know how I can treat my false memory ocd? I am worrying about whether I betrayed my Partner or not. At one point, I thought I killer someone. I dont know how to handle it anymore

I've been self harm free and on meds (Venlafaxine and Lamotrigine) for a few months now, I get the thoughts day to day of "you need to hurt yourself or God/ the universe is going to punish you" "if you dont punsih yourself youre going to get punished. Today my dog accidently ripped my nose ring out after I had a bad weekend were I felt like a shit friend and I feel like my nose got hurt because I'm such a shitty friend and the only way to stop all this misery is to hurt myself, so I'm punishing myself before the universe does. I don't know how to stop these thoughts because they keep getting worse and worse.

I always catch myself having constant negative scary thoughts or making up stressful situations in my head before they even happen and it puts me through a lot of stress and anxiety and makes me feel horrible and I’m afraid if I keep thinking like that god will allow something terrible to happen to me just for having what if thoughts or thinking of random crazy things and stressing myself out even more than I already am to the point where I lose sleep, a lot for example I really want to enter the modeling industry as soon as I can and I’m sixteen and I keep making myself stress and wonder of the fact that what if a horrible grown sick man tries to take advantage and manipulate me or what if I befriend someone again and once again they weren’t real friends and try and kill me or drug me it honestly terrifies me and that’s not even the begging another issue where I’ve stressed and thought so hard on the topic that it terrifies me just as much as that when last year I went to my older cousins funeral and before I went I wasn’t as traumatized and mentally shook and scared as I was at hers than others because those people were already very old but she’s 22 and she got in a car accident and was extremely messed up and obviously didn’t look the same as she normally did and because I’m getting ready to start driving this year and that is what caused her death and just the way she looked sand everything really really traumatized and scared everything in me and to make matters worse my mom was like that’s why you should pay attention on the road when you get your license not that she was trying to be rude and scare me more when she said that but it did because after that I couldnt stop remember what I saw that day because I don’t want that to happen to me and after that I developed necrophobia. anyways I could go on more and more but the point of this is that I overthink and hold on to traumatic memories and situations and get super scared and think out of nowhere 24/7 that I’m going to die to and when it would happen and just worry and I hope that the power of thinking or of talking isn’t so strong that something like that actually happen, Another thing I go through is anger because all my life until I got homeschooled I’ve been in drama with jealous cruel girls with all sorts of issues going on with in themselves that they have to project onto me and other girls who just mind there buissness I’ve once got so mad I wanted to kill one girl but luckily never did because I knew it was wrong and unnecessary and that I didn’t want to live with that and go to jail for losing it over immature high school girl drama but I often worry that gods upset with me just for thinking like that or getting mad in other issues with other people and cursing or just other stuff and it stresses me out so much and sometimes I wish there were some way to erase my traumatic negative memories and make me innocent and not understanding in certain things I understand now and maybe I would be ok mentally

I always catch myself having constant negative scary thoughts or making up stressful situations in my head before they even happen and it puts me through a lot of stress and anxiety and makes me feel horrible and I’m afraid if I keep thinking like that god will allow something terrible to happen to me just for having what if thoughts or thinking of random crazy things and stressing myself out even more than I already am to the point where I lose sleep, a lot for example I really want to enter the modeling industry as soon as I can and I’m sixteen and I keep making myself stress and wonder of the fact that what if a horrible grown sick man tries to take advantage and manipulate me or what if I befriend someone again and once again they weren’t real friends and try and kill me or drug me it honestly terrifies me and that’s not even the begging another issue where I’ve stressed and thought so hard on the topic that it terrifies me just as much as that when last year I went to my older cousins funeral and before I went I wasn’t as traumatized and mentally shook and scared as I was at hers than others because those people were already very old but she’s 22 and she got in a car accident and was extremely messed up and obviously didn’t look the same as she normally did and because I’m getting ready to start driving this year and that is what caused her death and just the way she looked sand everything really really traumatized and scared everything in me and to make matters worse my mom was like that’s why you should pay attention on the road when you get your license not that she was trying to be rude and scare me more when she said that but it did because after that I couldnt stop remember what I saw that day because I don’t want that to happen to me and after that I developed necrophobia. anyways I could go on more and more but the point of this is that I overthink and hold on to traumatic memories and situations and get super scared and think out of nowhere 24/7 that I’m going to die to and when it would happen and just worry and I hope that the power of thinking or of talking isn’t so strong that something like that actually happen, Another thing I go through is anger because all my life until I got homeschooled I’ve been in drama with jealous cruel girls with all sorts of issues going on with in themselves that they have to project onto me and other girls who just mind there buissness I’ve once got so mad I wanted to kill one girl but luckily never did because I knew it was wrong and unnecessary and that I didn’t want to live with that and go to jail for losing it over immature high school girl drama but I often worry that gods upset with me just for thinking like that or getting mad in other issues with other people and cursing or just other stuff and it stresses me out so much and sometimes I wish there were some way to erase my traumatic negative memories and make me innocent and not understanding in certain things I understand now and maybe I would be ok mentally

Is this an OCD thing: just the general sense of worry or dread something bad may happen in the future? For example: planning a trip, and the thought "you could die by then!" Or something similar but related to loved ones?

Has anyone ever had an accepting response when telling a partner? I don’t feel like I can be honest because I’m afraid they’ll leave me for being a monster or just never see me the same

i know compulsions are not helpful on the long run. but they can help to give certainty and a bit of peace for the moment. i usually imagine scenarios and check how i feel about them. has anyone experienced that sometimes this does not make you feel certain and safe, but somehow confirms what ocd is telling you, e.g. after imagining a scenario it feels like you could actually want it? so compulsions sometimes don’t even help on the short term and i feel the need to ruminate more and more to come to the solution i want

God I wanna ask my (15f) sister if I’ve ever hurt her -so badly. I wanna know if I’ve ever m worded her… she still likes me though- is around me, likes my attention when we are alone and is not troubled by my presence at all. Sometimes she squabbles with me, says hurtful things but she’s a teenager first and foremost. (Also likely bullied :( which is my non ocd fear.) She’s my sister, I love her more than anything and she doesn’t even know it. I’d move mountains for her if I had to and when I found out she was being bullied I wanted to personally put the fear of god into those pathetic wimps. She was born so I wouldn’t grow up alone if anything happened to our parents. She was the best gift and if I ever hurt her that way I would unalive myself The reason this thought came up was that I had a memory where me and her were playing as kids. We hid under the covers (idk why or the context) and she said “like sex?” And I panicked, got out from under the covers so quickly and said “what?! No- no nothing like that.” Or something along those lines. (I was molested as a kid by my cousin so I knew what sex was way too early- I think I was mostly disturbed by her knowing too.) My ocd is trying to find meaning- to find some part of this memory to twist. I can feel it bubbling in the back of my head sometimes. Conjuring up stuff. I know asked for reassurance from her is the worst thing I could do. Not only cause it’ll worsen symptoms if just ocd- but also it could possibly traumatize my sister cause she doesn’t know I have ocd and wouldn’t understand intrusive thoughts. :( Sometimes I just wish she also had ocd that she didn’t tell me about and we could both just ride it out as a pair again. Instead of being separated by my mental illness.

Everyday i have unwanted thoughts and images in my head of me harming my loved ones in horrible ways, also urges too. i’m not like that at all, i don’t want to be like that at all and i also have an extreme fear of becoming a bad person and harming the people i love, or snapping out of anger and harming people. These thoughts scare me a lot and im really sad that i have these thoughts at all and its taking a toll on my mental health. whenever i see something like a gun or a knife or something like that i get anxious and scared at the thought that i could hurt someone with those things and i get thought about me in a position where i hurt someone. the last thing i want is to hurt anyone. i just wanna make people happy and i wanna treat others with kindness. i don’t want to do any of that i don’t wanna be a bad person. i hate these thoughts in my head and im so anxious at the thought that im gonna commit them. can someone help me and give me some advice on what to do?

This might be really disturbing but it can help you understand ocd. 2 years ago i didnt had the help for ocd that i have now, i just was in a discord server where people teached you to "accept everything and live your life" which in some way is good, but its just a tiny little part of ocd 4 recovery and every mental illness revovery, just based on that you cant recover, ocd is much more deeper. So back then i just had this advice, to accept every thoughts cause they are just thoughts... again this is not enough for ocd recovery. So i felt worse and that time harm ocd got really bad. Usually i had suicidal ocd but in that time i had harm against others, like killing my family. And this going to be so discusting, both for you and me but it might be a good exposure to me, i remember one night i was writing to someone what i was going through, and i wrote to her that im actually feeling that i want to hirt my mom. And i remember i felt like im going insane and i want to hurt my mom, i had random thoughts that said this will feel good, i will enjoy it. And lot of people doesnt know this but ocd can be this agressive, its not just "what if" thoughts. But because of movies we think that if you have thoughts like this, expecially telling you want to do, it means youre going insane, youre schizophrenic, you have demons and youre probably going to do it. These things were in my mind so i was just really sick of myself. I wrote this to that person and i really told her what i was feeling, that i feel like i want to do it and i would enjoy it. She told me to go to the hospital(cause i worded it really badly). I felt soo bad, i didnt wanted to go to the hospital but i felt shame that i dont want to accept that i have a problem. I still didnt went to the hospital and now im actually happy about it cause 2 thing couldve happened there, 1 they take it seriously and deal with me as a sick person who wants to kill his family, which wouldve ruin my revovery, give me more doubt and self hate and give me trauma, or the 2nd thing, they realize its just ocd but the whole situation makes me feel shame. So i didnt went but i was so tired and sick of myself that inside i accepted that i have to get locked in a mental asylum, cause im dangerous...So my point is that ocd can be this agressive. It can manipulate you to feel anything and if you dont have the right tools, you will fall for it. If you dont have people who understand ocd, please find a therapist, you dont have to suffer with this alone. I hope i could help to some with this horrible story😅 Now its time for me to sit with the discomfort that i shared this and the memoried came back😂

Not every emotion we have is important or say something, i struggle with this alot. Why should i accept an emotion that doesnt help me? If someone hurts me, and i get a feeling that the world is evil, and i feel depressed, its nothing good in that to accept feeling depressed that the world is evil cause this thought is even a lie, its a distortion. Its okay to acknowledge that someone hurted you, but why should i accept feeling depressed cause now i think life is bad. I dont understand this. Then if you try to change that and say no, not everyone is evil, this isnt true, now youre fighting with the thoughts so thats a compulsion. Then all you can do is actually accept the feeling being there, which frustrates me cause its based on a distortion. Not every emotion is useful. For exemple i saw a post on tiktok that roman males had the right in their time to sell, or execute their childrens and because i dont have a good relationship with my dad, i had a thought that he would sell us or kill us, and that made me feel so angry at my dad and depressed, but then i realized this is a huge distortion, my dad its not like that even that we dont get along, but instead of relief i felt like i pushed away the emotions, not numbness, but that feeling that i just pushed away all. But what shouldve i done? Feel the distorted feeling that i made up? Do you know that we have alot of thoughts and a day and letting all their emotion be there would be really tiring. This really bothers me, if i dont have to let myself be controlled by emotions then why i feel like im pushing away and i get worse when im just not letting them control my day, not letting them get fully in the surface to control how i view things

Has anyone ever had ECT treatment for their intrusive thoughts? Mine have become so bad I am suicidal, and while we are trying medications my psychiatrist has suggested ECT may be helpful? I’m just curious if anyone has any experience with this?

All my life I’ve only ever been too much for people. I can’t be authentically myself and keep people around. I truly hate myself. I have no friends and it makes me want to die. You don’t know me, but if you did, you would get sick of me fast. No one can love someone this traumatized and this broken.

Over the last month I have been struggling with harm and real event ocd. I just received my diagnosis the other day. I am in constant doubt and can’t stop ruminating over my childhood behaviors and feel that everything I have is validated. I keep fearing I’m gonna be some kind of psychopath and do something bad when I don’t wanna hurt anyone. While I’ve been ruminating I’ve become obsessed with researching different mental illnesses that I feel I match perfectly with. I’m starting to worry I have aspd, bpd, and npd. I especially have been ruminating over I act in my relationship of almost 3 years. I have a lot of bpd tendencies and ruminating over how easily I am set off and get frustrated makes me feel like the worst gf ever. I have a constant fear of being cheated on and dumped so small things that happen tend to upset me and make me jealous. I realize afterwards that my emotions run a little too high when this happens and I feel like I switch from being sweet to a b**ch. now I can’t stop telling myself that my bf deserves so much better than a piece of s**t like me. He’s been the only person I’ve been with that treats me right and I feel like I’m some kind of mentally Ill psychopath. I feel like I have every trait that puts me in all categories for severe personality disorders and I’m honestly terrified and this is becoming a kind of obsession. Reading the comments to all kinds of videos about these disorders makes me feel like I don’t deserve anyone especially not the amazing person I’m with now. Idk if this is the ocd or a point or realization that I really am this bad of a person. Is this some new ocd theme or what? I’m ready to give up on life entirely I feel so horrible.

So, recently I’ve started looking into OCD. My partner thinks I could have it, and I used to think it was always just a cleaning thing or being a little particular. I talked to my partner recently about these intense intrusive thoughts and I guess compulsions(?) that need to be done or else things would feel bad. That’s obviously simplified, I don’t really want to get into full detail since I’m still real uncomfortable with it? I don’t know, I’m worried that I don’t actually have OCD and I’m just using that name with something that’s not that? When/how did some of you realize you have OCD?

Hi everyone I understand intrusive thoughts but how would you describe impulses and images. Sometimes at work I get this fleeting thought or it feels like “what if I did” this moment. And it makes me panic or anxious. Is that find of how you describe it. I sometimes get triggered by them. Can anyone else relate?

Hi Guys. So I’m having a bad week. I used to have HIV fear but it got a lot better. Anyways for work we take residents into the community for activities. This week we took them to the snowball stand. I had my snowball with me the whole time. But I noticed blood on my ice cream so I asked my friend to look to see if I was bleeding. She said she saw a red spot in my mouth but couldn’t confirm I was bleeding. Then as I continued to eat I noticed more smeared like blood on my spoon. I didn’t know what to do so I kept eating thinking the blood had to be mine. Long story short, after intrusive thoughts popped in and I was like what if one of the residents put their spoon in my snowball and switched spoons with me and I didn’t know and the blood was from them? My rational brain tells me this isn’t possible as I had my snowball with me the whole time and would have noticed but my irrational brain is like what if. My husband said I’m being absurd as I would have noticed. Also the odds of them bleeding from their mouth would be low. Later I looked at my mouth and I had what looked like a cut/busted lip. I’m freaking out about hiv although I know I’m probably catastrophizing and blowing this up. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before so it scared me 😭😭 has anyone ever experienced something like this before or can you give me advice?

I’m not diagnosed, I haven’t told (if you see my other posts you’ve noticed im still unsure of how to tell my mom about it because my themes are the worst) and I live in Mexico, so my insurance obviously doesn’t cover nocd, witch sucks The thing is that I, by myself started to work in my “recovery” without being sure about like really having ocd and sometimes I struggle a lot because I doubt about everything, and I picture myself doing the most horrible acts and I’m just unsure that they aren’t real, that they aren’t things that are gonna happen, have happened or are happening 😿 From 2 weeks to now I been really worried that I’m going to, in the night while being awake, go to the backyard and harm my dog :/ it’s really horrible, so every time I’m going to sleep I make sure a hundred of times that the door is closed, but sometimes my brain makes me see images of me doing that and I doubt about what if I really went out to the backyard, harm my dog, return back and just not noticing it, and I have to check again the door and check that my hands don’t smell like dog or anything weird. Ive been going to bed around 12 and sleeping around 1 or 2 am because of that. Today in the morning I woke up early and I opened my door and I saw my dog sleeping besides it (my mom who woke up earlier than me let him go inside the house) and I really didn’t care about it, but then at breakfast I started having this thoughts and this images and I went to check my hands to notice anything weird, and I found nothing, it reassured me and I started feeling happy and confident again, but when later I was doing my bed I noticed a weird spot in the blanket that I don’t remember having it before, so I freaked out thinking that I did that and I smelled it, but I think I smelled just my soapy hand so I don’t think it smelled like something else, but I was still scared that I might had done something wrong to him at night or when I encounter him first in the morning, and I promised myself that when I got back from school I’m going to inspect the spot, but now that I’m home I just have discovered that my mum changed the blankets (because it was dirty from like 2 weeks without cleaning it, it was a reasonable choice, nothing to worry about) and now I just feel really weird because i won’t get the opportunity to know the truth about if I should stop my recovery and isolate myself because Im dangerous or if I continue with my recovery and it’s all worthy I just don’t feel like i deserve my dog, and I’m afraid that I’m hurting him without me knowing or remembering and I’m scared but I still feel hope Idk dogs are my life, animals are my life and it’s horrible believing that I’m bad and I feel guilty everyday without knowing if I’m dangerous or if I just have ocd 😿 please help me

i went to target with my sister, and i got into a mindset so bad i’m questioning everything right now. she was walking in front of me, and at one point i walking more in her direction, took a step towards her while having attention on her butt. i think i took the step bc i wanted to feel a groinal while thinking of her butt, but i don’t want that to be true. after, i couldn’t look at her, and i had a few moments where i genuinely felt like i wanted to do something sexual. i genuinely felt and thought that way. when we got in the car, i had a really bad moment like that, as i think i leaned in her direction while having a groinal. i started crying, but couldn’t take my focus off the road for the rest of the way home. now i’m in my car and i feel as though this is really the end. combined with every other horrid thing i feel about my family, children and animals, my life only feels like doom. it was literal hell tonight, and i never thought it would get that bad. i don’t know what to do, i feel like i should be waste

Lately my ocd has shown back up big time. I’m coming close to the end of my pregnancy and my hormones typically really affect it. Currently living in the existential/ harm themes and fear of developing psychosis and going to hurt my loved ones! Questioning if things are real too which then makes me even more anxious because I think I’m slipping into psychosis! Anyone else experience this? Just not the headspace I want to be in before birth