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And guilt and need to confess. Any tips? - it’s making me having suicidal thoughts.

Still struggling with these thoughts they're causing extreme stress. I watched a video about ocd harm thoughts on YouTube and the guy said people without ocd plan the violent acts so now the thoughts have turned into worrying I could plan something even tho it scares me to death. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through that thanks

Yesterday at night I was doing lunch for my husband and I grabbed a knife to cut something and I used to get anxiety over being around a knife and yesterday I didn’t feel nothing not even scared and I started doubting myself and I started to think okay if you were to act on your thoughts what would you feel and I couldn’t feel scared and I was like fuck and I struggle with feeling in love with him because I struggle with relationship ocd as well thinking I’m not for him or just doubting our relationship and it made me think like I didn’t love him and then today I’m just thinking and it makes me feel evil because I can’t feel anxiety over doing something to him and I don’t feel scared or anything and I’m just thinking and it makes me think like I’m enjoying it and I feel good about it or I don’t care and it makes me feel uncomfortable not being able to not feel scared

So I started therapy and my anxiety has calmed down a lot. I am starting to feel optimistic but I’m still really depressed and affected by everything that was happening before I started therapy. Basically I convinced myself I’m gonna become a Serial killer and I don’t know when or why but I just am convinced one day I’m gonna want to kill people and I’m gonna end up in jail and my family will hate me. I’m very religious and never want to hurt anyone but constantly fighting these thoughts my body gave up with having panic attacks from the thoughts that now my body just stays calm. That freaks me out even more because it makes me wonder if my brains comfortable with the thought and I’m gonna do that thing. Does anyone experience this?

Does anyone else get the theme of fear of going crazy or into a psychosis ? I’ve been having that fear lately and it has been the worse ever. I’ve never had these thoughts before and I don’t know what triggered them that they won’t go way. I couldn’t eat for days from how scared I was of these thoughts. I keep having intrusive thoughts like what if you’re imagining it for example I was at TJ Maxx with my mom and I was looking for her and when I saw her a thought popped into my head like “what if that’s not her and your imagining it” it was so scary that I wanted to cry. Of course apart of me knows that’s not true but the thoughts keep popping up. I’m so scared and just want to be myself again. So if anyone has gone through this theme can you please tell me what helped you. I’ve also struggled with harm ocd, suicidal ocd and a lot of health anxiety. I can’t afford therapy so if yall have any recommendations on what helped your ocd please let me know. I’m so tired and feel so helpless. I want my life back.

its been over a month and im losing hope of these thoughts ever going away. im so sick of this. every waking second im just over here thinking im a serial killer. i’ve convinced myself the only thing that would make my thoughts go away is if i act on them or end my own life. i cant keep doing this..

Having ocd can either make life difficult or painful or both depending on the theme(s). For me it’s painful. My ocd latches onto my children. I have very upsetting harm and pocd intrusive thoughts. Sometimes it’s easy to shrug them off but other times the ocd makes it seem likes it’s me thinking these things and it feels so real and it has me so depressed. I never used to see any parents posting about this but recently there have been a few. I know it’s really hard to talk about but sharing can help us all feel less alone and more supported. I’m grateful to anyone that offers support because I feel so defeated lately. 😞

*PLEASE READ* I’ve been struggling with bad harm intrusive thoughts for a couple years now. They’ll go away for a couple of months then get triggered by something and start all over again. As much as I try to tell myself that I would never act on these thoughts I have a memory from when I was little that I was going to hurt my parents in their sleep and that memory has haunted me till now. Of course I didn’t hurt them but I thought it and I feel so guilty about it today that it makes me sick to my stomach. I love my parents so much and would never want to hurt them or anybody. I just want these thoughts to go away because they don’t line up with my values of who I am. But every time I tell myself that my thoughts are not facts that memory pops up making me feel like an awful person. I feel right now as if I don’t deserve any love from anyone because of these thoughts. I’m a believer of God and I feel as if I don’t deserve his love as well and that he has given up on me. These thoughts have also turned into a new theme of being scared I’m actually crazy and going into a psychosis. I’m just so scared and just want to be normal. As much as I tell myself ocd lies to you these thoughts have really scared me and I haven’t felt like myself in days. I’ve also struggled with health anxiety and intrusive suicidal thoughts. I know seeking reassurance isn’t good but I’m so scared.

How do you go about your life when ERP therapy is so stressful. I have harm ocd and by making me watch horror movies etc . is just making it worse. I'm really worried I'm being brainwashed into being what I dont want to be . Does this mean ERP is not for me? I also have no compulsions just pure O .

How do you get back to cuddling, hugging on, and loving your babies? Please only positive things here. I used to be able to hold, love on, cuddle, hug my babies and loved it!! Now it’s so hard. I’m praying and believe God will get me through this. My babies need affection and love right now. I have seen a NOCD counselor and will possibly start again soon. What worked for you? This not only hurts us. It’s hurts our little ones, I believe!

Ok so today I was in a really crowded place and at some point I got really annoyed at not being able to work properly bc of all the people in front of me so out of rage I just decided to bust through everybody and the second time I tried to pass through people I ended up having my upper arm touch a woman’s b00bs. And I can’t fully remember why and what happened bc it was hot outside but I couldn’t really get through bc it was really tight between those two people so my arm was still touching her there and at some point my brain properly caught onto the situation and then I started panicking completely. And now I’m scared this could’ve been SA and keep questioning why exactly this happened bc that’s the part I can’t remember properly. Like I keep questioning if it was really just hard for me to pass through or if I somehow slowed down. And I mean it was just my upper arm so it wasn’t that terrible and the woman was like 40 years older than me but I’m still ashamed and feel guilty. What if I had somehow done that on purpose? Like I know I rammed her on purpose but what if I really just wanted to do that? I feel so guilty and I remembered just now that as I was approaching her I was just so mad at everything I had even rammed the first person and then I also decided to just ram into the second person but I’m also not sure if that might’ve just been an intrusive thought bc it appeared at the back of my brain and I really only had that contact bc of the lack of space I had to bypass her but I still feel bad despite this not having been that horrible and idk what to do

a little bit about me, i have dealt with mental health issues for my whole life. i went undiagnosed for many years, being because my family (at the time) didn’t believe in mental illness, it was believed that everything could be fixed with a little “talk with Jesus” that being said, for as long as i can remember i have had the intrusive thoughts, the obsessive thoughts. i can remember being a little kid trying to pray to god and my mind would be telling me over and over again that i hated god, that i loved the devil, that i wanted to go to hell. i also believed that if i didn’t pray for every single family member that they would die. i still to this day have trouble sleeping because im convinced that the rapture will happen, and i will be left behind. well as the years have progressed, these intrusive thoughts and obsessions have become worse, resulting in me thinking about harming myself and others when i have no intentions to do so. i also have been struggling with and obsessing over people dying, and mourning people that are still alive and well.

I’ve been stressed a lot and not well rested… I’m feeling paranoid about everything and feeling like I’ll die if I don’t get reassurance. Idk if it’s ocd or valid fears, I know the patterns are the same as all my other OCD obsessions but these ones don’t fit into exact categories. Like, paranoid I’ll loose my job and be homeless, paranoid I’m doing a bad job and all my friends aren’t my friends and actually can’t stand me. I’m alone, I can’t talk to my sisters. Even if you can’t get reassurance, everyone needs someone in their life to talk to and to be there for them when they’re going through something hard. I feel like I do so long as what I’m struggling with isn’t to hard or too extreme, when I feel I need someone the most, that’s when I feel I can’t turn to anyone. And experience has taught me that, not just my own fears. So I isolate and the thoughts I’m having lately, I know the patterns of OCD, they hit all the sudden like a ton of bricks and it’s immense anxiety and thoughts that I should kms. Or that that is the only way out of the terror my life brings me. I am also AUDHD and have a very hard time functioning and holding down a job, much less getting a new job!!! I feel like I’m drowning and everything is overwhelming to the point of not actually being able to handle it. I’ve been sober for 10 days and don’t want to mess it up!!! I know reassurance won’t help in the long run, but if someone here could help me see I’m not alone, that would help in the long run. Thankyou.

at first i started to obsess over if something i did was sa, i came to the conclusion that it isn't for different reasons ( I even talked to a sexual assault hotline who told me that it was a grey area ) but that it was still something inappropriate that could have potentially hurt someone if they saw. and now im starting to obsess on wether that person actually saw or not and if i have hurt her because of it. it's kind of unlikely if she saw, cus she had her back facing me but idk. I saw she liked my posts on Instagram till 2022 ( this thing happened a long time ago ), but even then it's no consolation since now she doesn't follow me anymore ( even if it could have been me that removed her from my followers since we haven't been friends for years and i like privacy ) and since ppl can also realise later on that something that happened to them is assault/harrasment. tho i guess that if she still feels comfortable around my brother and family then it's probably okay? i personally haven't talked to her in a while but she always seemed normal around me after that thing happened. idk, im so ashamed

I forced myself out for a drink with my girlfriend and her friends as my thoughts were being centered around this will happen if you go etc. I said I wasn't going to drink a lot but then the thoughts subsided and I started drinking more and when we were in the last pub I got racing instrusive thoughts of murdering/raping and causing harm to people and myself. These intensified when we got home and the vivid images of the acts I was commuting were so vile and graphic (skinning people/eating there brains and organs to name a few), I tried talking to my girlfriend about the thoughts of killing her family etc and she likes not judged me but couldn't handle the thoughts and that made me spiral to the point of having suicidal thoughts and making an attempt for my own life. I didn't tell her I was feeling suicidal or that I didn't want to act on these thoughts and now I feel terrible. I have been told to sit with the imagery and thoughts but how does one do that when its constant.

Hello everyone. As i’m sure some of you have seen i have intrusive thoughts about school shootings and im wondering what i need to do in this particular situation. when i go with my mom to pick up my family members from school i get really anxious and the intrusive thoughts get worse such as how i would do that and where in the schools because i went to these schools as well and its absolutely terrifying. i know that i need to be exposed to going around schools and such to over come this but its really hard, is that what ERP feels like and you just sit with that discomfort? im kind of confused on the concept of ERP and what i need to do in this particular situation. i dont know anything about guns or ever have an intention to act on these thoughts or follow through with them in any way but it seems like they keep popping up and making things 10x worse then the day before.

My biggest fear is developing a depressed mindset. I associate depression with suicide so I’m terrified of both. So many of my friends are depressed and want to end their life so the possibility that I could be like that to bothers me. I’m scared of not knowing myself and my own capabilities. Like what if one day I am sad and hate my life?! Not knowing is truly a scary thing for me. I’m scared of rope, and balconies. Because I’m scared of harming myself. My intrusive thought is more like what if I am depressed and I don’t know it and I snap and hurt myself. My imagination takes over, and I can almost replicate the feeling of depression. Like a warning that I don’t need. I think I have empathy for others then the empathy becomes self fear. Because there is always a “what if” or “do I want to” or a “am I”. Even though I know I love my life, find joy in so many things, look forward to the future, my depressed fear comes on and I feel like someone I’m not, which leads me to the fear of hurting myself! Anyone else relate? Or have tips they used to overcome suicidal/fear of depression OCD?!

Any tips on trying to figure out how to consume media again? I used to love bonding with people by getting into the stuff they liked. I loved watching tv and playing video games etc. it was a big part of my personal identity, but lately I started worrying that if I ever watched and or played anything that could be offensive it would make me a bad person. This started a huge spiral for me. I think being critical of everything in a society with so much to fix is genuinely important, but I started to worry there could be problems with anything I could ever see and feel like if I watched anything with a bad joke or found something bad in a video games I had to keep it a huge secret. I want to do the right thing so badly, but when I get so anxious I find problems in everything. It’s made me feel really disconnected from the people around me who share the same moral beliefs as me, but are much more relaxed with the media they consume. Am I bad person for even feeling like I should relax to. I can’t seem to find anything anymore that doesn’t make me anxiou and all I can do is imagine someone finding out I watched it and didn’t shut it off immediately and being so hurt or worst knowing I like it and being hurt that I could ever like something that really hurts them. It’s hard because I know these are valid things to be afraid of but it has become obsessions and compulsions for me. I selfishly just want to feel like I can enjoy things again, but I also can’t live with myself doing something that could be really wrong or hurt someone. I don’t know how to handle this anymore. I just want to do the right thing and there is no rule book to be a good person. Has anyone ever gotten through this a been to enjoy media again?

Does anyone else struggle with OCD surrounding medical procedures? For me it's blood draws; every time I get one I feel so worried that something will go wrong or that I will be permanently damaged from it, even if everything goes fine. I got one today and they had to try both arms. They did a different vein than usual and I'm freaked out about it. Now that one hurts, I can't shake the idea that something is very wrong and I'm in danger. I know this logically is not true, but I'm still very distressed by my thoughts. Can anyone else relate? Any advice?

Hi! I’m really shy with posting on apps like this, but I don’t really know what else to do haha I just need a place to get my thoughts out, I have no one around me with ocd who can relate to my experiences, and oftentimes those around me overlook my experiences or invalidate my thoughts and feelings, so I’ve kind of learned to shut up but there’s only so much that I can keep to myself without going completely insane. It’s really exhausting to exist when all my brain bombards me with is intrusive thoughts and images of me offing myself in various ways (though usually with a gun). Does anyone else go through this? Or something similar? Every time I’ve talked about this with anyone around me they’ve said it was normal for people to have intrusive thoughts, but is imagining killing myself 24/7 really all that normal? Because I find it rather distressing 😭 In recent weeks my “normal” intrusive thoughts have escalated into a desire and will to actually carry out my thoughts, and it’s caused me to become a miserable zombie who’s constantly scared that I’ll finally cross the line and just do it. I’ve always told myself I’d never be able to kill myself because I’m too chicken, but lately it’s been more real than ever. Not only do I dream about killing myself constantly but now I’m obsessed with monitoring my thoughts and making sure I don’t get too close to actually doing it. I’ve become obsessed with trying to prevent myself from myself and it’s the most humiliating sensation. My biggest fear is myself, it’s hard to not feel ridiculous. It’s also frustrating because what else can I really do for myself? I take meds, I meditate, I go to therapy every week, I have great friends, family, and a partner, I have two jobs and a wonderful cat.. Like genuinely what else is there to do to help myself? My therapist always asks me this and I never know how to respond because I already feel like I’m doing damn near everything to keep myself afloat and nothing is working. There’s an extreme amount of guilt that comes with these thoughts too. I’m someone that everyone else leans on for support, if I were to suddenly take myself out of the equation I feel like that’d make me the most selfish person. The way my thoughts have drained me and taken control of my life makes me feel guilty too. I can’t socialize like I used to, I can’t make eye contact and I sleep constantly. I’m always on the verge of tears or a breakdown, leaving me extra sensitive when I don’t want to be. My worsening mental health is taking a toll on everyone around me as well, and it only adds to the thought cycle of ‘if I killed myself it’d be better for everyone else’ because at least I wouldn’t be burdening them with my sour moods and lack of motivation. I’ve never been one to self harm, and have always thought those who did only did it for attention. It’s something I’m ashamed to admit, because I know that’s not the case; it’s just hard for me to get past my experiences with the attention seeking self harmers that I grew up with. I’m turning 21 soon and this is the first time I’ve genuinely craved the feeling of blatant and intentional self harm, not the normal skin-picking and nail-biting that I’ve done for years. It’s frustrating because my new desire to self harm makes me feel like an attention seeker. I can tell myself that I’m not, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel like one. I’ve always been vocal about mental health and self confidence but my struggle with suicidal ideation and self harm has never been something that I could tell someone about. Posting anonymously is my last ditch effort at getting my thoughts out before I explode, and I hope that this post doesn’t trigger or inconvenience any of you beautiful people. If you’ve read this far I really appreciate you and I thank you for giving me your time. 🫶