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this is probably gonna be all over the place so sorry in advance but lately my intrusive thoughts have been driving me up the wall and i feel so exhausted because of them. i recently pinched a nerve in my neck and its causing me a lot of discomfort (some dizziness & a little bit of stiff neck) and because of this, my intrusive thoughts have been so loud because i keep thinking i’m gonna faint every time i stand up since i’m a little dizzy (not enough to actually pass out), and i also keep worrying i’m gonna get paralyzed because my neck is stiff (i can still move it just fine). its like i logically know i’m worrying over nothing, but i can’t help it. its getting to the point where other symptoms are popping up like i cant sleep or relax, my stomach can barely handle food, and my muscles are tense at all times. i feel so exhausted. im disassociating so hard that i havent felt like ive been present for the last three days and its making me basically bedridden. its moments like these where i really wonder if itll get better. sometimes i feel too tired to even fight off the thoughts and i let myself panic. last night i had a small anxiety attack because i was so concerned about this pinched nerve and it made me feel so sick. i just want these thoughts to stop. how can i even teach myself to accept them and combat against them if i cant stop fixating on them? everybody says you need to stop giving the thoughts power and i fully agree, but god its so difficult to not worry. sometimes i dont even give the thoughts attention and they still give me physical anxiety symptoms. its just so exhausting. i guess all im wondering is will this get any better? i know it probably will, but i dont know…just moments like today make me really worry ill be like this forever. i dont even know what step to take to get myself back to normal at this point. ive been taking care of my neck to make sure i dont injure myself any more, and itll probably go away in a few days, but im afraid the mental affects will be longer lasting. i just feel lost and confused. my head hurts and i want to figure out how to relax myself again. i dont like seeing myself stuck in bed, forcing myself to focus on every thought and worry i have. im just tired

I've figured out thatit isbetter for me to avoid people. They have a strong tendency to annoy me. I've stayed away from people today and I've gone from a very grumpy morning to an evening where I feel like I'm recovering. Obvs I'm transitioning between a schizophrenia disgnosis to an OCD diagnosis and whenI'm moody OCD tells me I do have schizophrenia. For a fact I bottle up my anger in an effort to be polite for some reason. Also being confrontational is a side effect of my escitalopram. It is hard to work with Drs while travelling as there is a language barrier, the health services might be struggling and I move so much.

I’m trying to hold off having a panic attack but I feel this weird feeling in my stomach skin and it feels cold and kind of sore I looked it up which ik I’m not supposed to, but I was curious because it was not going away.It said something about nerve damage or diabetes? I’m kind of doing good ignoring the anxiety but I’m noticing part of my leg is also twitching a little and it’s making me feel more anxious, Idk what to do right now because I’m in college and I have to finish an assignment by today but the anxiety is making it hard for me to focus 😔

Hi this is my first post! My biggest thing is that im scared if I don’t do something something bad will happen. The consequences vary depending on the situation. Like for example one of my biggest fears is throw up so when my stomach hurts I have to touch something or do something or step on something in a certain way 4 times and I have to get it perfect. If not I think that I’m going to be sick. Thats just an example but my mind has fully convinced myself that these repetitive acts have actually worked and protected me. I don’t know how to stop or fight against it because I find comfort in thinking I have control over things. But sometimes doing these things can take so much time and it happens all the time. Certain rooms in my house there are certain things I have to do. It’s just becoming really overwhelming as a teenager especially. Does anyone have any advice?

My obsessions vary a lot, but lately I've been struggling with people close to me going into cars/driving. I'm feel like I'm starting to make them feel like I'm morbid or something, and also don't know how to explain them my mental process without sounding crazy,because this doesn't happen always. I'll try to explain: i really feel like i'm a bad omen for anyone close to me, and if they are making me a favour, like driving me somewhere it goes two ways in my head: 1.They are safe while i'm with them because(????) 2.When they are coming back without me they are at more risk because the universe is gonna make me pay for my egoism (being helped). Now, I know what magical thinking is but is really hard to explain to people without OCD, like, sorry but telling someone that i think i'm some kind of chosen one thay will keep us safe but a great force is gonna punish US BOTH for getting help is BONKERS. I'm right now at a good space in my life compared to years ago, but my head keeps popping with new fears randomly, i've been doing quite well with trying not to give into compulsions but this past week it's been so hard, both with this an health rumination. Just so hard. I couldn't help to give into it and i've been: -asking them to call as soon as they get where they were going. -checking the wheather and telling them please try not to drive, go outside or be careful in general if its windy or rainy. -Refusing rides and taking the public transport instead even if it's inconvenient and the other person insist they want to drive me. I just couldn't today my bf forgot to tell me he came to the office bc of reunions etc and i almost lost it, panic attack and multiple calls included. I just needed to let it out, and started reaching help again so i hope at least this makes someone feel understood :)

Last night was one of the worst days of my life. i went out with my girlfriend and two of my friends, it went okay at first i was trying my best to focus on the task ahead but the after i got a bit sleepy and it was just downhill. i had derealization. i had anxiety so bad that it made me unable too walk and now that im writing this im just scared of doing anything because i dont wanna fall in that nightmare again. last night was third day of prozac for me, people say it makes you feel worse then better but i dont wanna feel worse.. i wanna get better, im tired of making people around me feel useless cause they cant help me.

I was someone who was fat once and yes I’m gonna say fat because that’s what I was. I was overweight and it took a toll on my emotion and mental health. About 3 months ago or so I was 200lbs. I was very chunky and chubby I had side pockets and I just felt overall very heavy and big to point where I even thought it was affecting my physical health…I remember days where I felt tired so quickly and had fatigue or just felt outta breath going upstairs , etcccc. I recall eating so much and impulsively snacking which I think part of it was due to my stress but also just normal eating for me seemed out of control sometimes. I then realized I had to make a change especially when I got the news from doctor I was diagnosed pre diabetic and was close to becoming one very soon. So then I made few changes to my diet and daily activity as well as routine , one day I remember falling into a downward spiral with one of my debilitating episodes with ocd (about 3-4 months ago) it was then that I felt so desperate I even considered taking medication again . Fortunately though it was the best thing I did for me. I have been showing improvement but I still get episodes periodically I just manage it somewhat differently than I did before . I feel little more in control … however this doesn’t change the fact that ocd has still latched itself onto something I value . I lost 52 lbs. during my weight loss journey I couldn’t stop or give up . It was one of my biggest milestones. I never thought I’d ever do it but I did. I haven’t felt this great in so long and everyday I can’t help but be scared to think I’ll be fat again. I compulsively go to the gym , I check mirrors , I check my elbows and face shape and chin, I have fast days , etccccc…. So many compulsions you can think of . So many thoughts surrounding my fear of being fat again like magical thinking ocd and stuff . I need help. This has become constant for me. I’ve been scared of gaining weight again . I have certain thoughts like God punishing me. It’s more than that I just didn’t wanna get into detail. I was wearing a chain with a cross and I was on a hookup app while I had it on and i immediately had racing thoughts that God would take away what I value .

so like a couple days, i’ve been having heart palpitations and every time I eat and drink my left side is like a heartburn a little bit, but since I got sick, I started still having heart palpitations random thump… like it will be thump small thump then heart beating..it will be like happening 3 times or then later for an hour it will happen i keep having them and i’m so scared… i keep googling symptoms like “what if i have thyroid disease or if i have heart disease or heart rhythm issues” every time I take a deep breath it’s hard like I feel like I’m not getting enough like air even though I’m breathing but it’s so hard. I’m so scared. i had a horrible panic attack eariler today… i can breathe it’s just it’s such uncomfortable feeling… i keep thinking something is wrong with my heart or if it’s not anxiety even if I try to calm down, it still happens. i’m even so scared to go to the doctor it keeps happening and i want it to stop

I stayed home from school today, I couldn’t do it. It was all too much. From the moment I open my eyes it’s back into a labyrinth of torture. I wish I had my old theme back. At least with Harm OCD I didn’t feel this lost. My mind is in a constant state of panic. So much so I can’t eat without throwing up. And my head hurts from thinking so hard. I want to sleep. Sleep for a while. Escape this pain. I wish I was like other kids my age. I wish I could find joy in my youth. I fear the past, the present, and the future. How am I supposed to live like that. My own mind convinces me i’m different than what I am. Whether that be me being a murderer or transgender. I miss being a kid, when everything was simple, and free. Now i’m in highschool dealing with OCD. I don’t go out, I stay home because I panic more when i’m away from my family. What’s the point? Why do I keep fighting if it will never end? There’s no cure.. it can only be managed. What’s a life like that? How is that worth fighting for? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel like a stranger. My mind constantly cycling what ifs and scenarios. Does it ever get better? I used to be so optimistic, I used to find light in everything.. Every corner of life. I was always told I was a ray of sunshine. Now i’m dull, hallow, and empty. OCD is torture. It has taken everything from me. My happiness, my identity, and my enjoyment. What do I do? Where do I go? Does God even hear me?

A month ago, we went to my sister’s place. There, I took care of a kitten. The day after I started taking care of it, the kitten died. We returned from my sister’s place three weeks ago. Three days ago, I went to the doctor, and the doctor told me that I had been bitten by ants or fleas. As a precaution, the doctor gave me two things. I am using them, but because of my OCD, this process is even harder for me. Now I need to go shopping, and my OCD tells me that if I shop incorrectly, I will never get rid of the fleas. It also tells me that if fleas jump onto my cleaning supplies and I use those supplies again, the fleas will infest me again. I have difficulty closing the lids of my cleaning supplies because I’m afraid that if the lids stay open, or even slightly open, they will lose their effectiveness. On top of that, I stay in a dormitory for university, which makes everything even harder. Sometimes I think that I will never be able to get rid of the fleas, and I’m afraid I’ll never be free of them. Other times, I wonder if I ever actually had fleas.

Just wanted to vent and also leave my experience here just in case someone is going through the same. My fear of having schizo or psychosis led me into having intrusive thoughts that I will start hearing voices and stuff like that so suddenly I became super sensitive to every little sound, checking if I heard something or not. When I hear little sounds that I can’t really recognize (like something outside) it gives me a mini panic attack for the first second bc I think “was this sound real? Am I hallucinating now?” Then I try to shake it off as I know I am not, it’s just my ocd really tricking me and I get this bad anxiety with the uncertainty 😭 I also repeat sounds in my head maybe as I compulsion? I don’t really know. It gets better when I’m paying attention to something else and I forget about it but right before sleep is being such a pain, I get sleepy but I get scared of going to sleep and all the thoughts that pop up are distressing. I’m not doing ERP yet but if anyone here that has had the same experience can recommend a therapist from NOCD for me I’d appreciate it! I know it will help me with this theme. I still have harm OCD here and there but not nearly as distressing as this theme is for me and I know that’s why it sticks around. This sucks. I’m glad we have this app though and I am glad we can relate to each other here. OCD is isolating. I can’t really talk to anyone in my life about this because I am scared of how they would react. Stay strong everyone 🥹🥺❤️

Hi ! Recently I’ve been washing and sanitizing my hands so much to the point that my hands are completely red, cracked, fighting feeling sometimes, and it’s painful. I’m trying to work on not washing and sanitizing so much but it’s hard. Any advice is appreciated ! And if anyone has any suggestions as to products to use to help my hands heal I would really appreciate it !!

may be triggering to people with health anxiety or health related intrusive thoughts so i’ve been dealing with some pretty intense health anxiety & health related intrusive thoughts for around 2 or so months now. as i’ve been learning more about ocd, doing more (controlled) research & talking to some therapists, i’ve been learning how to handle it a lot better than before, which i’m extremely happy about. i used to basically panic all hours that i was awake because i was so obsessed with my body and the random sensations i felt, and while those thoughts are very much still there, it Is easier to handle. the only problem is, i still kinda struggle with getting my mind fully off of those thoughts. see, i can continue to do my daily activities or continue to talk to friends/family just fine now without panicking or shutting down while attempting to figure out the issue, but the thoughts are still There and i still find myself going back to them. its like i’m trying to put them in the back of my head, but instead they just go to like the middle of my head and its still…quite annoying. i know i can’t rush this, i mean its only been a month after all and i’m doing it alone (i can’t contact my therapist atm), but i just wish i could get myself to fully stop thinking about it. it feels like my main issue is that i still have that ‘what if it Is something bad’ feeling y’know? like if i feel a pain in my chest or something, after thinking about it for a second, i usually dismiss it as stress or acid reflux (i suffer from acid reflux & sometimes my meds don’t fully work). but a little while later, my mind will think ‘well what if it’s something to worry about this time? what if you’re suffering from something terrible and you don’t know it since you won’t look it up or ask about it?’ and those thoughts just keep coming and coming until it gets harder to push them away. i just wish i knew how exactly to get that What If question to not be a problem. i know i don’t have any chronic health issues that would cause me to worry about stuff like little tiny chest pains or dizziness, but my brain just can’t help but feel like What If I Do Have Something Wrong? idk its just frustrating. this was more of a rant than anything, but i guess if anybody has any pointers on how to better handle those intrusive thoughts & how to push them to the back of my head, i’d be happy to hear. TLDR: my health anxiety & health related intrusive thoughts have been getting easier to manage, but i’m still struggling with figuring out how to push them away fully and not panic about them.

I'm going to share some info I just read on Instagram and I think it's very helpful to understand the difference between intrusive thoughts and 'on purpose' thoughts Understanding Key Terms: What's ruminating? Ruminating is any passive or active mental engagement with your OCD question. This includes trying to answer the question, monitoring thoughts, scanning for triggers, avoiding them and suppressing thoughts. What's my OCD question? At the heart of every OCD theme is a feared question. It might be about relationships ("is this the one?") health ("What if I have cancer?") or identity ("What if I'm the type of person who would intentionally hurt others?"). These questions spark intensive anxiety because they suggest a potential negative reality about you and your future. To escape this discomfort and sense of lack of control, you ruminate, seeking a definitive answer. Why is Ruminating So Hard to Stop? Ruminating feels essential because it appears to be necessary for resolving your OCD question, making it incredibly hard to stop. However rumina is counterproductive because your OCD question is UNANSWERABLE. The more you try to resolve it, the more confusion and frustration you feel, creating a cycle of hopelessness and helplessness. This only intensifies the urge to ruminate. Why Ruminating is Within Your Control The Reality of Intrusive Thoughts: Most believe the thoughts are uncontrollable, but most "intrusive thoughts" are actually created by you in an attempt to answer your OCD question. Ruminating Fuels OCD by: -keeping your OCD question stuck in a mental loop. -fueling your anxiety,anger, shame, etc. Illustrating the Concept: Imagine a woman struggling with ROCD. A thought about her co-worker's attractiveness pops into her head, contradicting her all-or-nothing beliefs about love, such as "I should find my husband the most attractive" this triggers shame and fear. She starts questioning herself: "Does this mean I no longer love my husband?" "What if I cheat on him with my co-worker?" She then imagines cheating to assess her emotional reaction, trying to uncover a hidden desire. This woman feels trapped in a cycle of Intrusive thoughts, unaware that most of her thoughts are actually mental analysis she's generating to figure out if she no longer loves her husband and will cheat on him. Recognizing that the initial intrusive thought triggers a series of intentional mental rumination is crucial. These actions perpetuate her distress. The implications for YOUR HEALING: Realizing that most of your thoughts are self-generated in an effort to resolve your OCD question means you can choose to stop trying to figure it out. This knowledge can help you break the OCD/anxiety cycle.

Hey, I’ve been doing some research on OCD and think I may have it. I’m not 100% sure, but I have a lot of the symptoms. I want to get myself diagnosed, but my parents won’t let me. They agree that it’s very likely that I have OCD, but they think that if I try hard enough, I can get over it. I don’t know what to do anymore or if what I have even is OCD, and I want to be somewhat sure before a I do anything. Right now, I’m a junior in high school, but freshman year was when my “OCD” was the most severe. I think I had (and still do) the symmetry/order subtype and “just right” subtype. I was obsessed with writing things neatly to a point in which I kept forcing myself to erase and rewrite things until all the letters were straight and all the graphs were neatly drawn (typing wasn’t safe either because I use Notability and felt the need to align every text box and make them all the same length). Handwriting was especially a problem in calculus A, and it got to a point in which I couldn’t keep up with the notes, and the homework was taking hours a night because I was obsessed with making my work perfect. Needless to say, I didn’t get a good grade in calculus A and didn’t build a good foundation for future math classes. This makes me really sad because I was previously really good at math and had a bright future in the subject. Eventually, I just stopped trying in calculus A, but by then, I felt burnt out, couldn’t concentrate on anything, kept putting things off, and lost the ability to properly manage my time. I think it may have escalated to executive dysfunction at that point, and it carried over to all my other classes. As someone who was previously pretty productive and good at planning, this was a huge hit on my self-esteem. I was also obsessed with symmetry. If I touched one side of my body, I had to touch the other side in the exact same place. If I was coding something, I would have to evenly distribute touch across each key on the keyboard. It felt like everything was a heatmap, and the colors had to be kept in balance at all times. I also avoided odd numbers because they were considered “asymmetrical”. I was obsessed with routine and had to complete tasks in a certain way, a certain order, and a certain amount of time. Even something as small as combing my hair for five minutes instead of six caused me extreme distress. Writing one word that “sounded off” on an English paper left me unable to keep writing until I fixed it. I had to keep the sound of my phone at a certain volume (6 normally, 10 when exercising, and 12 when cleaning, divide everything by 2 when using a computer) and had to walk a round number (any number that ends in 0) of steps a day. I kid you not when I say that some days I woke up and didn’t want to live anymore. Sophomore year, my mental health improved and I probably seemed overly perfectionistic but not to a point of concern. However, this year, the handwriting issue relapsed in all its glory during physics, and I’m not able to keep up with notes or homework. I feel the same way that I did in calculus A, and I don’t want history to repeat itself. I want to ask my teacher to let me do my homework on paper rather than the iPad (it’s easier for me to write on paper due to increased friction), but I’m scared to ask because I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I don’t know what causes my behavior. I feel like if I can’t do things perfectly, no one will like me. I’ll lose all my friends, and no boy will ever want to go out with me. I know it’s irrational. Literally no one cares what my notes look like or how long I spend on each step of my morning routine or whatever, but I constantly feel like people are judging me and will hate me the second I mess up. There are two more times in my life that I can think of when I displayed symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD when I was 9 and pure/religious/magical thinking/health concern OCD (they all just kind morphed together) when I was 11. I can go into more detail if you wish. As of now, I just want to know my behavior sounds like OCD, and if so, how to more forward. If not, I would love to know what I do have and how to treat it. Thank you so much.

My TOCD is really bad today, I can’t eat anything without throwing up. My panic is just so bad, please any advice?

Can thoughts actually become true? Worried ever since I read it on google. My OCD has gotten really bad since I’ve had 4 pregnancies in the last 3 years. I had a miscarriage stillborn healthy baby and now pregnant again. My mind has gone crazy.

TW. Also long post ahead . I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past 10 years. I’m 32 years old . I didn’t get diagnosed with OCD until this year. I was always diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, and depression. I don’t have your typical compulsions. Mine are mostly all mental. Reassurance seeking, avoidance , repeating a prayer , etc . I have three main themes . Schizophrenia OCD, sexual orientation OCD, and HIV. Sometimes i deal with harm OCD and POCD but my main big three are the ones I listed first . I feel like the schizophrenic OCD is the most debilitating for me. For the last ten years I’ve been thinking I’m losing my mind . I thought once I got to a certain age the fear would go away but it hasn’t and is in full force . I’m constantly checking my surroundings, what I’m hearing, how I’m acting , questioning if things are real and so on . Now I do have times where this theme doesn’t bother me . It’s put on the back burner . I go through cycles . But when I’m focusing on this theme I feel like I’m hearing stuff . Most of the time I can’t make it out but recently I feel like I’ve been hearing a whisper saying “hey” . It mainly happens at night . It sends me into a complete panic and I feel like “this is it “ I’m seeing an OCD therapist and she recommended me to go to this psychiatric place in town to get meds to help my anxiety from the OCD. My last psychiatrist always pushed the newest medicine and was constantly changing up my regimen. I thought I would give it a try. WORST IDEA EVER . Keep in mind my therapist gave me a letter to give to her explaining I have been diagnosed with OCD and explaining it . She doesn't think I have OCD at all. She wanted to put me on an antipsychotic so me with my OCD brain . I asked her if she thought I was psychotic . She said I was nearing psychosis . She called me interesting . She feels like I have major depressive disorder . I'm just at a loss for words. It was honestly the strangest meeting I have had with a psychiatrist. It was very unprofessional. She has no idea the damage she has done nor do I think she cares. I just don't know what to Believe in anymore ... We met for approximately 45 minutes . First time ever meeting. I just want to cry and I’m freaking out 😢

So 🧍‍♀️ lately my eyes have been feeling tired like i just feel like shutting them and sleeping- and they get strained very easily 😭😭 this all started last Thursday when i was at robotics and i had to wear safety glasses but they were all scratched up and smudged and i wore them for 2 hours straight no breaks and i was focused so i didnt blink much- so after that my eyes constantly keep wanting to shut and they feel dry and overworked- but ofc- i had to google 💀 and now my ocd is convincing me that this means i have an underlying neurological disorder 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 PEODISKSJSJS IM SCARED I BOOKED AN EYE APPOINTMENT BUT IM TERRIFIED AND ANXIOUS

Since two days ago, I’ve had this new theme spiraling in my head. I have two cats and I recently just had a fear of getting r*bies (I’m scared to type it). It’s stupid, I know. I haven’t been scratched, bitten or anything of that sort, but I’m terrified that I could get it or that I have it, even though nothing happened. My cats are indoor, and we they are two years old, we are going to get them their shots soon (they had been up to date when we got them, but it’s been about a year). There’s no animals or anything and we don’t let them outside but there’s still that ‘what if.’ I don’t want to touch my cats and I’ve been monitoring myself every second I can. I wash my hands a lot more and I have such extreme anxiety and sensations that I can’t sleep at night (which worsens my anxiety because that’s a symptom of it.) please if anyone can help me or has gone through this, how can I calm down from this?😖😖