Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I did compulsions again after quitting that for a few days. So sad. Now the cycle is going to start again

The first semester of my first year at university was horrible. My ocd was the worst it has ever been. I was anxious and depressed all of the time. It was a huge adjustment for me. I feel like people talk of university as the best years of their life and the fact that I was not having a good time stressed me out. That and also the class work and finding friends etc. slowly I got back on track and I had a really good Christmas break. I really needed it and I got put on some medication. But now I am back at school. It is my first day here and I am kind of excited, it’s like I get to start over. But I am super anxious too. I don’t want my mental health to get that bad again. I am really scared. And I think I have unrealistic expectations for this semester as well. What if not reaching them causes me to hit Rick bottom again.

I need help. I feel out of control. My therapist has left NOCD and I stupidly told her that I didn’t need to see another therapist (I had been doing ok with the ocd and the anxiety for a while now). Literally two weeks after that, I’m full of anxiety, full of ocd thoughts, and I can’t get out of it. My brain wants an answer right now but I don’t have one. The trigger to all of this seems to be the upcoming civil marriage my sister is going through next month. I have my reservations and opinions of her decision but I ultimately cannot control her or anything she does. I’m worried about her making a terrible decision. She’s 20 with no job, she’s going to school, still lives with my parents and I (and will continue doing so even after she gets married), she’s always arguing with her partner, etc. the list can go on. I’ve tried to speak up in a respectful manner but it seems as though (obviously) nothing will change. The next thing I’ve been cooking in my brain is the idea of moving out from my parents house. For context my parents and I live in Florida, a year ago my parents bought property in Georgia? Which is beautiful and peaceful, and for the longest time I had been trying to convince myself that living there with them in the future would be a good idea (the property is big enough to build my own home). But as of recently I’ve been feeling like moving there wouldn’t be what’s best for me, especially with everything going on with my sister and seeing my parents just go with it. Besides that, I want to be able to have a balance between country and city, and over there, there’s only country. I’m worried about so much that I don’t even know where to start to help myself. My boyfriend is super supportive with pretty much anything and everything I say, but I just feel like I don’t want to continue burdening him with my problems, I want to be able to go to him and just tell him my answers and plans. I don’t like not knowing and I don’t like drastic change. Someone please help.

I recently found out that I have OCD and it’s becoming harder and harder to enjoy every day that passes. I spend hours a day, reflecting on all of the bad decisions I made out of ignorance or out of intention. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did but I also don’t know if it’s the OCD making it worse. I was wondering if you guys have any tips on how to distinguish between guilt over what you’ve done in the past versus the OCD. I just want to be able to enjoy every day, but I’m plagued with guilt!

Because i overthink the smallest things, in my relationship i end up believing a lot of my anxieties, jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. This has many times caused such big arguments between me and my bf, many of which turn out to just be that I did not understand him on something, or that I have these crazy expectations because I constantly want everything to be perfect. I read into the tiniest things so often, that my bf has often felt that basically any little thing he would do I would somehow find something wrong. It overwhelms him, and it overwhelms me as well. The scariest thing is that me just reading something on social media can trigger this. I hate seeing “couple advice” or “relationship” videos on social media, because it causes me to overanalyze my entire relationship and the whole thing of “if you look hard enough for a problem, you will find one, and my brain will practically make up a problem, and will turn something so insignificant into something that i just freak out over. I really do not want to be like this… im tired of constantly freaking out over nothing. I want to be happy, and that has become so rare for me that when i do notice myself smiling, it is something I celebrate over. I dont know what to do anymore.

I have no official diagnosis for OCD but I have recently expected I have it. My whole life I’ve had people tell me I have OCD but I thought they were joking or making fun of me and I’m not a person to self diagnose but then I realized how obsessive I am over my thoughts and started researching. I do constantly ask myself pretty much everyday why I am the way I am, I constantly think I’m hurting someone emotionally then I have to check for reassurance, I beat myself down consistently. I’m always worried I’m going to hurt myself therefore hurting the people who love me. I obsess over the way my body looks and managed to get to the point I only eat once a day. I have never admitted this but I have violent sexual thoughts but they’re directed towards me not other people, these thoughts are completely against what I believe are my morals. I do have a need for organization and functionality within that organization, if someone touches the way I’ve organized those things it gives me high anxiety and I either have to fix it right then or I end up avoiding it altogether until I can find time to fix it cause I know I’ll take hours. If I write notes and I make one mistake, I have to rewrite the whole thing.. this caused a lot of overdue homework in high school and would take up hours of my time. Ive been married for a year but started dating 7 years ago but for some reason I still have thoughts if we’re the right match or not, etc. I relive conversations in my head daily, about 4 months ago I was in a car accident cause I ran a stop sign and t-boned somebody, I was dazed out because I was reliving an argument with my mother in my head and once I realized I crashed I instantly thought I killed the other person, my husband had to reassure me multiple times that the other driver was okay. I’ve read up on rumination and that seems to be a big check mark for me… I could go on but based off the examples I provided do you guys believe I possibly have OCD and should seek treatment for it? I don’t want to offend anyone because I understand this is a very hard disorder to live with and there’s obviously different severity levels but I’ve wondered since I was child “what’s wrong with me” and I want to know if I’m finally figuring it out?

Anyone else low-key dreading the semester starting? I’m a PhD student, and even after all the years of uni and grad school, I still worry myself ill about being ‘better than last semester’ and ‘what I relapse like I did?’ (I had a bad relapse in the fall). Grad school, I’ve been told, is harsh for those with OCD, and I was wondering what others’ experiences were/are in grad school and OCD? Anyone else convince themselves they’ve wormed their ways in and are a fraud/stupid? Just looking to meet and learn more from people!

So with the new year here, I’ve been reflecting on my life a lot and what I hope to improve. The past year has been rough, to say the least. I’ve been feeling and expressing a lot of guilt, anxiety, depression, and frustration during this time, especially since I feel like I’m not doing enough working part-time two or three days a week and being on my fifth year in college for another two days a week. I’ve been feeling like I’m doing very little and have been beating myself up for not pushing myself working or going to college seven days a week (part or full time) like my mother and friends despite my current situation, and that makes me feel like I’m wasting the money provided to me by my grandmother. I’ve also been feeling guilt over not visiting family members or getting out of the house as suggested by my family as a means of helping me mentally and feeling better about myself. My motivation has been low and I’ve been stuck in the house pondering over everything while I feel like I selfishly put stress and frustration on my family. I also cannot drive (let alone have a drivers license) unlike the rest of my family and friends which makes me feel like even more of a burden to them since I cannot go to college or work without them. I can’t even motivate myself to do that since I’m afraid to even drive. I’ve been sharing and expressing myself to my family and I’m thinking I’m adding more pressure and stressing them out since they have lives of their own. I’ve become increasingly reluctant to share (or repeat) my situation since I’m afraid I’ll end up upsetting or stressing them out as well. It just sucks since I feel like I should be doing more than what I’m doing now and I feel like a lazy ignorant dramatic selfish egotistical inconsiderate pessimist.

Like I want to know this cause I have guilt, anxiety, sadness and all of these feelings more than the other feelings. So what is considered as happiness in this recovery process?

Do you have this feeling that everything must ne perfect in your relationship or you have a problem and you need to break up? I went with my boyfriend to the New Years Party yesterday and everything was fine, we were having fun. Then it comes to the fact that all of our friends go dancing and my bf is now not into dancing at all (because of his health he doesn't wanna dance, because he is not comfortable with that). And then I had a lot of intrusive thoughts that I'm not having fun because of that, what If I want something who will be having wild fun with me, even when he wanted me to go dance with our friends and he is completlty okay with sitting alone for a while, I felt a lot of guilt and I had thoghts like I should be with someone who is having fun with me, we are young and I want to party and maybe its just not a match (and we are together for a couple years and he is amazing bf) I've almost cried 2 hours at the Party because of the fact not everything is looking exactly like I wanted. This is not the first time I had something like that - its always when anything is happening not exactly like I imagined. If someone maybe had that? Maybe you can tell me some tips or a good words, because for now on the one hand I feel guilt that I could even think that and on the other hand I still have this thoughts that I just need to admit that I need something else

Why I wish I didn’t have ocd So it all started back in march 2023 where I was in a Minecraft server my ocd being itself nagged and nagged me about organizing the schematic files so I got angry at it and did something I would regret dearly I would spam rage type the keyboard and create a schematic group something that inst deletable so I asked the staff to delete it and they kept delaying it and banned me for it and they also said I was unfit to play on a public server because of my ocd this made me very angry so I reported the server to mojang several times and they did nothing about it now don’t get me wrong I don’t care about Minecraft or the builds my ocd only cares about the technical aspects of things I just know that if the roles we’re reversed I would not get away with it because I have bad luck I tried contacting them again but they pretty much said “it’s over with it’s done” which made me feel like I had to move on and more or less like a product And trust me I tried to keep it together and be this non ocd normal person but things didn’t work out Something needs to be done about this server Also other real event things causing me more stress like losing a wire and items in the past I can’t function I can’t sleep and I can’t eat How am I supposed to live like this I already have white hair at 17 because of the stress But those dipshits don’t see it that way they just see the worst moments not the good ones That why it’s so hard to compete with those without ocd and why I don’t want to live anymore

Hi everyone, I don't know if this is related to my OCD but idk what to do about this feeling and it comes from a feeling of not being in control of a situation, so I figured it might? If anyone has felt this way or has any tips I'd greatly appreciate it 😕 Basically, my husband and I were planning on having a lazy outdoors day today with our toddler, so I just threw on some leggings and a t-shirt. He ended up showering and dressing nicely and he looks very nice, but because it went against how I envisioned how we'd look today now I feel underdressed and sloppy, and I feel gross because I didn't shower too (he doesn't ever make me feel this way btw, it's a feeling that comes up for me often when things aren't how I expect them). What bothers me is that when this kind of a thing happens, I get like unreasonably upset like wanting to cry, and I don't know what to do to resolve the feeling. I want to change my outfit but I also don't want to, I feel bad about feeling this way because he does look nice and I don't want to make him feel bad for that, I feel physically uncomfortable in my clothes now, I feel like if I change outfits now it would be stupid. Sorry for the ramble 😞 I know it all sounds really silly but these little spirals really suck and I could use some advice. Again, idk if it's related to my OCD but I figured I'd put it here because most of the stuff I experience is related to my OCD so maybe this is too.

I'm a 73yo retired physician who's struggled with OCD most of my life. While initially tic like as a child, it has evolved into obsessive thoughts (like trying to figure out what time it would be if I interchanged the hands of a clock, constantly calculating exchange rates for money when I travelled overseas, figuring age differences between myself and someone else, to the month, etc), perfectionism (like cleaning shelves and countertops over and over until it felt right, screwing in a lightbulb until it felt right, often resulting in breaking it, etc.) But more recently small physical actions (like blinking 10 times in a row until it felt even, swallowing in a certain way until it felt right, often leading to drinking many glasses of water which I'd have to diurese the rest of the day, etc.)These are but a few if the myriad of symptoms that I get. It's like my mind sticks to things to keep it occupied. It's like there's a little dictator in my head that tells me what I need to do, and decides whether or not I did it right. It has waxed and waned throughout my adulthood, but I've managed to have a successful career and social life. I'm married and have a 24 yo daughter. But it sabotages enjoyment and peace of mind. There seems to be no definite triggering obsession other than the stress of aging and retirement, but over the last few months it seems to be getting worse. I had traditional therapy as a teenager, before OCD was considered a neuro disorder rather than from dysfunctional past experiences. I've had OCD targeted therapy including groups with the Anxiety and Panic Treatment Center in Portland, OR, which kind of helped for a while. I do see a family oriented therapist for other issues. As far as meds, once I conceded that I needed them, Paxil worked for a while, but had a side effect profile. Lexapro, although promising at first, doesn't seem to help much now. So I'm considering entering more focused therapy. I'm open to whatever ERP can offer, although the symptoms change continually. And the role of mindfulness... Sent from my iPhone

I really don't know if this is going to help anyone but I was wondering if anyone has noticed a trigger so small that it's so pathetic it's actually funny. I thought we can all laugh at them together 🤣 One of mine would be is not showing enough gratitude for something or realising I've shown too much and feel like I look like an idiot. Seems small but I remember that being a regular trigger as I didn't want to be rude but also didn't want to be weird

How do I stop ruminating so much? It seems like anytime I make a mistake (getting into a fight, doing something wrong, upsetting a friend, etc) I just ruminate and overthink the entire situation and what the results could be. I’ll also know deep down and in my mind that my mind is just overthinking and I’m just creating scenarios in my head (ex: my friend telling my mom what I did after we have an argument or something), but it’s like my mind just can’t believe myself. Any advice??

hey guys, i was recently diagnosed with OCD and i was hoping id find some guidance here. About two months ago, I started to re-do my bedroom. I was very distressed because this is the room i’ve always been in, i grew up here. Part of me felt bad for painting over the walls. In order to paint my walls though, we had to move everything out of my room and organize it all. One day I was at work, and i got home to see every belonging of mine sitting in my living room. this wasn’t the issue, the issue was 1. I was not there to watch it 2. my things were placed in the wrong place and actually just thrown in random spots For days, all my things sat in the living room because I had no motivation to actually go through it all. My mom said I had way too much stuff and I needed to go through every single item and get rid of at least half. I kept trying to put it off but eventually I found myself unable to avoid it. I began going through my things and I was NOT able to get rid of anything. here’s why: 1. someone gave it to me and i felt like they would be mad if i got rid of it 2. the item holds a specific memory 3. it was “one of a kind” 4. I might need it someday My things have always been there, and it did not sit right with me that i would have to part with some of it. I eventually found myself having an absolute meltdown and yelling at my mom. I felt so bad but the more my things were messed with, the worse it got. I even tried to walk out of the house and not return. My mom always said “there’s no way that you are okay living like this” because i had so much clutter, and i would always respond with “it’s comforting to me, and i like it there.” and nobody could grasp the idea of my organized chaos and i felt fucking crazy. My grandma was helping me decorate my room and she’s very minimalistic, and she was trying to enforce that on my room but i’m a maximalist, and I need my stuff there. No empty space. Another meltdown I had was when my grandma put my clothes away, but she didn’t put them in the right drawers. My entire life I have kept the drawers the same. sweaters on bottom, then pants, shirts, socks/underwear. So when my grandma put my pants in the sweater drawer i just about shit my pants. I hid in the bathroom because I know she was just trying to be helpful and i didn’t want to yell at her. This is just one of the things that i’m experiencing, there’s so much more but i’m still trying to learn what this disorder is and why it’s happening. tips would be appreciated:) i won’t disclose my age, but i’m young.

I am getting my Ph.D., and am wondering if I should tell my dissertation chair about my OCD?? He probably thinks I’m just annoyingly anxious but I feel like he should know, given he’s my chair and we will work together for the next three years (have already for a year). Yeah?

One thing that I’ve noticed about my OCD is that it makes me feel very regretful and embarrassed at the end of every day. I reflect on every interaction and every conversation and any thought that I’ve had throughout the day. As a result, I feel more and more ashamed of the way that I act, even though it is probably normal for some of my age to act and see the things that I say. Earlier today I flirted with a guy and then as soon as it ended I had so much religious and moral guilt about it. Does anyone have any advice on how to not feel so ashamed after doing the typical activities that people in their 20s do? I feel like these thoughts are making me want to isolate from everyone else so that I’m not put in the position to do and say these things. I feel comfortable with myself when I don’t talk to anybody but I’m noticing that that can’t be normal . I don’t want to lose friendships and potential relationships out of fear that I’m going to say something wrong. I don’t know what to do.

It’s been two days since I ended up not going to check in my fridge to see if I did lock a stray kitten inside of it, if there was indeed one, it’s most likely dead by now, and I’ll never know if there was one because it’s possible my parents who also use the fridge have seen and removed it, though they might not have seen it because they are quite careless, or found one but didn’t tell me because they now about my mental illness and don’t want to hurt my feelings. I’m still not sure it was the right decision, I could’ve taken 15 mintues to thouroughly check the fridge one last time. I feel like shit...

My girlfriend and I had sex a about 10 days ago. She is not on birth control, I wore a condom but in the moment I put it on the wrong way at first and then switched it around. I’m terrified that I got her pregnant from precum. I’ve been absolutely obsessing about the possibility of it happening. From what I read it’s extremely low possibly, but OCD is saying she is pregnant. I cannot shut my brain off. I love my girlfriend more than anything and was going to propose to her later this year. I just keep thinking if she is pregnant will I be able to provide, even though I have a steady great income job and so does she. I think will my OCD get so bad that I can’t go to work and lose everything. I used to deal with Sexual and harm OCD, and I just keep thinking will this come back and start if I have a kid. Any tips or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you everyone