Welcome to
the NOCD Community

TW: Parent loss My OCD has spiked since losing my mom in March. Like my nesting is trying to find its new obsession to hold onto. Not sure how much more of this I’m going to take.

Hi all, I wanted to share that I am trying hard to exercise frequently with many different sports/activities, but I’m finding that it’s keeping me in my thoughts even worse and making my brain increase and accelerate the unwanted intrusive thoughts passing through. Does anyone experience this/ and have recommendations to combat this? I need to exercise not only to get healthier but I also want to enjoy it and not dread it with the seemingly increased OCD thoughts and compulsions/rumination it causes. Thanks! 😊

OCD makes me feel like I’m holding in the biggest secret about myself and I don’t deserve happiness. I feel red faced and nervous all the time, when the thoughts come on it feels like a big rush of “truth” hits me and I can’t not believe it

Does anyone else feel like your OCD goes after everything that’s important or precious to you? Like if you have a dear memory of something, your mind will try to tell you why that’s wrong or bad even when you know it’s something perfectly pure and a happy memory. I feel so beat up by this illness.. it steals my joy. Only Jesus can help me, only he knows just how bad this torment in my head is.

So lately I've been able to control OCD after a long time. If I have a harm intrusive thought or image, I just let it go. By doing this, I am able not to feel anxiety with these intrusive thoughts, and therefore improving over time. But sometimes I start to feel anxious for not feeling anxious with these thoughts. It's like: "If I don't feel anxiety with these awful harm thoughts/images, does that mean I want to do them??" It drives me crazy. Also, as I tend to have intrusive thoughts and sudden images at some point everyday, I think "what if maybe it is not OCD, but another kind of mental issue? What if I don't treat myself and I go crazy over time? What happens if I think I'm improving, but I'm not?" Anyone feeling this way as well?

I was hoping to get some insight into what recovery/remission looks like for those of you in it. Does it look differently for each of us? I am managing much better than at 22, but it’s still annoying and constant. I’ve done CBT and ERP therapy, I’m on Prozac, and it was helping quiet the thoughts, but I still have flare ups or flooding of thoughts. My wonder is, is this recovery? I have a job, I’m a mom, I literally live in exposures everyday and I keep going. I never avoid, I always continue what I’m doing when the thoughts come up. I just get frustrated when I hear people say “I beat OCD.” What does that look like, sound like, feel like on a daily basis? Does it mean, despite the horrible intrusive thoughts, you carry on any way and don’t let it stop you from living your life? But to me, it’s just always there :(

I had an intrusive thought looking at s friends haircut and thinking it looked good was that inappropriate than i leand forward against my car and it caused groinals. As a compulsion i always say no and shake my head. But i worry did thst mean i purposely leaned on the car or bcuz of the compulsion i didnt intend for it. Same with haveing intrusive thoughts than feeling like im leaning toward someone worrying was i trying to brush up on them or maybe my brain tells my body to do that because im worried obsessed about brushing up on people that it does that. It caues anxiety and distress and i always fo compulsions to trymake it go awy

Hey everyone so the last to days I’ve been having a anxiety flare and my ocd has spiked so I was laying in bed this morning when I woke up and started thinking about how big the earth is and how the earth is round and I was thinking omg what if I got that stuck in my head and started getting dizzy and lost control. I’ve had this thought bother me before and it’s always been something that kinda terrified me about how big the earth is and how small we are. It’s impossible to control things around us and control what others do. It’s almost like I’m use to being in my little thought pattern and when something pops in and scares me I feel anxiety and panic and then I start to panic again because I’m scared of panic and losing control. I don’t know I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed the last day or two. I felt like I was making a lot of progress but my brain doesn’t want to shut off it’s always worrying and it gets so annoying between me getting things stuck in my head or feeling like I’m on the verge of panic and loosing control. Sorry I know this was a lot but I needed to vent because my brain has been boxing me in lately and it feels as if there’s no escape because something will always be causing me stress and giving me anxiety. On the bright side I know this will pass or maybe it won’t I’ll just have to except the uncertainty

I was worried today that I might oversleep and forget to let my friends' dog out in the morning to use the bathroom. My therapist said "What's the worst that could happen?" I told her the worst would be that the dog uses the bathroom inside and I'd clean it up, which I know wouldn't be bad. My therapist then said "You'd even get some extra sleep if you did sleep in". I'm a bit confused though, because I don't want to ACTUALLY sleep in and let the dog out late. And then I think about other intrusive thoughts like "What if you threw your wallet away?" or "What if you smeared soap all over your TV?" or "What if I left the stove on?" Or "What if you leave the gas on?" I don't want these thoughts to actually become real. I thought we treated all intrusive thoughts the same, as ego dystonic, not representing us. Not to make them real. I was thrown off by my therapist saying "the worst that could happen is the dog uses the bathroom and you'd get some extra sleep". Just a bit confused. I guess you could kind of compare this to "What if I'm late for work?". Like yeah, it wouldn't be the end of the world if I was late, and I would get some extra sleep, but I don't want to intentionally make myself late for work.

Tonight was the worst night I have had in a long time. I'm so tired of frustrations that I almost don't care what it takes to stop feeling this way. Tonight these two kittens and their mom were trapped so that they could go to a foster setting. I was told by the trapper ahead of time that they didn't need any help, except that they did. They came by in the morning to trap the cat and kittens, but the cats were bedded down, so that plan didn't work. In the meantime however, I wasn't able to get work done because the trapper needed me to call the cat and shake the food bag. I really didn't want to be involved because I don't want the cats associating me with this memory, even though I won't see them again. But I'll agree to helping because I know it's for the cats own good. Finally after a couple hours they give up and say they'll be back around 5. OK, no problem. I already told them I was going on site for work later, so I'm not to worried because I probably won't be back home by 5. I get into work even later than I planned because of the way this disrupted my day, and the extra time it takes me just to prepare to go in, due to ocd stuff. I also told the trapper I had a telehealth appointment for my talk therapy between 5 and 6, so I won't be available, but after my appintment I find that the missed called that occurred was from them. They also sent a text saying that they were coming at 6 instead. Well, it's 6 when I got the call, and I'm still an hour and 25 minutes away taking my therapy call in my car at work. So I sent a text back and said, no problem and that I'm not home yet. Now, with the interruptions this morning, and rushing to go to work, I realized on my drive in that the only nurishment that I've had at this point is a pint of chocolate milk. I figure I'll get something when I get to work, except everything is picked over. So, maybe I'll grab some food when I go for my call at 5, which was only about an hour and a half wait at that point. I take my call, and afterwards, I decide I'm just going to head home and eat there, because it's already 6 o'clock. On the way home, another text. Trapper say they aren't there yet, but they are going to be there at 7:30. I reply ok, I'll probably be getting home around that time anyway. I get home and I don't get to go inside to eat or relax because the trapper needs my help again. We caught the mom and her 2 babies, and the whole process sent my anxiety through the roof. I was happy that the cats were going to have a better life, but I felt horrible about trapping them and I just wanted to put my clothes in the hamper and take a shower. There is a second mom that has one kitten, so we were also trying to trap them. The whole time my stomach is growling, but now I need a shower before I can sit down to eat. At 9:15 the trapper say she is going to call it a night and get the trapped cat/kittens where they're going, and settled. She asks me to keep an eye on the trap so that we can still try to catch the other mom and kitten. NO FRUCKELING WAY! I mean, I'll tell you whatever you need to hear, but as soon as you drive off, I'm triggering the trap and going inside for a shower. Normally I would be heading to the grocery store around 10pm, when it's quiet, but guess the grocery store isn't going to happen tonight. So, ok, one foot in front of the other. First thing, let's wash my hands. Dang it, my hand hit the faucet. Ok, more soap and wash again. Dang it, it happened again. This must have happened about 9 times in a row. Well almost in a row. I stopped two or three times to shout a string of profanity that could be heard 2 miles away. Now I have gotten my shower, but I still need to get my laptop out of my car, I need to wash my cell phone and my credit cards that were in my pocket. I'm just so fricking tired of ocd and I want to stop feeling this way. I hate this, and I hate getting caught in situation like tonight, where someone else's poor planning affects the plans I laid out, which are frigging essential for me to be able to function at all. I'm just tired and the progress I've made in getting away from these feelings, feels like it translates to a enormous risk when those feelings spring back with a crap ton of potential energy. I hate this life that ocd has made for me.

TLDR: I’m about to start a competitive medical school program, and need advice for how to navigate panic attacks during ERP, since starting this fall I literally won’t have time to deal with panic attacks during classes and clinicals. I’m going through a bad flare up with OCD, and I also deal with a panic disorder on top of that, and my OCD lovessss my panic disorder lol. Short background; This is my third time dealing with it heavily. My first time I was in middle school. My second time was a bit over a year ago, my first semester in college. It took over my life, and my grades were bad during that time because of it. I learned how to properly use ERP, and actually recovered very well. Unfortunately, at the beginning of spring semester in college this year, I started dealing with intrusive thoughts and OCD again, and had gotten so comfortable not having to use ERP, I let the anxiety take over and developed another OCD spiral. It wasn’t “that bad” at first, but because I neglected ERP and kept doing compulsions, it’s gotten pretty rough. Yesterday I had my first panic attack in a long time, as I was doing ERP and having 10/10 anxiety. Im trying to approach this realistically; since I’ve been doing compulsions for a good while, recovery will also take a while, and if there’s one thing I know, is that it’ll get worse before it gets better. Classes start in a little over a month for me, and I will NOT let OCD take over my life and ruin my grades like it has before. Does anyone have advice for navigating a busy lifestyle while also prioritizing ERP? And any advice for as peacefully as possible going through panic attacks during ERP?

Hello everyone, My therapist cannot diagnose officially, but I want to look into next steps regarding getting an official diagnosis and how to go about that. My husband keeps pushing me to get diagnosed, but I keep getting locked into a thought spiral - telling my therapist would mean telling them about my behaviors, which could lead to judgement or them thinking I’m overreacting; getting referred to someone that can diagnose means calling and getting a primary care physician, which means calling and figuring out what to say, which means sitting in a doctor’s office with sick people, which means bringing up things to a doctor, etc., etc…I just keep psyching myself out. I’ve denied having anything wrong, but have noticed my symptoms are getting worse. How did you go about those first steps, and what was it like? Thank you so much in advance.

i need help with this im going to start sobbing and I really need someone to talk to out loud that also has ocd , these thoughts im dealing with right now are having me panicking too much ,please I really need someone to talk to even through text

I told my doctor that I was having bad anxiety due to ocd health related problems. So she prescribed me this as a temporary relief. However I saw the side effects saying it could cause cardiac arrest and I'm kind of regretting even taking it now. I don't have anything wrong with my heart that I know of but like I already get bad ocd thinking I'm gonna have a heart attack. Then to find out the side effect of this one usually is with the heart it's kind of making me not even want to take it anymore. I don't want to panic over it but now I'm worried that I should of taken it in the first place tonight.

This fear is very complex cause it comes from 2 extreme side, one being that the only thing you have to do to be saved is to believe in Christ and accept him as your saviour, and the other one is that it's not enough but it makes me spin then cause i feel like im not saved, cause i question many sins if they are really sins, and i feel like i do it to still act on it and its a way to speak myself into doing them so i dont feel bad about myself which is pride i think. But the first one makes me angry, cause people are abusing Jesus death. In my opinion the "Just accept Jesus and you're saved" view is false, yeah you dont have to do anything, but if it doesnt show up in your life that youre accepted Jesus, you're not saved... It makes me angry cause i see people who claims that are christians and they still act the same way as before, they still live in sin, and these people would say they are saved cause Jesus paid it all... thats abusing his sacrafice... There are things that are hard to leave like drug or alcohol addiction i understand, but its an excuse to still act on it cause Jesus already paid the price for future sins too... I even heard someone saying " a christian who is abusing at home like beating his wife and childrens, but he accepted Jesus in his heart he is saved" this is so wrong. This sounds like its made up just to make you feel better. Its like an excuse to still live by sin cause you will be im heaven cause you accepted Jesus. I just cant accept this view it sounds really wrong. I feel bad for those people, i feel bad that i judge them, but it still not right. Then its like we dont have to fight sin, just accept Jesus... But as a said the other side makes me go crazy, im afraid im not really saved cause i still question which sin is actually a sin. Im watching Mark Dejesus, he has good videos, but when he talks about feeling like everything is sin, he brings up things that are clear that arent sins like doing something you like, going for a hike, drawing, or i read that some thinks that taking a shower is a sin, or going to school. You can tell this is ocd, for me, im obsessing about the grey areas. About joking, watching scary things,saying bad words but not in a harmful way to others, just randomly say one if i accidentaly hit myself or something,thinking about sex(this was a big one) and with this i realized it might not be a sin cause how you educate yourself about sex? You have to think about it. It seems like its a sin when you do it to satisfy your feelings or youre thinking about someone else. But in a normal way, it seems like its not a sin. But im overthinking this too.

Please someone leave any advice or similar stories. I had identified as bi and then had fears about my sexuality a few years ago, and decided on the term unlabeled to describe my sexuality to anyone who asked and it made me the most comfortable because i was confused about my romantic atraction and sexual attraction towards women vs men. Recently, seemingly triggered by pride month and people discussing comp het, while in a relationship with my boyfriend I have been dealing with fears of wondering if I'm really attracted to men at all or what attraction really feels like and being sexually aroused by explicit images of women I had seen by accident. I am worried that I am experiencing comp het or I'm in the wrong relationship or I'm going to hurt my boyfriend. I have also voiced all of this to him and he is there for me, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I have other anxieties about my relationship and worry if those are ocd related or not as well(such as worrying about limerence) but I'm just so terrified. I feel that just because I have ocd that doesn't mean I can have these experiences that other queer people actually have and it makes me worried that I coukd go years without ever knowing just for one day to know and my whole world to be flipped upside down. I'd rather die than for that to be my reality. Someone please leave advice or tips it's all so appreciated.

I understand that rumination is a choice but it feels out of my control. I cannot stop doing it and I’m driving myself crazy. What’s the best advice you’ve gotten for this?

Fear of psychosis ocd… For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” “there’s no way other people are real humans” “there’s definitely more than what the government tells us about reality” “this can’t all just be science and biology” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anything more than just ocd and severe hypochondria.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍

I am finally meeting with a therpaist. Been really helpful. Only meet once a week but some days i get overwhelmed. Its so hard being a parent with pocd. I love my child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. In fact im very caring and protective. I still get pocd thoughts like when im helping my wife bathe our child or dress them or chsnge their diaper and my hand moves down or in any direction my ocd freaks out saying i was trying to touch inappropriatelt or do something. Its totally ego dystonic and extremely heartbreaking. I sometimes avoid my daddy duties because of it. Tomight i was helping my wife bathe and clothe our child because theyre both sick. As i was doing that i looked away for a second and my hand moved amd i worried was i trying to touch her. Then the ocd what if and doubts and guilt feelimgs came rushing amd it makes me not want to be around my own family its so distressimg. I just want to help my partner and be a good father 😂💔